WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR APRIL 2017

Katla49

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pipcd34

Morning peeps-
With regards to my riding in the wind, the windstorm that we r supposed to have is 40mph or more. It is ALWAYS a headwind!!! Ugh

csofled

Chris in MA way to go!!!

Lisa thanks for the explanation.

Sarah

Kim from N. CaliforniaCheri – your comment about your mom and some other comments about counselors got me thinking about what my therapist got me to understand, that my mom (in the past and currently) does act and say things that are awful, but they are the best she can do at the moment. She is like most folks she doesn’t sit around dreaming up ways to be hurtful or mean, but based on her beliefs, upbringing and understanding does and says things that seem right to her.

Thank you for putting this into words for me. Thankfully I was able to come to this conclusion on my own. Somewhere along the line of looking into this whole thing I came upon the term "wounded soul". I know this to be true with my mother. Once I put this in perspective I was able to understand she was doing "the best she can do at the moment." I started modifying my behavior and responses.

Have a good day!

Cheri
TX

spikeyhair

Kate UK

spikeyhair

LENORA - We saw the Terracotta Warriors on a visit to Berlin and again In London at the British Museum but the Berlin display was far far better then the London one. We didn't know it was on and just happened to see an ad amazing.

Kate UK

SophieRosieMom

Pip - yikes! You'll burn some calories today. Already getting breezy here at our place about 50 miles south of you. Hang on!

Katla, we never made it to the Fiddle Festival in Idaho. Sounds like it was a terrific event for kids - had I heard this type of music at a younger age I would have been bitten by the bug---I doubt there were even any fiddles in Northern Indiana in the 50's and 60's Guitars, yes. Every guy wanted to be in a Beatles or Elvis type band then, lol. DH still has a couple guitars but his hands won't let him play much. He was good at instrumentals a la Duane Eddy.

Better close-

Lanette
SW WA State where its starting to get downright gusty!

janetr7476

Cheri wrote " I started modifying my behavior and responses." Thank you so much for your insight. Took me years to figure this out too. I can't tell you how many times I've said the same to my daughters when they have come to me upset with spouses, co-workers, etc. We only have control over our own action and/or reaction. Thanks for the reminder.

Janetr okc

Georgiaviews

Thank you for the April thread. I'd like to be part of this ... I need to focus on getting some weight off before heart surgery in a few months. I eat very healthy 95% of the time but I live alone and I just eat TOO much! So ... I'm setting a goal of 5 pounds for this month. I have to weigh myself and limit my salt and fluid intake as part of my heart health regime ... limiting salt isn't an issue because I cook everything from "scratch." I'm also very limited re any kind of physical exertion because of heart issue. SO looking forward to getting this all behind me!

GRITSandSLUTSandWINOS

Beth – THIS IS A RANT – skip-pity-do-dah if you don’t want to read! This week my DH and I sat down and discussed our finances as well. I made out a nice spreadsheet so he could ‘actually’ see what I am talking about. DH won’t learn how to operate computer, so I had to be the one who actually does it, if it got done. At our ages (75 & 66) we’ve talked about just wanting to feel like we could ‘pick up and go’ on trips and do the things we have wanted to do. Like a lot of people, I would guess, we are ‘insurance poor’ with a lot of ‘credit card debt, or 'help grown children' over rough spots. We’re in the process of ‘trying to get insurance’ – we have it; but on one, it will run out of Louis when he turns 80; I have more, so no worries for him. "At this point, you're telling me that you [for me] would be better dead than alive?" Don't get any ideas, you know I sleep with sharp objects by my side of the bed. LOL!!!

