how to not hate exercise?

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Replies

  • SueSueDio
    SueSueDio Posts: 4,796 Member
    https://www.participaction.com/en-ca/programs/150-play-list

    Download the list and try a few unusual activities to see if you find something enjoyable, or at least tolerable. Most of these are not specifically "Canadian", they could be done anywhere the requisites are available. It would be hard to do #40 - "Snow Fort Building" - in a desert, but #41 is "Building a Sandcastle".

    (You might have to Google some if the name appeals to you - I have no idea what "Stick Pull", "Knuckle Hop" and "Grounders" are, for instance, among many others!)

    It sounds like you think "exercise" ought to be a form of punishment and so you expect to dislike it, although I might be misunderstanding you. I hope you can find something you actually enjoy and that feels worthwhile to you.
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 34,600 Member
    So I'm actually working out right now. I just did 20 minutes on the bike. Now I'm about to go do weights and conditioning. Here are some thoughts and observations.

    *I actually am able to go a lot faster on the bike now than I was the first time I used it. Even though I didn't think I made any progress, I guess I did.

    *It is still unpleasant and I am basically counting down the minutes until I'm done, but I think it's slightly less unpleasant than it was the first time. The news in the background makes it more tolerable. It's really when I do it every other day that it becomes more boring each time I do it. If I only do it a few times a month it's fine.

    *I only feel motivated to work out when I feel disgusting enough about myself to do it. A recurring problem in my life is that I have no sense of internal motivation. I am only motivated by guilt, shame, and fear, and I was very successful in school for that reason. My parents, teachers, etc. never modeled internal motivation for me so I never learned how. I'm not sure how I would develop that at this time in my life.

    *The only part of my body that I really hate due to being out of shape is my upper arms. I believe this is because my mom used to mock me when I was a kid for being out of shape and would particularly mock my arms (which is weird because it's not like a kid is going to go and lift weights....) I've actually hated my upper arms since the age of 9 or 10 for this reason. Even on my wedding pictures I feel grossed out by them because I just see how un-toned my upper arms look and how I should have worn a dress with long sleeves to hide them. Last summer I actually was doing weights 2 to 3 times a week and I did get some muscle tone, but it still wasn't visible unless I actually flexed my muscles (even now I still have some residual muscle tone left over from that time). I don't know if it would have become visible if I kept doing it or if I'm just one of those people where the muscle doesn't really show up that much (I know people like that who are very athletic but you wouldn't tell it by looking at them).

    That's progress!

    Yay!!

    Keep making progress, and you've got this nailed.

    It gets better, it gets easier, it gets more enjoyable as you get used to it, and almost before you know it, you're a whole different (maybe improbable to current you) person.

    That's all it takes.

    Keep going! :flowerforyou:
  • laurenq1991
    laurenq1991 Posts: 384 Member
    That was me starting out!

    One thing that has helped me keep working at it is telling myself that feelings aren't facts. I didn't feel like exercising today. I still feel weak and sluggish and slow and incompetent. But by keeping track of my progress - how far I'm running, how fast my miles are, how much weight I'm lifting, how many reps I'm doing - I can see the progress I'm making even when it doesn't feel like I'm making progress.

    Feelings are deceptive little kittens. Don't trust 'em.

    Yeah but then I get into the existential thing of "does it really matter if I biked faster today or lifted more weights?" I guess part of the problem is that I don't really see value in myself that much so subconsciously I think there's no point to improving myself.
    SueSueDio wrote: »
    https://www.participaction.com/en-ca/programs/150-play-list

    Download the list and try a few unusual activities to see if you find something enjoyable, or at least tolerable. Most of these are not specifically "Canadian", they could be done anywhere the requisites are available. It would be hard to do #40 - "Snow Fort Building" - in a desert, but #41 is "Building a Sandcastle".

    (You might have to Google some if the name appeals to you - I have no idea what "Stick Pull", "Knuckle Hop" and "Grounders" are, for instance, among many others!)

