So you got called fat.

LaurenAOK

I am fat have been my whole life and I totally agree with you op. I am now working to lose my weight because I choose to.

I have great self esteem always have. When ever anyone called me fat as a teen my response was always the same , " i own a mirror, could you tell me something I don't know?". Always shut them right up with out stooping to their level. I always figured if that was the only thing they could insult me about I was doing pretty good and it said more about them than me.

Happy weight loss everyone!

I really think this is the best response you could possibly give! It shuts the other person up, and you haven't let their words affect you. That's the kind of thing I was trying to encourage with this post.

For those who keep saying I should be going after those who call others fat, instead of those who get called fat, I made this lovely post for you: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1048045-don-t-call-people-fat

Everyone wins :flowerforyou:

Calliope610

I am stilling wondering why some people are so intent on allowing other people (sometimes complete strangers) have so much influence on their feelings and actions.

Why do you let others have so much power over you?

This is like asking why we let water have so much power over us.

I have a choice - I can choose to either let my feelings get hurt, or ignore the comments. Kinda like I have a choice when it comes to water - I can choose to either drown or learn to swim.

LorinaLynn

I think I have a reasonably healthy self-esteem, but even so... I've called myself worse, thought of myself worse, than anything anyone else has ever said to me. If someone said something that bothered me, chances are, it was something I already thought about myself, and that's WHY it bothered me... it reinforced what I already believed.

We can't control what anyone else says or does. We can only control how we react to it. And that starts with how we think about ourselves.

KateCon912

OP, I love you. I love all of your points. Keep rocking on.

rosellasweet

I always get called fat and ugly. Fat doesn't bother me because I can lose weight, but ugly does because I can't change that. There is plastic surgery but that just seems to make everyone uglier

Laac68

Here's something I've observed... the people who mostly loudly insist on not being judged for something are often the quickest to judge others... just on a different attribute that's more socially-approved to publicly beat up on.

Hmm, what a profound observation.

musycnlyrics

bump to sticky for later reading

Koldnomore

I know what you meant and I agree. Why do we willingly give people that kind of power over us?

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" - Eleanor Roosevelt

^So much this^ - One of my fave quotes.

<--- ermm.. me too

We can't choose other people's thoughts, actions or words but we CAN choose our reaction to them. Those who chose to be offended by others words will never allow themselves to be happy because they will always find a way to remain offended and feel justified to fight back - sometimes physically - instead of just ignoring it or accepting it and moving on.

If you are fat then you're fat... no amount of arguing and offence is going to change the fact that you are fat. Because someone points it out in a non-politically correct way also won't change it.

LMick1986

Overall, I agree. The thing that gets me about it is it can become exhausting to continue to not let things affect you. For example, I dated a man that was 6'8". EVERY SINGLE place we went in public, someone would point out how tall he was. Yes, it's just a fact. I couldn't understand for the longest time why he would get so upset about it. Not like it was in a negative context....but then I finally got it. After so long of people feeling they NEED to point out something, it becomes draining. Even after months of this, I got tired of hearing it.....and it was never directed at me. There isn't a need for people to point things out. People don't need to say "You're fat"......but they still do it. And fat people get it ALL the time. No it shouldn't affect them if it's just a descriptive word, but at the same time, stop pointing it out, people! Nobody walks around and tells me daily that I'm such an average height and weight.....it's just when someone isn't in the norm.....which if you think about it, is very well the thing they are self-conscious about.

stealthq

I know what you meant and I agree. Why do we willingly give people that kind of power over us?

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" - Eleanor Roosevelt

^So much this^ - One of my fave quotes.

<--- ermm.. me too

We can't choose other people's thoughts, actions or words but we CAN choose our reaction to them. Those who chose to be offended by others words will never allow themselves to be happy because they will always find a way to remain offended and feel justified to fight back - sometimes physically - instead of just ignoring it or accepting it and moving on.

If you are fat then you're fat... no amount of arguing and offence is going to change the fact that you are fat. Because someone points it out in a non-politically correct way also won't change it.

Agree.

And besides, there's always someone who will be upset with any term that references weight. Some are upset with 'fat'. Some are not OK with 'fat' but are OK with 'obese', since it's a medical term. Others only accept 'obese' if used by a doctor in an appropriate setting. Others are offended by even that.

Basically, it's all down to how sensitive you allow yourself to be. The OP recommends not allowing yourself to be so sensitive to the simple use of the word 'fat' - she does not say it's OK to mock or insult anyone.

Oh, and for the people who believe that you have to be or have been fat in order to understand what it feels like ... bull****. All it takes is for the person to have been mocked and teased and hated and to have felt terrible about it and to have hated that aspect of themselves. That's probably a good percentage of people at some point in their lives. Don't be thinking 'fat' is any worse than 'stupid', 'ugly', 'blind', 'ignorant', 'slob', etc in that regard. As this board is so fond of saying, "Ya'll ain't no special snowflakes".

whierd

Great post. I couldn't give any effs if someone calls me fat. It is true, I am aware, I am working on it, and I still rock.

tjthegreatone

I think the OP is severely lacking in insight.

'Sticks and stones' is one of the most awful sayings ever devised by humans.

