Dad Jokes/Bad Jokes...

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  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    On the innertube

    tenor.gif?itemid=3547094
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    Waiter: Do you want a box for the leftovers?

    No, but I'll wrestle you for them.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey.

    But then I turned myself around.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    Mountains aren't just funny.

    They're hill-areas.
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,771 Member
    I've started carrying a stone in my pocket to throw at anyone who sings Christmas songs before Thanksgiving.

    I call it my Jingle Bell Rock.
  • RAinWA
    RAinWA Posts: 1,980 Member
    What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory!
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,771 Member
    A man walks into a sperm bank.

    The nurse says to her co-worker, "Would you get a load of this guy?"
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    "What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese."
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,771 Member
    What did the church mouse say to the other mice?

    "Have you accepted cheeses as your Lord and Savior?"
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,771 Member
    Bilbo Baggins wakes up and hears someone singing, "Don't Stop Believing".

    It was truly an unexpected Journey.
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,771 Member
    I was kidnapped by mimes once.

    They did unspeakable things to me.
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    What do you call a fat psychic?

    A four-chin teller
  • Miss_Chiev0us
    Miss_Chiev0us Posts: 1,592 Member
    I misplaced my pizza cutter, so I used my Bryan Adams CD

    It cuts like a knife
  • brustmannzwei
    brustmannzwei Posts: 1,124 Member
    Whoever determines the funniest one liner comedians needs to check y’all’s out because this is comedy gold.
  • Miss_Chiev0us
    Miss_Chiev0us Posts: 1,592 Member
    piggy_smalls wrote: »
    My girlfriend broke up with me because I only have nine toes.

    She's lack toes intolerant.

    😂😂😂 you win
  • foster1503
    foster1503 Posts: 391 Member
    The worst pub i’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.

    It was a vile inn.
  • 1pandabear
    1pandabear Posts: 336 Member
    Diatonic12 wrote: »
    Waiter: Do you want a box for the leftovers?

    No, but I'll wrestle you for them.

    :D
  • 1pandabear
    1pandabear Posts: 336 Member
    KUMEcyclingteam wrote: »
    A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

    Dyslexics, UNTIE!
  • foster1503
    foster1503 Posts: 391 Member
    Just watched an illegal immigrant get into a fight with Prince Andrew.

    Alien Vs Predator.
  • Miss_Chiev0us
    Miss_Chiev0us Posts: 1,592 Member
    What did the bra say to the hat?

    You go on a head, I gotta give these two a lift.
  • iMago
    iMago Posts: 8,714 Member
    you know what the worst thing about wearing crocs is?

    when its raining outside your socks get wet
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    Why did the Invisible Man turn the job down?

    He just couldn't see himself doing it.

  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    I'm reminiscing about my beautiful herb garden.

    Good thymes.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    They're starting a new dating service in Prague.

    It's called Czech-Mate.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    Want to hear a joke about construction?

    I'm still working on it.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?

    Chicken-sees-a-salad

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