In yesterday's Sober School, we were asked to make a list titled "Things I Hated [past tense] about Drinking." My list is very, very long. It was an interesting and useful exercise for me because I have often made "Why I Want to Quit Drinking" lists, which focus on what I will gain (better sleep, weight loss, improved appearance, more time, etc.). However, those potential gains are kind of abstract because I haven't really experienced them yet. But the things I hate(d) about drinking are very vivid and real to me: waking up at 3 a.m. in a panic, puffy face in the mirror, nausea, increased blood pressure/blood sugar."
It's a subtle little switch, but I think this list will be the one I refer to when I'm tempted to drink, simply because it is so real and painful for me. The positives seem very far off when the booze is beckoning. The negatives are just a drink away.
The lists are such good ideas to reflect on and remind / reinforce resolve, I think. I made up a list quite recently titled After Bingeing. I listed all the undesirable & negative effects of after a binge, but I also included all the rubbish that can happen during. Bursting into tears, was 1 of them. I clearly remember being out at the pub, last year I'm sure with my partner and we were basically just getting drunk. We seemed to be enjoying ourselves and suddenly I began crying, right there in the middle of the pub. I had grossly underestimated just how drunk I had became and I remember feeling quite embarrassed and wondering how on earth, when I'm meant to be 'enjoying' myself, am I crying ?? Just proves how alcohol messes up our emotions. But yeah, I really like how honest iv been on my list and it DEFINETLY helps to remind myself why I don't wana carry on boozing.
You triggered a memory of one year ago. My 50th birthday out with friends. I had been day drinking so by evening I was drunk, but I had a few more glasses, despite friends pushing my glass away from me. So half way through the dinner, I was looking at two of my friends smoking and felt that they were talking about me. Maybe they were or weren't but I was getting upset. Then I started CRYING a lot just like you did. I was crying at the table and then I had to leave the restaurant because I couldn't stop.
It is a really bad memory for me. This year, I am having no party and will go out with three friends to dinner and I dont want to drink at all.
Glad you’re liking it, @RubyRed427. I felt she was extremely relatable, too. Her next book was “Mrs. D is Going Within,” apparently about practices she developed to help with sobriety. I like the clever title. I think Kate said she has a newer book with “Wine o’clock” in the title.
@RubyRed427 I, too, have no off-switch. But only sometimes. Which is what makes it even trickier. I think of it like...
If I NEVER had an off switch, then having a drink would be like holding a stun gun to my head. It's probably not going to kill me right out, but it will make me fall and whack my head, or crash if I'm driving a car, or if I do it enough times, eventually cause brain and who knows what damage.
If I SOMETIMES don't have an off switch, then it's like Russian Roulette. I have fun with the whole game cuz I'm smart and I know how to win, and most of the time, it's all fine (minus a guaranteed hangover). But then there's the occasional switch malfunction, which has ended me up in strange beds, bushes, my blood stained pillow, the ER, time travel... I never get nauseous and puke. Until the next day (which would be too late to cure alcohol poisoning).
And I too have 2 kids. The 30 year-old quit drinking more than a year ago (I'm so proud and thankful) and the younger has cut back. They are also very proud I'm 4 months sober. Something that I've pondered before is whether they were already silently judging me as a grandmother-to-be and thinking...nope--won't ever feel comfortable leaving my kids with mom. That's some strong motivation right there. Now, they better get busy!!!
@mainelylisa The thing about having the "off switch" sometimes...that all gets fewer & farther between as the drinking problem progresses. It does make it trickier, like you said, because it is easier to fool ourselves into thinking that we have some kind of control over the uncontrollable, but like you admitted some of those times that there was no off switch, troublesome stuff happened. Congrats on the 4 months AF!! I am happy that your children are noticing & acting on your good example
Exactly! My 'off switch' took years to gradually erode away to the point where if I wasn't going to get drunk, there was no point in drinking. It's like an acquired allergy. To the point you know you're going to "break out" because of your drinking, but you do it anyway.
@mainelylisa Oh does that resonate with me. I posted a few years ago about when i was going to watch my then 2 year old granddaughter for a few days while my daughter was going to be in hospital having new baby. She left me a list of instructions and written on it was, "Please do not drink." I cannot tell you the shame and mortification I felt. I had no intention of drinking while caring for her but to be TOLD not to was extremely painful. I zipped my lip though and said nothing about it. I like to remember these unpleasant thoughts occasionally to remind myself there is not one good thing about alcohol.
