Serial Starters

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Replies

  • Snowflake1968
    Snowflake1968 Posts: 6,978 Member
    ErynVee wrote: »
    Hello all!!

    First, I wanna answer the QOTD.
    AOTD: I have so many reasons. I think the biggest is a tie between I am sick of feeling like crap all the time with no energy, and I want to look better!! I want to fit into my old clothes. And I have a bridesmaid dress I need to fit into, or order a bigger size...

    Today was a frustrating day at work, but a good health day. Despite the stress, I came home, did my strength training workout, and cooked a healthy meal! Simple taco salads on arugula and spinach.

    I also got an extra walk in at work. Walked to buy birthday cupcakes for a sweet young coworker. Got the extra steps in and didnt eat any cupcakes! Win!

    I’m also going to step it up for October!!!

    That is great that you got the walk in and avoided the cupcakes! I don't know if I could avoid them unless I bought kinds I don't like.
  • Snowflake1968
    Snowflake1968 Posts: 6,978 Member
    Lana- long day and successful day- did not create any accidents on the road and did all my appointments. My glasses will not cost as much as I had feared (they have a discount line that they market) and so that was a nice surprise. Will have to get new prescription as the eyes have changed again. Mammogram was one of the toughest and most painful. I heard you Lana - ultrasound - so I made sure they got the former records with the ultrasound and so they know I have had one.

    Went to Thirft store in an hour got 4 tops and 3 skeins of yarn. Did not want dog to eat too early, she just did. So I went and got a hot chocolate (earned at Mammogram). We shall see what the tests show.

    Will walk after dinner as it is cooler. We can all get our good walking shoes on and get more steps.

    I am having a struggle getting out for walks as it is too cold for me. However, today I decided that since I am alone in the office and bored out of my mind I would do the 1mile happy walk you tube video by Leslie Sansone. I am aiming to do it hourly and so far have walked 3 miles today. I need to get with the program better.
  • Snowflake1968
    Snowflake1968 Posts: 6,978 Member
    Jesse532 wrote: »
    AOTD: To feel better. Clothes aren't fitting and generally don't feel great when I want to go to work or go and with friends and can't find anything I feel comfortable in.

    AOTD 2.0: To be able to play with my daughter. She's 7 months old and I don't want to be the dad that is too lazy to play with her when she's older.

    Today was good health day. Used MFP and got in a Tabata work out after work. I'm tired and want a drink, but it's a good start.

    I love your reasoning, I wish that my husband had done that when our girls were growing up. You will be so glad that you did this and that you are involved not just a couch potato on the sidelines.
  • Snowflake1968
    Snowflake1968 Posts: 6,978 Member
    RunaMarti wrote: »
    Hey all!!

    Depression comes and goes in severity. Just vented seriously twice today and it feels better. Like I got something out of me even for awhile. Found a heart rate monitor that I thought I had lost. Am going to test it and see if it works still. Fitness tracker is due to arrive Friday. It is supposed to be able to discern from walking and swimming. Excited to try it out. On sale from $99.99 for $9.99 and free shipping. Only paid $10.85. Company is Misfit.

    AOTD: to decrease some of my depression and feel more comfortable in public. Bonus of all is to bend over and tie my shoes without pain from squishing my breasts against my thighs. 😉🤦🏽‍♀️

    Runa

    Depression sucks! I have battled it for about 6 years and am just over the last 6-8 months feeling on top of it. My depression comes out in the form of anger. I hope you have a supportive family and medical team helping you.
  • Snowflake1968
    Snowflake1968 Posts: 6,978 Member
    brennerjlb wrote: »
    Today was a weigh in check in for a smartest loser program at work. Lost 2.6 in a month. Nothing earth shattering, better than the alternative. OK with it, but gotta kick it up a notch.


