Was this an out of line question?
Options
Replies
-
I disagree that this is an issue of will power or self control. I think moving the jam is setting the OP up for success rather than failure.
@RiseHigher - maybe show your mom this article. There's more on this study in Brian Wansink's book "Mindless Eating," which was available from my library system so maybe yours as well.
Want to stay out of the candy jar? Hide it.
Scientists studying candy-jar psychology have confirmed what most of us know instinctively: Out of sight is out of mind.
Secretaries who were given Hershey kisses for Secretary’s Week ate more of them when the jars were clear or on their desks than when the chocolates were in opaque containers or placed a short distance away.
...Secretaries rated candy as more than twice as hard to resist when they could see and reach it than when they could not. They were twice as likely to say that they often thought of the chocolates or that the treats kept grabbing their attention if they were visible and nearby.
Read more: http://www.nbcnews.com/id/9753823/ns/health-fitness/t/want-stay-out-candy-jar-hide-it/#.Vj-A4LerTcs0 -
really the biscuits and jam are not the issue. Your weight gain is.
Can you up your exercise? You do not need to sit under your sad light. You can do sit ups or push ups or have it set up over a stationary bike. You need to be under it but not necessarily stationary. Also adding vitamin D to diet helps with SAD.0 -
Wow! Well I find it interesting all the points of view given here. Thanks for the responses!
So first of all let me clear this up. This morning when my Mom woke up, I asked her directly, "Did I annoy you last night when I asked if we could move the jam to a different location?" She said, "No." I said, "Ok, because you sort of paused and I wasn't sure if it was because you wanted to keep it there." "She said, no, not at all, I only paused because I was thinking of where to move it." I said, "Oh, ok. Normally it would be OK, but right now..." and she just nodded her head knowingly and said, "Yes, I know. It doesn't bother me at all."
She also started talking about a documentary she had been watching that was depressing. So that probably affected her too.
I guess once again it's an example that we can't read other people's thoughts, so it's just better to ask. I really wasn't feeling well last night anyway, which is probably why I jumped to conclusions. But on a positive note it's because last week, I tapered OFF caffeine, and it was my first day fully caffeine-free. My SAD has been improving with my new super bright light (it's brighter than typical therapeutic SAD lights), among other things I have been doing, so I hope this will be the first winter I will be caffeine free!
Now, if interested in "the rest of the story" here it is. I figure that perhaps if some answers weren't all that helpful, it's from those that don't totally understand what is going on or how bad Seasonal Affective Disorder can get. I didn't know, either, until I moved and realized I had it. You could live somewhere sunny for your whole life and have it, yet not show any symptoms because you have ample sunlight. But then you move north/to a location with more clouds/dark winters and then BOOM it shows it's head and you're dealing with it, sometimes unknowingly.
And there are differing degrees of SAD. Some people are only mildly affected by it. Others can become suicidal. Some have only some symptoms such as fatigue and lack of focus, and while for others the carb cravings can get bad and they isolate etc. It's like any other medical issue, no two people are exactly the same. And for those interested, a main proposed cause of SAD is lowered serotonin levels caused by lack of sunlight. Well guess what they suspect causes BED (binge eating disorder) - lowered serotonin levels. It's one reason the drug Fenfluramine (widely knows as fen-phen) was so successful as a weight loss agent before it was pulled due to side effects. It worked on the brain's serotonin system.
Eating processed carbs/simple sugars causes an insulin spike which causes serotonin production in the brain. So when someone with this disorder craves carbs, that is why. It's not a "Wow that looks good I have no self control let me eat a ton of it." It is the body's way of replenishing badly depleted serotonin levels, as with SAD. For even those without SAD, it's one reason that many overeat when they are stressed or bored - these can lower serotonin levels to some degree too.
I say this to clarify the issue of people saying that I have a "lack of control" especially in the "real world". If that is the case, why is this not an issue for me outside of late fall/winter/early spring? As some have noted, if you look at my picture, I am obviously not a person that deals with lack of control over what I eat. LOL. I am actually an athlete moving up to the National level in distance running. I found I went from running over 100 miles a week in summer, to struggling to sometimes exercise at all in winter.
Those are the reasons I mentioned moving. Not a jar of jam. I'm tired of the weight gain/loss cycles I've had to endure since moving. It obviously gets in the way of where I want to be athletically as well as lowering my quality of life.