“Ships don’t sink because of the water around them; ships sink because of the water that gets in them. Don’t let what’s happening around you get inside you and weigh you down.” ~~Unknown
“Your wound is probably not your fault, but your healing is your responsibility.” ~~Denice Frohman
“Practice the pause. Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you’re about to react harshly and you’ll avoid doing and saying things you’ll later regret.” ~~Lori Deschene
_______________________________________________________________
#2 Negative thoughts destroy only myself.
*** excerpt and quotes from Women for Sobriety email I received today.
The second quote REALLY touches me. It's true I am responsible for my own healing.
Some days are just more stressful than others and today Ive been thinking how I could try to have a few and get away with it without anyone knowing. Thank you to all of you here that share your experiences. It makes me stronger
Some days are just more stressful than others and today Ive been thinking how I could try to have a few and get away with it without anyone knowing. Thank you to all of you here that share your experiences. It makes me stronger
One or two today will lead to a couple tomorrow and again next week. It is a slippery slope!
You are stronger than your urges. You’ve got this!!!
Thanks @Beka3695 Im staying strong. Some days I feel like I really have my stuff together. And days like today it would be nice just to have 2 and make the stress go away just to have a little break from reality for a while. But your definitely right. I'll push it to the point of no return. Today tomorrow the next day hell you wont hear from me for a year.
Its what I always did. Used the beer as a coping mechanism. Now I have to "feel" things and I dont like it! Lol
Thanks. ♥
This is an insight about myself I got from reading "Mrs. D. Is Going Without": Lately, in the (non-drinking) evenings, I've found myself weepy or even really crying for no discernible reason. I think that with all that is going on--pandemic, racial tensions, and the terrible divisions in this country--I was managing to plaster over my distress with alcohol. Now that the alcohol is removed, the feelings can't help but come out. Distressing as it is, I think it's much better that they do. But it gives me some insight about why I'm so attracted to this anesthetizing substance. 2020 sober is a challenge. But we know it's worth it.
I logged back into my alcohol experiment to read back over all my comments & insights about my drinking. Which is very interesting for me to read how I used to think and feel about alcohol, and now I can read them with the knowledge and information I now know. I read up to day 7. What it allowed me to do was confirm what I now know to be the truth, from my own words. Which was very powerful. I also was able to forgive my 'drinking self' and drinking past. I was led to believe my entire life that alcohol was an enhancement to my life. That it was normal. And not to question it. One of the aspects in the 30 day experiment focussed on using drink to combat stress and anxiety. (Something I drank for regularly, sometimes without even fully knowing why I was boozing). It's funny, cos reading one of my comments regarding drinking due to stress / anxiety....
"My perspective has changed as in I can see that alcohol appears to give temporary relief, but it only gives back what it took away in the first place. It throws your delicate brain chemistry out of balance."
I also read over my Alan Carr book which further reinforced what I basically knew back then when I wrote that in my alcohol experiment....I find this fact really good to hang onto....
The pink cloud syndrome is very common among those who are in early recovery from an alcohol or drug addiction. Many first-time Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) members will talk about their pink clouds. The good news is that the pink cloud syndrome helps many people continue to stay sober. If you are experiencing the pink cloud, you may feel very joyful. You may have a great deal of excitement and hope for your future. On the other hand, the pink cloud may make you dangerously overconfident. Such overconfidence may make you relapse.
Have you all heard of this? It's also in the book Ms. D goes without. Apparently it is a common term used during recovery.
Tonight is my birthday dinner with drinking friends. I WILL not drink tonight. I promised myself that. I cannot slip back into my old ways. I cannot fool myself into thinking anything about alcohol will help me have a good time. I like the picture above- alcohol causes pain and anxiety and it's a cycle .... it Never cures anxiety or pain.
This is an insight about myself I got from reading "Mrs. D. Is Going Without": Lately, in the (non-drinking) evenings, I've found myself weepy or even really crying for no discernible reason. I think that with all that is going on--pandemic, racial tensions, and the terrible divisions in this country--I was managing to plaster over my distress with alcohol. Now that the alcohol is removed, the feelings can't help but come out. Distressing as it is, I think it's much better that they do. But it gives me some insight about why I'm so attracted to this anesthetizing substance. 2020 sober is a challenge. But we know it's worth it.