    CW 195.8
    HW 209
    GW 170

    Isn't it disappointing when you think you are doing well and you feel you deserve more of a loss. I am working on stepping it up a notch too.
  • Snowflake1968
    Snowflake1968 Posts: 6,978 Member
    Hi All,

    I don't have too much to say today. Just getting through another day at work. I really wish I had some actual work to do. Although I love the message boards it's not a very good use of my brain.

    Sunny and cool today, looking from the inside out it looks like a beautiful warm fall day though.

  • LanaCabana537
    LanaCabana537 Posts: 4,014 Member
    brennerjlb wrote: »
    Today was a weigh in check in for a smartest loser program at work. Lost 2.6 in a month. Nothing earth shattering, better than the alternative. OK with it, but gotta kick it up a notch.


    CW 195.8
    HW 209
    GW 170

    Lynn!!! That is so great! Congratulations--definitely give yourself credit! Do the math: 2.6 x 12 months equals 31.2 pounds in a year. I have not yet been able to ever do that, so I think that your 2.6 in a month is AMAZING.

    Lana

  • Rocky_Runa
    Rocky_Runa Posts: 140 Member
    Hey all! Thanks for your supportive comments.

    I have no qualms with sharing my situation... I get a bit wordy, but it is somewhat complex...

    Regarding my depression... I was raised alone by an untreated paranoid schizophrenic. For years Child Protection did nothing because “no bruises, no abuse” was the law. I went to bed every night thinking it was my last for years. I have been getting medication and therapy since I was 15. My therapist history is riddled with major messes. A therapist that moved me in with her partner after a couple of years. My family neglected me because of fear of my mother and was never involved. Therapists saw this and made it worse by attempting to pick up the slack. That living situation fell apart bad.

    After the deaths of my childhood abusers, I went back to see a therapist to deal with how it felt having my mom reappear after being missing for 10 years and suddenly dying. One year to the date, my maternal grandfather died and he had sexually molested me for years. My mom caught him in th act when I was 8, walked away after looking me in the eye, and threatened to kill me later back at home. All the memories had become distant while getting my BA and MA in Russian Language. But their deaths opened hell up in my mind. The therapist I went to see was by far the most codependent relationship I have ever had aside from my mother. When another therapist found out what happened, she made me report the previous therapist to the board. It was nasty. That therapist was VERY legally and politically connected. Her family exaggerated claims in harassment restraining orders and then pressed false criminal charges. I was forced into the mental health criminal court program in the same county that I worked for. I was harassed on my job. The therapist that made me do the report ended up not trusting me and pushed me too much. I had one severe angry outburst and was kicked out of the entire association of clinics for all their locations for the rest of my life the day after she apologized to me.

    After my therapist who destroyed my life started showing up at my local Target a few times, I decided I really needed to move. But I rushed. I never found a job, was homeless checking into shelters, having panic attacks because my mom lived in a homeless shelter for six years before she died from cancer at 47 and Ibwas going to die there too.... mental health treatment is of VERY poor quality in my area. I disclose my background and my diagnoses every time. They say they understand and can help me. They don’t and they can’t understand why I am so difficult.

    I just found a therapist I trusted. Thought I was reaching out too much too soon. She told me it was ABSOLUTELY not a problem and preferred it. But I got kicked out suddenly and when I filed a grievance was told that the problem was exactly what the therapist said was not a problem. Apparently I really wore her out... so the director kicked me out. Had they been direct, I could have made changes. But as it is, I literally got kicked out for doing exactly what my diagnosis says I am going to do per he DSM... that’s why I was given those diagnoses... but I got kicked out. That was July. Every month I get random bills from that place. Every month I call to ask about what they sent me... never any itemization... always the billing office tells me it was wrong and they will fix it. They don’t, I call again. Now the billing office is telling me the won’t talk to me anymore. I can do what O want. If I don’t pay, they will just send to collections. There is no one governing agency. So Ai literally have to make 5 different reports to five different organizations/licensing boards. That has consumed my time since July... I have no intention of finding a new therapist. After 25 plus years... I take the minimum medication I need to. My body chemistry has not worked well with ANY psych meds or sleep meds more than a year or two ever... I get tired of feeling like a lab animal. I am tired of allergic reactions they never heard of.

