WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR APRIL 2017
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Ginger I love your binder system. I have one for our fixer upper--I call it the big book of everything and it helped me cope with the purchase of the foreclosed property, the inspections, the architect, the contractors, all the way down to the receipts from Home Depot.
Currently working on the big book of death which will help either my husband or daughter if I should kick it first and will tell them where everything is, and even the cello sonata I want DD to play at the service
Just got out of job interview screening - first round--I feel for every nervous candidate and wish I could reassure them, you can hear the effort behind every jittery response. Job hunting is hard!!!! I give anyone going through it a lot of credit!!!
Now onto to a string festival concert tonight--fiddle fest for kids from 5th through 12th grade---200 kids -- yeeeeehaaaaaaa
NYKAREN3 -
Carol thank you so much for your story. I know there are many of us with this or similar stories. It is hard, we have nothing to be ashamed for and we understand each other. So happy to know you!
Sarah0 -
(((Sarah and Carol))) I do believe the trauma that our parents went through does have an effect on us. I have a friend whose father went through the Bataan Death March in the Pacific and I could see the repercussions that had in her family. They are finally addressing how working with traumatized students effects the teachers who are trying to help them. Of course those who are directly effected by trauma have the hardest time. I just find it heartening that we live in an age that acknowledges traumas repercussions for us all. Healing from trauma is a process and there is no right or wrong way to go about it.
Sarah it so sad your mother wasn't able to stand up to your father and your father took advantage. It left you incredibly vulnerable. I want to clarify your mother was a victim in no way deserved that treatment. The price tag to stand up to him was and may still be too high. Loving your father is not the issue. His behavior and the effect it has on your family is the issue. If you feel it is important to confront this I would recommend getting a good therapist to help you. I also think the book Dance of Anger also has some helpful ideas. I wrote about this book last year starting in March or April last year if you want to get some idea what is in the book. Take care you are carrying a heavy load that is not of your making.
Margaret
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Re, I don't know if you believe in prayer but sometimes when I loose something, I sit and pray about it and ask God to tell me where it it. I have never got an immediate answer but I do get it.
Katla, when we moved out where we are now, we were in an established neighborhood with a school across the street. But not far from us it was all corn fields and a road between, Not there is an interstate with a bypass, major shopping centers and major name hotels. Where it once was a two lane small road it is now a 8 lane road with numerous stoplights. I avoid the road as often as I can.
Organization????? What is that word. I do have place that I put every manual I have ever had regarding this house. I recently went through it and threw away a lot of them. I think that is the only thing that is even close to being organized. But just that little bit has come in handy when Charlie will be stuck on not knowing how to fix something and have no idea where the manual is, but I do!!!! Super Joyce to the rescue!!!!!
We now have a new garage door AND a garage door opener. So Charlie does not have to work so hard to open the door to get the lawnmower out. I think that is the only useful thing in the garage. No, sadly it is not organized. We had no idea how deep into the garage they needed clearance to do their thing. So we did a quick move of all the junk. I wish this had happened before we had a our heavy trash pick up day. But Michelle said we can take them over there. But it would have been so nice just to drag this stuff from our garage down the driveway to the place to put them for pick up. Now we will have to put them in our car and then unload them at her house. Tomorrow her and I will go out and pick up stuff to take down with us to see her sister. She turns 40 on Saturday and Michelle wants to do a big thing to celebrate that terrible occasion. So we need to clean my wheelchair, buy a bunch of 'over the hill' stuff, and we have everything coordinated with her husband where to meet. But Michelle will turn 40 in just 3 short years. I don't know if Christina will do the same for her. I don't know how in the world I got old enough to have a 40 year old child???????
Sure will be glad when this weather system passes.
Lenora, one time when Christina went with the church youth group to an ice skating rink. She didn't know how to skate so she knew she would be falling on her butt a lot. I also don't know why in the world she wore white jeans except that they looked good in her. But she was going to a sleep over with several of the girls after. So she called me in a panic, she had started her period, note the white jeans and knowing she would be falling a lot. She was so humiliated, After that her nick name was Strawberry shortcake. After I had my kids and was on birth control pills, I knew exactly what day of the week I would have my period. And it would only last 18 hours.
