Celibacy for a set amount of time
Replies
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Reading through this thread, a couple of things struck me:
1) You keep going out and drinking, then going home with someone. This WHOLE area of your life, the drinking included, is keeping you from pursuits that could build your character and make your life feel less empty. Spend your time volunteering instead of in bars, or devote it to learning a new language or instrument, or take a night/online class on something you always wanted to know more about. Not at all judging you for the drinking, I do it too, but it sounds like you're unhappy with yourself right now and need to take a big step in a different direction.
2) You keep stressing about there not being opportunities in the future. My parents divorced at 57, and my dad spent 2 months wallowing before he got out there and started dating like crazy. My dad is not an attractive man, and I never really thought he had game, but he had no problem meeting women and having fun with them. Now, at 60, he's moved in with a girlfriend he loves and is very serious about. You're much younger and definitely more attractive. Are you worried about the random girls you might miss out on sleeping with if you give up sex for 6 months? They're not making you happy right now anyway, so you won't be missing anything.
3) IMO, the issue for you is the empty sex, and I don't think giving up alone time with yourself would be required. Don't let yourself get overly *frustrated*, but don't keep putting yourself in situations that cause all the drama and unhappiness.3 -
mskessler89 wrote: »Reading through this thread, a couple of things struck me:
1) You keep going out and drinking, then going home with someone. This WHOLE area of your life, the drinking included, is keeping you from pursuits that could build your character and make your life feel less empty. Spend your time volunteering instead of in bars, or devote it to learning a new language or instrument, or take a night/online class on something you always wanted to know more about. Not at all judging you for the drinking, I do it too, but it sounds like you're unhappy with yourself right now and need to take a big step in a different direction.
2) You keep stressing about there not being opportunities in the future. My parents divorced at 57, and my dad spent 2 months wallowing before he got out there and started dating like crazy. My dad is not an attractive man, and I never really thought he had game, but he had no problem meeting women and having fun with them. Now, at 60, he's moved in with a girlfriend he loves and is very serious about. You're much younger and definitely more attractive. Are you worried about the random girls you might miss out on sleeping with if you give up sex for 6 months? They're not making you happy right now anyway, so you won't be missing anything.
3) IMO, the issue for you is the empty sex, and I don't think giving up alone time with yourself would be required. Don't let yourself get overly *frustrated*, but don't keep putting yourself in situations that cause all the drama and unhappiness.
i can agree with this1 -
I think I am just needing to reset myself. Empty sex isn't doing it for me anymore. I'm definitely tired of sharing and lack of connections.Thinking I might try this to clear my head. Any high sex drive people in here ever voluntarily go celibate for any significant amount of time (6 months-1yr)? And I mean voluntarily because you have a few options, not just some awkward FA, deployed, never tries or a person that is scared of rejection.
If so how did you not become angry and mean during that period?
Your thoughts gents and lasses?
You are 40...Well im 45 and its truly just a number..its hard to believe you have an issue with self esteem or even self worth...but if you TRULY want to do this, you need to do this for you...
Sex is nature....If you're used to it and its taken away. .even if by your own call...Your going to go through the emotions of Iose...that might sound stupid but look at all the comments....I'd go mad (anger) I failed (denial) I did_____ (acceptance).....
Think about WHY you want to be celibate....I dont know your stand on sex....
Are you love thy neighbor..and that neighbor and that neighbor. ....Or just feeling your getting to the point you want to be more selective in a partner. ..whether they are firvthe present or the future. .....
Dont worry about your age....4o is the new 3o...
The why? I have been very loose about who I slept with, as long as she was attractive I've went for it. My body has afforded me many extra opportunities to be with women for the short term. Now I'm tired of short term fb and realized that I can't find someone that I even remotely know that would actually take a chance and date me. I thought I would throw the celibacy idea out and get some feedback. I don't really have a lot of self-control unless I am committed to someone. I made this mess of my life with sex, it's bad enough I can't even get the friend part of a fwb. I was questioning if I messed everything up with sex, maybe no sex is the answer (temporarily at least). It's not something I want to do; I'm scared no one would even want me for a fb if I cut sex out, and I'm worried that I will never meet someone that I actually connect with on every level if I continue having empty meaningless sex
First off....You seem to think who YOU are revolves around sex....That's just part of the man. .You obviously are more or you wouldn't care....
