Unwanted advice at gym

Today I was doing barbell squats in my gym when I saw some guy staring at me for awhile but thought I was just being paranoid. He then came over to me to tell me the weight I was squatting with was very heavy. Taking me off guard I just said "um thanks I guess?" He then told me that it wasnt a compliment and that my form is bad, my weights are too heavy and I look like im killing myself.

I thought he was rude. He dosn't work there. I've had a personal trainer for months now who told me my form is perfect and squating is my strong point. She has seen me squating with that much weight and I'm sure she wouldve told me if it was too heavy for my safety. Being a woman its already intimidating enough going to the weights section. I just said ok, I have a personal trainer already and she told me my form is fine, thanks. Then i continued my work out and he was like "sorry if I offended you" I said no, its fine then he continued to annoy me....."you look p****d off".

Has anyone else had an experience like this? How did you handle it? Do you think its okay to go around giving advice to strangers?

Replies

sammidelvecchio

Yes, one time I was doing sumo deadlifts and a bro tried to tell me I was doing them wrong because my feet aren't supposed to be so far apart for dead lifts. I said I would agree with him if I was doing regular deadlifts but I'm not and told him to please leave me alone, which of course pissed him off.

It's happened many other times, as well as other unwanted attention and I ended up quitting my gym. I know some people really are just trying to help, but IMO it's just simply none of their business.

MikePTY

I don't think it's ever appropriate unless the person works there or you asked for their advice. Some guys may be genuinely trying to be helpful, but most are doing it for a "help the damsel in distress" ego boost or an in to attempt to hit on you. To be fair, guys do it to other guys a fair amount in the gym too, but I think there is also kind of a "I'm top dog" power play there as well when they do it.

LyndaBSS

Bench press the guy and be done with it. What a jerk. 😠

PapillonNoire

Offering unsolicited advice is generally bad practice. If I were genuinely concerned that someone was going to injure themselves during their workout, I would quietly tell a gym trainer or staff member and let the professionals handle it. I think this guy was very out of line.

cwolfman13

Never had that happen, but if I did I'd just shrug it off...who gives a *kitten*?

SnifterPug

Next time try saying "Thanks. Do you carry liability insurance in case I injure myself following your advice?"

quiksylver296

If that's you in your profile pic, he was hitting on you. Not very effectively, obviously.

floofyschmoofer

This sounds like a misguided attempt at flirting. He was hoping you would be receptive to his nonsense and be all OH MY GOSH TELL ME MORE TEACH ME AND MY LADYBRAIN HOW TO LIFT HEAVY THINGS WON'T YOU PLEASE? Good on you for setting him straight.

Dolly989

PapillonNoire wrote: »

Offering unsolicited advice is generally bad practice. If I were genuinely concerned that someone was going to injure themselves during their workout, I would quietly tell a gym trainer or staff member and let the professionals handle it. I think this guy was very out of line.

I agree. There was lots of staff on and they were walking up and down surely ome of them would've approached me if i was doing somthing dangerous.

Dolly989

quiksylver296 wrote: »

If that's you in your profile pic, he was hitting on you. Not very effectively, obviously.

Haha that is me, thank you but I don't look like that in the gym i look a mess 😂

pinuplove

floofyschmoofer wrote: »

This sounds like a misguided attempt at flirting. He was hoping you would be receptive to his nonsense and be all OH MY GOSH TELL ME MORE TEACH ME AND MY LADYBRAIN HOW TO LIFT HEAVY THINGS WON'T YOU PLEASE? Good on you for setting him straight.

Ladybrain :laugh:

Yep, going with misguided attempt at flirting as well.

Dolly989

just_Tomek wrote: »

Thanx for the advice, carry on. Who cares.

For some people the gym can be intimidating. You're putting yourself out there. I didn't go to the gym for years cause I was self concious of having people see me work out and I know alot of people feel the same at the start. I thought the way he said it was rude

ThatJuJitsuWoman

cwolfman13 wrote: »

Never had that happen, but if I did I'd just shrug it off...who gives a *kitten*?

There’s a reason you’ve never had that happen.

Free weights areas are nearly always full of men doing their best to “out-man” each other. It’s not a pleasant atmosphere, and even less so when they decide that the poor weak woman must have wandered in there by mistake and obviously can’t cope on her own.