I've been like this too😔 so unlike me cuz I'm usually able to brush off those moods pretty easy,I told my hubs the other night to just be patient with me,I HATE the state of the world right now! I feel a bit like maybe I'm spoiled and don't have the balls to deal with everything that's going on,I know our elders have gone through so much in the past but I feel like in this day and age we're not as well equipped to handle stuff,at least I'm not,I'm too used to having everything readily available and being able to do whatever I wanna do at all times,that's why I said maybe I'm spoiled,rant over! Everyone sounds great 💗 6;54 am in Vegas another 24
@FeelinFooFoo Thanks for the Alan Carr illustrations. That really hits it on the head. I'm also feeling overwhelmed and stress by the state of our country and I am really feeling it without the band aid of booze to soothe me. I've basically had to just watch enough news to see the world is still turning and the weather report. I know that when I have slipped up before, the next day is NEVER worth the "fun" I thought I was having the night before. Stay strong, Everyone.
The pink cloud syndrome is very common among those who are in early recovery from an alcohol or drug addiction. Many first-time Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) members will talk about their pink clouds. The good news is that the pink cloud syndrome helps many people continue to stay sober. If you are experiencing the pink cloud, you may feel very joyful. You may have a great deal of excitement and hope for your future. On the other hand, the pink cloud may make you dangerously overconfident. Such overconfidence may make you relapse.
Have you all heard of this? It's also in the book Ms. D goes without. Apparently it is a common term used during recovery.
I'm gona look into this, it rings a bell somewhere for some reason. It sounds intresting so I'm gona look online. Isn't Google great ?! Anything you want to find out about at your fingertips!
Tonight is my birthday dinner with drinking friends. I WILL not drink tonight. I promised myself that. I cannot slip back into my old ways. I cannot fool myself into thinking anything about alcohol will help me have a good time. I like the picture above- alcohol causes pain and anxiety and it's a cycle .... it Never cures anxiety or pain.
I hope you have a lovely birthday dinner, and Happy Birthday! 💖🎊 you could always get a mocktail as an alternative drink ? Or because you will be saving all those alcohol calories, a nice slice of cake? Mmm. In a way, staying sober is like a birthday gift to yourself cos when you wake up next day you'll be all fresh & awake. 😊
So this morning, my partner knocked on my brothers door, he had slept in and we realised he had been boozing last night. Luckily he was able to take a holiday as his work had plenty people on today. PHEW. Cos he looked like death warmed up. I do not miss that hangover feeling when I have a day of work ahead of me. My heart actually broke a bit just looking at him. Red tired eyes. Pale, dry skin and a look that said "why did I do this to myself?" A look I have had many many times myself. I have suggested he try 30 day alcohol experiment and I gave him my Alan Carr book. Anyway. He asked if we all wanted to go for a walk. Which we did. Sun's out, blue skies so it was a nice walk. He then wanted to stop by the local pub/resturaunt that me and my partner had been in last Saturday.
It's such a weird experience gettin used to this 'new normal' 1 way entry systems etc. My bro constantly complained of the dreaded fear, post anxiety black cloud of impending doom. He felt something bad was gona happen. Again, I don't miss that! During our sit down outside sipping lemonades a man began talking to us. He was drinking beers (no judgement here) but I obviously noticed it. He then moved to sit closer by us and I did kinda worry that he planned to continue chatting while we ate (but he didn't). As he drank his beer I noticed he had a very red, ruddy complexion and he then told us he was recently out of jail, had lost his job and broke up with his wife. A part of me couldn't help but wonder, had alcohol possibly played a large part of these negative events in his life ? I was also kinda glad that my brother listened to him tell his story. I know myself how lucky I am to have survived my drinking days without any real lasting effects. Had I carried on? It could be me one day, telling folk how I lost it all.....
Replies
You triggered a memory of one year ago. My 50th birthday out with friends. I had been day drinking so by evening I was drunk, but I had a few more glasses, despite friends pushing my glass away from me. So half way through the dinner, I was looking at two of my friends smoking and felt that they were talking about me. Maybe they were or weren't but I was getting upset. Then I started CRYING a lot just like you did. I was crying at the table and then I had to leave the restaurant because I couldn't stop.