    It sounds like you think "exercise" ought to be a form of punishment and so you expect to dislike it, although I might be misunderstanding you. I hope you can find something you actually enjoy and that feels worthwhile to you.

    Thanks for the interesting idea! I don't think it should be a form of punishment -- quite the opposite, I see people enjoying exercise and want to figure out how I can enjoy it too, because I will never do it regularly if it feels like a punishment.

  • smolmaus
    smolmaus Posts: 442 Member
    edited February 2019

    *I only feel motivated to work out when I feel disgusting enough about myself to do it. A recurring problem in my life is that I have no sense of internal motivation. I am only motivated by guilt, shame, and fear, and I was very successful in school for that reason. My parents, teachers, etc. never modeled internal motivation for me so I never learned how. I'm not sure how I would develop that at this time in my life.

    *The only part of my body that I really hate due to being out of shape is my upper arms. I believe this is because my mom used to mock me when I was a kid for being out of shape and would particularly mock my arms (which is weird because it's not like a kid is going to go and lift weights....) I've actually hated my upper arms since the age of 9 or 10 for this reason. Even on my wedding pictures I feel grossed out by them because I just see how un-toned my upper arms look and how I should have worn a dress with long sleeves to hide them. Last summer I actually was doing weights 2 to 3 times a week and I did get some muscle tone, but it still wasn't visible unless I actually flexed my muscles (even now I still have some residual muscle tone left over from that time). I don't know if it would have become visible if I kept doing it or if I'm just one of those people where the muscle doesn't really show up that much (I know people like that who are very athletic but you wouldn't tell it by looking at them).

    I am sorry you were let down like this. Sometimes I don't think people appreciate how much it can affect your brain not to have positive feedback and role models for exercise and being active. Doesn't need to be depression or bi-polar (that bit you wrote about your past doctor was horrible, yikes) or anything diagnosable to just make everything feel like a struggle when it shouldn't be.

    I'm glad that by the time I got to the end of the thread you're not feeling as negative. I think you should be proud of yourself for trying so hard when the benefits don't seem as tangible for you as they are for others.
  • Phirrgus
    Phirrgus Posts: 1,894 Member
    smolmaus wrote: »

    *I only feel motivated to work out when I feel disgusting enough about myself to do it. A recurring problem in my life is that I have no sense of internal motivation. I am only motivated by guilt, shame, and fear, and I was very successful in school for that reason. My parents, teachers, etc. never modeled internal motivation for me so I never learned how. I'm not sure how I would develop that at this time in my life.

    *The only part of my body that I really hate due to being out of shape is my upper arms. I believe this is because my mom used to mock me when I was a kid for being out of shape and would particularly mock my arms (which is weird because it's not like a kid is going to go and lift weights....) I've actually hated my upper arms since the age of 9 or 10 for this reason. Even on my wedding pictures I feel grossed out by them because I just see how un-toned my upper arms look and how I should have worn a dress with long sleeves to hide them. Last summer I actually was doing weights 2 to 3 times a week and I did get some muscle tone, but it still wasn't visible unless I actually flexed my muscles (even now I still have some residual muscle tone left over from that time). I don't know if it would have become visible if I kept doing it or if I'm just one of those people where the muscle doesn't really show up that much (I know people like that who are very athletic but you wouldn't tell it by looking at them).

    I am sorry you were let down like this. Sometimes I don't think people appreciate how much it can affect your brain not to have positive feedback and role models for exercise and being active. Doesn't need to be depression or bi-polar (that bit you wrote about your past doctor was horrible, yikes) or anything diagnosable to just make everything feel like a struggle when it shouldn't be.

    I'm glad that by the time I got to the end of the thread you're not feeling as negative. I think you should be proud of yourself for trying so hard when the benefits don't seem as tangible for you as they are for others.
    Very well said.
  • bgeorgie13
    bgeorgie13 Posts: 10 Member
    lx1x wrote: »

    Which is exactly why I'm asking how people stop hating exercise....

    Write those of "I hate" on piece of paper.. fold.. and put it in a hat.. until you have all your "I hate"..

