WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR APRIL 2017
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Hi Gals,
Allie – I hope for you that Tom can be happy, but a “thing” will only give temporary happiness, real happiness comes from within.
Michele – I’m going to say something that might sound judgmental, and I really don’t mean it to be, but just a point of view to offer up a different way to look at this. This is how I see the wedding money issue: either you are “gifting” $15K to Denise and dh to be, or are you paying $15K of wedding expenses… If you are paying $15K of wedding expenses the bills should be sent to you and you pay them… when the bills equal $15K you are done, if they don’t turn in bills to equal $15K you don’t “owe” them the difference. If you are gifting the money, it’s theirs – no strings, no hurt feelings, no dipping back into the well by them… If they use it in a way that seems not “smart” it’s really no ones business but theirs…
I know you are hurt by the situation with both Brian, Denise and Denise’s MIL, but sometimes stepping back and staying out of lets them find their own way.
Barbie – sorry to hear Jake is not having continued improvement, but am so impressed with the flexibility and good choices you make to take care of both you and him.
Cheri – your comment about your mom and some other comments about counselors got me thinking about what my therapist got me to understand, that my mom (in the past and currently) does act and say things that are awful, but they are the best she can do at the moment. She is like most folks she doesn’t sit around dreaming up ways to be hurtful or mean, but based on her beliefs, upbringing and understanding does and says things that seem right to her.
Kelly – Joaquin is adorable
Heather – I had not seen the pic of grandbabies and folks… what a great shot!
Gloria – Please don’t feel that you are taking rather than giving, I know I don’t feel that way about your contributions!!!
Lisa – congrats
Mia – you can do this!!! I did a 5k with no training once, I was exhausted after, but you can do it.
Heather – great job on helping out your DOS!
Yvonne – I hear you on taxes and social security, and here the property tax is high also… I pay everything in installments and even then can’t always make them… I did get a part time job with a company this year and had them take extra out of each paycheck, so the check is very tiny but it helped a ton with the irs bill!
Sarah – no words….((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))
Well it is a blowing winter storm here tonight, when it is like this I am always so thankful I am not homeless, I think of the folks I see here and there that appear to be homeless and I am so glad for a solid roof and walls. I’m planning on being home tomorrow, not setting my alarm (a real treat) so I’ll probably sleep in until 6..
Smiles
Kim from N. California
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Happy Friday, my vacation starts at 5:00 today and boy am i looking forward to it.
The fiddle fest was a big success, I was very proud of the kids. It is tough, my long time colleague is retiring at the end of the year and the old comfortable easy working relationship amongst my team is just not the same. I will be taking a page from Kelly and "flip" the situation to view it in a more positive light- just need a little time to figure that part out
Beth boy, your husband is really embracing some change, eating, exercising and now sitting down with a financial plan- you are having great influence with him. I wish you much luck with the budget-a long and winding road
Lanette I am not from a musical family but had the good fortune when a violinist moved next door to us when I was 13- I couldn't stay away, I was hooked the minute I heard the sound, I took care of her pets and plants and she started to give me lessons. Music was my refuge and my ticket out of my childhood and has guided my life choices ever since!!
NYKAREN
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Good morning Ladies!
I am looking forward to my first hot shower in over a week. My hot water heater blew last week and the new one is higher and would not fit in the space without some repiping. The plumber jerryrigged it so we would have lukewarm water until he was able to come back to install it properly which was yesterday.
Not a very good week for my house last week; besides the hot water heater, the wet vac caught on fire when my son turned it on to sop up the water; on Sunday I blew out all the electrical outlets in my bathroom when I accidentally hit a necklace while plugging in my hairdryer (reset the outlets and thankfully they work) but lost my hairdryer; angel food cake ran all over the clean oven and finally burned a batch of cookies. I was baking for book club tonight. I hope my string of mishaps is over. It gets a bit overwhelming when it all happens in one week.
I am so proud of myself that I turned to exercise rather than food and drink to cope. I am so happy, just bursting, to let you know that I have hit my current goal!! I have now lost 48 lbs. and 24.9% of my body weight and most importantly finally a healthy BMI! I must have a lot of muscle because I was never in the healthy BMI range even though I went from a size 16 to 6.
My work is not done though. I have joined a Spring Challenge and my goal is to lose 5 more lbs. by the end of Spring. I am doing KettleBell several times a week to firm up because I have squishy parts. Continuing to walk and use the elliptical.
Re, us Catholics pray to Saint Anthony help find lost items. Even if you're not Catholic I'm sure he wouldn't mind helping you find your ring.
Sorry I don't have time to respond everyone. I was behind and skimmed the posts.