Words hurt. A lot. Self-esteem is a fragile thing at the best of times and what gives others the right to go around crushing it?

Why should the onus be on the person on the receiving end of soul-destroying comments to be the one who has to learn to be strong and let it go? Why don't we tell the trolls to keep their traps shut? Why don't we challenge the norm in our society that deems people less worthy and deserving of scorn because they are overweight?

Can I co-sign everything you said Pcastagner?

technobunny

I think being called fat (or any name for that matter) is insulting because of the negative connotations it may bring. Being fat implies you may be lazy, unhygienic, unhealthy, and possibly diseased (diabetes, heart problems, etc) and would probably require a lot of maintenance in a relationship, thus making you unattractive. Not to say that people are not attracted to heavier men and women, but I'm just putting it out there as to why people (including myself) have been hurt by being called fat. Someone is not just pointing out the fact that you have more fat on your body, it implies other things.

Just like if you are called a slut, it would (to me) imply that I am untrustworthy, irresponsible and possibly diseased & contagious. Not saying that someone can't be careful promiscuously, but those implications are there and therefore hurtful. They are all negative qualities that I'm sure no one wants to think themselves as or be associated with.

Then again if you are all those things, and don't give a *kitten* what people think of you, it would fall under a factual statement and you could still carry on.

edited: for ehrmahgerd derps

zyxst

Pointing out where I feel OP's saying "If you're fat, it's fact. Accept it and move on.": (emphasis mine)

Now you might say, "well, you can't understand. You're not fat. You don't know how much it hurts." True, I might not be fat. But I've been called some names in my time. And you know what I do when I get called names? I ask myself if it's accurate. And if it is, I don't get upset about it. Even if it was intended to be hurtful, I don't let it hurt me. Why should I? +++ It's just a fact. Facts are not insults. Facts are just... facts. +++

and

Stop letting the word "fat" hurt you. Yes, you are fat. Okay. Big whoop.

I understand not giving words power to hurt, but some do to some people and you can't change that. I don't tell LGBT folks to get over being called f@gs, or PoC being called n*ggers because they're facts, big whoop.

Calliope610

I think the OP is severely lacking in insight.

'Sticks and stones' is one of the most awful sayings ever devised by humans.

Words hurt. A lot. Self-esteem is a fragile thing at the best of times and what gives others the right to go around crushing it?

Why should the onus be on the person on the receiving end of soul-destroying comments to be the one who has to learn to be strong and let it go? Why don't we tell the trolls to keep their traps shut? Why don't we challenge the norm in our society that deems people less worthy and deserving of scorn because they are overweight?

Please speak for yourself. Some of us aren't such frail little special snowflakes.

Calliope610

Great post. I couldn't give any effs if someone calls me fat. It is true, I am aware, I am working on it, and I still rock.

You do ROCK!

tapirfrog

Overall, I agree. The thing that gets me about it is it can become exhausting to continue to not let things affect you. For example, I dated a man that was 6'8". EVERY SINGLE place we went in public, someone would point out how tall he was. Yes, it's just a fact. I couldn't understand for the longest time why he would get so upset about it. Not like it was in a negative context....but then I finally got it. After so long of people feeling they NEED to point out something, it becomes draining. Even after months of this, I got tired of hearing it.....and it was never directed at me. There isn't a need for people to point things out. People don't need to say "You're fat"......but they still do it. And fat people get it ALL the time. No it shouldn't affect them if it's just a descriptive word, but at the same time, stop pointing it out, people! Nobody walks around and tells me daily that I'm such an average height and weight.....it's just when someone isn't in the norm.....which if you think about it, is very well the thing they are self-conscious about.

This is a brilliant post.

LaurenAOK

Pointing out where I feel OP's saying "If you're fat, it's fact. Accept it and move on.": (emphasis mine)

Stop letting the word "fat" hurt you. Yes, you are fat. Okay. Big whoop.

I understand not giving words power to hurt, but some do to some people and you can't change that. I don't tell LGBT folks to get over being called f@gs, or PoC being called n*ggers because they're facts, big whoop.

First of all, you quoted that part completely out of context. Right after that part of the post, I went on to list a bunch of positive things about the potential person. What I was getting at was that who cares if you have one "negative" thing about you - in this case your weight - you're still wonderful. Of course if you take it out of context it sounds bad.

The metaphor you made is not applicable. The "f" word and "n" word are horrible, derogatory terms. "Fat" is not. That's my opinion. Now if you called someone a whale, or called them disgusting, or called them "piggy" or whatever - that's totally different. That's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about the word FAT. That's all.

Calling a black person a black person is totally different then calling a black person the "n" word. Calling a fat person a fat person is totally different then saying "oink oink, lose some weight."

tapirfrog

Words hurt. A lot. Self-esteem is a fragile thing at the best of times and what gives others the right to go around crushing it?

Please speak for yourself. Some of us aren't such frail little special snowflakes.

You didn't answer the question. Whether it's sturdy, as yours is, or not -- what gives others the right to go around crushing it?

pcastagner

Please speak for yourself. Some of us aren't such frail little special snowflakes.

I want to live in a compassionate society that cares about everyone, not just the strong.