If you were known as a use them and leave them kind of guy....Well the RIGHT one is going to be scared she's just a means to an end....
You need to work on self control...Do it for yourself. ..your self worth is shot in that department....shouldn't need to be attached to control yourself. ...
Maybe you need to think of why you do that...Im sure it feels great to be admired and so forth...I never had that problem so I cant relate...but I do know that I didn't like myself for a long time and I changed that....
Listen I dont know you but you reached out and I'm a great listener and I speak from the heart....
If you keep having empty meaningless sex...you aren't going to attract your forever....
Your right now. .absolutely but you seem to be getting tired of that menu......
I'm 32, I can't say I know exactly how you feel, you're in your shoes.
Being celibate might help or it might not,
I do think stopping this empty sex with different girls is a step in the right direction.
Take some time out bro, learn about yourself.
Find out who you are, sex is just a tiny part of life.
A woman should enhance your life, not fill a missing gap.
Why not do some travelling?
Write a bucket list and start ticking them off
Achievements and ambitions list.
There's a whole lot to you than just sex and women.
I definitely agree, the sex in a relationship is a million times better than random hookups.
For starters, there are no nagging guilty feelings afterwards, nor does it leave you feeling empty the morning after.
I agree with the poster above, if you're going to engage in this sorta behaviour, you'll keep on attracting those sort of women.
It's just the nature of the game.
Don't sell yourself short man, there are plenty of women who'll say that you are "relationship material" (wtf does this even mean though?), it's just going to be harder to find them, if you're sleeping with a bunch of different girls every other night.
Cliffs:
Time out
Stop the sex
Learn about self
Improve self.
Live life
Woman adds to life not fills missing gap.
5 -
lilkimi525 wrote: »Well ... I would just never give it up... Period. I like it too much. For me.. Not so much the other person... It's awesome exercise not only for my body but my mind as well.... It's a good way to re charge and refocus. It's a great stress reliever.... And a good reason to pig out at 2 o clock in the morning after wards. If you get it early enough in the morning.... It always makes you have a better day.... Ahhhh no.... I can't really find a good reason not to do it. That's just a personal reason for me. But props to all of you going for your goals. Mine just seem to be on the other side of that coin... My glass seems to stay half full... And I like it that way!!!
@lilkimi525 I understand. I haven't gone for it, as I failed yesterday. I just wanted a way to calm down the drama in my life. I have only had fb or nsa sex for so long that it's lost meaning to me. It stopped being fun like it used to be. I'm not exactly relationship material and I think maybe I'm just wanting closeness and intimacy with someone I might/possibly have the slightest chance of a relationship with. But I truly can't find that in my current life situation.
?????
I hope you're completely forthright about this before gaining access to women sexually.
Regardless of the feministicky, chicky bravado you may hear from women, it's very damaging to women psychologically to allow themselves to be used for sex by men who have no intention of committing to them or who are not capable of a loving, exclusive bond.
You seem like a helpful, humorous, good natured guy who means well and doesn't want to hurt anyone. So please don't. The long term damage women do to themselves by being complicit with men who are inclined toward promiscuity is devastating. Rather than facilitate this, it would be better to be celibate. Even though it's difficult.
Personally, I don't find celibacy difficult at all. I'm on my 21st year of it. I hung up my slut hat when I was 28 years old and my opportunities were still plentiful. It was the best decision I ever made.
Food, water, shelter, clothes are all necessities. Sex a necessity in a world of 8 billion people? Not.
Your opportunities will not dry up as you get older. The sexual market value increases for men as they age, generally speaking. I probably shouldn't have told you that, but yeah, it's true.
I guess I'm out of touch with my slutty days. But you have sex on a regular basis with God-knows-who and don't even have to go more than 7 days without it? And you're not committed to anyone or in a relationship? Sigh. I can only imagine the mindset of any woman who would be part of something like this, regardless of how common it is.
It was the same scene in the 1980s and 1990s, but probably required more effort in the absence of the internet and cell phones. I think it's worse now and hookups come cheaper than they ever have. Sad situation, especially for the ladies. Glad I'm out of it.
