The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
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@Up_n_Running Wow you've had to grow up fast--you must have such a special bond. After all I've been reading, please encourage them to do a brain scan before just putting your brother on meds in case there is a physical component that needs addressing. I hope you both get some restful and healing time this week. You are an inspiration more than you know.
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Up_n_Running wrote: »My brother got a pretty serious diagnosis today (although it is *unofficial* as he will be contacted for further assessment). But, I'm pretty sure they have got it correct. I don't want to say what it is just because I would feel like I'm betraying his trust, I guess its quite a personal matter.
I have had to fight with every fibre of my being not to escape into a bottle of wine. Or beer. Or vodka. Or whiskey. Just wanted to escape. Instead I have bought myself a packet of cigarettes. Sitting with a coffee and a cig. Not the best, but the best I can do right now.
Main thing is, he is going to get the help he needs. That's a huge positive. Just have to try and digest the news.
OH dear. I'm sorry to hear that about his diagnosis. I'm sending you a huge hug to deal with all this! Hugs4 -
@Up_n_Running. It will all work out. Sending love and hugs for a positive outcome.5
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Good morning friends! Nothing new to report- staying sober... for today. That's all we have.
I'm planning a fourth of July party; so I have been so busy getting ready for it. I will be sober for it. I don't want to embarrass myself by drinking. I remember for my daughter's graduation party I was sober as well. I wanted to remember everything.
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My sponsor was telling me about a lady who was going to her AA meetings faithfully. This lady had a dysfunctional boyfriend who was into drugs and alcohol. So, the lady distanced herself and was getting her life on track.
Then, one night, she fell off the wagon. She and the boyfriend drank and decided to do drugs. Guess what happened? He died from the drugs, she was charged with murder, because she was the one who gave him the injection. That's it! Life's over for her and of course for him. I can only imagine how she spend nights in jail thinking, Oh why didn't I stay sober!!! That story scared me. She is no different than me. One bad decision can be so life altering.5 -
@Up_n_Running My sister was just talking about this group with me. She really likes their philosophy and has partaken in some online meetings. She said it was started by a woman who went to AA but found it to be too centered for the male participants.
On their website they have these statements: Happiness is a habit i'm developing.I am what I think. Life can be ordinary or great.... it all sounds quite positive.3 -
Up_n_Running wrote: »Only 17 days left until back at my personal best 🌞 (134 days).
Just over 2 weeks ??
I can do this !!
Tattoo is getting nearer & nearer....8 days to go 😬😝🦋🌹
8 days to go til tattoo day! I can't wait to see it. 17 days is very doable for you. You have great tenacity!
I will check out K. Johnson- I like positivity.
I ran across a TikTok of a psychologist ; he said we are so hard on ourselves; our inner dialogue is so depressing- we must avidly change that.
Another TikTok psychologist spoke of dopamine; she said visualization is the key to building that dopamine kick.
Here's an article about it. https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/2958853 -
Up_n_Running wrote: »
I really like this post by Kirsten Johnson. I would also recommend her book, The Heartgasm Revolution. I love her, her positivity is infectious! 💕
I"m buying two copies- one for me and one for my sister! Thanks for sharing!2 -
Im right there with you @Up_n_Running
No off switch. I read in another thread.
its like Pringles once you pop you cant stop. Funny person whoever that was.
Ive been wrestling with the thought of drinking lately. Its the nice weather My husband cooler is fully stocked at all times. Hes doesn't remember things weve talked about the nite before. And it is a shiit show to say the least.. So its what keeps me from oh Ill just have a one or a few. No such thing.
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Congrats to all of you we only have today my actual sober b-day is 01-01-03 I have been drug and alcohol free and each day is a work in progress10
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Damn! I did it again. I drank another bunch of wine last night. Horrible idea- woke with a hangover. Lucky me. So, I read the writing on the wall. This is turning into the usual thing. So, I just sent an email to Women for Sobriety about their local meeting this Wed. I"m really excited. Got to get that dopamine kick from trying something new - a new program. I'll let you know how it goes.6
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Up_n_Running wrote: »RubyRed427 wrote: »Damn! I did it again. I drank another bunch of wine last night. Horrible idea- woke with a hangover. Lucky me. So, I read the writing on the wall. This is turning into the usual thing. So, I just sent an email to Women for Sobriety about their local meeting this Wed. I"m really excited. Got to get that dopamine kick from trying something new - a new program. I'll let you know how it goes.