My hot shower is beckoning me.
Love and hugs to everyone.
Chris in MA7 -
morning ladies~ working 9-5 today and have to get DGD on bus ,stop at Post Office and vet before that... nose is running as the trees are budding..2
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Sarah, Carol - It may be of no help at all, but I did a lot of research on obesity and first causes before I had my gastric bypass in 2005. Even then, they acknowledged that more than 25 percent of those who are morbidly obese are childhood abuse survivors. Whether sexual, physical or emotional abuse, trauma ripples through our lives. I believe they're finding the numbers are even higher than that. A staggering 73 percent of those who can't deal with the rapid weight loss and end up being hospitalized for psychiatric issues post-bariatric surgery are abuse survivors.
I've told the story here more than once, but reflection, both with and separate from therapy, showed me that I had put my personal fat suit on to protect myself from my father. Until he died in late 2004, I wasn't able to contemplate becoming thin, other than one period in the mid-1990s where I lived in England for three years, half a world away from him. The moment I returned to the U.S., I put the weight right back on.
Essentially, abuse survivors aren't using food as a crutch to soothe our pain, we armor ourselves behind a wall of flesh that feels protective. We feel more imposing, less vulnerable, when we are larger people. And the brain is really, really good at going back to that mode whenever we feel threatened or even stressed. Eventually, food becomes our only coping tool--it's one of the reasons they've identified for those who end up in psychiatric care after they lose a significant amount of weight very quickly from bariatric surgery. They are unable to eat significant amounts in order to cope, and have constructed no other mechanism to deal with stress.
Didn't mean to write a research paper! A lot of what I just wrote about came from a story in The Atlantic. Loved the ending. "She says the abuse will always tug at her, but today its power is diminished. 'That's just stuff that happened to you,' she said. 'It isn't you.'"
Love y'all,
Lisa4 -
I'm off soon for a short trip to see the grandchildren. Will get there to pick up Max from school, stay the night and have Saturday with them before coming home at tea time.
Taking the melamine plates and the croissants! And my beach shoes and sun hat!
Love Heather UK xxxxxxx4 -
Stronglift Rest Day
Kettlebell Swing
Goblet squats-6X5X 35
Russian kettle bell swing-32X7X 35
40lbs loss by May 27 Challenge
Buns, Guns and Abs challenge.
30 squats
Rest day push-ups
35 leg lifts
April move your @$$ Challenge
I am going to take 2-2 mile walks today.
I finally dropped another 0.6 pounds today!
Mary from Minnesota2 -
Margaret/Cheri/Lanette/Lenora/Kim/Lisa Thank you for your supportive comments and stories. Sharing this information was hard but I feel I have released some of the burden.
Karen thank you for telling me you read my story, I find that deeply meaningful
I have seen therapists off and on from a very young age. Funny as a child no-one ever asked me about my home life. Now I manage a program in a hospital that deals with sexual assault and domestic violence and I started something called routine universal screening. That means trained healthcare professionals ask patients 12 and over appropriate questions regarding abuse. I know if someone would have asked me, I would have told the truth earlier on. Who I am is a result of all I lived through and it is not all bad. I have a lot of fear and anxiety but I have directed that towards being well organized and brave. I face all my fears. I have never disclosed this at work but my personal experience truly helps me manage a program with compassion for those who use it because I get it. Abuse is like a shot gun wound, you can heal from it but you never forget and your life will be impacted in some way.
Is this why I have a unhealthy relationship with food? I have no doubt. Food was the one positive thing growing up. My mom was a great cook and baker and cooking with her were happy moments for me. Both my parents turned to food as some turn to alcohol so it was definitely a learned behaviour. But I broke the cycle. Ironically, my mother taught me to never tolerate abuse from a man and she added "even if it is your father." So I never did. Now my father did beat me as a child but one day when I was about 12ish, he went to hit me and I called police. He never touched me again. Now I am with a wonderful man who wouldn't ever be abusive. My daughters grew up without violence and with a very healthy relationship to food and consequently they are both at a healthy weight and in great shape. That is the proof that the abuse legacy is finally over.
I have to come to terms that many people will continue to have one version of my father while I know the truth. I don't need to spend my energy trying to change that. My journey now is with myself and I'm getting there. Anniversaries and dates are always more challenging.
