So you got called fat.

Calliope610

I think the OP is severely lacking in insight.

'Sticks and stones' is one of the most awful sayings ever devised by humans.

Words hurt. A lot. Self-esteem is a fragile thing at the best of times and what gives others the right to go around crushing it?

Why should the onus be on the person on the receiving end of soul-destroying comments to be the one who has to learn to be strong and let it go? Why don't we tell the trolls to keep their traps shut? Why don't we challenge the norm in our society that deems people less worthy and deserving of scorn because they are overweight?

Please speak for yourself. Some of us aren't such frail little special snowflakes.

Well done on spectacularly missing the point.

The point is that I don't get "crushed" by strangers who say mean things, so whether or not they have the "right" to do so is completely moot to me.

so because it isn't a problem for you, it's not an important problem?

You choose your "important problems", I will choose mine, deal?

greentart

"It is your choice to allow someone's toxic energy to bother you." I don't know who said it, but it's true... in all aspects of life. You have no control over other's thoughts and opinions, or how they choose to express them. You do, however, have control over you and how you react. Yes, words hurt. But at some point... you have to get over it and realize that you can't control other people.

Luwright321

I agree. I don't get mad when I'm called fat. I call myself fat. It's not an insult it's a fact. I AM FAT. And I'm trying to change that. That's why I'm on this site. When someone tells me I'm fat I say "tell me something I don't know" Really if that's the best someone can come up with to insult you they're not very creative.

Alissakae

Here's something I've observed... the people who mostly loudly insist on not being judged for something are often the quickest to judge others... just on a different attribute that's more socially-approved to publicly beat up on.

I've noticed the same thing. It's an amazing thing.

I wish people would just be kinder.

TheRealParisLove

My mom has had 6 doctors in 6 years. This is because they all told her to lose weight. She rants about how terrible doctors are for insulting her.

She's 5'1" and weighs over 200 pounds. She has a heart condition, high blood pressure and her cholesterol is way above acceptable levels.

I said, "Mom, they aren't insulting you, they are prescribing a course of action to help you stay healthy."
She said, "They should say it in a nicer way. Telling someone to lose weight is one of the worst insults."
I said, "Not from your doctor. It's all about context."

halffull_pgh

I get that you are entitled to opinion posts but perhaps you should stick to posting "empowering" thoughts regarding something you have experience in. If you have no idea what it is like to be called fat by someone you care for or admire, you have no right telling me I should feel ok about it.

lithezebra

There is often a lot of hate behind calling someone fat. One would do well to accept unwelcome, but well intentioned, advice from a loved one who cares about your health, and you need to listen to your doctor if your doctor addresses your weight as a problem. Everyone else should mind their own business. I hate being around people who complain about other people being fat, or think it's their mission to help strangers shape up by making nasty comments.

Where I grew up, snidely insinuating that someone was fat was the way that girls bullied each other.

harribeau2012

many a time I've felt hurt - BUT I fondly remember one particular occassion when in response to not helping someone (who was a really really unpleasant person who was using me as a last resort) I was called "Fatso" to which I replied "OH! Are we stating the obvious, ****head?" Low, yes. Joyful YES.

I am fat anyone can call me that, it's true.

my edit-the page has deleted the fact it was a male genitalia

Cheechos

There are so many words that we use to describe someone: Tall, short, skinny, fat, athletic, blonde, brunette, white, black, etc. As you can see, "fat" is only one of those words. So why does it get so many connotations with it? Why can't it just be treated as a fact, like any of those other words would be? If someone calls you fat, why not just say "yes, I am" and then move on with your day? If you don't want to be fat any more, you can change it - that's why we have great resources like MFP. But stop letting the word have so much power over you.

You make a very good point here. Why does fat have such a negative connotation? Why can't it just be treated like any other descriptor? The simple answer is that fat doesn't just mean fat anymore. In our society, fat means gross. Fat means useless. Fat means diseased. Fat people are often portrayed in the media as undesirable, as a joke, as something "normal" people stay away from. Being attracted to a fat person is often seen as a fetish instead of a legitimate preference. Fat people who say they love their bodies are accused of "glorifying obesity." Politicians have pushed legislation that would ban fat people from restaurants. There are records of fat people receiving inadequate care from doctors because of weight discrimination. I could go on.

The reason why people can't just let being called fat roll off their shoulders is because of all those things and more. It runs so much deeper than just words. A lot of people who have struggled with their weight have also struggled with feeling like they need to disappear, like they need to be silent and unseen because it would offend others just to know they existed. It took me years to just see the word fat as a descriptor, so I can only imagine how difficult it is for others who are still deeply hurt by that word. I wish that people weren't hurt by the word fat, but with so much malice behind it I can only hope my explanation helps you understand why it can't just be a descriptor in some cases.

Also, just as a side response to someone else:

Please speak for yourself. Some of us aren't such frail little special snowflakes.

Admitting that something hurts you doesn't make you a "frail little special snowflake." It makes you a human being. Everybody is different.

YogaNikki

Zombella

I totally get what you mean. I call myself fat sometimes.. but I don't mean it in a bad way. I mean it usually as in "Wow I am really enjoying this food" (can be anything). I never call myself fat in a negative way, even though my husband hates when I do because he sees it as a negative word.

daftthoughts

I found that the only reason we're hurt by other people's words is because we use words to hurt other people ourselves.

I've called people names (not proud of it) and looked down upon them. That's why being called 'fat' and other names really hurt me and damaged my self-esteem.

The second I stopped judging others and accepted them for who and what they are, I found that words no longer hurt me because by accepting others I could finally accept myself.

Maybe if words hurt you, it's time to stop judging others - even if it's just in that private area inside your head and the words never leave your lips. A whole new world will open up to you.

DefyGravity810

Saying that fat is just a description isn't fair because it isn't just said to be the same as height or hair color. It is usually intended to hurt and in most cases it's probably something the "fat" person is well aware of and thinks about almost constantly. Every time they have to buy clothes, every time they get winded going up steps, every time they look in the mirror, get dressed in the morning, do just about anything. It is a word that is usually intended to hurt and it is said with judgement- usually implying that that person must be lazy and spend a lot of time eating insane amounts of cake. In fact, even medical professionals do this because I have had doctors call me fat, tell me I needed to lose weight, and suggest I "just eat a little less chocolate cake." Fat is not just a state of being, it's usually a sign of some serious emotional baggage or possibly even emotional trauma. Maybe even a medical condition. People who are fat are already hurting, feeling awful about themselves, and using food to deal with emotions that are too painful for them to face. Emotions that probably have a lot to do with them feeling worthless and like they're not good enough. Probably because they've spent a lot of time being called fat. :explode: That's amazing that the OP is confident enough to just shake off something intended to be an insult and I hope to get there someday too but I promise you 95% of "fat" people are not that. They're probably trapped in a hell inside their own body where they don't want to be and are unhappy with themselves and their life. They don't need anyone to point that out. Also, as someone who has been overweight most of my life, most of the people who called me fat were children taunting me when I was also a child. Even some of these children's parents. That's part of the reason I can never be okay with that word and I'm probably not the only one. I do appreciate where the post is coming from but I just don't think it's that easy.

That being said, I'm not planning to have that word apply much longer. My one friend's mother called me fat when we were about 13 and this friend is getting married next year. I think I'll feel a lot better about that word when her mom sees all the progress I've made.

Edit: Also, when I say "fat people" here I mean those who are truly really overweight where the word, if it were just a simple adjective, might actually be appropriate.