Celibacy for a set amount of time
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2011rocket3touring wrote: »Will it be productive? For me it's every 2 to 3 months, my wife lost her sex drive after eating wedding cake (what the hell do they make it with???).
After well over a decade of anger and frustration (married 26 years) I learned that to be a better husband I needed to suppress that part of me and I learned to do that well but it has left me with the feeling that I'm not a whole person since a significant part of who I am needs to be "in the closet" and I don't see how that can be productive.
I don't see how that can be productive either. You can't suppress a side of yourself and not do some damage. I'm admire you for sticking with it though....0 -
2011rocket3touring wrote: »Will it be productive? For me it's every 2 to 3 months, my wife lost her sex drive after eating wedding cake (what the hell do they make it with???).
After well over a decade of anger and frustration (married 26 years) I learned that to be a better husband I needed to suppress that part of me and I learned to do that well but it has left me with the feeling that I'm not a whole person since a significant part of who I am needs to be "in the closet" and I don't see how that can be productive.
How sad! That sounds like a horrible situation that you need to change, or else you'll never be happy.0 -
Some of these posts sound so sad and who ever said your sex life slows down in your 40's...get out of here! I have just as much sex now as I did as a horny teenager in my Daddy's Delta 88!! haha. Not saying there weren't years of pure exhaustion, with kids, jobs and non stop running here and there...but we always made it a priority and 24 years later...we are both still just horny kids, just a lot less flexible!0
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Thinking I might try this to clear my head. Any high sex drive people in here ever voluntarily go celibate for any significant amount of time (6 months-1yr)? And I mean voluntarily because you have a few options, not just some awkward FA, deployed, never tries or a person that is scared of rejection.
If so how did you not become angry and mean during that period?
Your thoughts gents and lasses?
You are 40...Well im 45 and its truly just a number..its hard to believe you have an issue with self esteem or even self worth...but if you TRULY want to do this, you need to do this for you...
Sex is nature....If you're used to it and its taken away. .even if by your own call...Your going to go through the emotions of Iose...that might sound stupid but look at all the comments....I'd go mad (anger) I failed (denial) I did_____ (acceptance).....
Think about WHY you want to be celibate....I dont know your stand on sex....
Are you love thy neighbor..and that neighbor and that neighbor. ....Or just feeling your getting to the point you want to be more selective in a partner. ..whether they are firvthe present or the future. .....
Dont worry about your age....4o is the new 3o...
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Thinking I might try this to clear my head. Any high sex drive people in here ever voluntarily go celibate for any significant amount of time (6 months-1yr)? And I mean voluntarily because you have a few options, not just some awkward FA, deployed, never tries or a person that is scared of rejection.
If so how did you not become angry and mean during that period?
Your thoughts gents and lasses?
You are 40...Well im 45 and its truly just a number..its hard to believe you have an issue with self esteem or even self worth...but if you TRULY want to do this, you need to do this for you...
Sex is nature....If you're used to it and its taken away. .even if by your own call...Your going to go through the emotions of Iose...that might sound stupid but look at all the comments....I'd go mad (anger) I failed (denial) I did_____ (acceptance).....
Think about WHY you want to be celibate....I dont know your stand on sex....
Are you love thy neighbor..and that neighbor and that neighbor. ....Or just feeling your getting to the point you want to be more selective in a partner. ..whether they are firvthe present or the future. .....
Dont worry about your age....4o is the new 3o...
@Tophermom The why? I have been very loose about who I slept with, as long as she was attractive I've went for it. My body has afforded me many extra opportunities to be with women for the short term. Now I'm tired of short term fb and realized that I can't find someone that I even remotely know that would actually take a chance and date me. I thought I would throw the celibacy idea out and get some feedback. I don't really have a lot of self-control unless I am committed to someone. I made this mess of my life with sex, it's bad enough I can't even get the friend part of a fwb. I was questioning if I messed everything up with sex, maybe no sex is the answer (temporarily at least). It's not something I want to do; I'm scared no one would even want me for a fb if I cut sex out, and I'm worried that I will never meet someone that I actually connect with on every level if I continue having empty meaningless sex2 -
jajomo0118 wrote: »Some of these posts sound so sad and who ever said your sex life slows down in your 40's...get out of here! I have just as much sex now as I did as a horny teenager in my Daddy's Delta 88!! haha. Not saying there weren't years of pure exhaustion, with kids, jobs and non stop running here and there...but we always made it a priority and 24 years later...we are both still just horny kids, just a lot less flexible!