Thanks everyone, I think I needed to get this out and it is a sign of the environment that you have all created that I felt safe enough to do this
Sarah.5 -
I have just started the program yesterday, and I am learning to bookmark and manipulate these boards! I love the idea of having all of the support and folks to talk with to support each other! I have previously lost weight. I went from 244 down to 165 over a 2 year period. I have gained back up to 181. I have identified a problem that I have never fixed. I have a bewitching hour between 2 to 6 pm, where I cannot stop eating sweets. Sometimes it is truly uncontrollable! My goal for this month is to try and break that sugar addiction. I will record my food in my fitness pal, I will continue to get 30 active minutes in fit bit 5 x per week, and try to get 8000 steps a day minimum. I am starting day 2 of no processed sugar!3
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Can you respond to a particular post without going to the end of the page?
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Can you respond to a particular post without going to the end of the page?
No, you can hit quote as I just did but it will copy the entire post and will always place it at the bottom of the page. For example, if you are responding to a comment on page 8 and there are 10 pages on the thread, your response will appear at the very end of all comments on page 10.
Welcome to a group of supportive , encouraging ladies. A name we can call you and a location helps us identify you and respond to you more easily. Good job on getting control of the sugar habit now. Hang in there.
Janetr okc2 -
I meant Sarah in my most recent post and not Sharon. I am sorry for the confusion.
Sarah what a wonderful way of turning your experience to helping others and that you found your own way of focusing on your own wellness. (clapping and cheering)
Lisa I agree with everything you said. I think it is not just abuse, but trauma too. While on this site I lost 35 pounds, but after going through a series of traumatic effects I regained the weight. I did not binge or turn to junk food in this period, but the weight returned none the less. I know this was a protective reaction of my body. It is also part of my knee problem. It is the left knee. Maybe because I wanted to believe it and it made sense in my particular situation I read troubles with your left knee is a sign of adrenal fatigue. Adrenals are effected by stress.
Some of the stress is better. Some of it is chronic. I do as many coping strategies as I can and they really have helped. I also have a good support system. (All of your included)
The weight gain stopped and I am working at healing my knee and I believe the weight will follow as I heal.
Sarah I like your shotgun analogy. It is having the self knowledge you have these sore points and scars and rather then let them disfigure your life you turn them into something beautiful. YEAH!
Your DH is lucky to have found such a wonderful women.
Margaret3 -
Good morning ladies! We will be starting our drive home in a few hours. I am currently washing our bedding and am all packed and ready. DH is sleeping in a bit. DD handed Joaquin off to me this morning while she packed her hubby's lunch and I burst into tears, knowing that this is my last morning with them. Not a normal reaction from me. I am not one to tear up thinking about "the last" anything. So, I laughed at myself for getting the baby soggy, wiped my eyes and said "That was stupid, I am sure I will be back in a couple months." And so, I am planning to fly in for a long weekend this summer!
Sarah- So sorry to hear about your childhood/relationship with your father. It is amazing how children adapt to their environment and work their way (sometimes) out of it.
Easter baskets- Heather's melamine plates reminded me that some one asked about EAster basket ideas. I can't remember who...?? In our home, we never celebrated Easter in the commercial way. We didn't push the bunny stories, candy, egg hunts, etc. We did give our kids an EAster gift however and it was always a pot of soil and some seeds to grow. I usually wrapped up a cute pot, put a bag of potting soil in it, and packets of seeds of things that the kids liked. Sometimes veggies, sometimes seeds for a "pizza" or "salsa" or other ingredients needed to make these things (except the crust ) Just wanted to throw that out there. Books are also a popular Easter gift.
Heather- LOL! YOu and your food descriptions! You should think about writing food columns.
Penny- I love your stories of your community and life in the cold. When you posted about the young man helping you; the theme song for MR. Roger's Neighborhood went through my head. "It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood...won't you be my neighbor?!" Love your neighbors!
Well, there are more of you that I wanted to say Hi to and give hugs and support to, but as usual; time for me to put away my laptop and get busy! Love to you all. Will sign on tomorrow morning from the halfway home point. ttfn xoxoxo KJ (Kelly)5 -
Dancing lesson tonight, learning the cha cha, they've started laying out the step patterns which makes it a bit easier, hopefully we`'ll do the same tomorrow in salsa. 19000 steps today
Pam in Adelaide5 -
Katla- The longhorn cattle were at the Fort Worth Stockyards. It is a very touristy little place. It is built up like a western themed town, it has all of the restaurants and stores of any touristy place, but it also has a visitors center, and arena for rodeos, wild west shows, etc. The "cattle drive" was a symbolic demonstration with only a dozen longhorn making their way up the street. It happens at about 11:30 each day. BUT, I enjoyed it because I AM a tourist and also my DH had never seen cattle like that (he grew up on a baseball/football field and lived a sheltered life). He asked if the horns were real! The one thing that I really enjoyed seeing there, were these stars that they had embedded in the side walk of famous people who either were from Fort Worth or had an impact on the community. Wyatt Earp, Audie Murphy, Clayton Moore (the Lone Ranger) and Jay Silverheels (Tonto), Wild Bill Hickok, etc. We took a picture of Joaquin (asleep in his carseat) sitting next to Wyatt Earp's star and attached a little souvenir sheriff star to his blankie. "The new sheriff in town." Anyway, it was fun and because my DD and DH didn't know most of the names on the stars, I got to teach them a little bit!