It happens. Hope you recover from the hangover ASAP 💖
Oh, that meeting will be really interesting if their website is anything to go by.
My sister came over and said something wise, she said, our path in sobriety is not straight... there are curves, valleys, twists, turns..... She's right.
I feel better this evening. I also was under no illusion that I could have gone back to normal drinking. This was a deliberate attempt to be normal for a bit. But hey, normal is a relative term. I am soooo happy to be back on track even if it's just for today. I'll worry about tomorrow tomorrow.6 -
Hello...I'm Ba-a-a-a-ack!
The following LONG blurb is a page out of my current book that I am in the process of writing (I am seriously writing a book):
Just a little Major life change for me in the past couple of weeks. I have been involved in a mainstream religious cult for the past 25 years and have been slowly awakening over the recent past couple of years, in particular, since I have been dealing with other traumas from my past. I was a shining star for a number of years and was in deep. My mind & heart were captivated by the picture that was painted initially when they first began to recruit me and then from there I squished my doubts through food and then alcohol and ignored my gut with much help from those who wanted to keep me in the "fold." Through this my budding alcohol issue grew to become a daily dependence and now I see, with eyes wide open, the role that this new trauma played in my decline. THANK GOD (I actually don't even know what I believe any longer in that sense, but that's ok. In time, I will work all that out, but for now I can't even pick up a Bible and I still pray randomly out of habit really feeling there is a force/Creator but can't even go there right now ~ I'll work all that out on my own time, in my own way)
I AM FREE!! But it is not without some stress of making it very clear to these people (some who I grew to like over my time with them) that they need to stop harassing me to come back via text/phone calls/uninvited visits. THIS is their M.O. when someone wakes up and needs to get clear of them. Long-story short I ended up calling our local law to ask for help in breaking free from this group. The police were very concerned and helpful. I assured them I am not 'afraid' of these people in the sense of they won't hurt me or kill me lol BUT I do not want the continual harassment from them...I expected some 'love-bombing' but when I was bombarded yesterday, which built up over the past few days, I thought I was going to have an anxiety attack and just started bawling...that's when I decided to get some help. I need to begin my healing & deprogramming process and the drama of warding off their invasive tactics will only delay my impending grief and all that comes with that. This was a big chunk of my life. I was 35 years old and through this I lost close friends and family members because of the indoctrination that began to isolate me from those I loved the most...it's difficult to understand unless a person is in it. Of course, I have a fighting spirit in me that wasn't totally extinguished and so I wasn't a perfect little cult victim because I did keep contact with most of my family, but in a limited way that was part of the ongoing control.
Anyhoo, the point of sharing this latest stressor is connected to my sober state which is still intact thank goodness. It was interesting this time because it was like I was watching my thoughts form about having some wine in the initial stages of my departure from the crazy-train I was riding. My thoughts around having some wine and just observing them, watching them form and watching those thoughts change to another thought as I reasoned it out in my mind. It wasn't as much a craving as it was a thought process as in, "IF I had some wine, no one would fault me for it. IN FACT, they would probably support my 'need' to escape. I could just start over again at some point, blah blah blah, everyone would totally understand" BUT, It seemed as fast as the thoughts came, they also left because I had decided that I can drink whenever I want, but for now, drinking would be the WORST thing I could do...not cause of the health affects or any of that or even the slide into oblivion. The thing that concerned me the most was the fear that' if I had some drinks in me, I'd be tempted, and I'd likely cave into calling one of these Narcissistic, hypocritical, manipulative, lying, control-friek A-holes and give them a piece of my mind...THEY do not deserve another piece of my mind cause they stole enough of it. I now have the ongoing work of unscrambling my brain and it will be a huge part of my ongoing trauma work going forward...
What I concluded is that I was ripe for the picking for these people 25 yrs ago at a very vulnerable time in my life and I do not mope over wasting 25 years of my life being controlled because NOTHING IS wasted. The lessons I have and will continue to learn through this are invaluable to my personal growth going forward.
My first journal entry the day I finally come to my decision and said it out loud and shared it with my niece began with "What good has come out of all this?" and my answer is that," I cleaned up my life, and I have become a much better person through all of this," and in spite of all of the trauma I accumulated from being gas-lit regularly and the regular doses of cognitive dissonance that kept me feeling a bit 'crazy' Kinda like, "Is it me or is it them?" Now I KNOW it ain't me!! I'm am done drinking their Kool Aid!! I want to get to a place of compassion for those who are still stuck in it and may likely be for the rest of their life OR until this corrupt organization is taken down, hopefully sooner than later. As for those who are still sipping the Kool Aid, my hope for them is that they wake up and break free from the craziness that they are unwittingly controlled by. Right now I have a lot of anger with layers of hurt, disappointment and and sadness to be quite honest. BUT I AM FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! YAY ME!!!!!!!
I feel like I'm coming home to myself. YAY ME 6 -
@lorrainequiche59 WOW! That is an amazing story; I'm happy for you that you are in a better place now in many ways. I look forward to reading more and hearing your story unfold; I'm sure you will be helping many others with your truth.
My aunt has been in a cult for 30 years now; her siblings were helpless and could not get her out. They took all she had and her property money and stopped her contact with her family. She also dragged one unsuspecting relative into her cult and this lady died because they told her they would heal her cancer.6 -
@lorrainequiche59 what an amazing journey you have had! I am so happy that you are better and have freed yourself from that "prison" that is a cult. Your steadfast sobriety surely had a lot to do with you being able to overcome all that you have. Amazing story. Thanks for sharing with us.5
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Good morning friends! I woke up sober but slept poorly. At least I have no hangover.
I am eagerly awaiting @Up_n_Running tattoo reveal.
I like your quotes!
I am going Wed. night to the meeting Women for Sobriety. I can't wait to see how it goes- how different or similar it is to my AA meetings.
Last evening, I went to the grocery store and studied all the labels of Chardonnay and did some self talk like you will regret it if you buy it, you will drink the whole bottle if you buy it. I didn't buy it. Like they say "think the whole drink through."7 -
My sister just celebrated 500 days alcohol free in a row. I'm really happy for her! She says to herself I can drink, and then I can throw up. Who wants to throw up?
She nearly died 500 days ago because of that.... nearly asphyxiated.
p.s. My cousin came to a recent party I had; he was out of control. He had not been home for 35 hours before the party; his wife came alone. Then, he stumbled into the party two hours later. Sheepish but not that embarrassed. In his alcoholic haze, he was flirting with my daughter's friend; it was ridiculous. My mom witnessed everything and was really upset about his drinking and behavior. Anyway, I told her we can only control our behavior. I did tell him to stop talking to my daughter's friend.5 -
Recently when I had the bottle of wine, the first glass was a delight. Then, I noticed a dark cloud come over me; I felt depressed, angry, etc. So, yes, the first 20 min. the dopamine kick was awesome. Then, for me, it just went downhill. I guess the good ol days are over; drinking makes me feel like a have a black veil over my head.6
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@Up_n_Running Your tattoo is gorgeous! I love it so much! What a talented artist! Nice job picking it!
I know it's tempting but you made a good decision with the AF wine- if you just last an hour through the cravings, then they go away. Yes, lucky him- we used to have such fun drinking but I become weird, wicked and dark.3 -
Up_n_Running wrote: »Thanks Ruby 😊 I'm so happy with my tat !
And yeah, thanks for the advice. I have been feeling tempted but I'm just going to look forward to eating my dinner instead (nice homemade lasagne) and treat myself to some dark chocolate and read one of my books. I love reading lately. It's became my hobby.
I think the thing bothering me most, is that I feel like I'm not 'joining in with him'. But I don't think I will feel that way tomorrow morning....I won't want to join his hangover 😛
Yes, it can feel like we are left out of the fun, but tomorrow morning will be wonderful for you. You will feel relieved.3 -
Love the butterfly!
