WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR DECEMBER 2018
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morning again sweet friends~
I to gave up my financial freedom marrying Tom, and he took over the finances, at which he was very good at, but along into our marriage ,somehow I ended up getting a 20.00 allowance and the rest went into joint checking and savings..
after all the hoopla with him cheating ,and him using joint money to wine and dine her that was that, and I took control of my paycheck once again... and with a good lawyer , ended up ok.. he at 66 is still working over 50 hours a week.. and good luck with that...
well freezing cold here in Connecticut today so will bundle up and take Alfie out for a walk and then go feed DFIL1 -
Through my recent situation with my husband's injury, I made several very interesting financial discoveries which could have left me in a spot of bother.
One such discovery was that whilst individual accounts might seem attractive, and may be a good idea for smaller portions of the finances, if your partner is lying unconscious in the hospital, you can't get at that money. If you're depending on a portion of "his" money to pay the monthly bills ... you'd better hope you've got enough to tide you over for a while, or that he has set up direct payment. "But we're married, and he's unconscious right now" doesn't matter one bit to the banks.
M in Oz6 -
Through my recent situation with my husband's injury, I made several very interesting financial discoveries which could have left me in a spot of bother.
One such discovery was that whilst individual accounts might seem attractive, and may be a good idea for smaller portions of the finances, if your partner is lying unconscious in the hospital, you can't get at that money. If you're depending on a portion of "his" money to pay the monthly bills ... you'd better hope you've got enough to tide you over for a while, or that he has set up direct payment. "But we're married, and he's unconscious right now" doesn't matter one bit to the banks.
M in Oz
That's a really good point, Machka. One of my many bits and pieces I want to get done over this "staycation" over the Christmas break is to update the Big Book of Death, and make sure I have passwords updated on all bank accounts, credit cards, utility bills, etc., in case anything happens to me. It's a constant and ongoing process, as I change passwords on a monthly basis, at a minimum, to try to stay ahead of the hackers. It's funny to me that it used to be they said, "never put it on paper," as someone could steal that, and now they say, "put it on paper," as it's the only thing the hackers can't access.
Funny old world, and funny people in it.
Lisa in AR5 -
Through my recent situation with my husband's injury, I made several very interesting financial discoveries which could have left me in a spot of bother.
One such discovery was that whilst individual accounts might seem attractive, and may be a good idea for smaller portions of the finances, if your partner is lying unconscious in the hospital, you can't get at that money. If you're depending on a portion of "his" money to pay the monthly bills ... you'd better hope you've got enough to tide you over for a while, or that he has set up direct payment. "But we're married, and he's unconscious right now" doesn't matter one bit to the banks.
M in Oz
That's a really good point, Machka. One of my many bits and pieces I want to get done over this "staycation" over the Christmas break is to update the Big Book of Death, and make sure I have passwords updated on all bank accounts, credit cards, utility bills, etc., in case anything happens to me. It's a constant and ongoing process, as I change passwords on a monthly basis, at a minimum, to try to stay ahead of the hackers. It's funny to me that it used to be they said, "never put it on paper," as someone could steal that, and now they say, "put it on paper," as it's the only thing the hackers can't access.
Funny old world, and funny people in it.
Lisa in AR
I have to do the same thing over the next few weeks. My 2-month break from uni will be all about getting everything in order so that we both know what's going on ... especially now that he's capable of knowing what's going on.
Going forward, we will both be much more involved in all of it.
Oh, also, I've discovered that at work, just about everyone writes their passwords down. The new stuff I'm learning means that I've got about a dozen new passwords, and they all have to be these secure things that aren't memorable. The thing is ... if someone came in and started going through someone's desk, we'd all notice. The minute a person we don't recognise walks through the door, we're like a bunch of meerkats. So my passwords are probably much safer written down and tucked away.
M in Oz2 -
Been reading the financial discussions with interest. Not in any way judging (cross my heart), but splitting finances, however they're split up, always kind of baffled me. To me, it feels like splitting them is a safety net, just in case the relationship ends. It also seems to involve innumerable hurt feelings, and discussions of what's "fair" and what's "mine" and what's "ours." There have been years where I've made three times what Corey makes (and the ex-husband, for that matter), and years when one or the other of us was not earning money at all. When the finances are merged, the fairness or lack thereof becomes a non-issue. In my relationships, anyway. Perhaps, all in all, it's been because there just wasn't that much to worry about. During my marriages, I've skated along the razor edge of broke more than once, and been fairly well off, and either way, it all seems to rub along fine. Let's just say, the few fights I've had with both husbands were not about money, by and large.