We talked about a ‘home equity loan’ but quickly changed our minds on it after the loan officer was continuing to ask for a Profit & Loss statement on his business. He is a small business with only 2 employees, and it is a ‘service’ type of job, so he does not have any inventory. I had provided them with a copy of our Income Taxes for 2 years, as requested. I told her that we had provided her with 'everything' she needed. She wasn’t satisfied with that and told me so; I told her that is the only information she’d get. My ‘tax lady friend’ said she’d fill out the form; but, it wasn’t needed. She'd only have to fill it out the way she filled on the income taxes. She said, 'damn, she must be stupid or something - everything you need to show is ON that first page, then on pages 4 and 5. I already have a ‘note’ on my car – why would I take it and roll it up into a 2nd mortgage did not make good sense to me; then she asked that I put my insurance company to put their name as 2nd lien. That got my attention. Oh hell NO! That got take off the day I/we decided we would 'withdraw our application'. DH and I talked, and the next day I went to the bank ‘frustrated beyond comprehension’ and told the loan officer there that I wanted to 'withdraw the application'. She almost had a stroke; because they had paid for the appraiser and told me that they'd be taking the loan; but, I didn't care - "Cancel the Damn Thing and do it now while I am sitting here'. That is one they will have to just ‘eat’. The loan officer in San Antonio was getting very irritating and persistent about the P&L statement and I finally told her, ‘forget it’, not providing you with a breakdown because then you’d want to see his business income taxes; and since he is small with only 3 of them (including my husband) we filed his business through our personal taxes. I told the local loan officer to contact the other one and tell her we have ‘withdrawn the application' and I wanted something in writing to the effect. That was on Friday; so Tuesday the one in San Antonio called and asked why we withdrew the application. I told her that it was due to her dragging her @$$ and insisting on something that the lady who helps us file it and used to work for the IRS as an agent said we did not have to break it down. I had even sent her an email on Friday (31st) to tell her ‘why’ we had withdrawn, because she had called earlier to find out ‘why’. I wanted to tell her ‘because we do not want to (again) encumber our car because that would have automatically mean that I was going to be paying 18 months again for it). It would actually be 'upside-down' in value. I had sent a copy of the email to the local office and to her supervisor. She seemed to be ‘new’ at her job; and, wanting to impress her supervisors by ‘crossing all her ‘t’s’ and ‘dotting all her ‘i’. Anyway, we did not want to do it, period, the end … no more discussion. HANG UP! Don’t ever do an ‘equity line of credit’ (or for that matter) a ‘reversed mortgage’; because then they have you by the balls in a ‘vice grip’. We don’t have that much longer for our house to be paid for. Why, on earth, would I then ‘encumber’ unsecured debt? I’m not ‘that’ stupid.

Louis got upset with me at first; but, I told him that we did not have enough life insurance to cover a 2nd lien. “DO WHAT?” Yes, it is a 2nd lien; and, he agreed that we did not need that and that I had made the right decision. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I just had $265 released to me by my youngest son taking the balance I still owed on the FASFA bill and my other son recently ‘borrowed’ money and I told him that ‘they’ were going to ‘pay me back’ now. Over the past few years – since the ‘first’ incident with his wife – which should have told him ‘something’ and it apparently did not …; we’ve spend nearly $30K on helping them with tuition, prom dresses, property taxes, cellphones, repairs to cars, and God knows what else. DYS has ‘never’ asked us for money – outright. We did pay for his apartment and help with his living expenses – but never anything else.

Michele – Yep that one was a doozy! I never went back; and, got my boss to write them a ‘nasty letter’ to get my notebooks back. That’s all it took. They had told me that it was ‘their records’ now … but; I’m entitled to them, then; nothing. But, when she got the letter I was called and told to come pick them up.

Chris – St. Anthony gets a daily prayer around here, sometimes more from my house. I don’t think he’d mind if Re or anybody else call him either.

Lisa – There must be a lot of abuse going on … I don’t remember a time when I seem to see more and more obese or even ‘morbidly’ obese people, even children. Even my own DGDs have weight issues. One because she did not stop at the “Freshman 15”, another one isn’t overweight, she is just incredibly shy when he comes to her body (gets that from her mother who won’t even let her DH see her undressed). Older of the 2 younger ones; works out as a cheerleader and dancing, she is just a ‘big’ child and it really isn’t extra poundage as it is ‘inherited’ … he Dad is a big man and our DDnL#2 is very thin, always has been. DYGD is at least 70lbs over what the Pediatrician says she ‘ought’ to weigh.

BBRRT – I think you can respond in the block at the end of each page and it will actually end up being posted at the end. I think it is sort of a dumping spot for people who post but not often. What I do, if I do that is after I am finished answering posts on the page; in the next spot I put a symbol and post it. It can be a letter, number, or character sign. That way, it will take you all the way back to that last post you mad. The ONLY thing you cannot do is ‘go back a page’; if you don’t save it first, it will disappear.
But, whenever you post; then that becomes you ‘last’ post on page 10; even if your last post was actually to things on page 8. I always put a smiley face so it will take me back to it. I don’t know, because I always post on the last page, where posting box at the end of each page actually goes. I know there have been times when I felt like I’ve walked into a room of friends, totally naked, because their stories don’t make sense to me, their responses made eve less. I know that it is because somehow those posting go done before I finished mine.
A lot of us open up a ‘word processing program’ on out computer and minimize both so you can have them side-by-side and then ‘cut and paste’ your comments made onto the MFP community’s last page. I never ‘x’ out of my WPP until after I know that the MFP site will accept it. Sometimes it won’t because it has so many in its que to prevent any more coming in until they get them posted. Or that is my thoughts about it. But, after I know it is on the MFP site, I do go in and ‘x’ it and don’t save it.

Well, need to go find a few things to finish my project of ‘financial screaming’ … “HELP ME!”

Lenora

megblair1

Well ladies here I am. Now I am asking for your prayers. Here is the story (a very short version): Back in September our house was visited by the police in a pre-dawn raid complete with guns drawn and pointed at us. Long story very short, DH was accused of emailing child porn. He is now facing 1 federal count for possession of it and 7 counts for emailing one picture 7 times. If he got the max sentence, it would be 160 years.

He immediately got into counseling and now goes to both individual and group therapy, and has joined a 12 step group. I am also in counseling and 2 support groups, including a 12-step group myself.

My world has been totally turned upside down. I felt at one point I would absolutely blow up I was so stressed, but talking about it to my friends and support pals has really helped.

He was released on his own recognizance without having to post bond when he was finally charged in March. He is on pre-trial surveillance, complete with an ankle bracelet and curfew. He has another court date next Thursday, so I could use your prayers for a good outcome that day.

Meanwhile, Benny is doing poorly and we think his time is coming soon.

Thank you all for being here and I will do my best to be a better support for you too. I just haven't had the energy for a while.

Take care, Meg from Omaha

fanncy0626

meg - (((hugs))) we will be praying for you and your husband.



Mary from Minnesota

pitegny

Meg: So sorry to hear about your husband and what you are going through. You are an amazing lady. I hope the hearing has a positive outcome.
Sarah: Your story tugged at my heart.
Chris: Sounds like a nightmare week. Hope the coming one will be better.
Mary: Congratulations on the loss!
Pam: Liked the mixed veggie slice recipe.
Lenora: Your bank experience sounds horrifying.
Katla, Lenora, Ginger: My "girls" are also shrinking, to my delight. I call them my shelf. They seem to catch everything. I am now able to wear bras that I haven't worn in six or seven years.

Reading about all the financial stories made me think. I have always done all the accounts and taxes. When we switched to online banking, both of us got logins, but my DH didn't use his for the first seven or eight years. When he did start, once a year he would think about logging in, would look for his password, and would have to have his password reset. Two years ago, we were talking with our bank customer relations person and the question of online banking came up. He said he had logged in not long ago and she and I almost fell off our chairs laughing. She looked it up and he had not logged on in over 13 months, the date he had last reset his password. That made me realize that he would be in terrible trouble if something happened to me. Since then, we have started regular lessons together and I am making lists of instructions to help him. I think it was Heather who mentioned she was working on a set of information to help her children in case something happens. We are also doing something similar for our children.

- Leigh in France

Peach1948

Meg ~ Prayers have been said for you and your husband. I am sorry that Benny is doing poorly but I know you have done the best for him.

Leigh ~ My husband knows nothing about our utilities that I pay through my bank account and I know nothing about the taxes and insurance that he pays through his. We both need to rectify that. The only good thing is that he does know I put all our activities with pass words on index cards. Since he is in business for himself (antique dealer) I would definitely not know about paying the federal taxes he has to come up with every quarter. I really need to learn.

I am so thankful to be a part of a group of ladies who do not mind expressing what is on their minds - past or present. Just knowing that so many of us have been through the same sort of situations in our lives is comforting.

A beautiful cold Spring day here today.

Carol in GA

GodMomKim

Hi Gals,

Meg – oh my! What stress, I am glad to hear you each are getting help and I’m sending good thoughts to you, DH and all involved. And give a hug to Benny...

Chris – what a week! Hope that run is over.