Just as a heads up, some women also are only looking a sexual release and a good time. Not everyone attaches emotional meaning to serial intercourse. As a matter of fact, a huge amount of my confidence and self awareness came from my more promiscuous days. Most girls going home with a guy from a bar or hooking up on tinder know exactly what they want and are also getting it. Pun intended! Basically, there's no need to defend these girls. If they don't like casual sex, they aren't having casual sex.3 -
MalcolmX1983 wrote: »
I think I am just needing to reset myself. Empty sex isn't doing it for me anymore. I'm definitely tired of sharing and lack of connections.Thinking I might try this to clear my head. Any high sex drive people in here ever voluntarily go celibate for any significant amount of time (6 months-1yr)? And I mean voluntarily because you have a few options, not just some awkward FA, deployed, never tries or a person that is scared of rejection.
If so how did you not become angry and mean during that period?
Your thoughts gents and lasses?
You are 40...Well im 45 and its truly just a number..its hard to believe you have an issue with self esteem or even self worth...but if you TRULY want to do this, you need to do this for you...
Sex is nature....If you're used to it and its taken away. .even if by your own call...Your going to go through the emotions of Iose...that might sound stupid but look at all the comments....I'd go mad (anger) I failed (denial) I did_____ (acceptance).....
Think about WHY you want to be celibate....I dont know your stand on sex....
Are you love thy neighbor..and that neighbor and that neighbor. ....Or just feeling your getting to the point you want to be more selective in a partner. ..whether they are firvthe present or the future. .....
Dont worry about your age....4o is the new 3o...
The why? I have been very loose about who I slept with, as long as she was attractive I've went for it. My body has afforded me many extra opportunities to be with women for the short term. Now I'm tired of short term fb and realized that I can't find someone that I even remotely know that would actually take a chance and date me. I thought I would throw the celibacy idea out and get some feedback. I don't really have a lot of self-control unless I am committed to someone. I made this mess of my life with sex, it's bad enough I can't even get the friend part of a fwb. I was questioning if I messed everything up with sex, maybe no sex is the answer (temporarily at least). It's not something I want to do; I'm scared no one would even want me for a fb if I cut sex out, and I'm worried that I will never meet someone that I actually connect with on every level if I continue having empty meaningless sex
First off....You seem to think who YOU are revolves around sex....That's just part of the man. .You obviously are more or you wouldn't care....
If you were known as a use them and leave them kind of guy....Well the RIGHT one is going to be scared she's just a means to an end....
You need to work on self control...Do it for yourself. ..your self worth is shot in that department....shouldn't need to be attached to control yourself. ...
Maybe you need to think of why you do that...Im sure it feels great to be admired and so forth...I never had that problem so I cant relate...but I do know that I didn't like myself for a long time and I changed that....
Listen I dont know you but you reached out and I'm a great listener and I speak from the heart....
If you keep having empty meaningless sex...you aren't going to attract your forever....
Your right now. .absolutely but you seem to be getting tired of that menu......
I'm 32, I can't say I know exactly how you feel, you're in your shoes.
Being celibate might help or it might not,
I do think stopping this empty sex with different girls is a step in the right direction.
Take some time out bro, learn about yourself.
Find out who you are, sex is just a tiny part of life.
A woman should enhance your life, not fill a missing gap.
Why not do some travelling?
Write a bucket list and start ticking them off
Achievements and ambitions list.
There's a whole lot to you than just sex and women.
I definitely agree, the sex in a relationship is a million times better than random hookups.
For starters, there are no nagging guilty feelings afterwards, nor does it leave you feeling empty the morning after.
I agree with the poster above, if you're going to engage in this sorta behaviour, you'll keep on attracting those sort of women.
It's just the nature of the game.
Don't sell yourself short man, there are plenty of women who'll say that you are "relationship material" (wtf does this even mean though?), it's just going to be harder to find them, if you're sleeping with a bunch of different girls every other night.
Cliffs:
Time out
Stop the sex
Learn about self
Improve self.
Live life
Woman adds to life not fills missing gap.
Agreed.
If you want different results then change what you are doing.
Not finding partners with relationship potential? Then maybe your fishing in the wrong lake.
Interested in a sport? Maybe try joining a co-ed amateur league or group.
Politically minded? Volunteer w/a campaign.
Have an interest or curiosity about a subject? Take a class or two at a local college.
