What's on your mind?

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Replies

  • crazyhorse8
    crazyhorse8 Posts: 733 Member
    jbs116 wrote: »
    I don’t really care that I’m fat. What does bother me immensely is that my eating is out of control. All this work… all these years… and sometimes I feel I’m back at the beginning having no control and no idea why I’m using food as a comfort despite the whole thing being uncomfortable.

    Thank you for letting me journal here.

    Reading your thoughts really hit me in how we view ourselves. I do not see you as fat in any way. You are in great shape even if you feel out of control right now. I will always see myself as fat, even when I am not. My emotions are constantly trying to thwart my own control regarding eating. Yes, I eat my emotions or stuff them all together. Maybe this is part of the whole comfort issue, however, you will not always be out of control...I know you'll figure it out. 🦋
  • MelG7777
    MelG7777 Posts: 14,251 Member
    IslandGal3 wrote: »
    One of the last things my dad cooked was a pot of chili. I remember picking up all the ingredients for him. How good it smelt cooking. After he passed, I took the container of leftovers out of his freezer, and brought it home with me. It’s cold, and raining today. I pulled the chili out of my freezer. I’ve teared up a few times when I look at it. Chili is what’s for dinner.

    This is one of the sweetest things I’ve read. Very sad. But very sweet.
  • cowsfan12
    cowsfan12 Posts: 6,176 Member
    IslandGal3 wrote: »
    One of the last things my dad cooked was a pot of chili. I remember picking up all the ingredients for him. How good it smelt cooking. After he passed, I took the container of leftovers out of his freezer, and brought it home with me. It’s cold, and raining today. I pulled the chili out of my freezer. I’ve teared up a few times when I look at it. Chili is what’s for dinner.

    Hugs my friend
  • jbs116
    jbs116 Posts: 758 Member
    cowsfan12 wrote: »
    jbs116 wrote: »
    I don’t really care that I’m fat. What does bother me immensely is that my eating is out of control. All this work… all these years… and sometimes I feel I’m back at the beginning having no control and no idea why I’m using food as a comfort despite the whole thing being uncomfortable.

    Thank you for letting me journal here.

    I’m struggling with this right now as well - and haven’t worked out in 2 weeks smh - I’ve considered getting my gym mbrship back even though I have a home gym now - it’s weird but I think i prefer going to the public gym - I’m also drinking too much lately which leads to not giving a chit what I eat - but today is a new opportunity to make better choices right -

    Right there with you. I’m getting 1-2 workouts a week. Max. I’m not drinking much lately but still eat like I’m drunk 😂. Absolutely. No guilt or beating myself up about it. Just try to figure out today.

    I miss all the equipments options of a real gym.
  • itchmyTwitch
    itchmyTwitch Posts: 4,019 Member
    edited October 2023
    cowsfan12 wrote: »
    jbs116 wrote: »
    I don’t really care that I’m fat. What does bother me immensely is that my eating is out of control. All this work… all these years… and sometimes I feel I’m back at the beginning having no control and no idea why I’m using food as a comfort despite the whole thing being uncomfortable.

    Thank you for letting me journal here.

    I’m struggling with this right now as well - and haven’t worked out in 2 weeks smh - I’ve considered getting my gym mbrship back even though I have a home gym now - it’s weird but I think i prefer going to the public gym - I’m also drinking too much lately which leads to not giving a chit what I eat - but today is a new opportunity to make better choices right -
    For me, there’s something about being near people even if I don’t want to actually interact with them that gives me energy. Plus the act of paying for it and actually going to a place means I’m more likely to do a workout than I am if I use equipment at home.

    Also, one of my two gyms is closing down. Luckily, it’s just my back up. But I need to keep it in mind so that external factors don’t have a negative impact on my health.
  • cmsienk
    cmsienk Posts: 19,034 Member
    edited October 2023
    I'm always amazed at how much traffic there is in Manhattan - even on Sunday
  • cowsfan12
    cowsfan12 Posts: 6,176 Member
    cmsienk wrote: »
    I'm always amazed at how much traffic there is in Manhattan - even on Sunday

    I assume you mean Manhattan KS - go wildcats !!
  • cmsienk
    cmsienk Posts: 19,034 Member
    cowsfan12 wrote: »
    cmsienk wrote: »
    I'm always amazed at how much traffic there is in Manhattan - even on Sunday

    I assume you mean Manhattan KS - go wildcats !!
    Unfortunately, no. I'm in New York. But Go Wildcats anyway!
  • R3d_butt3rfly_
    R3d_butt3rfly_ Posts: 1,602 Member
    Regrets. In the past year I've realized I have many of them. I always saw them as learning blocks but not anymore. Some decisions I've made were out of selfishness, being lost and just plain self sabotage. It's a hard pill to swallow when you realize you carry lots of regret. I am now slowly trying to embrace those regrets and telling myself it's okay to have them. How else would I grow as a human being without self accountability?
  • cowsfan12
    cowsfan12 Posts: 6,176 Member
    Regrets. In the past year I've realized I have many of them. I always saw them as learning blocks but not anymore. Some decisions I've made were out of selfishness, being lost and just plain self sabotage. It's a hard pill to swallow when you realize you carry lots of regret. I am now slowly trying to embrace those regrets and telling myself it's okay to have them. How else would I grow as a human being without self accountability?

    I feel this -

    Reflect - learn - grow - we all just out here livin and learnin yo -
  • Alinouveau2
    Alinouveau2 Posts: 6,469 Member
    edited October 2023
    The little Sparrow who flew into my siding door. He just flew away. Thank goodness I didn't feel like a sparrow funeral today
  • itchmyTwitch
    itchmyTwitch Posts: 4,019 Member
    Y’know what I remember? I remember cleaning the lint off the tip of a needle on the record player
  • KerryBSoCal
    KerryBSoCal Posts: 286 Member
    Regrets. This struck a chord. It took someone dying for me not to have them anymore, but now I better understand myself too.
  • ButterMeMuffinz
    ButterMeMuffinz Posts: 278 Member
    Just went into the washroom and my makeup looked horrible but it looks fine in my office so I am a little bit horrified at the prospect of which location is telling me the truth
  • honey_honey_12
    honey_honey_12 Posts: 14,888 Member
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  • redux1985
    redux1985 Posts: 231 Member
    edited October 2023
    Hey you,

    I hope you're well.

    "and I mean that sincerely".
  • Alinouveau2
    Alinouveau2 Posts: 6,469 Member
    In two days we'll be in Nashville for our competition. Eek!!!!
  • LilithReigns
    LilithReigns Posts: 225 Member
    How incredibly hard and exhausting it is to just exist sometimes. I've been binge eating since Sunday. Yesterday I was so bloated and tired from constantly shoveling food down.

    It's been awhile since this has happened. I know why it has. It's a feeling of being overwhelmed, it's panic- a self soothing method that does little to soothe and actually causes more harm than good.

    Ah therapy, it's calling my name again lol 😆

  • jbs116
    jbs116 Posts: 758 Member
    How incredibly hard and exhausting it is to just exist sometimes. I've been binge eating since Sunday. Yesterday I was so bloated and tired from constantly shoveling food down.

    It's been awhile since this has happened. I know why it has. It's a feeling of being overwhelmed, it's panic- a self soothing method that does little to soothe and actually causes more harm than good.

    Ah therapy, it's calling my name again lol 😆

    Can relate. You aren’t alone.
  • itchmyTwitch
    itchmyTwitch Posts: 4,019 Member
    edited October 2023
    What does it mean when I no longer do the unhealthy or self-destructive things I used to do? Am I healed or am I just not triggered?
  • jbs116
    jbs116 Posts: 758 Member
    What does it mean when I no longer do the unhealthy or self-destructive things I used to do? Am I healed or am I just not triggered?

    Not triggered would seem to be an outworking of healing ❤️‍🩹? So yes to both? Evolved? Probably rhetorical so I’ll bid you adieu.
  • itchmyTwitch
    itchmyTwitch Posts: 4,019 Member
    jbs116 wrote: »
    What does it mean when I no longer do the unhealthy or self-destructive things I used to do? Am I healed or am I just not triggered?

    Not triggered would seem to be an outworking of healing ❤️‍🩹? So yes to both? Evolved? Probably rhetorical so I’ll bid you adieu.

    I posted in a public forum. There is no such thing as rhetorical here. I appreciate your input.
  • itchmyTwitch
    itchmyTwitch Posts: 4,019 Member
    Omg please stop
  • cowsfan12
    cowsfan12 Posts: 6,176 Member
    Can’t stop - won’t stop - unstoppable 😎
  • Alinouveau2
    Alinouveau2 Posts: 6,469 Member
    I took the bus today. It's been awhile since I did that. I learned too there's a bus stop practically at my doorstep
  • KerryBSoCal
    KerryBSoCal Posts: 286 Member
    @honey_honey_12
    You mean because they’re naughty or because we’re old and shouldn’t try to talk like a Generation Whatever?!
  • itchmyTwitch
    itchmyTwitch Posts: 4,019 Member
    I look like I haven’t slept but actually I was just doing chores & reviewing my to do list in my dreams all night.
  • glassyo
    glassyo Posts: 7,760 Member
    @honey_honey_12
    You mean because they’re naughty or because we’re old and shouldn’t try to talk like a Generation Whatever?!

    I was thinking more along the lines of censorship. 🤐

    Let's play a game. List them all and we'll see if we can guess. 😁
  • glassyo
    glassyo Posts: 7,760 Member
    glassyo wrote: »
    @honey_honey_12
    You mean because they’re naughty or because we’re old and shouldn’t try to talk like a Generation Whatever?!

    I was thinking more along the lines of censorship. 🤐

    Let's play a game. List them all and we'll see if we can guess. 😁

    Let’s not………

    Yes, ma'am. :) I was thinking it would be cathartic but I misread it the first time.