Do men secretly want a more traditional housewife?

saschka7

who wouldn't want someone to make them dinner and make themselves pretty lol

as long as theres enough money and the woman is happy with the situation then it sounds good to me.

i don't really know what most guys would perfer.. i do get the feeling that as long as they are not finanically hurting most men wouldn't have a problem with this situation.

i assume most women may be offended by suggesting such a set up

I think "most women may be offended by suggesting such a set up" is hitting the nail on the head. Personally, I wouldn't have a problem with doing most if not all of the things on that list for my man because I would want to and it would be my choice to do them. However, having a man suggest that I do those things or tell me that I should be doing those things would just get my back up and provoke a sharp response from me. :mad:

That is really the crux of this. A giving and unselfish person doing nice things out of love and respect because they want to is COMPLETELY different from someone expecting such treatment to be given to them by right.

PS Occasionally I see how some people manage to format in bold type but I can't figure it out--any tips? Thanks!

Melissa11412

Is it bad that I secretly kinda wanna be that type of housewife?

i feel the same way. (but then again I practically live in TCM land)

if feeling this way is wrong i don't wanna be right :laugh:

scrummy92

Gross. No. Live your life the way you'd like.

MyChocolateDiet

did these 50's wives get the chance to take showers? because I know nowadays it's a hot commodity for mommies. sorry other threads are creeping into my consciousness on the topic.

bold is achieved by putting brackets around lower case "b" and "/b" this is a bracket [

CorvusCorax77

someone in here said he had this set up with his wife before his divorce....and this is why I find it a questionable of a man to demand that his wife stay home... without work experience, how is she supposed to support herself? Who is going to hire someone who's resume says "stay at home wife"?

that being said, people do what they want to do. That's what feminism was really about, giving women equal opportunity to do what she wants. It is inherently anti-feminist to say a woman CAN"T or SHOULDN"T stay home if she so chooses and it works in her family. It's her choice to not have work experience and to trust her husband (or wife, as the case may be) to bring home the proverbial bacon.

To each his/her/per own.

quirkytizzy

It's possible, though I don't think so.

I'm not bitter about my traditional role being chipped away. In fact I do pretty much all the cooking, a lot of the cleaning, all the yard work, all the car maintenance and care, AND am the sole bread winner. My wife is a stay at home mom.

What I get annoyed about is not about the traditional roles being chipped away, but rather more and more of the load is being pushed off on the men. I'm not saying this happens everywhere, but a lot of the men of my generation (35 btw) were raised to be the doting boyfriend/husband and have a healthy amount of respect for whatever our female partner wants to do. These things in of themselves are not bad at all, but things have morphed where now we are expected to do all we can to support the desires and whishes of our wives/girlfriends and fear the wrath when they feel that we're not doing that. I have friends that appear to live in near constant fear of their wives and do all they can not to anger them. These men DO IT ALL and their wives very little, but they are the ones getting blasted for not doing enough (both make great wages and their wives want for nothing).

I learned from watching my Dad as well who worshipped the ground my mom walked on, did most of the work around the house when she went back to work as well as being in a high stress job in the military, and then a highly profitable change to civilian life. He was paid back by her cheating and divorcing him as soon as my sister left the house (she was the youngest). My Mom will even admit that things were better when she was staying at home and not working, and there were more traditional roles and expectations. He still worshipped the ground she walked on, but their was a clear separation of roles and it just worked.

I've started training myself to be the opposite of what people expect these days. While my wife doesn't like it much right now, it is obvious there is more respect when she asks me to do some mundane chore she had all day to do and I just say "Nope, I worked all day, that's your job." instead of jumping through my *kitten* to get it done or get the stink eye from the wife. I view her as my equal, my partner, but we need clearly defined roles so I am not shouldering all the burden, which easily happens when you let things get out of whack.

I wouldn't dream of asking her to change the oil in the car (not that she would anyway), so why should I vacuum after working all day?

There is quite a bit of resentment against women in this post. Much anger and bitterness about what they have turned your friends, your Father into. And a clear expectation that were not the roles clearly defined, YOU (the male) would end up shouldering all of the work while your wife carries none.

Why so much anger against the vajay?

Ed98043

What I get annoyed about is not about the traditional roles being chipped away, but rather more and more of the load is being pushed off on the men. I'm not saying this happens everywhere, but a lot of the men of my generation (35 btw) were raised to be the doting boyfriend/husband and have a healthy amount of respect for whatever our female partner wants to do. These things in of themselves are not bad at all, but things have morphed where now we are expected to do all we can to support the desires and whishes of our wives/girlfriends and fear the wrath when they feel that we're not doing that. I have friends that appear to live in near constant fear of their wives and do all they can not to anger them. These men DO IT ALL and their wives very little, but they are the ones getting blasted for not doing enough (both make great wages and their wives want for nothing).