Just saying you may have a better chance of finding someone you have more in common with than a desire to get naked.
And if the women you are getting together with are bringing to much drama it could be time to do some thinking on that.
Sounds awful, but make a list of top 5 traits you would prefer in a dog, because if you are looking for a companion there is bound to be a lot of commonality.1 -
Self love to help ? Lol0
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lilkimi525 wrote: »Well ... I would just never give it up... Period. I like it too much. For me.. Not so much the other person... It's awesome exercise not only for my body but my mind as well.... It's a good way to re charge and refocus. It's a great stress reliever.... And a good reason to pig out at 2 o clock in the morning after wards. If you get it early enough in the morning.... It always makes you have a better day.... Ahhhh no.... I can't really find a good reason not to do it. That's just a personal reason for me. But props to all of you going for your goals. Mine just seem to be on the other side of that coin... My glass seems to stay half full... And I like it that way!!!
@lilkimi525 I understand. I haven't gone for it, as I failed yesterday. I just wanted a way to calm down the drama in my life. I have only had fb or nsa sex for so long that it's lost meaning to me. It stopped being fun like it used to be. I'm not exactly relationship material and I think maybe I'm just wanting closeness and intimacy with someone I might/possibly have the slightest chance of a relationship with. But I truly can't find that in my current life situation.
?????
I hope you're completely forthright about this before gaining access to women sexually.
Regardless of the feministicky, chicky bravado you may hear from women, it's very damaging to women psychologically to allow themselves to be used for sex by men who have no intention of committing to them or who are not capable of a loving, exclusive bond.
You seem like a helpful, humorous, good natured guy who means well and doesn't want to hurt anyone. So please don't. The long term damage women do to themselves by being complicit with men who are inclined toward promiscuity is devastating. Rather than facilitate this, it would be better to be celibate. Even though it's difficult.
Personally, I don't find celibacy difficult at all. I'm on my 21st year of it. I hung up my slut hat when I was 28 years old and my opportunities were still plentiful. It was the best decision I ever made.
Food, water, shelter, clothes are all necessities. Sex a necessity in a world of 8 billion people? Not.
Your opportunities will not dry up as you get older. The sexual market value increases for men as they age, generally speaking. I probably shouldn't have told you that, but yeah, it's true.
I guess I'm out of touch with my slutty days. But you have sex on a regular basis with God-knows-who and don't even have to go more than 7 days without it? And you're not committed to anyone or in a relationship? Sigh. I can only imagine the mindset of any woman who would be part of something like this, regardless of how common it is.
It was the same scene in the 1980s and 1990s, but probably required more effort in the absence of the internet and cell phones. I think it's worse now and hookups come cheaper than they ever have. Sad situation, especially for the ladies. Glad I'm out of it.
Just as a heads up, some women also are only looking a sexual release and a good time. Not everyone attaches emotional meaning to serial intercourse. As a matter of fact, a huge amount of my confidence and self awareness came from my more promiscuous days. Most girls going home with a guy from a bar or hooking up on tinder know exactly what they want and are also getting it. Pun intended! Basically, there's no need to defend these girls. If they don't like casual sex, they aren't having casual sex.
Believe me, I know. And it's almost guaranteed they'll feel differently about it in a decade or two, if they're still capable of honesty and insight. And there's no going back and correcting it. Since promiscuity erodes character, these two personality traits often fall by the wayside. Luckily I got my heads up moment when I was 28 and could see the consequences of banging boyfriend/breaking up/finding another boyfriend/bang him/break up eventually/rinse/repeat/ad nauseum.
"Promiscuity erodes character" really bothers me. I don't know why you can't be sexually confident, active, and not interested in a committed relationship. For that matter, some people are much happier agreeing to be promiscuous in a committed relationship. It becomes a problem when you're in the position of the OP and it's not fulfilling, but as long as it's a choice made between eagerly consenting people, it's making you happy, and it's not negatively interfering with other areas of your life, I fail to see how it says anything negative about someone's character.