@jajomo0118 That's great. But I don't know if I'm ever going to actually be in a real relationship
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@zatikkThinking I might try this to clear my head. Any high sex drive people in here ever voluntarily go celibate for any significant amount of time (6 months-1yr)? And I mean voluntarily because you have a few options, not just some awkward FA, deployed, never tries or a person that is scared of rejection.
If so how did you not become angry and mean during that period?
Your thoughts gents and lasses?
Coming from someone who is celibate.
I've been celibate for a year now and it has helped me really focus on my studies/goals/transformation. That tension/ anger that builds up is easily sweat out at the gym for me. I don't need dick in my life to make me happy or sane. I've come to realize I want someone to be with me not because of their sexual attraction to me, but instead, my mind, soul, and heart. Sex is a great thing when shared with the right person at the right time. I don't have anything againts anyone who chooses not to be celibate. That is just my opinion and choice!
Keep it up! (Or down lol)
Glad to hear it's working for you. I don't know how to separate sex from overall attraction
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@cameron_1969Cameron_1969 wrote: »I'm celibate until I meet someone with long-term potential, which is impossible, so forever. Too much bad mojo when things get out of hand with the wrong person. .
That's kind of what I'm feeling right now0 -
Thinking I might try this to clear my head. Any high sex drive people in here ever voluntarily go celibate for any significant amount of time (6 months-1yr)? And I mean voluntarily because you have a few options, not just some awkward FA, deployed, never tries or a person that is scared of rejection.
If so how did you not become angry and mean during that period?
Your thoughts gents and lasses?
You are 40...Well im 45 and its truly just a number..its hard to believe you have an issue with self esteem or even self worth...but if you TRULY want to do this, you need to do this for you...
Sex is nature....If you're used to it and its taken away. .even if by your own call...Your going to go through the emotions of Iose...that might sound stupid but look at all the comments....I'd go mad (anger) I failed (denial) I did_____ (acceptance).....
Think about WHY you want to be celibate....I dont know your stand on sex....
Are you love thy neighbor..and that neighbor and that neighbor. ....Or just feeling your getting to the point you want to be more selective in a partner. ..whether they are firvthe present or the future. .....
Dont worry about your age....4o is the new 3o...
The why? I have been very loose about who I slept with, as long as she was attractive I've went for it. My body has afforded me many extra opportunities to be with women for the short term. Now I'm tired of short term fb and realized that I can't find someone that I even remotely know that would actually take a chance and date me. I thought I would throw the celibacy idea out and get some feedback. I don't really have a lot of self-control unless I am committed to someone. I made this mess of my life with sex, it's bad enough I can't even get the friend part of a fwb. I was questioning if I messed everything up with sex, maybe no sex is the answer (temporarily at least). It's not something I want to do; I'm scared no one would even want me for a fb if I cut sex out, and I'm worried that I will never meet someone that I actually connect with on every level if I continue having empty meaningless sex
First off....You seem to think who YOU are revolves around sex....That's just part of the man. .You obviously are more or you wouldn't care....
If you were known as a use them and leave them kind of guy....Well the RIGHT one is going to be scared she's just a means to an end....
You need to work on self control...Do it for yourself. ..your self worth is shot in that department....shouldn't need to be attached to control yourself. ...
Maybe you need to think of why you do that...Im sure it feels great to be admired and so forth...I never had that problem so I cant relate...but I do know that I didn't like myself for a long time and I changed that....
Listen I dont know you but you reached out and I'm a great listener and I speak from the heart....
If you keep having empty meaningless sex...you aren't going to attract your forever....
Your right now. .absolutely but you seem to be getting tired of that menu......
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provencal73 wrote: »May give you time to put full focus into yourself. There would have to be self-fulfillment though. I personally would go crazy.
@provencal73 I know1 -
you just need to look in other places. the right girl will take a risk on you
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Honestly, its hard to be celibate and not change other behaviors ... ie getting smashed with random chicks, going back together to either one's place etc.
Sex complicates EVERYTHING.
I don't know about your faith, but that is why God designed sex within marriage. Multiple partners, multiple times a week, etc just makes for a chaotic life.
And by no means am I trying to be "preachy" -- I just know that sex is a powerful thing. For both men and women, and those who can't step back and see that, are lying to themselves.
