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Guess whats in my pocket?

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Replies

  • pizzamyheart
    pizzamyheart Posts: 1,836 Member
    He's got a magnet that whenever he sees something or someone he's interested in, he pulls it out and holdsit in front of his chest so that his magnetic nipple rings are drawn toward it and make it look like his nipples are erect. He will wave his hand back and forth and tell you his nipples are his "attractive " radar.
  • Crissypanda
    Crissypanda Posts: 872 Member
    Spare swimmers
  • pizzamyheart
    pizzamyheart Posts: 1,836 Member
    A tiny hairball her cat coughed up earlier that she swears she can see the image of Betty White in it.
  • melissawill2017
    melissawill2017 Posts: 1,131 Member
    A gum wrapper from high school that your high school crush touched.
  • Pandemonium_
    Pandemonium_ Posts: 945 Member
    A stethoscope. No matter what ails you she whips it out to listen. The catch is, she claims she can hear better in the upper thigh region.
  • melissawill2017
    melissawill2017 Posts: 1,131 Member
    Pandemonium_ wrote: »
    A stethoscope. No matter what ails you she whips it out to listen. The catch is, she claims she can hear better in the upper thigh region.

    Surprisingly- thanks to the large artery that runs through- femoral pulses in the groin are strong!

    Oh but I keep my stethoscope around by neck!

  • pizzamyheart
    pizzamyheart Posts: 1,836 Member
    A picture she drew of a butt. Whenever she gets mad at someone she yells “you’re acting like....like..... (pulls out the butt picture)...THIS!!”
  • FabulousFantasticFifty
    FabulousFantasticFifty Posts: 195,832 Member
    edited October 2019
    A jar of pickled Jalapeños
  • Pandemonium_
    Pandemonium_ Posts: 945 Member
    A picture of Pee Wee Herman. Any time she is stressed she pulls it out and they do the pee wee laugh together.
  • pizzamyheart
    pizzamyheart Posts: 1,836 Member
    a bar of soap. Whenever he's walking down the street in a bad neighborhood he pretends to use it as a cell phone. That way, people avoid him instead of mugging him.
  • s131951
    s131951 Posts: 3,776 Member
    pizzamyheart wrote: »
    a bar of soap. Whenever he's walking down the street in a bad neighborhood he pretends to use it as a cell phone. That way, people avoid him instead of mugging him.

    I thought he would have taken it out to say 'I'm here to clean up this town.' Also the way he dies.


    Rat attractant, a fife and her phone playing fife music, Just in case she comes wanders into Hameln.
  • pizzamyheart
    pizzamyheart Posts: 1,836 Member
    His grandma's heart in a jar. This way when he says, "I don't miss her because I know her heart will always be with me".... he's not lyin.
  • KelleyCakes
    KelleyCakes Posts: 6,609 Member
    Wocket in their pocket
  • pizzamyheart
    pizzamyheart Posts: 1,836 Member
    an old piece of chicken skin. When she feels put on the spot at work she will pull it out, say "braiiiinzz" and start munching on it to make people leave her alone
  • Pandemonium_
    Pandemonium_ Posts: 945 Member
    A cinnamon apple crunch muffin that shes glued googly eyes on. Oh yes, she does indeed know the muffin man. His name is Charlie.
  • pizzamyheart
    pizzamyheart Posts: 1,836 Member
    An old shredded piece of netting. He tells people its his lucky fishnet but we all know its from his glory days when he frequented the Drag circuit as a Queen named Lola.
  • Pandemonium_
    Pandemonium_ Posts: 945 Member
    Ghost peppers grown in a Guatemalan insane asylum. She pulls them out and rubs them on her face to make herself cry. You wouldnt believe how many free lunches shes gotten from this technique
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    A fart in a pickle bottle
  • pizzamyheart
    pizzamyheart Posts: 1,836 Member
    A stick of butter. She always like to glisten so she’ll run it in her face several times a day
  • Pandemonium_
    Pandemonium_ Posts: 945 Member
    edited October 2019
    A small black notebook. Inside this notebook are cut out pictures of mfp forum goers. Some have lines drawn connecting them. Others have butts drawn on their faces, and still others have hearts drawn around them. A select few have a Large X drawn over the face. Im still working on deciphering her code.
  • pizzamyheart
    pizzamyheart Posts: 1,836 Member
    Pandemonium_ wrote: »
    A small black notebook. Inside this notebook are cut out pictures of mfp forum goers. Some have line draw connecting them. Others have butts drawn on their faces, and still others have hearts drawn around them. A select few have a Large X drawn over the face. Im still working on deciphering her code.

    Some names are even written in scratch n sniff ink
  • pizzamyheart
    pizzamyheart Posts: 1,836 Member
    Pandemonium_ wrote: »
    A small black notebook. Inside this notebook are cut out pictures of mfp forum goers. Some have line draw connecting them. Others have butts drawn on their faces, and still others have hearts drawn around them. A select few have a Large X drawn over the face. Im still working on deciphering her code.

    A large blonde wig. Whenever he goes out to lunch with coworkers he will put it on and pretend to be Dolly Parton. He won’t answer unless he is addressed as “Miss Dolly” .
  • Pandemonium_
    Pandemonium_ Posts: 945 Member
    Two boiled eggs and a stick of summer sausage. She asks men with mullets if they'd like any protein, while winking and licking her lips
  • pizzamyheart
    pizzamyheart Posts: 1,836 Member
    A small cubic zirconium. He likes to show it to any nurses he might meet and tell them that he once got so constipated that now he can only poop diamonds. He feels that improves his chances of getting a date.
  • Pandemonium_
    Pandemonium_ Posts: 945 Member
    An autographed Billy Blanks, Tae Bo(tm) sweat rag. She pulls it out daily, loudly inhales the scent, sighs and yells "TAE BO"
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    Chop sticks.. he doesn't use them to eat with but to scratch himself in unreachable places
  • pizzamyheart
    pizzamyheart Posts: 1,836 Member
    Coffee grounds. She pulls them out and throws them at people who walk slowly in front of her and yells "You need some pep in your step!" goodday
  • Crissypanda
    Crissypanda Posts: 872 Member
    Popcorn
  • Pandemonium_
    Pandemonium_ Posts: 945 Member
    Ring pops. She places them on her toes and licks them. All in an effort to increase her dexterity.
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    Ants.. because he did have cupcake crumbs in there

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