On the other hand, I've been in the cycle you reference before, and that was awful because I WAS looking for a committed, healthy relationship but kept ending up in terrible ones out of pressure or guilt. That's on me. It wasn't promiscuity eroding my character; it was me not having the spine to give myself a happier life.3 -
I'm going on 2+ years. I almost broke down a few times the first 3-6 months...after that it got easier. The grumpiness and anger goes away after 9 months or so. (At least that's when it did for me) I find myself more focused, more grounded, I have more energy, and I gained peace of mind.1
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Well... I see we all have our different opinions which is necessary. But as for me.... I don't want to give it up! It doesn't reflect my character.. Or decide the woman I choose to be. It simply brings me joy and pleasure! That's all.... Why must people peg woman as sluts if the like sex?? That's a double standard.2
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lilkimi525 wrote: »Well... I see we all have our different opinions which is necessary. But as for me.... I don't want to give it up! It doesn't reflect my character.. Or decide the woman I choose to be. It simply brings me joy and pleasure! That's all.... Why must people peg woman as sluts if the like sex?? That's a double standard.
Smart woman0 -
@newmeadow I do appreciate the reply. Thank youlilkimi525 wrote: »Well ... I would just never give it up... Period. I like it too much. For me.. Not so much the other person... It's awesome exercise not only for my body but my mind as well.... It's a good way to re charge and refocus. It's a great stress reliever.... And a good reason to pig out at 2 o clock in the morning after wards. If you get it early enough in the morning.... It always makes you have a better day.... Ahhhh no.... I can't really find a good reason not to do it. That's just a personal reason for me. But props to all of you going for your goals. Mine just seem to be on the other side of that coin... My glass seems to stay half full... And I like it that way!!!
@lilkimi525 I understand. I haven't gone for it, as I failed yesterday. I just wanted a way to calm down the drama in my life. I have only had fb or nsa sex for so long that it's lost meaning to me. It stopped being fun like it used to be. I'm not exactly relationship material and I think maybe I'm just wanting closeness and intimacy with someone I might/possibly have the slightest chance of a relationship with. But I truly can't find that in my current life situation.
?????
I hope you're completely forthright about this before gaining access to women sexually.
I'm saying they view me as some novelty hookup, and NOT in any way, relationship material
Regardless of the feministicky, chicky bravado you may hear from women, it's very damaging to women psychologically to allow themselves to be used for sex by men who have no intention of committing to them or who are not capable of a loving, exclusive bond.
I would actually date most of these girls, but they are out looking for hookups
You seem like a helpful, humorous, good natured guy who means well and doesn't want to hurt anyone. So please don't. The long term damage women do to themselves by being complicit with men who are inclined toward promiscuity is devastating. Rather than facilitate this, it would be better to be celibate. Even though it's difficult.
Personally, I don't find celibacy difficult at all. I'm on my 21st year of it. I hung up my slut hat when I was 28 years old and my opportunities were still plentiful. It was the best decision I ever made.
Food, water, shelter, clothes are all necessities. Sex a necessity in a world of 8 billion people? Not.
Your opportunities will not dry up as you get older. The sexual market value increases for men as they age, generally speaking. I probably shouldn't have told you that, but yeah, it's true.
I guess I'm out of touch with my slutty days. But you have sex on a regular basis with God-knows-who and don't even have to go more than 7 days without it? And you're not committed to anyone or in a relationship? Sigh. I can only imagine the mindset of any woman who would be part of something like this, regardless of how common it is.
It was the same scene in the 1980s and 1990s, but probably required more effort in the absence of the internet and cell phones. I think it's worse now and hookups come cheaper than they ever have. Sad situation, especially for the ladies. Glad I'm out of it.
I agree that sexual economics shows a diminishing return
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lilkimi525 wrote: »Well ... I would just never give it up... Period. I like it too much. For me.. Not so much the other person... It's awesome exercise not only for my body but my mind as well.... It's a good way to re charge and refocus. It's a great stress reliever.... And a good reason to pig out at 2 o clock in the morning after wards. If you get it early enough in the morning.... It always makes you have a better day.... Ahhhh no.... I can't really find a good reason not to do it. That's just a personal reason for me. But props to all of you going for your goals. Mine just seem to be on the other side of that coin... My glass seems to stay half full... And I like it that way!!!
@lilkimi525 I understand. I haven't gone for it, as I failed yesterday. I just wanted a way to calm down the drama in my life. I have only had fb or nsa sex for so long that it's lost meaning to me. It stopped being fun like it used to be. I'm not exactly relationship material and I think maybe I'm just wanting closeness and intimacy with someone I might/possibly have the slightest chance of a relationship with. But I truly can't find that in my current life situation.