Maybe it's because in both my marriages, as I was and am the technology-oriented one, and numbers-driven one, both men have felt relieved to give up the financial responsibility for day-to-day economics to me, and just weigh in on the major decisions. It's a weird thing, money and marriage, any way you go around it.
Love y'all,
Lisa in AR
This is very much my take on finances. I have always been the smaller income generator -- perhaps 10-15%, but I also handle all of the financial responsibilities. My husband's check is direct deposited into "OUR" account. There is no "his" or "hers." My husband does not like to deal with household finances, but he does handle our retirement accounts as they're directly related to his income.
Beth1 -
Good Morning!
Heather I think my partner would nod her head if she read your words: "...he sometimes feels I don't always make sure he is totally on board with a project, but I do always consult him carefully. Left to himself he would never do anything." It is true that I don't always see the need for the projects my partner champions. Once the discussion is underway, though, we brainstorm really well together and I actually don't stay stuck on the money aspect. One of our strengths is our ability to work as a team. We also travel together quite amicably. She instigates that, too.
Lisa Yes. There is a potential power dynamic that neither of us cares for. It would be complicated, but not impossible, to merge finances. I appreciate your input. Not judgmental.
Karen in Virginia2 -
Our money is all in one pot even though my pension is much larger than Jake's and most of our nest egg is the result of a modest inheritance from my parents. Many of our big expenses have been for his children and his desire to change vehicles more often than I would. We have many "loving discussions" about money. At the start, I was overly frugal and Jake was relaxed and casual about spending money. We have both mellowed. Now, that we're at the age to spend our nest egg, our feeling is that we'd rather have something good for us than save it so Jake's kids can have it after we're gone. So now we have a great car, new stove, and improved vision for Jake. It has been a long painful process to get to this.
Barbie 8 -
Yo peeps, I guess I forgot to post the ornament and my stats, of well I will try to double up tonight.
Oh yeah yesterday got my boob smash appointment over with. No less painful with smaller boobs 😑 fun fun2 -
Finances...We both have separate bank accounts but each of us has the other on them so we can use either one if need be! I pay certain expenses and he pays other ones. It has worked for us over the last 49 yrs.
Carol in GA3 -
Good morning Ladies -
On the subject of finances, I have never really understood separate bank accounts either. I agree with Lisa, it always seemed like a back up plan for easy separation. I am especially puzzled by the people that have one income families, but still have his and her accounts and money. How does that even work. Does one spouse get a percentage of the working spouses salary as their part and it goes into their account? However, I know that it works for many people, and like eating and exercise plans, one size doesn't fit all. I also think that second (or third, etc) marriages make things more complicated with adult children on each side. No judgment from me. Whatever works for you, works for you.
Okie in the TX Hill Country0 -
Barbie Oh dear.
I am going to have to ask my partner if the process we have gone/are going through seems long & painful to her. I so hope not. I am definitely more frugal than she is! I would say that she has an "abundance" mentality and I have a "live beneath your means" mentality.
Having said that, we have a comfortable & maintained home, quality mattresses, good cars (one old & one new), & reliable appliances. We eat delicious food. We take excellent care of our dogs. We contribute to 529 plans for all our grandchildren. And we travel occasionally.
Karen in Virginia5 -
I do think it is good to periodically review finances and make sure wills, trusts, and beneficiaries are up to date. As Allie found out this is more for your loved ones. Unfortunately it is another thing to add to the list.1
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Lisa - In my first marriage everything was shared. There was no his and hers. But when you both have children from previous marriages and marry late in life, it becomes a bit more difficult. Last night I did mention the fact that most married couples share their money from one pot, which set him off into a crying jag. He felt I was accusing him of hiding his money from me. Personally, I think he is of an age , 73, to start spending some of his savings, but he finds that difficult.
I am also having problems getting him to agree to Lasting Power of Attorney, as Machka mentioned. If he was mentally afflicted I would not be able to get at his money to pay for his care. For some reason he is very resistant to the idea of LPOA. I would share it with one of his daughters, so there us no danger of me running off with the money!
We have a joint account, into which is paid our Old Age Pension, from the government. Mine is much less than his. From that account the main household bills are paid by direct debit. He tops it up from time to time if it gets low. We each pay for our own holidays from our own accounts. He pays for the car, which is why I am reluctant to drive it.
His previous partner of 25 years was a high flying head mistress who never wanted to get married. That led to a few problems when she was dying as he was not next of kin. She did not even make a will, but her mother gave him the inheritance. He was named as the teacher's lump sum beneficiary.
It all makes for a complicated situation. He has about ten different savings accounts. :noway:
He left his first marriage with nothing, giving his wife the house etc. He had two small daughters. He paid maintenance for them and barely scraped by for years, living in bedsits.
