Less Alcohol - August 2018 - One Day at a Time

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  • lorrainequiche59
    lorrainequiche59 Posts: 900 Member
    @RubyRed427 AWESOME!! That's inspiration! You GO girl <3
  • Cleosweetie
    Cleosweetie Posts: 71 Member
    @itsmeagain2016 -- welcome!

    @RubyRed427 --- great job Julie!

    @donimfp --- I agree with your instinct that you should give your guests a head's up about the new circumstances. I also agree that you shouldn't be expected to serve tons and tons of alcohol under these new circumstances.

    If I read your post correctly, it looks like you are ok with telling them about your new AF-ness? If so, then how about sending an email to the group saying that you are AF, but also saying that you don't have a problem with them drinking around you. And then say something about being happy to serve wine with dinner, but beyond that, please BYOB.

    I think wine with dinner should be fine as far as your hosting obligations.
  • NormInv
    NormInv Posts: 3,303 Member
    donimfp wrote: »
    Question: Have any of you guys dealt with the issue of what to do as a host if you are now either AF or moderating in a way that was formerly not typical of you? I ask because I got a text from a friend who is part of a couple who comes over every year for dinner, drinks, and the season-opening episode of NCIS. We all know we are complete DORKS for doing this, so that is not the issue. The issue is that I always cook, we have dinner with wine, and then drinks while watching Gibbs, Ducky, Abby (RIP), etc. This made me realize there are other events we host throughout the year, like an Oscars Night party, where alcohol has traditionally been a major feature.

    It's one thing to go out to a bar or party and not drink. I can do that. But I feel weird about suddenly hosting people who are quite understandably expecting alcohol and not providing it. On the other hand, I feel weird about hosting an event with abundant alcohol when my own intention is to be alcohol free.

    Any thoughts? I mean, really, etiquette-wise. I'm not afraid of being around the alcohol. I just don't know what the right thing to do in the future is, as far as my "duty" as a host to offer alcohol. I received an invitation from a couple I don't know very well for a 30th Anniversary party they were hosting (their own anniversary). The invitation said, "No alcohol, please." I took that to mean, "Please don't bring us bottles of wine." But for friends that will expect to be served alcohol when they come to my house, I don't know what to do. I think etiquette is about making everyone feel comfortable and respected. I'm happy to offer wine with dinner, but I don't want guests to feel uncomfortable if I'm drinking Perrier and they are drinking wine. And I have to say that in the past, some of our gatherings have become a bit over the top alcohol-wise, and I don't want that to happen, but I don't want things to be super awkward, either, if we suddenly offer a choice of soft drinks with no explanation of where the wine, beer, vodka, etc., went. Any suggestions/advice welcome.

    I would have an ice water with lime...nobody has to know whats in it
  • NormInv
    NormInv Posts: 3,303 Member
    edited August 2018
    donimfp wrote: »
    NormInv wrote: »
    I would have an ice water with lime...nobody has to know whats in it
    Thanks, @Norminv! Good to see you! Yeah, I'm not concerned about my own drinking, and I don't care if anyone knows I'm not drinking alcohol. Too old to care about that. My only concern is that I truly do want my guests to feel welcome and comfortable, and I don't really feel comfortable imposing my own relatively new lifestyle on them when there has been a pattern of "drinks and snacks" at events I've hosted. I don't want to make a big announcement about my choice to be AF, so I think "Festive soft drinks will be served. Feel free to BYOB if you want anything else" is probably the way I'll go. They'll probably just think I'm cheap!!

    wait a second, i dont understand.....why do you have to announce you are AF? you can just have your ice water and let the guests have all the alcohol they like....i am assuming you are not afraid that you will lose control and drink if you were near alcohol....if you have self control then just drink your lime water and act really drunk

    i am also assuming that as host you have no problem buying your guests alcohol
  • NormInv
    NormInv Posts: 3,303 Member
    itsmeagain2016 wrote: »
    Hello! New to the mfp community. When I try to restart the weight loss and motivation alcohol goes out the window. Glass of wine after work. Two glasses on Friday. Maybe three. Meet for cocktails. Plate of cheese and olives. Dinner out with wine. Steak or pasta. Bread. Ooh I fell good tonight. Let’s share a dessert. And then before you know I’ve had a bazillion calories. Wake up with a cement dry throat and feeling sluggish. I don’t enjoy that. I quit it when I’m working on weight loss.

    Today is day 8 AF and I feel good! Although...

    Yesterday was a stressful day. Band registration day for son’s high school band. I’m on the board. Coordinated 240 uniform fittings. All those kids. Their parents! The volunteers! Questions, instructions, information.... SENSORY OVERLOAD

    these are times when I would definitely need a glass of wine. Last night I had a huge craving. Other board members and I texted and they had already broken into the vino! Everyone was super excited about their glass of wine! My brain could not wind down. The noise in my head would not shut up! I took a bubble bath. Watched a video. Talked with hubs. Trying to redirect my brain. Went to bed at 8 pm!

    Woke this morning relaxed and calm. So glad I got through the jonesing last night!

    Having coffee on my back patio at 7 am! Life feels good!

    welcome to the AF train....
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    donimfp wrote: »
    NormInv wrote: »
    I would have an ice water with lime...nobody has to know whats in it
    Thanks, Norminv! Good to see you! Yeah, I'm not concerned about my own drinking, and I don't care if anyone knows I'm not drinking alcohol. Too old to care about that. My only concern is that I truly do want my guests to feel welcome and comfortable, and I don't really feel comfortable imposing my own relatively new lifestyle on them when there has been a pattern of "drinks and snacks" at events I've hosted. I don't want to make a big announcement about my choice to be AF, so I think "Festive soft drinks will be served. Feel free to BYOB if you want anything else" is probably the way I'll go. They'll probably just think I'm cheap!!

    The only snag I see with that plan is if some is brought but not enough for everyone. Some may read between the lines and think you are not encouraging alcohol and not bring any even if they wanted to drink (or they could be too cheap to buy any). You could have a situation where some people are left out because they don't want to drink the limited amount that someone brought or you could have a situation where some people greedily drink too much and the people bringing it are left with little.

    Or maybe I am just assuming what my relatives would probably do in that situation (I have seen multi-year rifts for less) and other people are much more civilized...
  • salleewins
    salleewins Posts: 2,308 Member
    donimfp wrote: »
    NormInv wrote: »
    wait a second, i dont understand.....why do you have to announce you are AF? you can just have your ice water and let the guests have all the alcohol they like....i am assuming you are not afraid that you will lose control and drink if you were near alcohol....if you have self control then just drink your lime water and act really drunk

    i am also assuming that as host you have no problem buying your guests alcohol

    Thanks again, @Norm! Actually, your last sentence was where my original question arose. I was wondering if I should just carry on serving alcohol as before or if I should edge toward a different practice. Others suggested I sort of announce a change because of my new sobriety, but I don't feel comfy with that. I think my down-deep concern was that I would make guests feel uncomfortable if I provided wine/alcohol and then didn't join them. I have really nice friends, and I can imagine them feeling obliged to reassure me that I don't need to provide alcohol for them. I'm probably just WAY overthinking it. I think serving wine with dinner (which I provide) and specifying BYOB for other events is probably best. I'm sure some on here are thinking, "What is her problem???" No need to discuss further, but I do appreciate the input.

    It is good planning!
  • Orphia
    Orphia Posts: 7,097 Member
    @donimfp

    Would your guests feel "comfortable" if they knew how much deliberation you are taking over their short visit?

    I recommend letting them know "alcohol will be provided with dinner; please no BYO" so it doesn't turn into a big drinking session.



  • Orphia
    Orphia Posts: 7,097 Member
    @itsmeagain2016
    @forestdweller46

    Great introductory posts!

    Love the "naked lunch" truth in people sharing their struggles, as they connect us all, no matter what stage we are at in the Less Alcohol process.
  • RubyRed427
    RubyRed427 Posts: 4,374 Member
    Hi Friends, I’m at a three day family reunion this week. So, tonight was the first dinner out all together. My usual partners in crime (two cousins) and I usually love to have a few drinks and catch up on life. So, one cousin pointed out the strawberry vodka lemonade drink, so I told them both very casually that I quit drinking a few weeks ago. I liked alcohol too much and it liked me too much. So, I had to just quit. They were a little surprised- I could see in their eyes, but they said oh ok. Nothing else was said, and I filled up on club soda once again.

    Side note about club soda: After two sodas, my stomach gets so uncomfortable and bloated. I guess before you know it I’ll just have to stick with plain old water. I’m feeling good overall, and I think my skin is starting to look better and face less bloated. The only problem is I’m not sleeping well at all.
    @donimfp I think it wont end up being a big deal. I bet your friends will understand. The less said the better, I think. I’d just say I’m not drinking alcohol but I dont mind if you do. Then, just have wine at the table. No need for hard liquor anyway.
  • Orphia
    Orphia Posts: 7,097 Member
    My go-to mocktail ingredient lately is apricot nectar.

    I have it at dinner with either sparkling water, or if I have spare calories, dry ginger.
  • Orphia
    Orphia Posts: 7,097 Member
    RubyRed427 wrote: »
    [...] I quit drinking a few weeks ago. [...]I’m feeling good overall, and I think my skin is starting to look better and face less bloated. The only problem is I’m not sleeping well at all.

    Well done for realising the solution to your battle with alcohol, and sticking to it.

    Are other things in your life not going as well that might be causing the poor sleep?

    Just remember, things would only be worse if you were drinking like you used to. Hugs.
  • SunnyDays930
    SunnyDays930 Posts: 1,574 Member
    Julie, ask for seltzer water instead of club soda. The sodium in CS could be making you feel bloated and retain water whereas Selzter water has none. I stayed dry this weekend, its only been 7 sober days for me but I already feel better. I figured the amount I would have consumed (probably 3 bottles of wine over the weekend) saved me a minimum of 45.00, more if I had drinks while we were in restaurants, and 1800 calories.
  • lorrainequiche59
    lorrainequiche59 Posts: 900 Member
    Last day of the long weekend in my part of the world. I'm on HOLIDAYS for the rest of the week so WOOHOO!!

    I went to the beach with some friends yesterday & it never even entered my mind that there was no alcohol until this morning when I was catching up on the posts here. So even though it's only been a couple of months, it seems that I'm becoming accustomed to a different way of life. A life where alcohol isn't the center & all else revolves around it. It feels good to be freed from what was, for me, an obsession & freed from the internal conflict of feeling the need to drink & really wishing I didn't feel the need.

    I hope everyone feels good about their choices this weekend.

    What will I do today??? HMMMM?? Whatever I'd like!! YAY!!

    May everyone have a good week!! <3
  • RubyRed427
    RubyRed427 Posts: 4,374 Member
    NovusDies wrote: »
    I have a personal challenge for everyone this week. At least 3 times this week turn on one of your favorite upbeat songs and dance. If, like me, you can't dance that well then dance awkwardly. Have yourself a 2-3 minute celebration whether you have a good reason or not. It doesn't matter if you do it alone or with someone else.

    As they say dance like no one is watching! I like your idea. Music is a great motivator and inspiration!
  • donimfp
    donimfp Posts: 795 Member
    @Callandscaper, that sounds like a great moderation plan. I'm glad that works for you!

    @RubyRed427, have you tried subbing sparkling water (Pellegrino or Perrier) for the club soda? I can't tolerate soda either, but the water is fine. I have trouble finding good subs for alcohol because I don't like sweet "mocktails," but I do get sick of plain old water. This weekend my husband mixed grapefruit juice and diet ginger ale, and I really liked it. Heavier on the juice so not so sweet. He laughed when he offered me a second one and I said, "No, one's my limit."

    On that note, I've noticed that I expect to have a drink in my hand pretty constantly, albeit a non-alcoholic drink. I wonder when that will fade. Surely other non-drinkers don't constantly need to be drinking something. I guess that's a habit I got into with the alcohol.

    Have a great week, everyone.
  • RubyRed427
    RubyRed427 Posts: 4,374 Member
    edited August 2018
    Callandscaper wrote: »
    I cut back on my drinking. Drinking was the main reason in my mind for weight gain over the last 25 years. I tend to want to drink between 5 and 7 at night. I noticed that if I ate dinner before my first drink, I no longer craved it. There is some connection there. I limit myself to one drink a night and 2 days a week, I abstain. Blood pressure is back to normal, blood work is looking great after 5 months of changing my diet. I never intend to quit drinking or eating the foods that I like. I found that moderation does work for me.

    Great post! I think you got it figured out. Congrats for five months of moderating. Xo

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