I wouldn't dream of asking her to change the oil in the car (not that she would anyway), so why should I vacuum after working all day?

I would have to hear the wives' side of the story before coming to any conclusions. A lot of men seem to think that seasonal yard work and occasional auto maintenance is equal to daily chores (cleaning, laundry, cooking, shopping and child care) that have to be done every single day. It's not. I completely agree that if one spouse doesn't work then that person should be responsible for the daily tasks, but when both work full time then chores should be split equally, or at least in a manner that's acceptable to both parties. It makes me crazy when men say they "help" around their own house or "babysit" their own children like they're doing their wives a favor.

quirkytizzy

It makes me crazy when men say they "help" around their own house or "babysit" their own children like they're doing their wives a favor.

Yes. I wonder how these wives must restrain themselves from swooning when their husband decides to generously involve himself with the upkeep of the home he lives in and the children he created as if it's some grand gesture.

If a partner acted like that towards (and a few of them have), then they can find out how much of a grand gesture it is to wash their own dishes, do their own laundry, fix their own toilets (which I generally do), etc etc all on their own.

Lesa_Sass

Is it bad that I secretly kinda wanna be that type of housewife?

it is not bad at all. if it works for you then great. If you can stay at home and not go bored out of your mind then great. It just does not work for everyone.

No honey, its not bad at all. Its actually quite nice. And when we get bored, we take a nap. Simple as that.

pseudomuffin

My fiance and I work form home, but my work is part-time--the rest of my time is as a homemaker I love it but that's our dynamic and definitely not for everyone.

CorvusCorax77

What I get annoyed about is not about the traditional roles being chipped away, but rather more and more of the load is being pushed off on the men. I'm not saying this happens everywhere, but a lot of the men of my generation (35 btw) were raised to be the doting boyfriend/husband and have a healthy amount of respect for whatever our female partner wants to do. These things in of themselves are not bad at all, but things have morphed where now we are expected to do all we can to support the desires and whishes of our wives/girlfriends and fear the wrath when they feel that we're not doing that. I have friends that appear to live in near constant fear of their wives and do all they can not to anger them. These men DO IT ALL and their wives very little, but they are the ones getting blasted for not doing enough (both make great wages and their wives want for nothing).

I wouldn't dream of asking her to change the oil in the car (not that she would anyway), so why should I vacuum after working all day?

I would have to hear the wives' side of the story before coming to any conclusions. A lot of men seem to think that seasonal yard work and occasional auto maintenance is equal to daily chores (cleaning, laundry, cooking, shopping and child care) that have to be done every single day. It's not. I completely agree that if one spouse doesn't work then that person should be responsible for the daily tasks, but when both work full time then chores should be split equally, or at least in a manner that's acceptable to both parties. It makes me crazy when men say they "help" around their own house or "babysit" their own children like they're doing their wives a favor.

On the term babysitting your own kids...this has gotten women in an uproar at the office, which I just tell them to STFU. So, what do you say, "I have the kids",. The kids are here, my kids are under my supervision (that's lame), I am playing with my children, I'm baby sitting my kids, I'm baby sitting, I'm watching the little f*ckers... What's the proper terminology. I still don't have an answer to that. If you can't do something as a result of having to supervise your children, what do you say to explain why you can't go do something with your friends?

To a guy, it's just the way we say it. It doesn't mean what you think it means. It's the same thing.

IT IS CALLED BEING A FATHER YOU NITWIT

CorvusCorax77

It's possible, though I don't think so.

I'm not bitter about my traditional role being chipped away. In fact I do pretty much all the cooking, a lot of the cleaning, all the yard work, all the car maintenance and care, AND am the sole bread winner. My wife is a stay at home mom.

What I get annoyed about is not about the traditional roles being chipped away, but rather more and more of the load is being pushed off on the men. I'm not saying this happens everywhere, but a lot of the men of my generation (35 btw) were raised to be the doting boyfriend/husband and have a healthy amount of respect for whatever our female partner wants to do. These things in of themselves are not bad at all, but things have morphed where now we are expected to do all we can to support the desires and whishes of our wives/girlfriends and fear the wrath when they feel that we're not doing that. I have friends that appear to live in near constant fear of their wives and do all they can not to anger them. These men DO IT ALL and their wives very little, but they are the ones getting blasted for not doing enough (both make great wages and their wives want for nothing).

I learned from watching my Dad as well who worshipped the ground my mom walked on, did most of the work around the house when she went back to work as well as being in a high stress job in the military, and then a highly profitable change to civilian life. He was paid back by her cheating and divorcing him as soon as my sister left the house (she was the youngest). My Mom will even admit that things were better when she was staying at home and not working, and there were more traditional roles and expectations. He still worshipped the ground she walked on, but their was a clear separation of roles and it just worked.

I've started training myself to be the opposite of what people expect these days. While my wife doesn't like it much right now, it is obvious there is more respect when she asks me to do some mundane chore she had all day to do and I just say "Nope, I worked all day, that's your job." instead of jumping through my *kitten* to get it done or get the stink eye from the wife. I view her as my equal, my partner, but we need clearly defined roles so I am not shouldering all the burden, which easily happens when you let things get out of whack.

I wouldn't dream of asking her to change the oil in the car (not that she would anyway), so why should I vacuum after working all day?

There is quite a bit of resentment against women in this post. Much anger and bitterness about what they have turned your friends, your Father into. And a clear expectation that were not the roles clearly defined, YOU (the male) would end up shouldering all of the work while your wife carries none.

Why so much anger against the vajay?

agreed on the anger against women here.

And I will say that relationships I see where the woman is abusive and controlling and the man is being treated like a doormat are ironically ones in which the woman doesn't work. That's not a statement about "traditional roles" so much as a personal observation which I'm sure doesn't support any general statements at all about the level of abuse in relationships based on traditional gender roles.

Lesa_Sass

What I get annoyed about is not about the traditional roles being chipped away, but rather more and more of the load is being pushed off on the men. I'm not saying this happens everywhere, but a lot of the men of my generation (35 btw) were raised to be the doting boyfriend/husband and have a healthy amount of respect for whatever our female partner wants to do. These things in of themselves are not bad at all, but things have morphed where now we are expected to do all we can to support the desires and whishes of our wives/girlfriends and fear the wrath when they feel that we're not doing that. I have friends that appear to live in near constant fear of their wives and do all they can not to anger them. These men DO IT ALL and their wives very little, but they are the ones getting blasted for not doing enough (both make great wages and their wives want for nothing).

I wouldn't dream of asking her to change the oil in the car (not that she would anyway), so why should I vacuum after working all day?

I would have to hear the wives' side of the story before coming to any conclusions. A lot of men seem to think that seasonal yard work and occasional auto maintenance is equal to daily chores (cleaning, laundry, cooking, shopping and child care) that have to be done every single day. It's not. I completely agree that if one spouse doesn't work then that person should be responsible for the daily tasks, but when both work full time then chores should be split equally, or at least in a manner that's acceptable to both parties. It makes me crazy when men say they "help" around their own house or "babysit" their own children like they're doing their wives a favor.

On the term babysitting your own kids...this has gotten women in an uproar at the office, which I just tell them to STFU. So, what do you say, "I have the kids",. The kids are here, my kids are under my supervision (that's lame), I am playing with my children, I'm baby sitting my kids, I'm baby sitting, I'm watching the little f*ckers... What's the proper terminology. I still don't have an answer to that. If you can't do something as a result of having to supervise your children, what do you say to explain why you can't go do something with your friends?

To a guy, it's just the way we say it. It doesn't mean what you think it means. It's the same thing.

I will say that I respect a man more that says to people "Nah, cant go, I am going to go do that daddy thing". Unless, of course you are indeed babysitting your kids and you would rather be out doing things with the friends. We also have a name for those kinds of dads, all of which will get me banned from the forums of MFP.

BurningAway

It makes me crazy when men say they "help" around their own house or "babysit" their own children like they're doing their wives a favor.

Yes. I wonder how these wives must restrain themselves from swooning when their husband decides to generously involve himself with the upkeep of the home he lives in and the children he created as if it's some grand gesture.

If a partner acted like that towards (and a few of them have), then they can find out how much of a grand gesture it is to wash their own dishes, do their own laundry, fix their own toilets (which I generally do), etc etc all on their own.

LOL seriously? In the gran scheme of life is it really a huge deal that men say these terms? I mean COME ON. Id honestly rather get all up in arms about cheating or something on that level but to say when a man says "babysitting" he somehow has this ridiculous idea in his head that he is going out of his way for you is ridiculous. Men do not think the same way as we do, and honestly i cant even imagine thinking someone would be thinking that if they used said term for their own kids.

However if he then says "LOOK HONEY I WAtCHeD THE KIDS NOW I GET TO GOLf!" By all means shank the man, at that point it is very much a "favor" out look and that **** isnt OK!

CorvusCorax77

It makes me crazy when men say they "help" around their own house or "babysit" their own children like they're doing their wives a favor.

Yes. I wonder how these wives must restrain themselves from swooning when their husband decides to generously involve himself with the upkeep of the home he lives in and the children he created as if it's some grand gesture.