Leigh – An idea I posted a while ago, but has been helpful for me, is get an address book, and use it for passwords – so under M would be my fitness pal, the URL, your login and password… it is an easy format for whom ever has to take over.


So I woke up this morning to a power outage, a rare thing in my neighborhood, when I first moved in about 25 years ago outages were pretty regular, then about 20 years ago a neighbor child was in a horrible accident and on a ventilator, so the electrical for the whole area was upgraded, as he would have died if the electrical went out, so this was our first power outage in years, and it was out for about 5 hours… I walked the dog, had a leisurely breakfast(gas stove), and started sorting paper work when the power came on…(BTW – Danny improved, and is now a semi-quadriplegic with enough arm/hand motion to drive and work full time at Oracle – everything is speech driven – he’s married and has moved away)

It really makes you think about what you can do with the power out, I realized that I do not have a battery powered clock except my cell phone, I will be changing that. I have a battery powered lantern which needs batteries – batteries are going on the store list.

It’s cool, and damp but not raining and the wind is gone…

Smiles

Kim from N. California

margaretturk

(((Meg))) Hard to remember; but you are not the one who did anything wrong. So sorry his actions created this for your family. Prayers. Take care of you!

(((Lenora))) we face some of these financial issues with a son too. I am always asking myself when is it help and when is it enabling. It is a hard balance. Sorry to hear it created financial strain for you.

Lenora trauma and abuse I think are part of the problems with the weight problems we see. The processed food and the way our food is produced with herbicides and man made fertilizer is another factor. All the ads of T.V. promoting empty calorie foods. I went to a lecture where the food companies look at populations for how many calories that population will be eating and target marketing accordingly. It is interesting how many CEO of these big food companies do not even eat their own products. They look at us as dollar signs and our health is secondary. Our best defense is knowledge and I agree with Barbie and many others here to develop strategies to help guide us in making the healthiest choices.

Lenora having worked in the schools for the past 25 years. Yes I have seen more and more children living under stress. I do have to credit Michelle Obama for trying to get more healthy choices in the menu for school age children.
The awareness of the problems I do believe is becoming greater. The finding of solutions is a much more slippery slope.

Margaret

cityjaneLondon

Meg - My heart goes out to you. My mother had such a similar situation (minus the guns) with the police coming up the path and knocking on the door to arrest my father. He had been "touching up" a 10 year old pupil of his.
This was 1976, and my father was dismissed from teaching and pleaded guilty at the trial. I went to the trial. They were more innocent times. The vicar spoke for him, parents had written letters supporting him, teachers came to support him, and he got a small fine for each count of touching. :noway:
He was A VERY NICE MAN - the title of my memoir. (Nearly right Penny! ) My mother stuck by him, but they moved to another town. Now days his punishment would have been more severe. DH 's family trauma is in a similar vein and that is 10 months prison in Australia. We are trying to be of some support to the perpetrator but he has destroyed his family's life.
I really feel for you. Life changing. It affects the whole story of our lives . Just know that we are with you. And we truly understand. :flowerforyou:
I am at my son's and I still have not told him about my father's sexual abuse of me. The shadows are long.

Love Heather UK xxxxxxx

Katla49

Pip: Head wind takes a lot of energy but I feel safer that way than with wind pushing from behind--unless I'm sailing. Then I like wind from almost any direction. :bigsmile:

Meg: It is great to see you, but I wish you were in a better situation. I am sorry you're having a tough time. (((HUGS))) Benny's health is a worry & must add to your stress. I'm so sorry about the terrible circumstances surrounding your husband. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Stop in any time for encouragement and support. I agree with Margaret. Remember that you have not done anything wrong.

The guy in the photo is a Nutria that was dining on our lawn this morning.


Katla in beautiful NW Oregon

“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.” Thomas A. Edison

KetoneKaren

Chris MA Oh my goodness, so much to commiserate and celebrate about your post! Where to begin? All the mishaps are such a pain, lukewarm water is I guess better than freezing cold, and your hot shower & current victory of attaining your goal weight are too fabulous for words. Yay you!! You are rockin' it. Except for the burned cookies.

Lisa Wow. That was a phenomenal post. Thank you. I was never abused, fortunately. I had a good childhood, and I know I am lucky to be able to say that. It was marred only by a rather horrible food poisoning episode that made several toddlers in my town quite ill. I was 21 months old. I nearly didn't survive it, and have no memory of it at all, but it forever distorted my relationship with food and changed my behavior (around food and in general). The first few decades of my life, my mother's excellent nutritious meals and my active lifestyle kept my weight at or slightly above ideal body weight. It wasn't until I was around 30 that I really packed on the pounds. I was divorcing, I was in graduate school, my dad had died rather tragically, I had a toddler, and there was very little money. That's when I put on my fat suit, which has definitely served as an effective barrier between me and the world ever since. I have had two or three times when I lost the weight, and I hated the attention I got as a result. When I reach a certain point in my weight loss journey, all of a sudden everyone wants to help me find what I want in the store, or chat me up in the elevator. When I'm fat, I'm invisible, except at work where I am respected. I have known this, but your post reminded me. I want to get over needing a fat suit. It's time. I mean, I'm an introvert, but a fat suit is a pretty maladaptive way to deal with it.

Cheri ((( )))

Sarah Really, you are brave and you are a grown up and you are a miraculous product of your life experiences. I am rather in awe. I second everything Margaret and Katla said.

Penny I grew up in a town of 2000 in Nebraska. We could ride our bikes everywhere, and once school was out, we would take off in the morning and not go home until the sun went down. We were free as birds, but in actuality there was this network of mothers and others who called each other with "sightings". LOL!!! So we would go to the pool and Mrs. Spradlin would call our mothers and say, "Karen & Pam are at the pool". Or we would go to Adams Drug Store and the pharmacist would tell my dad, "Karen was just here, she left about 5 minutes ago with Rick." Or we would alight somewhere for lunch and that mom would make lunch for us, and then call our mothers... That little town is still a good place to live, everyone helps others, and most people know each other. Lots of neighborly chit-chats in grocery stores and the post office. Not quite like your amazing home, Penny, but most of the people in my home town are friendly & helpful. We didn't have 23 hour-long days and nights, though. Tornadoes, lightning, thunder, wind, snow, blistering heat, and not a whole lot of rain, but no 23 hour long nights.

Kelly I totally understand bursting into tears as you took little Joaquin in your arms. And I love the fact that your great-uncle rode with Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show. How cool is that?

Meg Sending you the best supportive thoughts and strength I know how to. How difficult this must be for you! So, so sorry to hear this. So very difficult for all involved, but especially for you, as you are completely innocent in this situation. I don't know what your husband's childhood was like, but I know that often pedophiles were victims when they were children.

And I am sorry to hear that Benny is failing. This is a trying time for you. We are here...

Kim That's a great idea about the address book for passwords.

To all of you who were abused in some way when you were children, or have spouses that were, I am shedding a tear for you today, and I applaud your survival skills. What an amazing bunch of women you are! I am so lucky to have found you, and I am totally humbled to be part of this group.

Karen in Virginia

grogers511

Accountability Post
Thursday's Progress (4/6)
✔1. Carbs 50-75g (limit 25g/meal)
(B21, L2, D21, BBS24=68)
✔2. Fiber 30g (31g)
✔3. Track/complete entry daily
✔4. Vegetables - big salad daily
✔5. Exercise - log 30 Fitbit minutes, 2 miles, 5000 steps. And the elliptical 5 days a week. (Tues)
✔6. No eating after 9pm.
✔7. In bed by midnight.
8. Declutter: Electronics, Craft Supplies, Pantry, ✔Fridge, Cooking and Baking, Dishes and Serving, ✔Linen Closet, Laundry Closet, ✔Medicine Cabinets, ✔Personal Care.
✔9. Digital Detox. Track daily timeouts.

• Exercise. I did my 30 active Fitbit minutes. And I did 2 minutes on the BowFlex Max Trainer. I'm using the 14 minute interval workout. You hit a higher level for a minute, then a lower rest level for 90 seconds. Then cycle back through until you've finished the 14 minute workout. My Heart rate avg 147. But it's tough to do. I'll build on it. Still learning the machine. There are other programmed workouts - I need to look at those too.

• Digital Detox. still going to sleep with it. Need to wean myself off it. It's preventing me from getting a solid night of sleep. That... and DH. He's up at 3am then back at 7am. Seems he can't sleep for more than a few hours at a time. But this is nothing new.

Have a great day.

-- Ginger in Texas

csofled

Meg Hugs and prayers!