Less Alcohol - August 2018 - One Day at a Time

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  • WhineThyme
    WhineThyme Posts: 959 Member
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    salleewins wrote: »
    ...
    Presently I am also interested in seeing if wine is made differently than the way it used to be many years ago. I have starting looking around to see if there is any info on this. Maybe there is a possibilty to get addicted quicker nowadays? I will see.

    Interesting. I was just contemplating the same thing last night. I'm thinking it's most likely very different. But looking forward to something new to research.
  • NormInv
    NormInv Posts: 3,285 Member
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    LC0924 wrote: »
    Hello, all! It’s random and I definitely don’t want to interrupt the conversation, but I did want to share - I was sitting in the chair of my super awesome stylist today and she was talking to me about her 10+ years of sobriety. I mentioned that I had quit drinking (because, I mean, I technically have) and she was SO EXCITED for me. It was the first time I’ve said it out loud to anyone other than my husband and it was weirdly scary but also very rewarding :)

    I hope Saturday has been treating you all well! Whether your goal is no alcohol or mindful drinking, you’ve got this <3

    Very nice victory!
  • snoo61
    snoo61 Posts: 549 Member
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    LC0924 wrote: »
    Hello, all! It’s random and I definitely don’t want to interrupt the conversation, but I did want to share - I was sitting in the chair of my super awesome stylist today and she was talking to me about her 10+ years of sobriety. I mentioned that I had quit drinking (because, I mean, I technically have) and she was SO EXCITED for me. It was the first time I’ve said it out loud to anyone other than my husband and it was weirdly scary but also very rewarding :)

    I hope Saturday has been treating you all well! Whether your goal is no alcohol or mindful drinking, you’ve got this <3

    You are never interrupting! I'm happy for you, its wonderful to be celebrated for what you're doing!
  • snoo61
    snoo61 Posts: 549 Member
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    NovusDies wrote: »
    salleewins wrote: »
    With all due respect-and I am not going to argue-we all have our beliefs. Time magazine is not always objective, therefore factual, and also the Mayo Clinic uses the words "possible" and "may have" in their pairing with "health benefits". When those words are repeatedly used, it can be looked at as not necessarily factual.

    Those are the same words used with just about every medication I have ever seen advertised. You can't say X will definitely produce results in every person because it won't and if it doesn't and you claim it will you open yourself up for a lawsuit.

    I also believe that alcohol can have benefits and I don't think it is a stretch in the least considering the number of truly lethal substances out there that are regularly used in medicine.

    I think the problem with saying alcohol is a toxin or poison is that there is no context. Without context it makes moderate drinkers sound kind of dumb for drinking it at all. Without context you could say that over the counter pain medications are toxins/poisons because if you use them for an extended period of time daily they can cause serious health problems like liver disease. However, it is unlikely (not impossible) for you to experience problems under normal circumstances. This is one example but I can think of many more including sun exposure, pollution, stress, over-eating, etc., that can all be problems in excess.

    Thank you for your well thought out post. I'm over the debate, we are all here because we are trying to do better.
  • donimfp
    donimfp Posts: 795 Member
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    Question: Have any of you guys dealt with the issue of what to do as a host if you are now either AF or moderating in a way that was formerly not typical of you? I ask because I got a text from a friend who is part of a couple who comes over every year for dinner, drinks, and the season-opening episode of NCIS. We all know we are complete DORKS for doing this, so that is not the issue. The issue is that I always cook, we have dinner with wine, and then drinks while watching Gibbs, Ducky, Abby (RIP), etc. This made me realize there are other events we host throughout the year, like an Oscars Night party, where alcohol has traditionally been a major feature.

    It's one thing to go out to a bar or party and not drink. I can do that. But I feel weird about suddenly hosting people who are quite understandably expecting alcohol and not providing it. On the other hand, I feel weird about hosting an event with abundant alcohol when my own intention is to be alcohol free.

    Any thoughts? I mean, really, etiquette-wise. I'm not afraid of being around the alcohol. I just don't know what the right thing to do in the future is, as far as my "duty" as a host to offer alcohol. I received an invitation from a couple I don't know very well for a 30th Anniversary party they were hosting (their own anniversary). The invitation said, "No alcohol, please." I took that to mean, "Please don't bring us bottles of wine." But for friends that will expect to be served alcohol when they come to my house, I don't know what to do. I think etiquette is about making everyone feel comfortable and respected. I'm happy to offer wine with dinner, but I don't want guests to feel uncomfortable if I'm drinking Perrier and they are drinking wine. And I have to say that in the past, some of our gatherings have become a bit over the top alcohol-wise, and I don't want that to happen, but I don't want things to be super awkward, either, if we suddenly offer a choice of soft drinks with no explanation of where the wine, beer, vodka, etc., went. Any suggestions/advice welcome.
  • lorrainequiche59
    lorrainequiche59 Posts: 900 Member
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    @donimfp I Agree with @NovusDies. You need to be true to you & determine what that means personally. I would say listen to your gut instead of doing what you "should" do, do what you need to do for you. Is this selfish?? I'd say it depends on the context LOL <3 ...I prefer to think of self-care as self-FULL. (Easy for me to say though because I'm not emotionally attached to your situation.) Your true friends will want to support you even if that means sacrifice on their part. If nothing else, it will determine the quality of your friendships. That can be the uncomfortable part for you though.

    I have hosted a couple of AF events, BUT I invited those friends that I knew would be ok & actually offer me support around my sobriety. I have yet to host those who I'm not sure of or that I suspect may be disappointed in the whole AF lifestyle, but I am past the point of people pleasing!! At the same time I don't want to be overconfident & set myself up. I need more time to get my new habits firmly entrenched before I take on any more challenges.

    I've had my own dilemma with a very nice bottle of champagne that's been sitting in my fridge from a couple of moves ago. It was a gift from a client. The plan before I became AF was to have a champagne brunch including my client. The other option was to give it back to her. I vacillated between hosting the brunch which I already had passed by a couple of friends very willing to attend & giving it back to my client. Can I host the brunch & be ok with not drinking. Yes, I feel confident I could. BUT would I be ok with serving my friends something I wouldn't drink because I am promoting an AF lifestyle. I personally feel I wouldn't be true to myself...BUT that is MY thing, I'm not saying anyone else should agree...This is ME!! So, my decision is made after writing this little spiel out, the champagne is being returned. She can do with it what she wants.

    You have to decide what is YOU & feel good about it!!
  • lorrainequiche59
    lorrainequiche59 Posts: 900 Member
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    @RubyRed427 AWESOME!! That's inspiration! You GO girl <3
  • Cleosweetie
    Cleosweetie Posts: 71 Member
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    @itsmeagain2016 -- welcome!

    @RubyRed427 --- great job Julie!

    @donimfp --- I agree with your instinct that you should give your guests a head's up about the new circumstances. I also agree that you shouldn't be expected to serve tons and tons of alcohol under these new circumstances.

    If I read your post correctly, it looks like you are ok with telling them about your new AF-ness? If so, then how about sending an email to the group saying that you are AF, but also saying that you don't have a problem with them drinking around you. And then say something about being happy to serve wine with dinner, but beyond that, please BYOB.

    I think wine with dinner should be fine as far as your hosting obligations.
  • NormInv
    NormInv Posts: 3,285 Member
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    donimfp wrote: »
    Question: Have any of you guys dealt with the issue of what to do as a host if you are now either AF or moderating in a way that was formerly not typical of you? I ask because I got a text from a friend who is part of a couple who comes over every year for dinner, drinks, and the season-opening episode of NCIS. We all know we are complete DORKS for doing this, so that is not the issue. The issue is that I always cook, we have dinner with wine, and then drinks while watching Gibbs, Ducky, Abby (RIP), etc. This made me realize there are other events we host throughout the year, like an Oscars Night party, where alcohol has traditionally been a major feature.

    It's one thing to go out to a bar or party and not drink. I can do that. But I feel weird about suddenly hosting people who are quite understandably expecting alcohol and not providing it. On the other hand, I feel weird about hosting an event with abundant alcohol when my own intention is to be alcohol free.

    Any thoughts? I mean, really, etiquette-wise. I'm not afraid of being around the alcohol. I just don't know what the right thing to do in the future is, as far as my "duty" as a host to offer alcohol. I received an invitation from a couple I don't know very well for a 30th Anniversary party they were hosting (their own anniversary). The invitation said, "No alcohol, please." I took that to mean, "Please don't bring us bottles of wine." But for friends that will expect to be served alcohol when they come to my house, I don't know what to do. I think etiquette is about making everyone feel comfortable and respected. I'm happy to offer wine with dinner, but I don't want guests to feel uncomfortable if I'm drinking Perrier and they are drinking wine. And I have to say that in the past, some of our gatherings have become a bit over the top alcohol-wise, and I don't want that to happen, but I don't want things to be super awkward, either, if we suddenly offer a choice of soft drinks with no explanation of where the wine, beer, vodka, etc., went. Any suggestions/advice welcome.

    I would have an ice water with lime...nobody has to know whats in it
  • NormInv
    NormInv Posts: 3,285 Member
    edited August 2018
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    donimfp wrote: »
    NormInv wrote: »
    I would have an ice water with lime...nobody has to know whats in it
    Thanks, @Norminv! Good to see you! Yeah, I'm not concerned about my own drinking, and I don't care if anyone knows I'm not drinking alcohol. Too old to care about that. My only concern is that I truly do want my guests to feel welcome and comfortable, and I don't really feel comfortable imposing my own relatively new lifestyle on them when there has been a pattern of "drinks and snacks" at events I've hosted. I don't want to make a big announcement about my choice to be AF, so I think "Festive soft drinks will be served. Feel free to BYOB if you want anything else" is probably the way I'll go. They'll probably just think I'm cheap!!

    wait a second, i dont understand.....why do you have to announce you are AF? you can just have your ice water and let the guests have all the alcohol they like....i am assuming you are not afraid that you will lose control and drink if you were near alcohol....if you have self control then just drink your lime water and act really drunk

    i am also assuming that as host you have no problem buying your guests alcohol
  • NormInv
    NormInv Posts: 3,285 Member
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    itsmeagain2016 wrote: »
    Hello! New to the mfp community. When I try to restart the weight loss and motivation alcohol goes out the window. Glass of wine after work. Two glasses on Friday. Maybe three. Meet for cocktails. Plate of cheese and olives. Dinner out with wine. Steak or pasta. Bread. Ooh I fell good tonight. Let’s share a dessert. And then before you know I’ve had a bazillion calories. Wake up with a cement dry throat and feeling sluggish. I don’t enjoy that. I quit it when I’m working on weight loss.

    Today is day 8 AF and I feel good! Although...

    Yesterday was a stressful day. Band registration day for son’s high school band. I’m on the board. Coordinated 240 uniform fittings. All those kids. Their parents! The volunteers! Questions, instructions, information.... SENSORY OVERLOAD

    these are times when I would definitely need a glass of wine. Last night I had a huge craving. Other board members and I texted and they had already broken into the vino! Everyone was super excited about their glass of wine! My brain could not wind down. The noise in my head would not shut up! I took a bubble bath. Watched a video. Talked with hubs. Trying to redirect my brain. Went to bed at 8 pm!

    Woke this morning relaxed and calm. So glad I got through the jonesing last night!

    Having coffee on my back patio at 7 am! Life feels good!

    welcome to the AF train....

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