    Close your eyes.. pick one from a hat... And start there.. only you can make a choice..

    Ppl can give you advice all day.. not gonna matter unless you give up the "I hate"..

    Unless is medical reason that you can't. That's different story.

    Sound advice! It all starts in your head, the excuses we make, and not having a clear goal that will be bigger than the stories we tell ourselves. You don't have to lose weight - that's good. But are you healthy? You clearly realise exercise is good for something, otherwise you wouldn't be asking for help. To you exercise feels exhausting because your fitness level is low. But the question to ask is not how to stop hating exercise, instead you should be asking why should I exercise? what will that give me? once you have a few answers, ask yourself the same questions again: why? what will that give me?. Then you may come up with something to motivate you enough to get moving. Start with something small, even if it is going up and down the stairs in your house for 10 minutes and build up on it. Or buy a hula hoop! Anything that gets you moving. There are so many ways to exercise in your own house /garden if you just get online and google exercising at home for beginners or something. Or do Yoga /Tai Chi, they're good for the body mind and soul, again, plenty of stuff available online.

    No one can save you, it's down to you to change something. Don't wait until your health deteriorates and the Dr tells you you need to do something. I wish you well.
  • Sunshine_And_Sand
    Sunshine_And_Sand Posts: 1,320 Member
    edited February 2019
    I've always liked exercising, so I can't offer any insight from personal experience about going from hating it to loving it.
    TBH, it sounds like you are just going to have to choose between avoiding what you hate and reaching the goals that you know you need exercise for. I imagine that it's a tough spot to be in.
    It sounds like you are fairly active as far as the walking you have to do because of not having a car, and you already aren't overweight. I do agree with the people who recommended seeing your doctor if exercise is that exhausting for you. If there is something causing that and it could be treated, you may not hate exercising so much... Also, as others have said, some counseling might be beneficial if your aversion to exercise is really that strong.
    Otherwise, you just have to make a choice. Good luck! I hope you get this worked out to a result you are happy with.
  • aokoye
    aokoye Posts: 3,495 Member
    lx1x wrote: »
    A lot of "I hate"...

    Nobody can help you until you give up one of those "I hate".

    Give up one and start there. 😉

    Which is exactly why I'm asking how people stop hating exercise....
    It doesn’t seem that exercise specifically is the problem.
    Approaching life positively makes all the difference.
    If you think something’s going to be really hard, it usually is.
    Also gratitude counts for a lot.
    Almost any person permanently in a wheelchair would give anything to be able to walk for 5 mins a day.

    If that was how mental illnesses worked then no one but the most masochistic of people would have them. You can't just wish or logic away a mental illness and trying to compare it to someone in a wheelchair wishing they could walk (so you should be grateful you can) shows a sheer lack of understanding. It's also just offensive. Never mind that there are surely plenty of people who use wheelchairs who have mental illnesses....

    Yes the OP has issues surrounding positivity which are likely tied to her mental health issues. Yes, I think they should be addressed. "Approaching life positively" will likely not make all the difference. If it did she probably wouldn't be in the spot she's currently in.
  • HeliumIsNoble
    HeliumIsNoble Posts: 1,213 Member
    edited February 2019
    I empathise with so much of your posts, OP, especially the delayed sleep phase disorder. I agree that general sleeplessness is probably making your goals seem more insurmountable. I find exercise mitigates my sleeping issues to an extent.

    Some thoughts:

    1) it doesn't have to be full-pelt, sweat dripping down your face levels of activity to qualify as exercise and improve your health.

    2) any possibility your energy levels could be due to nutritional deficiencies? Have you already been able to discount that?

    3) Perhaps the kinds of activity you've tried so far just aren't right for you. To use running as an example, some people are more comfortable running short distances very fast, and other people like to go a bit more slowly for a lot longer. Neither is superior to the other.

    4) Arrange your hatreds in priority order and separate them into an Absolutely No Way list and a Can Possibly Begrudgingly Endure list. Then set up a new list called, What I Want My Form of Exercise To Have. If that doesn't give you ideas on what to try, posting your lists on MFP will get you overwhelmed with suggestions!


