Welcome to Debate Club! Please be aware that this is a space for respectful debate, and that your ideas will be challenged here. Please remember to critique the argument, not the author.
Should your S.O./Spouse have a say so if they feel you are too thin or too large?
Replies
-
heiliskrimsli wrote: »That's the rub, isn't it? That when someone overeats themselves into being enormous, it's not just their own life that's affected. It's their life, their children's lives, the lives of the healthcare workers who have to lift them and risk back injuries that can end their careers, emergency workers who are at increased risk having to help the overweight and obese, and of course their significant others who end up being caretaker to them when they can't bathe themselves, wipe themselves, or even walk anymore.
And it's always avoidable.
Good point. My sister-in-law is a PT.
She hurt herself trying to catch an overweight patient who was falling.
Took about a month to recover.
For the record she has said the #1 reason people end up in nursing homes these days is that they are too out of shape to get out of a chair or off the toilet.
Take it a step further and realize that more healthy and fit people in the population end up paying higher insurance premiums to cover the medical costs associated with those who are overweight.
In Japan, overweight people pay a tax to cover the costs to the medical system.4 -
heiliskrimsli wrote: »That's the rub, isn't it? That when someone overeats themselves into being enormous, it's not just their own life that's affected. It's their life, their children's lives, the lives of the healthcare workers who have to lift them and risk back injuries that can end their careers, emergency workers who are at increased risk having to help the overweight and obese, and of course their significant others who end up being caretaker to them when they can't bathe themselves, wipe themselves, or even walk anymore.
And it's always avoidable.
Good point. My sister-in-law is a PT.
She hurt herself trying to catch a large patient who was falling.
Took about a month to recover.
For the record she has said the #1 reason people end up in nursing homes is that they are too out of shape to get out of a chair or off the toilet.
The fact that 90 year old bodybuilders, powerlifters and marathon runners exist is all the proof I needed for that last bit.
On a more "normal" level, we have an older guy at work who injured his knee a few years back, had to have surgery and took months to recover. He decided to lose a bunch of weight, and start weight training and got himself in much better shape. However, he ended up suffering a recurrence of the same injury a few months ago. This time, no surgery required and he was healed and back to work within four weeks instead of three months.
Same dude, same injury, years older, better recovery. Yeah, you do the math.6 -
Gallowmere1984 wrote: »heiliskrimsli wrote: »That's the rub, isn't it? That when someone overeats themselves into being enormous, it's not just their own life that's affected. It's their life, their children's lives, the lives of the healthcare workers who have to lift them and risk back injuries that can end their careers, emergency workers who are at increased risk having to help the overweight and obese, and of course their significant others who end up being caretaker to them when they can't bathe themselves, wipe themselves, or even walk anymore.
And it's always avoidable.
Good point. My sister-in-law is a PT.
She hurt herself trying to catch a large patient who was falling.
Took about a month to recover.
For the record she has said the #1 reason people end up in nursing homes is that they are too out of shape to get out of a chair or off the toilet.
The fact that 90 year old bodybuilders, powerlifters and marathon runners exist is all the proof I needed for that last bit.
On a more "normal" level, we have an older guy at work who injured his knee a few years back, had to have surgery and took months to recover. He decided to lose a bunch of weight, and start weight training and got himself in much better shape. However, he ended up suffering a recurrence of the same injury a few months ago. This time, no surgery required and he was healed and back to work within four weeks instead of three months.
Same dude, same injury, years older, better recovery. Yeah, you do the math.
This is an awesome story and testimony.0 -
This is an interesting question, and one I have personal experience with from multiple perspectives.
My first marriage basically imploded over weight related issues. My ex and I had both been overweight and comfortable. I started to lose weight and get in shape, he kept gaining. Not only did our lifestyles diverge, but I think my weight loss made him feel very insecure. The insecurity and feeling physically crappy from being very overweight meant he didn’t want much intimacy, which I took personally and made me feel like I needed to look elsewhere for positive attention. In retrospect I think it would have been much better if we had talked about it more openly, but we were young and the communication skills weren’t there.
In my current relationship we both started out very fit, but I developed a yo-yo pattern due to some unresolved emotional issues regarding food combined with an uptick in stress. When I say yo-yo, I mean I was going up and down 5-10 pounds, basically from the middle of a healthy BMI to the high end of a healthy BMI. My husband made it clear he didn’t like how I looked at the heavier end of the spectrum, but for a long time this just exacerbated my emotional eating problems and we didn’t address any underlying issues. It was a constant strain on the relationship.
Then I got severely injured due to over-exercising/bad lifting form, followed by a pregnancy, miscarriage, an immediate second and difficult pregnancy, and then our baby ended up being born with special needs. Throughout this process I gained more weight than I needed to—about 25 lbs after all was said and done. Obviously this was due to eating more than my caloric needs. Whether you consider it a legitimate reason or an excuse, this rapid succession of events drastically affected my life and ability to successfully manage my dietary habits. While my husband would have once agreed more with the uncompromising and rigid opinions in this thread, he decided that our marriage staying together was priority to him, and stepped up to help me address the changes so I could figure out a new normal that worked. He also removed the pressure of doing things on a particular timeframe. With that support I’ve been able to shed the majority of the extra weight and get back into shape.
So what is the take home message in that novel? I think spouses/SOs should discuss weight issues, because they will affect a relationship whether we talk about them or not. I think for those who are in invested relationships, approaching the situation holistically and with empathy and kindness is most likely to get you the results you want. It’s everyone’s personal prerogative to decide what their limits are in regards to any aspect of a relationship, but long term relationships will always involve a balancing act of each person’s desires vs. making compromises. Finally, if you have a strong foundation of respect on other issues you’ll be more likely to be able to discuss sensitive issues without it blowing up. If each person feels like the other one is honestly trying their best that goes a long way in building mutual good will.
20 -
Gallowmere1984 wrote: »I never said you'd gain 70 pounds. I said some of that weight is the baby, and some is fluids from the pregnancy. There is still a noticeable weight gain, and it can be hard to take off quickly when you are the main caretaker for a baby.
If anything, I'd imagine that being distracted with a baby should leave less time for one of the big contributors to obesity: boredom eating. Hell, when I'm really busy with something (even video games) I can forget to eat for an entire day.
Hahahahahahahahahahah! It does NOT work that way. :noway:11 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »Gallowmere1984 wrote: »I never said you'd gain 70 pounds. I said some of that weight is the baby, and some is fluids from the pregnancy. There is still a noticeable weight gain, and it can be hard to take off quickly when you are the main caretaker for a baby.
If anything, I'd imagine that being distracted with a baby should leave less time for one of the big contributors to obesity: boredom eating. Hell, when I'm really busy with something (even video games) I can forget to eat for an entire day.
Hahahahahahahahahahah! It does NOT work that way. :noway:
I think every man should be able to have 1 baby...17 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »Gallowmere1984 wrote: »I never said you'd gain 70 pounds. I said some of that weight is the baby, and some is fluids from the pregnancy. There is still a noticeable weight gain, and it can be hard to take off quickly when you are the main caretaker for a baby.
If anything, I'd imagine that being distracted with a baby should leave less time for one of the big contributors to obesity: boredom eating. Hell, when I'm really busy with something (even video games) I can forget to eat for an entire day.
Hahahahahahahahahahah! It does NOT work that way. :noway:
I think every man should be able to have 1 baby...
They wouldn't be saying the ish in this thread that is for sure.15 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »Gallowmere1984 wrote: »I never said you'd gain 70 pounds. I said some of that weight is the baby, and some is fluids from the pregnancy. There is still a noticeable weight gain, and it can be hard to take off quickly when you are the main caretaker for a baby.
If anything, I'd imagine that being distracted with a baby should leave less time for one of the big contributors to obesity: boredom eating. Hell, when I'm really busy with something (even video games) I can forget to eat for an entire day.
Hahahahahahahahahahah! It does NOT work that way. :noway:
I think every man should be able to have 1 baby...
They wouldn't be saying the ish in this thread that is for sure.
Let's just say that despite working 13+ hours per day, I was primary caretaker of a newborn whenever I was home. I averaged two and a half hours of sleep per day for the first six months of life. I did not get fat; I went the other direction. As mentioned previously, the only part that I don't have direct experience with is the hormones.4 -
Not to derail the subject but isn't it odd that some women who want to decry inequality between men and women -which is real- will pull out the "woman" card as soon as it suits their purpose?
"I want to serve in the military with the same roles and responsibilities as a man. But I am a woman. So I don't want to have the same fitness standards. Even when it means I cannot carry the injured in a crisis."
Sorry. That one is a pet peeve.
Here we have:
"Women are special snowflakes when it comes to weight gain and loss -CI:CO, thermodynamics- because they can have babies. Guys just don't know how hard it is to work hard, be stressed, have responsibilities, not get enough sleep, take care of a child and still not eat more than they need to - because they cannot have babies."
Please, let us just keep the playing field level.
Yes we are different in some ways. But those differences do not change how you gain or lose weight.
No one I noticed said women aren't supposed to gain any weight when pregnant.
What has been said repeatedly is that there is no reason to be carrying something like 70 lbs of extra body fat just because you had children.5 -
Not to derail the subject but isn't it odd that some women who want to decry inequality between men and women -which is real- will pull out the "woman" card as soon as it suits their purpose?
"I want to serve in the military with the same roles and responsibilities as a man. But I am a woman. So I don't want to have the same fitness standards. Even when it means I cannot carry the injured in a crisis."
Sorry. That one is a pet peeve.
Here we have:
"Women are special snowflakes when it comes to weight gain and loss -CI:CO, thermodynamics- because they can have babies. Guys just don't know how hard it is to work hard, be stressed, have responsibilities, not get enough sleep, take care of a child and still not eat more than they need to - because they cannot have babies."
Please, let us just keep the playing field level.
Yes we are different in some ways. But those differences do not change how you gain or lose weight.
No one I noticed said women aren't supposed to gain any weight when pregnant.
What has been said repeatedly is that there is no reason to be carrying something like 70 lbs of extra body fat just because you had children.
This is ridiculous and shame on you of twisting it like this. SMH16 -
My two cents on the pregnancy weight gain issue, though I’m not interested in getting in the middle of a conversation that is clearly spiraling downward.
The toll on the body of pregnancy, childbirth, and recovery while caring for a newborn is hard and real. For me it was the most physically intense and grueling thing I’ve ever done, hands down. Having this experience minimized tends to make women defensive. In no way does this mean women are incapable of gaining only an appropriate amount of weight, or exempt from the laws of thermodynamics. However, I feel it’s appropriate for those who have never experienced it firsthand to admit they may not fully understand how it feels to face these additional challenges. On the other hand, I don’t think saying men know nothing about physical challenges or caring for children is correct or useful either.
26 -
My two cents on the pregnancy weight gain issue, though I’m not interested in getting in the middle of a conversation that is clearly spiraling downward.
The toll on the body of pregnancy, childbirth, and recovery while caring for a newborn is hard and real. For me it was the most physically intense and grueling thing I’ve ever done, hands down. Having this experience minimized tends to make women defensive. In no way does this mean women are incapable of gaining only an appropriate amount of weight, or exempt from the laws of thermodynamics. However, I feel it’s appropriate for those who have never experienced it firsthand to admit they may not fully understand how it feels to face these additional challenges. On the other hand, I don’t think saying men know nothing about physical challenges or caring for children is correct or useful either.
No one said that.0 -
....and we're back to spears and shields again.3
-
Even if no one said those words directly, the attitude toward the men in this thread was dismissive and disrespectful with regards to their presumed understanding of what it is like to have/care for a new baby.
5 -
Even if no one said those words directly, the attitude toward the men in this thread was dismissive and disrespectful with regards to their presumed understanding of what it is like to have/care for a new baby.
Maybe because the men themselves were disrespectful and dismissive. *shrug*12 -
Oh I agree, hence my statement that if you haven't experienced it firsthand maybe you should pause and think about if you can possibly understand it fully.
I primarily gained weight early in my pregnancy, and it was due to morning sickness. As someone said a while back, morning sickness doesn't always mean vomiting. I didn't vomit. I was just constantly severely nauseous and the only thing that helped a little was a physically full stomach. I gained weight because I ate to temporarily relieve the nausea, which was in excess of my modest first trimester calorie needs. Could I have chosen not to? Sure, of course. But I guarantee you someone who hasn't experienced 4 solid months of unrelenting nausea quite gets what that choice felt like.26 -
Oh I agree, hence my statement that if you haven't experienced it firsthand maybe you should pause and think about if you can possibly understand it fully.
I primarily gained weight early in my pregnancy, and it was due to morning sickness. As someone said a while back, morning sickness doesn't always mean vomiting. I didn't vomit. I was just constantly severely nauseous and the only thing that helped a little was a physically full stomach. I gained weight because I ate to temporarily relieve the nausea, which was in excess of my modest first trimester calorie needs. Could I have chosen not to? Sure, of course. But I guarantee you someone who hasn't experienced 4 solid months of unrelenting nausea quite gets what that choice felt like.
Exactly this.0 -
-
heiliskrimsli wrote: »
I didn't assume you were a man. *shrug*0 -
It was the least fun way to gain weight ever, the food actually tasted terrible!2
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.3K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 388 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.4K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.2K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 910 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.2K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions