Dad Jokes/Bad Jokes...

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  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,771 Member
    I've converted to Norse Paganism but don't tell anyone. I'm trying to keep it Loki.
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,771 Member
    What do you call a depressed man with a robotic arm?

    A sighborg.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    I used to hate facial hair.

    But then it started to grow on me.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    I keep all of my Dad jokes

    In a Dad-A-Base
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes.

    She hugged me.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    Espresso may not be the answer

    But it's worth a shot
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,771 Member
    Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg!
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, “Wait til it gets warmer.”

    Rodney D.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member


    I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time-consuming.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    A perfectionist walked into a bar...apparently, the bar wasn’t set high enough.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    What did the gym coach say to the cat?

    A: Have you paid your annual fleas?
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    Which U.S. state is famous for its extra-small soft drinks?

    Mini-soda!
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    What did Neil Armstrong say when no one laughed at his moon jokes?

    “I guess you had to be there.”
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    Barista: How do you take your coffee?

    Me: Very, very seriously.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    A man came through my lane at the grocery store with a jug of wine and a bouquet of roses. But before paying, he set the two items aside and said, “I’ll be right back.” He ran off, only to ­return a minute later with a second jug of wine and another bouquet of roses.

    “Two girlfriends?” I asked.“No,” he said. “Just one really angry one.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    My neighbor texted me, "I just made synonym buns!"

    I texted back, "You mean like grammar use to make?" I haven't heard from her since.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    To be or not to be a horse rider, that is equestrian.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    piggy_smalls wrote: »
    I'm not going to lie, I married my wife for her looks. Though not the ones she's been giving me lately.

    Encore. Encore.
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,771 Member
    What do you call a fear of giants?

    Feefiphobia.
  • foster1503
    foster1503 Posts: 391 Member
    My missus said,”you really dont have any sense of direction,do you?”

    I said,”where the hell did that come from?”
  • jiujitsudad15118
    jiujitsudad15118 Posts: 462 Member
    What did zero say to eight?
    Nice belt
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,771 Member
    Is my wife dissatisfied with my body? A tiny part of me says yes.
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,771 Member
    Trying to play the new Rick Astley boardgame but the directions suck. They just say, "You know the rules and so do I".
  • mytyglotz
    mytyglotz Posts: 1,804 Member
    I was really angry at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary. I told him, "Mark, my words!"
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,771 Member
    Changed all my passwords to Kenny. Now all I have to do is remember my Kenny Loggins.

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