I moved here to help my Mom after my Dad died. I renovate houses so I wanted her house to be up to par for all her needs before I moved again (to a sunnier location) and she would be alone. That work is almost done. I've actually debated staying as most of my family lives around here, but the SAD makes it tough on me to say the least, as well as lack of opportunity in the area for the new career areas I'm moving into. This is why I have not bought a house locally.
I also wanted something else to support me besides expanding my real estate business (I own rentals) since it is no longer an investor's market. So, I am certifying in mobile app development, as well as becoming a health coach on the side. I was just going to do the latter, but unfortunately it may not pay well at first and I want to be secure in this new career plan before I make another move.
Honestly when I lived in California I didn't get why people just didn't exercise and eat healthy. It's so easy, right? But then I learned there are other factors involved, but that's ok, it just sets me up to better help others.0 -
It's her house she can put food wherever she wants. You have to learn how to control your cravings.0
-
Daughter or not, if someone I cared about was trying to make positive change in their life, I would do anything I could to support them. If meant keeping my jam in the fridge, so be it. Sure, there will be temptations abound, and you will have to deal with them, but you should feel comfortable asking people in your support network to support you. If they say no, well, sure a good opportunity to work on will power. But someone in my office is struggling with weight for health reasons (more so than I), and because we care, we make an effort to pick lunch spots with healthy options. Not a hassle, an honor to assist.0
-
.0
-
OP. you finally showed up - looks like there was no big deal between you and your mom over the jam. Problem solved.
But honestly, looking over the rest of your post, you have a lot of work to do. I, along with several other posters (by the nature of their posts), looked at your profile. You have a very nice profile picture showing some nicely defiined abs, and without any stats or measurements, what I'd estimate at about 18-20% body fat.
And yet your ticker says you have 15 pounds to lose. And your original post is this thread has you dreading carbs and such, and worrying about cravings because of your SAD.
There's much here that sends off some warning signals, and you need to be aware of them, not start blaming carbs and insulin spikes and all of that. Biscuits and jam are not your problem. No food is your problem. Learning to control your cravings is your problem. You obviously know how to exercise - you say in your profile that you're a competitive marathoner, and you have quite a nice physique. If you're spending two hours a day with your light, and still working, and helping your mom, and working on what it is your working on while living with your mom, and still running long distance, how are you finding time to eat more than the calories required to sustain all of that activity?
I think you need to sit down and work through some of this with yourself. The cravings and worry over weight gain are stress you are putting on yourself needlessly and you should stop.
And you should probably let yourself enjoy one of your mom's biscuits with some jam.0 -
Yay!RiseHigher wrote: »Wow! Well I find it interesting all the points of view given here. Thanks for the responses!
So first of all let me clear this up. This morning when my Mom woke up, I asked her directly, "Did I annoy you last night when I asked if we could move the jam to a different location?" She said, "No." I said, "Ok, because you sort of paused and I wasn't sure if it was because you wanted to keep it there." "She said, no, not at all, I only paused because I was thinking of where to move it." I said, "Oh, ok. Normally it would be OK, but right now..." and she just nodded her head knowingly and said, "Yes, I know. It doesn't bother me at all."
She also started talking about a documentary she had been watching that was depressing. So that probably affected her too.
I guess once again it's an example that we can't read other people's thoughts, so it's just better to ask. I really wasn't feeling well last night anyway, which is probably why I jumped to conclusions. But on a positive note it's because last week, I tapered OFF caffeine, and it was my first day fully caffeine-free. My SAD has been improving with my new super bright light (it's brighter than typical therapeutic SAD lights), among other things I have been doing, so I hope this will be the first winter I will be caffeine free!
Now, if interested in "the rest of the story" here it is. I figure that perhaps if some answers weren't all that helpful, it's from those that don't totally understand what is going on or how bad Seasonal Affective Disorder can get. I didn't know, either, until I moved and realized I had it. You could live somewhere sunny for your whole life and have it, yet not show any symptoms because you have ample sunlight. But then you move north/to a location with more clouds/dark winters and then BOOM it shows it's head and you're dealing with it, sometimes unknowingly.
And there are differing degrees of SAD. Some people are only mildly affected by it. Others can become suicidal. Some have only some symptoms such as fatigue and lack of focus, and while for others the carb cravings can get bad and they isolate etc. It's like any other medical issue, no two people are exactly the same. And for those interested, a main proposed cause of SAD is lowered serotonin levels caused by lack of sunlight. Well guess what they suspect causes BED (binge eating disorder) - lowered serotonin levels. It's one reason the drug Fenfluramine (widely knows as fen-phen) was so successful as a weight loss agent before it was pulled due to side effects. It worked on the brain's serotonin system.