By the way, fun fact about a family member: My great-uncle (now passed on) rode in Buffalo Bills Wild West show back in the late 1800's. I remember visiting his home and seeing many pictures of him and the show and he also had many many souvenirs from the show.7 -
Michele in NC - here's the link again to the "Sweet Freedom Summit": http://sweetfreedomsummit.com/?utm_campaign=SWEET17&utm_medium=InviteBox&utm_source=visitor . Since I signed up I'm getting a lot of offers for this and that, so not sure how much substance it will have vs. it being a marketing tool for the gal who is organizing it. Might be a rehash of what most of us already know.
Rori - that is the cutest photo of you relaxing in Hawaii!! Looks like it was a great place to get batteries recharged.
Beth - congrats on sitting down with DH and working out that retirement plan. Helps to have both of you on the same page. My latest tactic is, when DH comes up with an idea I don't think is feasible, to say "Interesting, let me think about it" he generally forgets or comes up with something new. When in doubt, stall, LOL. He's not a good money manager and he's the first to admit it. I'm the one doing the spreadsheet and I keep it close. II need to update it and get a copy to our young BFF who has power of attorney.
Chris - way to go, you've done a wonderful job in reaching your goals. You inspire me! Congrats and enjoy that hot shower!
Lisa, wow - thanks for that in-depth information about abuse and sharing your story as well. ((((hugs)))) to you and everyone dealing with these issues. And Sarah, more on your story as well. We are so lucky to have this group.
Has anyone heard from Rita? Hope she's enjoying her great motorhome adventure and having safe travels. Miss her!
A big windstorm is hitting here about noon - Katla, you'll get it first from what I can tell. Pip, hope your bicycle ride home isn't into the headwind. Sue, Anita, Gloria, Barbie and the rest of you in the Pacific Northwest-stay safe and watch for falling trees. I need to run to town this morning and DH says don't dawdle as the road I travel has lots of leaning trees and them falling onto cars is not uncommon. Hoping our greenhouse plastic stays put.
Have a great Friday everyone!!
Lanette
SW WA State ready to hold onto her hat.
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Heather: The inability to digest milk products is something I share with scores of others around the world. I don't think either one of my parents had this problem, or if they did, they ignored it. Mom always used margarine rather than butter and I think it was for economic reasons. Milk envy is just something I have to deal with. Cheese is okay for me. Whatever turns the milk into cheese solves my digestive problems. The harder the cheese, the less likely it is to cause an upset. :bigsmile:
Sarah: I'm sorry for the girl you were and amazed by the woman you've become. Rant whenever you need to rant. We all have issues, big and small. It is great to have friends who can hear them without making excuses or passing judgment. :flowerforyou:
Carol: You've grown into an amazing woman. I admire you for your balanced view of your dad.
Rae Ann: Welcome to a great group of women.
Lanette: Have you ever gone to the Fiddle Festival in Weiser, Idaho? We went one time when our kids were in grade school, and it was so much fun. I'm not quite sure why we've never gone back. :flowerforyou:
Kim: I think your perspective on giving to the kids is a wise one.
Yoga today with my very favorite teacher! Yay!!! In other good news, it looks like I will have a riding lesson this weekend after all. I didn't expect it because my teacher had a conflict in her schedule. Things in her life have shifted some and there will be a lesson after all. Yay again!
Katla in beautiful NW Oregon
"That which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger." Friedrich Nietzsche
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Here's what's so hard. My father was very famous. [...] He did great things for many people while his family was neglected in the background. [...] It is hard to live my whole life being told how wonderful my father was when I had a different experience.
The sentences I've quoted bring to mind the working title of Heather's memoir: "Such a nice man". As others have mentioned, versions of your experience are shared by several of the beautiful women on this thread. Whenever I hear about them, it reminds me how lucky I am.
My back is hurting me now so I'm going out for a walk in the hope of producing some endorphins. Even if the grandchildren are coming in tomorrow evening, I'm not going to be rearranging furniture and putting sheets on the daybeds anytime soon.
/Penny, in a bit of pain at the North Pole1
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