  • laurenq1991
    laurenq1991 Posts: 384 Member
    It doesn’t seem that exercise specifically is the problem.
    Approaching life positively makes all the difference.
    If you think something’s going to be really hard, it usually is.
    Also gratitude counts for a lot.
    Almost any person permanently in a wheelchair would give anything to be able to walk for 5 mins a day.

    If the "wheelchair" argument was a sustainable way to motivate people to work out, we would be a nation of bodybuilders.

    Also all the power of positive thinking in the world isn't going to change the physical effects of exercise that I have to recover from every time I do it.
  • laurenq1991
    laurenq1991 Posts: 384 Member
    smolmaus wrote: »
    I am sorry you were let down like this. Sometimes I don't think people appreciate how much it can affect your brain not to have positive feedback and role models for exercise and being active. Doesn't need to be depression or bi-polar (that bit you wrote about your past doctor was horrible, yikes) or anything diagnosable to just make everything feel like a struggle when it shouldn't be.

    I'm glad that by the time I got to the end of the thread you're not feeling as negative. I think you should be proud of yourself for trying so hard when the benefits don't seem as tangible for you as they are for others.

    Thanks for the kind words. Yeah I think a lot of people like to judge based on their own conception of how things or people "should" be. Just because something motivates or is easy for them, doesn't mean it will motivate or be easy for someone who has a different set of life experiences and different genetics. Not everyone can do the same things.

    Feeling very sore and tired today :(

  • laurenq1991
    laurenq1991 Posts: 384 Member
    Ouch. Yeah, for me it definitely helps that I have longer-term goals. That way, the little bits of progress I see show me that I'm moving closer to the bigger goals.

    You may want to make working on your self-image a priority as well. Because you DO have value, exercise or no exercise, whether you see it or not. But having difficulty seeing it can definitely create problems.

    *hugs*

    Thanks. I don't think it's possible for me to build self-esteem. It is just not there. It's like asking a blind person to see.

  • laurenq1991
    laurenq1991 Posts: 384 Member
    OldAssDude wrote: »
    Have you tried walking?

    I felt the same way at first.

    After a mile I felt like I was going to die, and had to lay down for an hour. I forced myself to keep doing it until I could do 3 miles. Then I started power walking, and kept increasing the speed and distance.

    It took a few months until it started feeling good, but it was well worth the pain that it took to get there.

    I can power walk over 10 miles at over a 4 mph pace now, and over the past couple years I have taken up running. I did my first 10 mile run last Sunday.

    I'm 61 years old.

    Once you get over that hump you will be glad you did it. :)

    Yes I walk all the time and have walked up to 20 miles in a day with no problems. It's more anything that breaks a sweat that causes the exhaustion and energy problems. I am looking for more exerting forms of exercise besides walking. Speed walking is a possibility.

  • laurenq1991
    laurenq1991 Posts: 384 Member
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    OP, you mentioned this in one of your posts: "Our finances are actually really good (thanks to my husband's job and inheritance from my grandma), but it's more that I feel guilty spending a lot of money on myself since I'm only working part-time."

    I have no idea what type of work you currently do or want to do but just wanted to add my "out of the box" suggestion - have you thought about cleaning houses part time? It's a job that is always available and when my son was little I cleaned houses 4 days a week. I was in the best shape of my life pretty much. I was active all day but not overly so. Up and down stairs, carrying things, scrubbing, etc. used every muscle and even better? I didn't have to work out on my time off!

    I work as a freelance app developer. I would enjoy a job cleaning houses, but my goal is to get a full time job in tech soon...maybe if that doesn't work out though.
  • laurenq1991
    laurenq1991 Posts: 384 Member
    I empathise with so much of your posts, OP, especially the delayed sleep phase disorder. I agree that general sleeplessness is probably making your goals seem more insurmountable. I find exercise mitigates my sleeping issues to an extent.