?????
I hope you're completely forthright about this before gaining access to women sexually.
Regardless of the feministicky, chicky bravado you may hear from women, it's very damaging to women psychologically to allow themselves to be used for sex by men who have no intention of committing to them or who are not capable of a loving, exclusive bond.
You seem like a helpful, humorous, good natured guy who means well and doesn't want to hurt anyone. So please don't. The long term damage women do to themselves by being complicit with men who are inclined toward promiscuity is devastating. Rather than facilitate this, it would be better to be celibate. Even though it's difficult.
Personally, I don't find celibacy difficult at all. I'm on my 21st year of it. I hung up my slut hat when I was 28 years old and my opportunities were still plentiful. It was the best decision I ever made.
Food, water, shelter, clothes are all necessities. Sex a necessity in a world of 8 billion people? Not.
Your opportunities will not dry up as you get older. The sexual market value increases for men as they age, generally speaking. I probably shouldn't have told you that, but yeah, it's true.
I guess I'm out of touch with my slutty days. But you have sex on a regular basis with God-knows-who and don't even have to go more than 7 days without it? And you're not committed to anyone or in a relationship? Sigh. I can only imagine the mindset of any woman who would be part of something like this, regardless of how common it is.
It was the same scene in the 1980s and 1990s, but probably required more effort in the absence of the internet and cell phones. I think it's worse now and hookups come cheaper than they ever have. Sad situation, especially for the ladies. Glad I'm out of it.
Just as a heads up, some women also are only looking a sexual release and a good time. Not everyone attaches emotional meaning to serial intercourse. As a matter of fact, a huge amount of my confidence and self awareness came from my more promiscuous days. Most girls going home with a guy from a bar or hooking up on tinder know exactly what they want and are also getting it. Pun intended! Basically, there's no need to defend these girls. If they don't like casual sex, they aren't having casual sex.
Definitly agree with this too!2 -
mskessler89 wrote: »lilkimi525 wrote: »Well ... I would just never give it up... Period. I like it too much. For me.. Not so much the other person... It's awesome exercise not only for my body but my mind as well.... It's a good way to re charge and refocus. It's a great stress reliever.... And a good reason to pig out at 2 o clock in the morning after wards. If you get it early enough in the morning.... It always makes you have a better day.... Ahhhh no.... I can't really find a good reason not to do it. That's just a personal reason for me. But props to all of you going for your goals. Mine just seem to be on the other side of that coin... My glass seems to stay half full... And I like it that way!!!
@lilkimi525 I understand. I haven't gone for it, as I failed yesterday. I just wanted a way to calm down the drama in my life. I have only had fb or nsa sex for so long that it's lost meaning to me. It stopped being fun like it used to be. I'm not exactly relationship material and I think maybe I'm just wanting closeness and intimacy with someone I might/possibly have the slightest chance of a relationship with. But I truly can't find that in my current life situation.
?????
I hope you're completely forthright about this before gaining access to women sexually.
Regardless of the feministicky, chicky bravado you may hear from women, it's very damaging to women psychologically to allow themselves to be used for sex by men who have no intention of committing to them or who are not capable of a loving, exclusive bond.
You seem like a helpful, humorous, good natured guy who means well and doesn't want to hurt anyone. So please don't. The long term damage women do to themselves by being complicit with men who are inclined toward promiscuity is devastating. Rather than facilitate this, it would be better to be celibate. Even though it's difficult.
Personally, I don't find celibacy difficult at all. I'm on my 21st year of it. I hung up my slut hat when I was 28 years old and my opportunities were still plentiful. It was the best decision I ever made.
Food, water, shelter, clothes are all necessities. Sex a necessity in a world of 8 billion people? Not.
Your opportunities will not dry up as you get older. The sexual market value increases for men as they age, generally speaking. I probably shouldn't have told you that, but yeah, it's true.
I guess I'm out of touch with my slutty days. But you have sex on a regular basis with God-knows-who and don't even have to go more than 7 days without it? And you're not committed to anyone or in a relationship? Sigh. I can only imagine the mindset of any woman who would be part of something like this, regardless of how common it is.