Eating processed carbs/simple sugars causes an insulin spike which causes serotonin production in the brain. So when someone with this disorder craves carbs, that is why. It's not a "Wow that looks good I have no self control let me eat a ton of it." It is the body's way of replenishing badly depleted serotonin levels, as with SAD. For even those without SAD, it's one reason that many overeat when they are stressed or bored - these can lower serotonin levels to some degree too.
I say this to clarify the issue of people saying that I have a "lack of control" especially in the "real world". If that is the case, why is this not an issue for me outside of late fall/winter/early spring? As some have noted, if you look at my picture, I am obviously not a person that deals with lack of control over what I eat. LOL. I am actually an athlete moving up to the National level in distance running. I found I went from running over 100 miles a week in summer, to struggling to sometimes exercise at all in winter.
Those are the reasons I mentioned moving. Not a jar of jam. I'm tired of the weight gain/loss cycles I've had to endure since moving. It obviously gets in the way of where I want to be athletically as well as lowering my quality of life.
I moved here to help my Mom after my Dad died. I renovate houses so I wanted her house to be up to par for all her needs before I moved again (to a sunnier location) and she would be alone. That work is almost done. I've actually debated staying as most of my family lives around here, but the SAD makes it tough on me to say the least, as well as lack of opportunity in the area for the new career areas I'm moving into. This is why I have not bought a house locally.
I also wanted something else to support me besides expanding my real estate business (I own rentals) since it is no longer an investor's market. So, I am certifying in mobile app development, as well as becoming a health coach on the side. I was just going to do the latter, but unfortunately it may not pay well at first and I want to be secure in this new career plan before I make another move.
Honestly when I lived in California I didn't get why people just didn't exercise and eat healthy. It's so easy, right? But then I learned there are other factors involved, but that's ok, it just sets me up to better help others.
All's well that ends well.
0 -
booksandchocolate12 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »Not to mention, My mums home will always be mine and my brother and sisters. Like someone else mentioned, it's a second home. We're not "guests" when we stay there
My mother's house was a second home for me too.....to a point.
I had a key, I could show up unannounced (even if she wasn't home), let myself in, fix myself something to eat.
But hiding things? Rearranging things? No. The idea that I could make myself at home in my mother's house didn't change the fact that it was my mother's house and she could arrange it and live in it as she saw fit.
I am sooo curious to know how people who feel that it's OK to do that to their parents would react if their parents did it to them. I'm guessing there'd be a lot of "I'm an ADULT. This is MY HOME. You have NO RIGHT".
Well, that goes both ways.
Haha My mum comes and stays with us at weekends regularly, and yes she does like cleaning and rearranging things, and i must admit usually she finds a better system than I had. If i don't like it then I'll eventually move it back. It's no big deal, she's my precious mum and best friend, and I'd be lost without her.0 -
OP. you finally showed up - looks like there was no big deal between you and your mom over the jam. Problem solved.
But honestly, looking over the rest of your post, you have a lot of work to do. I, along with several other posters (by the nature of their posts), looked at your profile. You have a very nice profile picture showing some nicely defiined abs, and without any stats or measurements, what I'd estimate at about 18-20% body fat.
And yet your ticker says you have 15 pounds to lose. And your original post is this thread has you dreading carbs and such, and worrying about cravings because of your SAD.
There's much here that sends off some warning signals, and you need to be aware of them, not start blaming carbs and insulin spikes and all of that. Biscuits and jam are not your problem. No food is your problem. Learning to control your cravings is your problem. You obviously know how to exercise - you say in your profile that you're a competitive marathoner, and you have quite a nice physique. If you're spending two hours a day with your light, and still working, and helping your mom, and working on what it is your working on while living with your mom, and still running long distance, how are you finding time to eat more than the calories required to sustain all of that activity?
I think you need to sit down and work through some of this with yourself. The cravings and worry over weight gain are stress you are putting on yourself needlessly and you should stop.
And you should probably let yourself enjoy one of your mom's biscuits with some jam.
This is very well said, and while I understand you have a health issue, I happen to agree with mccindy. No matter what health issue(s) we have, it's up to us to learn how to work with them/it even in tough situations because not everyone can or will carter (used only for lack of a better word) to our needs.
However, @RiseHigher, the best thing is that you and your mom talked the next morning and there was no problem at all. 0 -
@SLLRunner , it sounds to me like she's doing just that (learning to work around her issues), just maybe not doing it in a way some of us currently might. Let's remember earlier in the thread, many were explaining how they initially used the OP's approach but later "graduated" - I'll borrow from you here, lack of a better word - to more sophisticated means.