    I distract, I read and watch videos that experts in the field of my diagnosis have done... I trust a very few. I talk, but I don’t trust. I never share anything that means something to me anymore unless I have nothing to lose. And it shocks people I gave give intimate details of my abuse in the same manner I recite a grocery list. Always have. For me, the hard thing to talk about are the emotions or seeing and knowing just how different my life is from “average” and that is what I stopped talking about.

    I am not angry... just trying to share enough to give a good picture of what my situation is.

    So... this group and a couple others online are part of my distraction tools.

    Hope y’all are doing well and I didn’t give anyone the blues.

    Runa
  • Tilliesmommy1
    Tilliesmommy1 Posts: 5,402 Member
    WEDNESDAY

    Good morning,

    Possible rain today which is a little bit of a surprise, but what else is new?

    Listening to you write I wonder if my problems are so little I need to quit whining - no my coworkers whine about their workload THAT is serious whining - but issues attached to the body whatever they are -- is not whining. At least we know what we are dealing with and finding a balance is often difficult - hang in there.

    Cafe lunch today. Taking an extra apple to work to see if it will keep the munchies away.

    I have been walking after dinner although not that glorious 20 minutes. Something to aim for.

    Wave to all who follow we are half way through our week.
  • LanaCabana537
    LanaCabana537 Posts: 4,014 Member

    Runa - Thank you for sharing your situation. It has been a major struggle for you for a long, long time.
    I am NOT qualified to give advice, but two things just popped into my head for your consideration.
    1--Is there any sort of group therapy you can do? I'm thinking safety in numbers and a source of support.
    2--Can you volunteer in any way with any charity or help organization unrelated to your situation? Often times giving time to and helping other people in need can be beneficial to the giver as well.
    No need to answer this; but think about giving volunteering a try.

    Tracy - What a relief to find out your conditions. Several members of a family I know have Hashimoto's. Sorry it took so long to figure this out, but it is good to know. I hope that you find some relief with your new regimen.

    Lana
  • hickchic67
    hickchic67 Posts: 802 Member
    Runa - thanks for sharing. that is more than any one person should have to deal with. sending prayers and positive thoughts your way.

    Tracey - glad they have been able to figure out what is wrong. good luck with the holistic treatment! i am trying to find a holistic practitioner in my area but have had no luck so far.
  • Tilliesmommy1
    Tilliesmommy1 Posts: 5,402 Member
    nope not biased, he is cute!
  • Snowflake1968
    Snowflake1968 Posts: 6,978 Member
    RunaMarti wrote: »
    Hey all! Thanks for your supportive comments.

    I have no qualms with sharing my situation... I get a bit wordy, but it is somewhat complex...

    Regarding my depression... I was raised alone by an untreated paranoid schizophrenic. For years Child Protection did nothing because “no bruises, no abuse” was the law. I went to bed every night thinking it was my last for years. I have been getting medication and therapy since I was 15. My therapist history is riddled with major messes. A therapist that moved me in with her partner after a couple of years. My family neglected me because of fear of my mother and was never involved. Therapists saw this and made it worse by attempting to pick up the slack. That living situation fell apart bad.

    After the deaths of my childhood abusers, I went back to see a therapist to deal with how it felt having my mom reappear after being missing for 10 years and suddenly dying. One year to the date, my maternal grandfather died and he had sexually molested me for years. My mom caught him in th act when I was 8, walked away after looking me in the eye, and threatened to kill me later back at home. All the memories had become distant while getting my BA and MA in Russian Language. But their deaths opened hell up in my mind. The therapist I went to see was by far the most codependent relationship I have ever had aside from my mother. When another therapist found out what happened, she made me report the previous therapist to the board. It was nasty. That therapist was VERY legally and politically connected. Her family exaggerated claims in harassment restraining orders and then pressed false criminal charges. I was forced into the mental health criminal court program in the same county that I worked for. I was harassed on my job. The therapist that made me do the report ended up not trusting me and pushed me too much. I had one severe angry outburst and was kicked out of the entire association of clinics for all their locations for the rest of my life the day after she apologized to me.