If a partner acted like that towards (and a few of them have), then they can find out how much of a grand gesture it is to wash their own dishes, do their own laundry, fix their own toilets (which I generally do), etc etc all on their own.

LOL seriously? In the gran scheme of life is it really a huge deal that men say these terms? I mean COME ON. Id honestly rather get all up in arms about cheating or something on that level but to say when a man says "babysitting" he somehow has this ridiculous idea in his head that he is going out of his way for you is ridiculous. Men do not think the same way as we do, and honestly i cant even imagine thinking someone would be thinking that if they used said term for their own kids.

I know dads who say this. And yes, they think they are doing mom a favor. Babysitting is not equal to parenting. It's derogatory IMHO to imply that it is. Maybe you don't care. That's fine. There are also people who don't care when someone says something totally racist. It's just terms after all and in the big scheme of things, doesn't matter all that much.

I happen to care. And I find it indicative of a value system that lacks recognition of how important the father's role in parenting is.

BusyRaeNOTBusty

Marriage is a partnership between adults. You work out which duties and responsibilities are fair in a calm controlled conversation. If you need help with your duties and your feel the other person can or should, you ask nicely.

My husband I both work. He has the kids a few week days if he's off. I have them weekends when he works (or if he's off we both have them). He does the outside chores and some of the inside chores (master bathroom, cooks occasionally, does dishes about half the time, laundry about a third). I do the remaining inside chores, all the family "secretarial duties", and the shopping and meal planning. If I need him to go to the store, I ask and he does if he can. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you communicate like adults without getting resentful and butthurt about silly things like house work.

CorvusCorax77

Marriage is a partnership between adults. You work out which duties and responsibilities are fair in a calm controlled conversation. If you need help with your duties and your feel the other person can or should, you ask nicely.

My husband I both work. He has the kids a few week days if he's off. I have them weekends when he works (or if he's off we both have them). He does the outside chores and some of the inside chores (master bathroom, cooks occasionally, does dishes about half the time, laundry about a third). I do the remaining inside chores, all the family "secretarial duties", and the shopping and meal planning. If I need him to go to the store, I ask and he does if he can. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you communicate like adults without getting resentful and butthurt about silly things like house work.

My son's dad and I do everything 50/50 with as much respect as possible.

My boyfriend and I split household chores mostly along gender lines, which I wouldn't normally do but that was the pattern mostly. We shared yard work (though it was more his than mine). We both washed dishes (but I did more than him). I normally cleaned common areas and the bathroom. We each do our own laundry. We pretty much made dinner every night based on what we wanted to eat and worked it out each day. He always took out the garbage. He taught me how to fix my own car.

between me and both of these men, there have never been any fights over housework. With my son's father, we haven't fought over parenting responsibilities in about 9 years.

Seems to me like communication and fairness can work out pretty easily.

eric_sg61

I'm not meaning dressing up like a 50's house wife, but more in spirit : making the man the #1 priority, centring your day around his comings and goings, hot meal on the table, house clean, wife all prettied up...

That is more of a Leave it To Beaver type definition. I think the reality was a division of labor in running a family. My great-grandmother and grandmother were both housewifes, and if you think for one second they took any crap from my grandfathers you would be sorely mistaken. They didn't try to pretty up and didn't make the man the number #1 priority. Kids and keeping the family running and together was top priority.

quirkytizzy

LOL seriously? In the gran scheme of life is it really a huge deal that men say these terms? I mean COME ON. Id honestly rather get all up in arms about cheating or something on that level but to say when a man says "babysitting" he somehow has this ridiculous idea in his head that he is going out of his way for you is ridiculous. Men do not think the same way as we do, and honestly i cant even imagine thinking someone would be thinking that if they used said term for their own kids.

I know dads who say this. And yes, they think they are doing mom a favor. Babysitting is not equal to parenting. It's derogatory IMHO to imply that it is. Maybe you don't care. That's fine. There are also people who don't care when someone says something totally racist. It's just terms after all and in the big scheme of things, doesn't matter all that much.

I happen to care. And I find it indicative of a value system that lacks recognition of how important the father's role in parenting is.

This.

It's not about what words they use, it's about how they view the time spent sharing household duties. Do they view it as a favor? As an aside? As something that they are soooo generous in giving, despite being an adult who helped created the lives and home themselves?

If some babydaddy thinks they are doing you a favor by babysitting for a few hours a week - honey, get out of there. If some boyfriend thinks he should be praised for cleaning the toilet every few weeks while you bust your *kitten* cleaning the rest of the house - honey, get out of there.

That's not a relationship. That's a little boy expecting Mommy to give him an allowance for cleaning his room.