The whole thing actually reminds me of thin women who are told, no no no, not you, you don't have to worry about all that. They have to remind the commenter, how do you think I stay thin?0 -
Yes, you're blaming your weight gain on things other than yourself: SAD and where your mother keeps her jam (!!). You ate it, you gained weight. The end.0
-
@SLLRunner , it sounds to me like she's doing just that (learning to work around her issues), just maybe not doing it in a way some of us currently might. Let's remember earlier in the thread, many were explaining how they initially used the OP's approach but later "graduated" - I'll borrow from you here, lack of a better word - to more sophisticated means.
The whole thing actually reminds me of thin women who are told, no no no, not you, you don't have to worry about all that. They have to remind the commenter, how do you think I stay thin?
There's also an issue with becoming obsessed about food and overthinking its effects. Disordered thinking is an easy pattern to fall into (coming from a person who has a history with it).
And it's not so simple as your analogy of thin women and how they stay thin. - OP has SAD, as she mentioned, and has mentioned some fear of gaining weight. There's also the issue of her avatar picture, her ticker, and her story, all of which don't meld well. It's not just a matter of shrugging our shoulders and saying 'let's leave this thin woman to her maitenance plan'. She's the one who posted for assistance. Sometimes the cry for help is buried deeper than the initial question about jam.0 -
@SLLRunner , it sounds to me like she's doing just that (learning to work around her issues), just maybe not doing it in a way some of us currently might. Let's remember earlier in the thread, many were explaining how they initially used the OP's approach but later "graduated" - I'll borrow from you here, lack of a better word - to more sophisticated means.
The whole thing actually reminds me of thin women who are told, no no no, not you, you don't have to worry about all that. They have to remind the commenter, how do you think I stay thin?
There's also an issue with becoming obsessed about food and overthinking its effects. Disordered thinking is an easy pattern to fall into (coming from a person who has a history with it).
And it's not so simple as your analogy of thin women and how they stay thin. - OP has SAD, as she mentioned, and has mentioned some fear of gaining weight. There's also the issue of her avatar picture, her ticker, and her story, all of which don't meld well. It's not just a matter of shrugging our shoulders and saying 'let's leave this thin woman to her maitenance plan'. She's the one who posted for assistance. Sometimes the cry for help is buried deeper than the initial question about jam.
These are all possibilities. I'm just also saying what I see
0 -
I can tell you with absolute fact that if my mum had pieces of cheesecake (my fave happy food) sitting on the bench, you can bet I'd be asking her to move them! Because my self control goes out the window with that particular food...0
-
christinev297 wrote: »I can tell you with absolute fact that if my mum had pieces of cheesecake (my fave happy food) sitting on the bench, you can bet I'd be asking her to move them! Because my self control goes out the window with that particular food...
I'd be eating them, personally :laugh: It's a free for all when I visit family. No one has stayed in my place long enough to leave treats out so I wouldn't know
0 -
booksandchocolate12 wrote: »
Let your dad arrange his home the way he wants. Unless....you'd be fine with it if he came into your home and hid things?
My mom will rearrange things in my home. Even as kids we were not allowed to do this in their home, so I'm not sure why she tries it here. It is one of the reasons I don't like her around.0 -
CoffeeNCardio wrote: »If it went down like you said it did, then no I don't think that was out of line. My mother would do it for me. I would do it for my son. Hell, I'd do it for my friends and acquaintances too. But I also believe we're not getting the full story here. Much as I'd love to believe everyone is quirky and nuts like me, the reality is that if your mom was upset, there is probably something else at work.......unless she has some sort of unhealthy obsession with the placement of jam, in which case you got bigger problems girl.
Agree 100%.0 -
christinev297 wrote: »I can tell you with absolute fact that if my mum had pieces of cheesecake (my fave happy food) sitting on the bench, you can bet I'd be asking her to move them! Because my self control goes out the window with that particular food...
I'd be eating them, personally :laugh: It's a free for all when I visit family. No one has stayed in my place long enough to leave treats out so I wouldn't know
Hehe Yeah i would if it was a day visit, but not if I was staying there for months. I'd end up a butterball by the end of it.
I remember when I was a kid if mum made a cheesecake for an occasion, she would have to hide it so I wouldn't pick bits off of it every 5 minutes..0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.8K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.8K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 396 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.8K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.3K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 967 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions