Dad Jokes/Bad Jokes...

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  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
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    I couldn't remember where I hid my boomerang...

    And then it hit me.
  • Miss_Chiev0us
    Miss_Chiev0us Posts: 1,592 Member
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    I had a dream last night that I was a muffler.

    I woke up exhausted.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
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    I'm reading a book on the history of glue.

    I just can't seem to put it down.
  • glassyo
    glassyo Posts: 7,592 Member
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    What did the flags say to each other?

    Nothing. They just waved.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
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    A woman in labor shouted, "Shouldn't! Couldn't! Wouldn't! Didn't! Can't! "

    "Don't Worry, said the Doc." Those are just contractions.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
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    A bear walks into a bar and says "Give me a whiskey and....... coke."

    "Why the big pause?" asks the bartender.
    The bear shrugged, "I'm not sure. I was born with them."


    c9k61m9khttp.png
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
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    What sits at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

    A nervous wreck.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
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    I don't trust stairs.

    They're always UP to something.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
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    Why did the can crusher quit his job?

    Because it was soda pressing.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
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    What's the best way to watch a fishing tournament?

    Live stream.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwRrKaq0IyY&list=PLE0A43174444193E3&index=39

  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,617 Member
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    Does anyone remember the joke I made about the chiropractor? It was about a weak back.
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,617 Member
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    Why is it a good idea to keep libraries in prisons? Because the prose outweigh the cons.
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,617 Member
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    What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by it's diameter?

    Pumpkin Pi.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
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    If prisoners could take their own mug shots...

    They would be called cellfies
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
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    What do you call an alligator in a vest?

    An investigator

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