    After my therapist who destroyed my life started showing up at my local Target a few times, I decided I really needed to move. But I rushed. I never found a job, was homeless checking into shelters, having panic attacks because my mom lived in a homeless shelter for six years before she died from cancer at 47 and Ibwas going to die there too.... mental health treatment is of VERY poor quality in my area. I disclose my background and my diagnoses every time. They say they understand and can help me. They don’t and they can’t understand why I am so difficult.

    I just found a therapist I trusted. Thought I was reaching out too much too soon. She told me it was ABSOLUTELY not a problem and preferred it. But I got kicked out suddenly and when I filed a grievance was told that the problem was exactly what the therapist said was not a problem. Apparently I really wore her out... so the director kicked me out. Had they been direct, I could have made changes. But as it is, I literally got kicked out for doing exactly what my diagnosis says I am going to do per he DSM... that’s why I was given those diagnoses... but I got kicked out. That was July. Every month I get random bills from that place. Every month I call to ask about what they sent me... never any itemization... always the billing office tells me it was wrong and they will fix it. They don’t, I call again. Now the billing office is telling me the won’t talk to me anymore. I can do what O want. If I don’t pay, they will just send to collections. There is no one governing agency. So Ai literally have to make 5 different reports to five different organizations/licensing boards. That has consumed my time since July... I have no intention of finding a new therapist. After 25 plus years... I take the minimum medication I need to. My body chemistry has not worked well with ANY psych meds or sleep meds more than a year or two ever... I get tired of feeling like a lab animal. I am tired of allergic reactions they never heard of.

    I distract, I read and watch videos that experts in the field of my diagnosis have done... I trust a very few. I talk, but I don’t trust. I never share anything that means something to me anymore unless I have nothing to lose. And it shocks people I gave give intimate details of my abuse in the same manner I recite a grocery list. Always have. For me, the hard thing to talk about are the emotions or seeing and knowing just how different my life is from “average” and that is what I stopped talking about.

    I am not angry... just trying to share enough to give a good picture of what my situation is.

    So... this group and a couple others online are part of my distraction tools.

    Hope y’all are doing well and I didn’t give anyone the blues.

    Runa

    I have no words of wisdom, but I sure wish that mental health issues were taken as seriously as physical health issues. I have a BF that is suffering physically and no one is taking her seriously because of her mental health issues. It's a terrible way to live a life.

    I hope you find some peace and comfort soon.
  • Snowflake1968
    Snowflake1968 Posts: 6,978 Member
    Twiley510 wrote: »
    Healing thoughts and beams to you, Runa.

    I've been silently lurking for a while since I have been eating anything I wanted. No logging, no effort to control. Yesterday, I had my first consultation with the holistic practioner. My blood results gave me the answers I have been looking for all my life. I have Hashimoto's, polycystic ovary syndrome, and Epstein-Barre virus. Cholesterol is high, magnesium and vitamin D are low. She said my markers indicate I have been sick for decades. Likely was born with Hashi's and PCOS.

    I will have to go Keto and will be on an extensive regimen of supplements and hormones. I'll do it as long as I can afford to. Insurance doesn't cover any of it except the lab work. Hopeful this is the answer to feel better and get healthy.