Guys, if we’re in the free weights area you can assume that we know what we’re doing. Very few women just walk in there alone with no plan.

Carlos_421

MikePTY wrote: »

I don't think it's ever appropriate unless the person works there or you asked for their advice. Some guys may be genuinely trying to be helpful, but most are doing it for a "help the damsel in distress" ego boost or an in to attempt to hit on you. To be fair, guys do it to other guys a fair amount in the gym too, but I think there is also kind of a "I'm top dog" power play there as well when they do it.

I've gotten that vibe from every guy who's ever given me advice.

Carlos_421

pinuplove wrote: »

floofyschmoofer wrote: »

This sounds like a misguided attempt at flirting. He was hoping you would be receptive to his nonsense and be all OH MY GOSH TELL ME MORE TEACH ME AND MY LADYBRAIN HOW TO LIFT HEAVY THINGS WON'T YOU PLEASE? Good on you for setting him straight.

Ladybrain :laugh:

Yep, going with misguided attempt at flirting as well.

ccrdragon

ThatJuJitsuWoman wrote: »

cwolfman13 wrote: »

Never had that happen, but if I did I'd just shrug it off...who gives a *kitten*?

There’s a reason you’ve never had that happen.

Free weights areas are nearly always full of men doing their best to “out-man” each other. It’s not a pleasant atmosphere, and even less so when they decide that the poor weak woman must have wandered in there by mistake and obviously can’t cope on her own.

Guys, if we’re in the free weights area you can assume that we know what we’re doing. Very few women just walk in there alone with no plan.

This and the OP's incident are why I hit the gym at 4:30 in the morning... the people who are willing to get up that early are all business - get in, get it done, get out - and pretty much don't socialize or bother each other beyond a hello among the regulars. We do have several women who workout in this time frame and they don't get hit on either (could be that most of them are fitness competitors who can pretty much keep up with the guys that are also working out).

For the OP - he was being an *kitten* and it was a lame attempt to hit on you... 'nuff said.

pinuplove

Carlos_421 wrote: »

MikePTY wrote: »

I don't think it's ever appropriate unless the person works there or you asked for their advice. Some guys may be genuinely trying to be helpful, but most are doing it for a "help the damsel in distress" ego boost or an in to attempt to hit on you. To be fair, guys do it to other guys a fair amount in the gym too, but I think there is also kind of a "I'm top dog" power play there as well when they do it.

I've gotten that vibe from every guy who's ever given me advice.

Well maybe if you didn't give off the damsel in distress vibe...

J72FIT

MikePTY wrote: »

I don't think it's ever appropriate unless the person works there or you asked for their advice.

^^^All of this...

J72FIT

cwolfman13 wrote: »

Never had that happen, but if I did I'd just shrug it off...who gives a *kitten*?

^^^This too...

Carlos_421

pinuplove wrote: »

Carlos_421 wrote: »

MikePTY wrote: »

I don't think it's ever appropriate unless the person works there or you asked for their advice. Some guys may be genuinely trying to be helpful, but most are doing it for a "help the damsel in distress" ego boost or an in to attempt to hit on you. To be fair, guys do it to other guys a fair amount in the gym too, but I think there is also kind of a "I'm top dog" power play there as well when they do it.

I've gotten that vibe from every guy who's ever given me advice.

Well maybe if you didn't give off the damsel in distress vibe...

HAHA!!! Touche!

cwolfman13

ThatJuJitsuWoman wrote: »

cwolfman13 wrote: »

Never had that happen, but if I did I'd just shrug it off...who gives a *kitten*?

There’s a reason you’ve never had that happen.

Free weights areas are nearly always full of men doing their best to “out-man” each other. It’s not a pleasant atmosphere, and even less so when they decide that the poor weak woman must have wandered in there by mistake and obviously can’t cope on her own.

Guys, if we’re in the free weights area you can assume that we know what we’re doing. Very few women just walk in there alone with no plan.

You might be surprised that guys give other guys unsolicited advice in the weight room quite a bit as well...it's usually a one up, macho, alpha male thing. I've been lifting on and off since I was 13...I just put my earbuds in and do my work.

FWIW, I hit the weight room last night and there was me and seven other females there (one was my wife). I was the only dude...granted I currently belong to a small gym that consists solely of a weight room and a lot of the people that train there are athletes...many are women...but everyone there is pretty "serious business"

I think gym choice has a lot to do with it as well...I don't do big commercial gyms except one time a long time ago. Even before I found my current gym, I usually opted for locally owned and run gyms...less BS in my experience.

CSARdiver

I had something similar happen with a weird passive aggressive guy at the gym who would meander about and sit at a machine next to someone, then begin criticizing something about how they were lifting wrong, using the wrong weight, etc. I stopped him abruptly when he came by my son.

Handle it directly - elevate to gym management if warranted. I like to think people have good intentions, but just very unpracticed at conversation.

wmd1979

Call me non-sociable, or whatever, but I really don't want to be talking to anyone at the gym, period. There is a big difference in being polite and saying hello, to giving advice or inquiring about someone else's workout. That annoys me to no end, and especially in this situation I would have probably told the guy to *kitten* off. I just want to get in there, do my work, and leave. People who do this are either making a very poor attempt at flirting, or are trying to feed their ego. I wish there was one gym we could ship all these people off to. That would be pretty entertaining actually, to see all these bro types critiquing each other and trying to determine who has the most perfect form. Thats reality tv I would watch.

steveko89

Unless there's grave concern that someone is doing something completely wrong/irresponsible such that they could injure themselves or others everyone should just mind their own business. I have to agree with others speculating it was an awkward and ill-fated attempt to hit on OP.

ThatJuJitsuWoman

There’s a lot of people thinking it was a flirting attempt. Does this really happen?? Maybe I’ve missed a few attempted flirts over the years. I just expected that any guy trying to hit on me would say something nice!

Carlos_421

ThatJuJitsuWoman wrote: »

There’s a lot of people thinking it was a flirting attempt. Does this really happen?? Maybe I’ve missed a few attempted flirts over the years. I just expected that any guy trying to hit on me would say something nice!

You give guys too much credit. We're not typically smart enough to figure out that something like that might work.

Dolly989

I hope I never run into him at the gym again. It was so off putting I couldn't even concentrate on the rest of my work out cause I felt like I had eyes on me. Even after I let him know I wasn't interested in continuing the conversation I could feel his eyes on me across the room and end up leaving. Before he approached me he was standing around for awhile not doing anything himself. I know how important safety is at the gym and if i was doing somthing that was putting myself at risk i'd like to be told but this wasn't like that. I've been going to the gym a long time now and have had different personal trainers on and off. Like I said I was there 2 days before this incident with my trainer lifting the same weight with the same form and she said it was fine.

AnnPT77

ThatJuJitsuWoman wrote: »

There’s a lot of people thinking it was a flirting attempt. Does this really happen?? Maybe I’ve missed a few attempted flirts over the years. I just expected that any guy trying to hit on me would say something nice!

That's part of how pathetic it is: They think their advice is something nice. 🙄

AnnPT77

Dolly989 wrote: »

I hope I never run into him at the gym again. It was so off putting I couldn't even concentrate on the rest of my work out cause I felt like I had eyes on me. Even after I let him know I wasn't interested in continuing the conversation I could feel his eyes on me across the room and end up leaving. Before he approached me he was standing around for awhile not doing anything himself. I know how important safety is at the gym and if i was doing somthing that was putting myself at risk i'd like to be told but this wasn't like that. I've been going to the gym a long time now and have had different personal trainers on and off. Like I said I was there 2 days before this incident with my trainer lifting the same weight with the same form and she said it was fine.

It seems particularly offensive/obnoxious that he kept repeatedly trying to engage, even after you first put him off politely.

MikePTY

ThatJuJitsuWoman wrote: »

There’s a lot of people thinking it was a flirting attempt. Does this really happen?? Maybe I’ve missed a few attempted flirts over the years. I just expected that any guy trying to hit on me would say something nice!

There's a whole line of thinking from online communities and such that "negging" or using subtle putdowns to try to throw off womens self esteem is a successful pick up technique. So it's led to some guys flirting by being negative and trying to assert dominance so you'll see them an "manly" or some other nonsense.