It is a really bad memory for me. This year, I am having no party and will go out with three friends to dinner and I dont want to drink at all.
If I NEVER had an off switch, then having a drink would be like holding a stun gun to my head. It's probably not going to kill me right out, but it will make me fall and whack my head, or crash if I'm driving a car, or if I do it enough times, eventually cause brain and who knows what damage.
If I SOMETIMES don't have an off switch, then it's like Russian Roulette. I have fun with the whole game cuz I'm smart and I know how to win, and most of the time, it's all fine (minus a guaranteed hangover). But then there's the occasional switch malfunction, which has ended me up in strange beds, bushes, my blood stained pillow, the ER, time travel... I never get nauseous and puke. Until the next day (which would be too late to cure alcohol poisoning).
And I too have 2 kids. The 30 year-old quit drinking more than a year ago (I'm so proud and thankful) and the younger has cut back. They are also very proud I'm 4 months sober. Something that I've pondered before is whether they were already silently judging me as a grandmother-to-be and thinking...nope--won't ever feel comfortable leaving my kids with mom. That's some strong motivation right there. Now, they better get busy!!!
“Your wound is probably not your fault, but your healing is your responsibility.” ~~Denice Frohman
“Practice the pause. Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you’re about to react harshly and you’ll avoid doing and saying things you’ll later regret.” ~~Lori Deschene
_______________________________________________________________
#2 Negative thoughts destroy only myself.
*** excerpt and quotes from Women for Sobriety email I received today.
The second quote REALLY touches me. It's true I am responsible for my own healing.
One or two today will lead to a couple tomorrow and again next week. It is a slippery slope!
You are stronger than your urges. You’ve got this!!!
Its what I always did. Used the beer as a coping mechanism. Now I have to "feel" things and I dont like it! Lol
Thanks. ♥
"My perspective has changed as in I can see that alcohol appears to give temporary relief, but it only gives back what it took away in the first place. It throws your delicate brain chemistry out of balance."
I also read over my Alan Carr book which further reinforced what I basically knew back then when I wrote that in my alcohol experiment....I find this fact really good to hang onto....
Have you all heard of this? It's also in the book Ms. D goes without. Apparently it is a common term used during recovery.
I've been like this too😔 so unlike me cuz I'm usually able to brush off those moods pretty easy,I told my hubs the other night to just be patient with me,I HATE the state of the world right now! I feel a bit like maybe I'm spoiled and don't have the balls to deal with everything that's going on,I know our elders have gone through so much in the past but I feel like in this day and age we're not as well equipped to handle stuff,at least I'm not,I'm too used to having everything readily available and being able to do whatever I wanna do at all times,that's why I said maybe I'm spoiled,rant over! Everyone sounds great 💗 6;54 am in Vegas another 24
I'm gona look into this, it rings a bell somewhere for some reason. It sounds intresting so I'm gona look online. Isn't Google great ?! Anything you want to find out about at your fingertips!
I hope you have a lovely birthday dinner, and Happy Birthday! 💖🎊 you could always get a mocktail as an alternative drink ? Or because you will be saving all those alcohol calories, a nice slice of cake? Mmm. In a way, staying sober is like a birthday gift to yourself cos when you wake up next day you'll be all fresh & awake. 😊
It's such a weird experience gettin used to this 'new normal' 1 way entry systems etc. My bro constantly complained of the dreaded fear, post anxiety black cloud of impending doom. He felt something bad was gona happen. Again, I don't miss that! During our sit down outside sipping lemonades a man began talking to us. He was drinking beers (no judgement here) but I obviously noticed it. He then moved to sit closer by us and I did kinda worry that he planned to continue chatting while we ate (but he didn't). As he drank his beer I noticed he had a very red, ruddy complexion and he then told us he was recently out of jail, had lost his job and broke up with his wife. A part of me couldn't help but wonder, had alcohol possibly played a large part of these negative events in his life ? I was also kinda glad that my brother listened to him tell his story. I know myself how lucky I am to have survived my drinking days without any real lasting effects. Had I carried on? It could be me one day, telling folk how I lost it all.....