    Knowing what is wrong and giving it a name is sometimes the tip of the iceberg to feeling better. Glad they finally were able to figure out your issues.
  • hickchic67
    hickchic67 Posts: 802 Member
    We all agree he looks like his momma, but he does have his daddy's chubby cheeks!
  • Snowflake1968
    Snowflake1968 Posts: 6,978 Member
    hickchic67 wrote: »
    3is0rp0hhbfl.jpg

    My second grandson made his appearance last night! He weighed in at 9 pounds & measured 19.25" He is a very healthy boy and pretty darn cute! (of course I may be a bit biased!)

    Oh what a cutie! Does he have a name yet?
  • hickchic67
    hickchic67 Posts: 802 Member
    edited October 2018
    Our grandson's name is Rowen Asher. They had name picked out months in advance.
  • hickchic67
    hickchic67 Posts: 802 Member
    snowflake - so glad everything went so well with the surgery! she looks happy with that popsicle!
  • Snowflake1968
    Snowflake1968 Posts: 6,978 Member
    Yes she certainly doesn't look like she just had mouth work done. I love your grandson's name :)
  • arniedog74
    arniedog74 Posts: 2,086 Member
    hickchic67 wrote: »
    3is0rp0hhbfl.jpg

    My second grandson made his appearance last night! He weighed in at 9 pounds & measured 19.25" He is a very healthy boy and pretty darn cute! (of course I may be a bit biased!)

    He is such a cutie! Just wanna squeeze those cheeks!
  • Tilliesmommy1
    Tilliesmommy1 Posts: 5,402 Member
    edited October 2018
    Downpour just as I was leaving work so went back for umbrella would have been soaked if I hadnt. Thunderstorms has dog a little freaked, it is almost done for now. Humid as all get out right now.

    That boy's face makes me wonder how he will look as the CEO at a board meeting when a bad idea is suggested....or maybe today for him its gas.......

    Swiss cheese /mushroom/ omlete for dinner,

    decided to crochet 5 layers of Christmas items - 5 of one with 4 of another and 3 of something else etc to make the shape of a Christmas tree with a star on top. Means I have all the items I need. I decided to Secret Santa 2 people at work and not yet sure who.

    need to start dinner.

    Wishing all a good night.
  • hickchic67
    hickchic67 Posts: 802 Member
    edited October 2018
    Thanks! We think he is pretty cute. Guess we'll keep him! :D

    Feel kinda weird tonight. Am waaaay under my calorie count - but I'm not hungry. So do I grab a healthy snack even if I am not feeling hungry to not have such a large calorie deficit? Or do I just go with it and leave my calorie that low?

    Sara- thunderstorms here tomorrow. I put an umbrella by the door thanks to your story!

  • Tilliesmommy1
    Tilliesmommy1 Posts: 5,402 Member
    THURSDAY

    Good morning,

    May have soup to go with my lunch today - depends on the soup.

    Not too many changes since last night, though was up in middle of night and had to turn fan on. Humidity before thunderstorms yesterday was very Midwest like and we did not have rain in the forecast. Hahaha.

    Wave to all who follow. Lurking from work.
  • LanaCabana537
    LanaCabana537 Posts: 4,014 Member

    Kathryn - Congratulations on the new and very, very cute baby in your family!

    Lana
  • LanaCabana537
    LanaCabana537 Posts: 4,014 Member

    Tracey - Glad your granddaughter is doing so well~~

    Your foot is going to hurt for a while. Is there anywhere at all you can go swimming or do a water exercise class. If you can get to a Y or an indoor public pool, you can burn some serious energy, get all your muscles tones, with very little stress on your poor foot!

    Lana
  • LanaCabana537
    LanaCabana537 Posts: 4,014 Member

    Waving to Runa and Lynn and Tracy in Tennessee and Saltine and Eryn and Tess and Missy and Dawn and anyone else who stops by later on.

    Sara you had thunderstorms? Poor Miss Tillie. You have a good day - and remember that you have a few Cabana Boy interviews today. I'm worried that Mario may wander over from the next beach....he still has that blue cocktail in his hand.....

    Lana

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