It was the same scene in the 1980s and 1990s, but probably required more effort in the absence of the internet and cell phones. I think it's worse now and hookups come cheaper than they ever have. Sad situation, especially for the ladies. Glad I'm out of it.
Just as a heads up, some women also are only looking a sexual release and a good time. Not everyone attaches emotional meaning to serial intercourse. As a matter of fact, a huge amount of my confidence and self awareness came from my more promiscuous days. Most girls going home with a guy from a bar or hooking up on tinder know exactly what they want and are also getting it. Pun intended! Basically, there's no need to defend these girls. If they don't like casual sex, they aren't having casual sex.
Believe me, I know. And it's almost guaranteed they'll feel differently about it in a decade or two, if they're still capable of honesty and insight. And there's no going back and correcting it. Since promiscuity erodes character, these two personality traits often fall by the wayside. Luckily I got my heads up moment when I was 28 and could see the consequences of banging boyfriend/breaking up/finding another boyfriend/bang him/break up eventually/rinse/repeat/ad nauseum.
"Promiscuity erodes character" really bothers me. I don't know why you can't be sexually confident, active, and not interested in a committed relationship. For that matter, some people are much happier agreeing to be promiscuous in a committed relationship. It becomes a problem when you're in the position of the OP and it's not fulfilling, but as long as it's a choice made between eagerly consenting people, it's making you happy, and it's not negatively interfering with other areas of your life, I fail to see how it says anything negative about someone's character.
On the other hand, I've been in the cycle you reference before, and that was awful because I WAS looking for a committed, healthy relationship but kept ending up in terrible ones out of pressure or guilt. That's on me. It wasn't promiscuity eroding my character; it was me not having the spine to give myself a happier life.
hammer, meet nail. That's my life and why I was thinking cutting out sex might help0 -
I think whatever gets us through the day with a smile on our face and joy inside. I'm in tuned with myself enough to know what brings me joy.. Just saying. I'm 39... I don't have a false set of security in a man. That's why I go for what gives me happiness..... Which is sex when I want it. And I'm still a lady the next day!!!0
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lilkimi525 wrote: »Well... I see we all have our different opinions which is necessary. But as for me.... I don't want to give it up! It doesn't reflect my character.. Or decide the woman I choose to be. It simply brings me joy and pleasure! That's all.... Why must people peg woman as sluts if the like sex?? That's a double standard.
I think the only reason a double standard is used is due to the ease at which a woman can reach astronomical numbers of lovers with relative ease. I think the double standard comes down to effort. I once heard it as a man (not famous or rich) getting laid is like a man hunting lions in the plains with a spear, versus a woman with a sniper rifle shooting caged lions in a zoo. Just a thought. I don't care about a woman's promiscuity unless it is the cause of her being unable to commit to a relationship0 -
I'm still on the fence about whether to really try it or notEtherealglow wrote: »Honestly, its hard to be celibate and not change other behaviors ... ie getting smashed with random chicks, going back together to either one's place etc.
Sex complicates EVERYTHING.
I don't know about your faith, but that is why God designed sex within marriage. Multiple partners, multiple times a week, etc just makes for a chaotic life.
And by no means am I trying to be "preachy" -- I just know that sex is a powerful thing. For both men and women, and those who can't step back and see that, are lying to themselves.
You clearly have a lot of testosterone, fit, attractive and I'm sure you get a lot of attention from the ladies. Not a bad thing. But with that attention comes desires, urges etc that aren't in the best interest of most.
Thank you!
You really could be celibate. And altho not easy at times, change your habits, how you interact and spend time with the opposite sex, and you might surprise yourself to a whole different world. You would find yourself more, find that peace and calmness you seek without having others involved.
I had a celibate period of no dating even when in college. I poured myself into my education, fun with my roommates, activities, working out, experiencing new things I've never done etc and it was AMAZING!!! I wasn't looking for anyone, but after about 2 years and special someone came along and again, my life changed.
I hope the same thing happens for me
But don't think you aren't "strong enough" to be celibate. Thats just your mind messing with you and sometimes, your mind just has to shut the hell up!!!
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lilkimi525 wrote: »I think whatever gets us through the day with a smile on our face and joy inside. I'm in tuned with myself enough to know what brings me joy.. Just saying. I'm 39... I don't have a false set of security in a man. That's why I go for what gives me happiness..... Which is sex when I want it. And I'm still a lady the next day!!!