I've discovered the joy of reading again now that the libraries are open once more. This is certainly not something one can enjoy while drinking. I just love getting lost in a different world for a while. I am finally reading the Shell Seekers which everyone but me seems to have already read. My daughter highly recommended it. I love curling up with a good book and a tea on a Sunday afternoon.5 -
@Up_n_Running I love butterflies!! What a fitting tattoo for your freedom from alcohol dependence. At least that is what I associate with butterflies ~ Freedom!!
I had a running streak on MFP, I think it was close to 60 days logging when I dropped off the map once again, as in logging my food...my WOE has not changed but I definitely need to log to track my amounts...my weight loss has slowed but it isn't my total focus anyway. I want my numbers to drop re: glucose level in my blood and am getting re-tested once my doc is back from holidays....we shall see if no sugar, wheat/lower carbs will do the trick.
The difference for me this round is I am not beating myself or feeling like a failure because I'm not doing it all perfect! It's ok that I took a detour while I dealt with the immediate "crisis" in my life...Crisis is averted and I am now feeling so much clearer about things. I've connected with a woman who was part of a local polygamous cult for 40 years...through her recovery she wrote a book about her experience and now has speaking engagements to share her story as a warning to others. I have connected with her and she has enlisted the help of a colleague who works in cult recovery. So I am excited to work with these two...couldn't be better timing for me because after I poured myself out in therapy the first session after my defection, My therapist told me she is retiring at the end of this month. And that is ok cause I will be taken care of in the next phase of my journey.
Interestingly, I've had so many good experiences lately and it is like I have my life back only it is a better life being sober!! All of your kind words are part of the latest good experiences...I am SO thankful for all of your support over the years and especially now 6 -
lorrainequiche59 wrote: »@Up_n_Running I love butterflies!! What a fitting tattoo for your freedom from alcohol dependence. At least that is what I associate with butterflies ~ Freedom!!
I had a running streak on MFP, I think it was close to 60 days logging when I dropped off the map once again, as in logging my food...my WOE has not changed but I definitely need to log to track my amounts...my weight loss has slowed but it isn't my total focus anyway. I want my numbers to drop re: glucose level in my blood and am getting re-tested once my doc is back from holidays....we shall see if no sugar, wheat/lower carbs will do the trick.
The difference for me this round is I am not beating myself or feeling like a failure because I'm not doing it all perfect! It's ok that I took a detour while I dealt with the immediate "crisis" in my life...Crisis is averted and I am now feeling so much clearer about things. I've connected with a woman who was part of a local polygamous cult for 40 years...through her recovery she wrote a book about her experience and now has speaking engagements to share her story as a warning to others. I have connected with her and she has enlisted the help of a colleague who works in cult recovery. So I am excited to work with these two...couldn't be better timing for me because after I poured myself out in therapy the first session after my defection, My therapist told me she is retiring at the end of this month. And that is ok cause I will be taken care of in the next phase of my journey.
Interestingly, I've had so many good experiences lately and it is like I have my life back only it is a better life being sober!! All of your kind words are part of the latest good experiences...I am SO thankful for all of your support over the years and especially now
It sounds like things are really going well for you. You are smart to get some help and guidance from others who know what you went through in the cult. I'm surprised they gave you to a retiring therapist- but I guess there's a reason for everything. And being sober is a big part of your journey to heal! I'm really happy for you!!5 -
Been sober for a bit so happy now compared to then . All of you got this stay strong add me as friend if you'd like8
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Starting day 5779
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Welcome to the new faces! Lorraine, thanks for continuing to share your journey with us.
I cannot overstate how much the positive morning meditations I am watching on youtube are helping me with self acceptance and positivity. I start my day calm and serene. I've even got my husband doing them. He says it is improving his attitude about work. I highly suggest starting and/or ending your day with one!6 -
Hi guys!!! I’m still here and among the living.
Happy Sober Tuesday!!!7 -
Good morning to all. Meditation has become an important part of my 1025 days of an alcohol free life. I do a session of breathwork/meditation at the end of my daily exercise and a meditation session at the end of the day. This routine has helped me with sleep issues.7
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@OtisBuck I definitely sleep more soundly if I do a meditation before bed!5
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