Karen, I am in love with Olivia. You all are going to have to watch that girl!
Joyce, Indiana2 -
Yvonne in Texas I hadn't heard of the Wends, so I looked them up. I would love seeing that Wendish Heritage Museum now that I know who they are, LOL! http://texaswendish.org/2010/01/who-are-the-wends/
Heather I had to look up rouille: "a super garlicky mayonnaise, usually served with fish" - sounds yummy!
I also love clotted cream which I learned about while in England in 2000 while there with my Mom one year before she died. It was her last bucket list trip before the final great adventure. I have bought clotted cream only once here, as it is pricey. It evokes memories of when I was a kid and my mom would send me to buy some cream from a local woman who kept a dairy cow and would sell the cream, which was so rich you could easily churn it into butter just walking home with it in the jar. I can still remember her telling me to carry it carefully so as not to jiggle it too much. I was SO CAREFUL with it, I nearly tiptoed home. We very rarely had desserts, but the occasional homemade ice cream or whipped cream on pie she would make from that high fat cream was to die for.
Sarah Ontario I read your rant and found it interesting and worth reading. (((Hugs))) to you and (((Carol)))
Ginger You are inspiring me. I know I would be happier if I was organized. I just need to start somewhere simple and go from there...
Joyce Olivia is a pistol, isn't she? We can't wait to see her again, but the pictures are great!
Karen in Virginia
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Hello Everyone! New to this. Not quite sure how to post replies to certain people's posts. Really appreciate that there is a group for 50+.
-Rae Anne2 -
Kate UK 1
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Sarah and Carol, thank you for sharing your stories ((( )))) The fear and helplessness sticks around a long time. So glad you and others who have shared similar stories are in this group.
RE - sorry to hear about your ring! It HAS to be there someplace. We've lost important things like rings, keys, DH's wallet while he was mowing hay (that's 20 acres)....eventually everything seemed to show up. I'm still looking for my high school class ring, however. Haven't seen it in 50 years and the last time I remember it was in Indiana. Think that one IS a lost cause!
Heather, clotted cream sounds heavenly. Is it like sweetened whipped cream with added love and lusciousness?
NYKaren, I would love to attend the fiddlefest! I adore fiddle music of all kinds. There's a family in our area that gives lots of concerts - imagine 8 kids growing up playing fiddles. I can't remember - is your family musical?
Penny, you DO live in the best small town!! Neat feeling of safety and friendship in knowing nearly everyone you meet in the street or in places of business. The last town we lived in was like that. Adults and seniors loved it - the teens getting into mischief didn't.
Kelly, so glad you and DH are enjoying your trip so much and get to babysit! Cool cattle too!
Anita, good luck with the next MRI go-around. Those "tubes" can become quite close. Hope the med relaxes you and you can get that task wrapped up.
Waving HI to everbody!
Lanette
SW WA State - with some sunshine peeking thru right now.
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Kelly, Jake has heart problems but not RA. This bronchitis is a rarity. He gets occasional colds and makes a big production out of them.Anita, I suffered with terrible pain for months last year because I was terrified of an MRI, then by chance I found out that I could get meds to relax me. My doctor prescribed lorazepam and I sailed through the MRI, found out what caused the pain, had surgery, and am a new woman today. Good luck with your MRI. Barbie 2 -
Sarah and Caroll, thank you for sharing your stories. I have a similar story. Us 5 kids have never spoken of our growing up in the environment that we did. Snippets here and there only. It made me think that I was imagining my upbringing. So it took forever to believe what happened happened and to move beyond its impact on me. I'm glad to have this forum where we all feel comfortable sharing these life impacting stories.
Cheri
nursing a day long headache on day six of this head cold in TX1 -
stat for the day:
ride home to gym partway then back hm- 21.25min, 4.7amph, .8mi, then flat, walked bike home, total 1.6mi = 169c2 -
Re – I’m sorry you lost [misplaced] your ring. I have not been able to find one that was given to me as a Christmas gift; but, in the move, I also could not find my “Chinese Warrior” that I bought when my BF and I went to Birmingham, AL to see the ‘showing’ of the Chinese Warrior presentation. IF it ever comes within driving distance; I would certain recommend going to see it. AMAZING!