You clearly have a lot of testosterone, fit, attractive and I'm sure you get a lot of attention from the ladies. Not a bad thing. But with that attention comes desires, urges etc that aren't in the best interest of most.
You really could be celibate. And altho not easy at times, change your habits, how you interact and spend time with the opposite sex, and you might surprise yourself to a whole different world. You would find yourself more, find that peace and calmness you seek without having others involved.
I had a celibate period of no dating even when in college. I poured myself into my education, fun with my roommates, activities, working out, experiencing new things I've never done etc and it was AMAZING!!! I wasn't looking for anyone, but after about 2 years and special someone came along and again, my life changed.
But don't think you aren't "strong enough" to be celibate. Thats just your mind messing with you and sometimes, your mind just has to shut the hell up!!!2 -
Sex is fun, no doubt about that. But the well doesn't dry up just cause you hit 40. It's just a number. I'm in my 40s and still get attention. If you think youthful you are.
You've way more to offer a woman I'm just than just sex.0 -
Celibacy? No thank you.
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JessicaJS23 wrote: »
We can all just live by this
Love it!2 -
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There is nothing wrong with celibacy or taking a step back to reevaluate your life or goals. It can be very freeing and humbling.
Imagine going out with someone, talking with someone, just "being" with someone without the pressure of where the night is headed. Sex should be what a person does, not the main attribute of who that person is. Heck there is absolutely nothing wrong with being alone.
Sex is sex. Yes, it can be heart stopping, lightning flashing, waves crashing, and absolutely beautiful with the right person... but downright nasty, heartbreaking, and regretful with the wrong. You acknowledge your habits and usual actions. You are now in control of your outcome, not others, but you can predict the pattern so therefore you control it.
You have to know you can't make the same choices over and over and expect to get different results.1 -
I think I am just needing to reset myself. Empty sex isn't doing it for me anymore. I'm definitely tired of sharing and lack of connections.Thinking I might try this to clear my head. Any high sex drive people in here ever voluntarily go celibate for any significant amount of time (6 months-1yr)? And I mean voluntarily because you have a few options, not just some awkward FA, deployed, never tries or a person that is scared of rejection.
If so how did you not become angry and mean during that period?
Your thoughts gents and lasses?
You are 40...Well im 45 and its truly just a number..its hard to believe you have an issue with self esteem or even self worth...but if you TRULY want to do this, you need to do this for you...
Sex is nature....If you're used to it and its taken away. .even if by your own call...Your going to go through the emotions of Iose...that might sound stupid but look at all the comments....I'd go mad (anger) I failed (denial) I did_____ (acceptance).....
Think about WHY you want to be celibate....I dont know your stand on sex....
Are you love thy neighbor..and that neighbor and that neighbor. ....Or just feeling your getting to the point you want to be more selective in a partner. ..whether they are firvthe present or the future. .....
Dont worry about your age....4o is the new 3o...
The why? I have been very loose about who I slept with, as long as she was attractive I've went for it. My body has afforded me many extra opportunities to be with women for the short term. Now I'm tired of short term fb and realized that I can't find someone that I even remotely know that would actually take a chance and date me. I thought I would throw the celibacy idea out and get some feedback. I don't really have a lot of self-control unless I am committed to someone. I made this mess of my life with sex, it's bad enough I can't even get the friend part of a fwb. I was questioning if I messed everything up with sex, maybe no sex is the answer (temporarily at least). It's not something I want to do; I'm scared no one would even want me for a fb if I cut sex out, and I'm worried that I will never meet someone that I actually connect with on every level if I continue having empty meaningless sex
First off....You seem to think who YOU are revolves around sex....That's just part of the man. .You obviously are more or you wouldn't care....
If you were known as a use them and leave them kind of guy....Well the RIGHT one is going to be scared she's just a means to an end....
You need to work on self control...Do it for yourself. ..your self worth is shot in that department....shouldn't need to be attached to control yourself. ...
Maybe you need to think of why you do that...Im sure it feels great to be admired and so forth...I never had that problem so I cant relate...but I do know that I didn't like myself for a long time and I changed that....
Listen I dont know you but you reached out and I'm a great listener and I speak from the heart....
If you keep having empty meaningless sex...you aren't going to attract your forever....
Your right now. .absolutely but you seem to be getting tired of that menu......
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