Was this an out of line question?
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I don't get how anyone can say it was out of line to ask. It is perfectly acceptable to ask someone, even a person whose house you are a guest in (let alone a parent) if they can move something. Asking, however, is different from demanding. It is the original poster's (OP) mom's house. The mom has final say. But there is absolutely nothing wrong for the OP to ask the mom if she can move something. Asking and demanding are not the same.
OP, sit down with your mom and try to work it out. If she is letting you live with her, she will likely be amenable to minor inconveniences. I mean having you in her house is much more of a burden than moving a few things around. If she says no, you will have to figure out how you want to deal with the cravings (i.e. move out or figure out some other way to manage the cravings or putting your weight loss goals on hold). Good luck.0 -
If I had a child, I would want to do anything to make him/her happy - for me, I never get annoyed if someone asks me to stop doing something...let alone if it was my child.
However, one could ask rudely, or one could ask nicely. Sometimes we get frustrated and ask a bit less nice then we would have liked. Maybe it's just the way my mother raised me, but if someone asked me that question (my child or not my child), I would have replied with a "of course honey"!
I think it also depends on the culture. I think North Americans get very offended very easily and are always worrying about being "politically correct" and being polite; a stepping on egg shells sort of mentality. So you're going to get a lot of varied answers - because it honestly depends on how your own mother is.0 -
If I had a child, I would want to do anything to make him/her happy - for me, I never get annoyed if someone asks me to stop doing something...let alone if it was my child.
However, one could ask rudely, or one could ask nicely. Sometimes we get frustrated and ask a bit less nice then we would have liked. Maybe it's just the way my mother raised me, but if someone asked me that question (my child or not my child), I would have replied with a "of course honey"!
I think it also depends on the culture. I think North Americans get very offended very easily and are always worrying about being "politically correct" and being polite; a stepping on egg shells sort of mentality. So you're going to get a lot of varied answers - because it honestly depends on how your own mother is.
That's odd, Europeans accuse us of being overly friendly and unconscious of how impolite we are...0 -
So what are you doing to treat your SAD? CBT, light, anti-D? Because that's the issue not your mothers reaction to your request0
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OP is this you in the photo? If yes, I am guessing your mother does not consider it reasonable for you to try to lose more weight?0
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To really answer this question i think we would really have to know the whole story and what was said.
I actually dont think the request is a big deal, depending on how you asked. If your mum said no then its her house nothing you can do about it.0 -
herI'd be on your mom's side. It's her house, she's allowed to put food wherever she likes.
It's not like she's leaving it out with a note saying "eat me", is it?
YOU need to control what YOU eat. I understand cravings can be really strong, so I'm going to say, if you know the food is there and there's an open invitation to eat it (I'd hope there is), and you know you will eat it, then pre-log it and fit it into your day. Don't let cravings control you. You control the cravings.
So if your child asked you to put a jar away , out her sight you'd tell her no it's my house? You wouldn't help her out and do that little simple favour for her knowing it's important to her?
I don't see the big deal at all.
And, isn't a parents house suppose to be like a second home, not for you to take over but people are acting like she's staying at a distant cousins house or something.
Unless you gave her attitude about it OP I don't see why she would be taken back.
i kinda agree with this, but we do need to know the full history and story
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azulvioleta6 wrote: »Perfectly appropriate question, but ultimately, you are in charge of your self control.
Winter has just barely started...I think that you need to stop using this as an excuse ASAP.
This I think is the bigger problem here. No, I do not think the request was unreasonable nor do I think her answer was unreasonable because it is her house. But the fact that you're blaming SAD on your supposed lack of control is setting you up for failure. I can understand how difficult it can be because I have also been diagnosed with SAD as well as bipolar, and depression since I was 9, but not once did it cross my mind to blame these things for gaining weight. You will never escape temptation. Consider biscuits with jam to be a "pretest" for the rest of your life. And who says you can't enjoy one in moderation? It appears that you more need to take a step back and really reevaluate how you are going to successfully tackle temptation because "out of sight, out of mind" just isn't always a plausible option. I wish you the best, especially with winter slowly creeping up.
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I think whether or not you were out of line depends on the relationship you have with your mother. My mother tends to be quite melodramatic, but we also have a very good and open relationship. I could very easily ask my mum to put the stuff out of sight if I was really struggling, and she would do it. But, she would make a big production out of it. I'd thank her profusely, tell her she was the best mum in the world, and then she'd beam. We're 42 and 66. It may be a bit messed up, but it works for us.
I am aghast that you need to spend two hours a day under your happy light. I have to spend 45 minutes under mine, first thing in the morning, and it drives me nuts. I know how badly SAD effects me, and I can only assume that the length of time you spend under your light is an indication that your symptoms are much worse than mine. It takes the happy light and high doses of vitamin D to make me even remotely human. Even then, motivation and will power are low.
I start to plummet mid-September here in Calgary. I start to perk up again at the beginning of March.0 -
This seems so weird to me, if my DD1 was staying over and wanted something out of sight she would just move it. This didn't stop being her home when she moved out.
I guess it is down to different relationships.0 -
Doesn't really matter what others think. They don't own the house. As between someone who owns the house and is providing a place to live and someone whose free will is overpowered by a jar of jam, it's not a tough choice for me, though.0
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DeguelloTex wrote: »Doesn't really matter what others think. They don't own the house. As between someone who owns the house and is providing a place to live and someone whose free will is overpowered by a jar of jam, it's not a tough choice for me, though.
You. I like you!0 -
OP, talk to your mother. I'd guess she made the stuff for you and might be upset that you don't even want to see them. Or something. I know that there'll be temptations everywhere but let's face it, some of us are better at ignoring them than others.
And no, I really don't see the big deal in asking your mom to put that stuff out of sight.0 -
The issue really isn't, "Jeez, it's just jam; what mother wouldn't move a jar of jam for her daughter".
It's more about how the OP can't control herself around a few jars of jam. How is she going to function outside her mother's home, where the food temptations are myriad and thrown at you often?
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booksandchocolate12 wrote: »The issue really isn't, "Jeez, it's just jam; what mother wouldn't move a jar of jam for her daughter".
It's more about how the OP can't control herself around a few jars of jam. How is she going to function outside her mother's home, where the food temptations are myriad and thrown at you often?
Absolutely.
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OP, I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds horrible when you have a diagnosed condition with legitimate symptoms and those that are supposed to love you unconditionally don't show that they should. Maybe you could toss a tea towel over the jars just to create the tiniest of mental barriers between you and your craving.
Good luck!0 -
Sorry but if i walk into my dads house and he has candy lying around and i do not want to see it i will stash it and not even tell him i did it till i am getting ready to leave. It is your parent they'll live.0
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One could also argue that you'll live if you're in the same room with a bowl of candy in front of you.
I love people who think that their parents have to do everything the way THEY want to accommodate THEM.
Grow up, already. You're an adult. Stop acting like a petulant child.
"Daddy! Hide the candy NOW!!! I don't want to see it! It hurts me!!!"
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Not stashing candy does not an adult make. Please0
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