My feeling is that now is the time to enjoy his money, but you can't easily change an older person's mindset.
Been for my run and did a decent time - for me.
DH walked beside me.
Must marzipan my cake now and cancel the cruise.
Love Heather UK xxxxxxx3 -
I have found the financial discussion quite interesting. My Grandparents were “before their time”. They had separate accounts their full 56 years of life. Grammie paid some bills and Grampie paid others. At Christmas and birthdays it was clearly made known if it was a gift from her, him or them. Since she has passed and I have read her diaries it is clearly noted who bought what and if the other “paid back” their portion of a shared expense.
My Mom never worked and didn’t even have a bank account until she started collecting her old age pension. Even at that my Dad had the final say over it as my Mom was terrible with money. Hence, a year after my Dad passed my brother had to take over control of my Moms money for her.
My husband and I have done both joint and separate, he has no interest in knowing about our finances and as long as he has money in his account when he goes to buy something he’s fine. I don’t like this but have been unable to get him to contribute.
Have a couple more projects to work on today, tomorrow and Friday are busy days.
Tracey in Edmonton
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i usually never chime in on discussions but i have a minute this time.
re finances:
In my first marriage everything was shared. There was no his and hers.
In my second marriage everything was shared. There was no his and hers.
In my third marriage everything was shared. There was no his and hers.
In my fourth and current marriage everything is shared. There are no his and hers.
i never quite understood the separate bank account thing either, but hey, whatever works, to each his own.
when i was with kirby b4 we married, really quick he said that he wanted to put his microsoft stock in both our names and if he kicked the bucket, i would get it.. i was like, woah dude... hang on, i'm not comfortable with that yet, what if your family starts thinking i am with you for your mula $$$. i made him hold off. in all of my other marriages, i was the one that dealt with the $$ and the bills, etc. kirby is the 1st marriage where he was used to being in charge. i was paying the bills in the beginning. we have different styles of paying, as soon as i get a bill, i pay. he's more the wait til he has to, like by the due date, which makes me nervous. after talking and discussing our different styles, i told him i would give it up and let him have control, but the minute i started seeing late fees, etc, it was on. so far so good, no issue and if there was, the late fee was removed after him calling.
i am pretty cheap when it comes to me, we both have the same outlook on money and spending. we're both $$ saver kind of people. i have direct deposit and i don't remember when we get paid, it just goes in. i don't look at the bank account but when i do, i see what's in there. he talks to me b4 making a big purchase and i can veto it if i don't want get it. his goal is to have 40k in the savings by the time we retire and over 1mil in accessts, etc..he is over 1 goal (over the 1mil) now we are working on the other. so i'm glad we are the in the same way of thinking about spending, working and saving.
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Mary Poppins I can't wait to see it! Anyone else?3
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When we were first married and I didn't work, my DH paid the bills. When we moved into our first house, he missed paying the water bill and it got cut off. I was so embarrassed that I took over paying all the utility bills, mortgage, etc. just to make sure it all got paid on time.
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Insightful, we aspire to this as a couple, I especially love your quotes around the words "loving discussions", cause yeah, that's a sticky one.Our money is all in one pot even though my pension is much larger than Jake's and most of our nest egg is the result of a modest inheritance from my parents. Many of our big expenses have been for his children and his desire to change vehicles more often than I would. We have many "loving discussions" about money. At the start, I was overly frugal and Jake was relaxed and casual about spending money. We have both mellowed. Now, that we're at the age to spend our nest egg, our feeling is that we'd rather have something good for us than save it so Jake's kids can have it after we're gone. So now we have a great car, new stove, and improved vision for Jake. It has been a long painful process to get to this. Barbie
NYKAREN1 -
My name is Jessica and I am new to this discussion board (is that what it is called?), so please forgive me for just jumping into this with an introduction and feel free to tutor me on how to use this feature of MFP. If there is a more appropriate place to intro myself (I am well over 50 and could use, and maybe offer, support on fitness goals), let me know. In the meantime, I apologize for interrupting the thread of discussion about finances to intro myself here. I just really want to get started and don’t know how else to do it.
I am not new to MFP as a tracking tool, but, after two recent messages from two different doctors that losing 25-30 lbs would greatly enhance my well being, and after some frustrating attempts at going it alone, I am doubling down on my efforts and am feeling determined to do whatever it takes. So that’s it. Hello and thank you to anyone who reads this!6 -
Welcome Jessica We are a chatty bunch, please drop in often, the conversations vary wildly. Let us know a little bit about yourself, location, etc. I have found dropping in helps with accountability with logging, exercising etc. Lots of motivation and support on this thread.
NYKAREN2
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