    Some thoughts:

    1) it doesn't have to be full-pelt, sweat dripping down your face levels of activity to qualify as exercise and improve your health.

    2) any possibility your energy levels could be due to nutritional deficiencies? Have you already been able to discount that?

    3) Perhaps the kinds of activity you've tried so far just aren't right for you. To use running as an example, some people are more comfortable running short distances very fast, and other people like to go a bit more slowly for a lot longer. Neither is superior to the other.

    4) Arrange your hatreds in priority order and separate them into an Absolutely No Way list and a Can Possibly Begrudgingly Endure list. Then set up a new list called, What I Want My Form of Exercise To Have. If that doesn't give you ideas on what to try, posting your lists on MFP will get you overwhelmed with suggestions!

    Thanks for all the suggestions. The sleep problems definitely mess up my whole life. I can't have any routine because of it, since I never know when I will sleep or get up or how many hours I will sleep. My whole life would be different if I didn't have insomnia. Last night I couldn't sleep until 7 am. I got up at noon, the original goal was 9:30 but I knew I would be too tired to get anything done with under three hours sleep. I was also too tired to work out today since I had more important things to preserve my energy for, like work and cooking. It messes up my concentration and cognitive functioning too.

    I thought "vigorous exercise" is what the expert recommendations call for. That's why I want to do exercise besides walking.

  • aokoye
    aokoye Posts: 3,495 Member
    I empathise with so much of your posts, OP, especially the delayed sleep phase disorder. I agree that general sleeplessness is probably making your goals seem more insurmountable. I find exercise mitigates my sleeping issues to an extent.

    Some thoughts:

    1) it doesn't have to be full-pelt, sweat dripping down your face levels of activity to qualify as exercise and improve your health.

    2) any possibility your energy levels could be due to nutritional deficiencies? Have you already been able to discount that?

    3) Perhaps the kinds of activity you've tried so far just aren't right for you. To use running as an example, some people are more comfortable running short distances very fast, and other people like to go a bit more slowly for a lot longer. Neither is superior to the other.

    4) Arrange your hatreds in priority order and separate them into an Absolutely No Way list and a Can Possibly Begrudgingly Endure list. Then set up a new list called, What I Want My Form of Exercise To Have. If that doesn't give you ideas on what to try, posting your lists on MFP will get you overwhelmed with suggestions!

    Thanks for all the suggestions. The sleep problems definitely mess up my whole life. I can't have any routine because of it, since I never know when I will sleep or get up or how many hours I will sleep. My whole life would be different if I didn't have insomnia. Last night I couldn't sleep until 7 am. I got up at noon, the original goal was 9:30 but I knew I would be too tired to get anything done with under three hours sleep. I was also too tired to work out today since I had more important things to preserve my energy for, like work and cooking. It messes up my concentration and cognitive functioning too.

    I thought "vigorous exercise" is what the expert recommendations call for. That's why I want to do exercise besides walking.

    Moderate exercise is often what I see quoted. From the NIH, "The Guidelines recommend that adults should do a minimum of 2 hours and 30 minutes, or 30 minutes 5 days a week, of moderate-intensity aerobic activity a week." Every minute of intense cardio counts for 2 minutes of moderate.

    I wonder if rollerblading might be interesting for you. It might involve having to travel to a place that is more amenable to that (so possibly to NYC), but if you're able to find rental rollerblades it's worth a try. Race walking would also be worth a try, though it is/can be very strenuous from everything I've seen. It's worth a try though and if you don't like it you don't have to keep doing it. If that doesn't work, I'd probably just stick to very long walks for now (given that you're able to do them without much trouble).
  • allyg303
    allyg303 Posts: 4 Member
    I can relate to a lot of aspects of this. I started going to Zumba a few months ago. I went to a few gym classes just to see if anything stuck. I'm absolutely terrible at it, but the instructor makes me laugh and I just generally enjoy how she teaches. It's not necessarily the class, but the energy of the people in it that makes me keep going back. Maybe look for that. I generally hate exercising and am not at all self motivated, but I love this.
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