Sarah – I know growing up because my Daddy was an attorney; we heard a lot and we saw a lot, so we never could even ‘admit’ that someone had been at our house (for any real reason). I saw and read things then, as well as in my job as an adult that I ‘still’ cannot talk about because of ‘confidentiality’. Therefore, I thought I was the ‘only’ person whose Daddy would get ‘drunk’; but, that wasn’t so … learned that YEARS and YEARS later.
Some things I learned from others who were friends back then and what they say about parents, siblings, grandparents, other kin folks, about their ‘ex’ marriages and what went on and how much happier they are now, really gave me ‘pause’. I wasn’t the only one; and, some did a lot worse. I always felt ‘safe’ in my family home. Daddy and Mother rarely had any arguments and Daddy would have NEVER hit her for any reason. She was ‘in love’ with him, on sight. Actually, from her angle, she thought he was someone else, from another town. Her BF asked ‘if she wanted her to introduce her to him’. The rest is ‘history’. But, they dated 5 years before getting married because he wanted to pass the Bar Exam before taking on a wife and raising a family. He encouraged my Mother to do whatever she wanted to do. He supported everything she did. She did a lot of volunteer work; and, he went out and got the $$$ to buy the last ‘band uniform’ so they would have them for my oldest sister’s senior year. Mother sewed gold braid down the sides of all the pants. About 40 pair of them. He was the ‘main’ bread-winner; she was the ‘main’ (only actually) disciplinarian in the house. We knew what we could and could not do and we knew ‘ahead of time what the consequences were for breaking them. Louis’ father was the disciplinarian when he was not ‘off shore’; but, his mother was a ‘love’. She did not know how to drive; but, when it rained, she would take DH to go pick up his newspapers and they would deliver them. He had the largest newspaper route of anybody in Jacksonville, when they were being delivered to the doors. Then, he had to go ‘collect’ for them. His first purchase was a desk. When he and his 1st wife got a divorce, she went over and got it, telling her that was ‘one thing’ she would NOT take away from him. Still have it. It’s a really nice piece. So, we raised our children taking the ‘best’ of what we lived growing up; and, discarding the ‘not so good’. Little eyes are always watching you and they emulate what they see.
No, Sarah, it is good to get it ‘out and off your chest’. I think that all of us have ‘voiced’ our sadness, irritation, hurt, love, frustration, etc., and we are all ‘family’ (the good side). {{{{{HUGS}}}}}
Carol – You’re probably right. I think the only person that ‘spent the night’ lived across the street; past that I don’t remember having ‘spend the night’ company. The first person I spent the night with, because I pitched a hissy fit, was with Priscilla G’s brother, J.Ray. It was ‘dark’ as soot when the lights went out. I was a ‘bed-wetter’ well into elementary school. So, Miss Doris told Mother I could stay … even though it was going to be ‘possible’ that I’d wet the bed. I got a pair of his PJs to sleep in. Got a bath, ate supper, and went to bed after playing for a little while. During the night, I woke up needing to go to the bathroom; but, I had absolutely no idea where I was, so I stayed in bed. I wet it; pulled the bottoms off, put my panties on, went to the other side of the bed and rolled him over to what had been ‘my side’ of the bed. After a while it seeped in and he sat up and started screaming for his Mother. We got put in the bathtub while she changed the bed. She never made a big deal out of it, at all. When they were still having “The Bash” … I was there – I think Suzanne, Tommy, Louis and I went with Margaret. I was a bit drunk and went up to him and asked if I could ‘tell his wife’ about ‘being the first boy I ever slept with’. He laughed and told me, ‘go ahead’. I look at her and said, “J.Ray was the first boy I ever slept with!” She had this look on her face that read: “DAMN, I can’t believe you said that to me!” Then, I told her the story. She laughed. Well, the next time there was something where we got together (a reunion or another “Bash”) J.Ray comes up to Louis and tells him that ‘I am the first girl that he ever slept with’. I wanted to drill a hole in the floor. Then, he told Louis the story. It’s stories like that, that I will remember about him. He could tell some of the best stories. That’s the 2nd classmate of mine to pass away the way he did. So sad!
Ginger – My husband AND my sons have always figured out ‘how to do things’. Trey works on the tractor and lawn mower and Will has taught himself all the ‘big equipment’ that his bosses have out there. I can usually ‘figure’ out how I think something ‘ought to look’ and Louis is pretty good at taking my ‘instructions’ and ‘looking at my pictures I have drawn for him’ and he makes it. The ‘only’ thing that he hasn’t done is: Buy and hang my door to my porch. I’ve only been waiting for it for 2 years.
My DDnL#2 sent me the books she had on Dave Ramsey and his books on ‘setting up a budget’. It was an ‘eye-opener’ and came at the ‘right time’ before we did something we would have ‘regretted’. I have set up a budget; working on the ‘snow-ball effect’ on paying bills. She told me that it also had discs to go with it; but, she had loaned it out to a co-worker. When she got them back, one was missing and the others were scratched. I can’t believe that a ‘friend’ would do something like that. I would have offered to buy a new set for her.
How long is that book? It looks like something you could ‘sell’ … I’d like that!
KYKAREN – Yeah, I have the ‘stuff’ to work on the ‘big book of death’ for DH and both boys. I had thought about trying to list things that I wanted each son (and wives) to have; then I realized I was frustrating myself; so the only ‘thing’ I have said was ‘Taylor gets my wedding rings’; Tami gets Mimi’s Hoosier kitchen cabinet (because I know she’ll keep it in the family). Past that point, they have a ‘good relationship’ with one another and the 2 of them can ‘divide’ it up (with NO wives interfering with their decisions). I think our Wills are specific enough. Just the basic “I Love You” mirror Will.
Yep, we’ve got certain songs we’d like our spouse/boys to play at our funerals.
Margaret – I had an ‘over-zealous’ psychologist who thought it was ‘time’ for me to reveal something to my Mother; ‘that I had been sexually abused by the father of a friend of mine’. I told her that I ‘did not want to tell her’. Nothing said would change it; it would have only hurt her that she either did not notice that something was affecting me or she’d be sad that I had not felt comfortable coming to them’. We got in the room and she just ‘blurted it out’. I never went back, it did hurt my Mother (a lot); but, they had moved before anything serious happened (maybe). I got over it insofar as feeling the pain and shame. But, it is a part of my being and therefore I ‘speak my mind’ when it might be better to ‘let sleeping dogs lie’ [no pun intended]. It took me YEARS … before I ‘trusted’ someone. That someone is my DH. As for ‘trust’ issues; I no longer will EVER see ‘any’ doctor who has the ‘god complex’.
Joyce – I’m sorry she got stuck with that ‘nickname’. Girl or boy, still pretty ‘cruel’. But, we live through it – sometimes – most of the time.
Lanette – I know exactly where my senior class ring (which had matched my ‘at the time’ boyfriend’s ring) and my DH’s ‘wedding band’ from his first marriage are: At the bottom of a well on the property that my Daddy grew up on. Splash! Splash! LOL!!!!!
Yeah, I knew what it was like to ‘try NOT to get into trouble’. My Daddy also knew: I drove a 1960 Ford Fairlane – baby blue in color – it ran, it had a working radio, and a working heater. Past that – it was a ‘car’. One of the things I did that I never wanted my parents to find out was: When I-75 ended right above the town I grew up in … one of my BFs and I decided that the ‘dirt’ expressway would definitely be a much short way to get to another friend’s house. It was all packed and ready to be paved. So they had a pile of gravel behind the “Do Not Enter” sign, we got out, moved the sign and I drove up on the gravel – only to get it stuck on the bottom with all 4 wheels up in the air. The workers were just getting off and they were RITDLTAO!!!!! They did get us the predicament we found ourselves in. And, we took the ‘long way around’. LOL!!!!!
Barbie – They have to sedate me to have a MRI.
Lenora0 -
Hello!
So ... do you all remember that my New Year goal was to finally get DH to review our finances for eventual retirement ... the same New Year goal that I've had for over three years? Well ... drumroll please... after much gnashing of teeth and a few unsuccessful delay tactics, my DH finally sat down and reviewed our finances this afternoon. It took quite a bit of time and I confess to raised voices a few times ... but it's done ... we have goals, we have a plan and we're in agreement! And Ginger, my DH spent a good bit of time making certain we both had ways to access spreadsheets to record our progress!
So glad to finally have that done.
Beth near Buffalo
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pip - bummer!3
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Did 1 hr Kathy Smith Total Body DVD. The plan for tomorrow is to do the Butt Bible DVD.
Sarah - Jess is 32, and Colby has to be near that if not the same age. Since she just moved into a new place and is still unpacking, I'm sure she hasn't thought about growing something. Someone suggested going to Sam's and see if they have a popcorn tin. That's something that I can have and won't go bad if she doesn't come down for a while. In one sense I hope she doesn't, this way I can get the chocolate bunnies on sale 1/2 price...lol
Exercised, volunteered at the Green Room, got my hair cut, came home to get dinner prepared to microwave. Newcomer bowling tonight.
barbie - I'm sorry Jake is still not doing well. I hope he gets better fast.
Welcome everyone new
Rori - Hawaii looks heavenly. So glad you had such a good time. Safe travels to Reno
Re - so sorry about your ring
Lenora - I don't think that I'm even going to bother trying to have my own music. The class is at 7:15 in the morning, anyway, so I'm always rushing to get there on time. So now I'm just going to take my time and get there when I get there. I keep my shopping list on my phone so I always have it with me.
pitegny - will the rubbing coffee grounds work if you rub them on the muffin top? If caffeine is a thinning agent, I just may take up drinking coffee
Lanette - can you tell me more about this Sweet Freedom Summit? I couldn't find much information about it online.
Would you believe I have never seen Survivor and really have no desire to see it. But I don't dare miss an episode of DWTS
KJ - I think I'm in love
Yvonne - I wouldn't even mind if Vince didn't put things on the shopping list...but at least tell me so that I can put them on the list. Which interval timer did you download?
Allie - glad they didn't charge you to retake your passport photo.
DJ - yup, the seniors would prefer the store bought junk to something homemade. They like knowing what is in the food, even tho I labeled the cookies "Snickerdoodles" (everyone knows what those are) and butterscotch spice. I thought for sure they would like the butterscotch spice since they are real sweet. But those seniors seem to prefer something store bought that they're familiar with
Lenora - what a therapist you had!
Michele in NC
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Lenora your right you need to be careful who you go for help. Finding the right person or people to help with the burden of carrying such a secret that Sharon and some of the other here is important. You are also right that confronting the person is not always the way towards healing. I know confronting my brother is not the answer for me. What helps me is when I think of him I send him a prayer and wish him well. Will I willingly choose to spend time with him? No, and that is okay. Margaret 1
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hugs y'all!!
Becca3 -
Today is the first day that I was able to do 30min. In my exercise machine. When I first started, I would be short of breath after 10 min. I feel good about getting as far as I have. My step tracker says 10,000 steps should be my goal. At this rate I would need to spend 90. Min. on the machine! I think I'll set my goal to consistently do 30 min. That will be an improvement and a goal I have yet to reach.
I'm a little worried that I have not had my laptop out to do work today. I don't know where the day goes. I get up and do some reading, meals, exercise, laundry and my day is gone. Somehow when I take care of me that's all I can manage or when I work that is all I can manage. It has been a big deal for me to stick w/my calories whether I'm working from home, or on the road, or at home not working. Now I would like to add exercise to that list.
Naomi in in rainy 54F Massachusetts (Flood warnings are in effect through tomorrow.)4 -
Naomigood for you. I feel like that exactly, I focus on my stuff and I have trouble doing the rest of my life. Balance is difficult2
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