Oh to be a woman and have sex on demand. I still have to work for it, not a whole lot, but enough that I have kept a revolving door of people in my life that really don't care for me.1 -
greeneyednerdygirl wrote: »I'm going on 2+ years. I almost broke down a few times the first 3-6 months...after that it got easier. The grumpiness and anger goes away after 9 months or so. (At least that's when it did for me) I find myself more focused, more grounded, I have more energy, and I gained peace of mind.
2 years? What keeps you from having sex now that you've made it this far?0 -
MalcolmX1983 wrote: »
I think I am just needing to reset myself. Empty sex isn't doing it for me anymore. I'm definitely tired of sharing and lack of connections.Thinking I might try this to clear my head. Any high sex drive people in here ever voluntarily go celibate for any significant amount of time (6 months-1yr)? And I mean voluntarily because you have a few options, not just some awkward FA, deployed, never tries or a person that is scared of rejection.
If so how did you not become angry and mean during that period?
Your thoughts gents and lasses?
You are 40...Well im 45 and its truly just a number..its hard to believe you have an issue with self esteem or even self worth...but if you TRULY want to do this, you need to do this for you...
Sex is nature....If you're used to it and its taken away. .even if by your own call...Your going to go through the emotions of Iose...that might sound stupid but look at all the comments....I'd go mad (anger) I failed (denial) I did_____ (acceptance).....
Think about WHY you want to be celibate....I dont know your stand on sex....
Are you love thy neighbor..and that neighbor and that neighbor. ....Or just feeling your getting to the point you want to be more selective in a partner. ..whether they are firvthe present or the future. .....
Dont worry about your age....4o is the new 3o...
The why? I have been very loose about who I slept with, as long as she was attractive I've went for it. My body has afforded me many extra opportunities to be with women for the short term. Now I'm tired of short term fb and realized that I can't find someone that I even remotely know that would actually take a chance and date me. I thought I would throw the celibacy idea out and get some feedback. I don't really have a lot of self-control unless I am committed to someone. I made this mess of my life with sex, it's bad enough I can't even get the friend part of a fwb. I was questioning if I messed everything up with sex, maybe no sex is the answer (temporarily at least). It's not something I want to do; I'm scared no one would even want me for a fb if I cut sex out, and I'm worried that I will never meet someone that I actually connect with on every level if I continue having empty meaningless sex
First off....You seem to think who YOU are revolves around sex....That's just part of the man. .You obviously are more or you wouldn't care....
If you were known as a use them and leave them kind of guy....Well the RIGHT one is going to be scared she's just a means to an end....
You need to work on self control...Do it for yourself. ..your self worth is shot in that department....shouldn't need to be attached to control yourself. ...
Maybe you need to think of why you do that...Im sure it feels great to be admired and so forth...I never had that problem so I cant relate...but I do know that I didn't like myself for a long time and I changed that....
Listen I dont know you but you reached out and I'm a great listener and I speak from the heart....
If you keep having empty meaningless sex...you aren't going to attract your forever....
Your right now. .absolutely but you seem to be getting tired of that menu......
I'm 32, I can't say I know exactly how you feel, you're in your shoes.
Being celibate might help or it might not,
I do think stopping this empty sex with different girls is a step in the right direction.
Take some time out bro, learn about yourself.
Find out who you are, sex is just a tiny part of life.
A woman should enhance your life, not fill a missing gap.
Why not do some travelling?
Write a bucket list and start ticking them off
Achievements and ambitions list.
There's a whole lot to you than just sex and women.
I definitely agree, the sex in a relationship is a million times better than random hookups.
For starters, there are no nagging guilty feelings afterwards, nor does it leave you feeling empty the morning after.
I agree with the poster above, if you're going to engage in this sorta behaviour, you'll keep on attracting those sort of women.
It's just the nature of the game.
Don't sell yourself short man, there are plenty of women who'll say that you are "relationship material" (wtf does this even mean though?), it's just going to be harder to find them, if you're sleeping with a bunch of different girls every other night.
Cliffs:
Time out
Stop the sex
Learn about self
Improve self.
Live life
Woman adds to life not fills missing gap.
Love this, thanks for the reply bro!0
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