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Unwanted advice at gym

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  • cwolfman13cwolfman13 Posts: 36,763Member Member Posts: 36,763Member Member
    cwolfman13 wrote: »
    Never had that happen, but if I did I'd just shrug it off...who gives a *kitten*?

    There’s a reason you’ve never had that happen.

    Free weights areas are nearly always full of men doing their best to “out-man” each other. It’s not a pleasant atmosphere, and even less so when they decide that the poor weak woman must have wandered in there by mistake and obviously can’t cope on her own.

    Guys, if we’re in the free weights area you can assume that we know what we’re doing. Very few women just walk in there alone with no plan.

    You might be surprised that guys give other guys unsolicited advice in the weight room quite a bit as well...it's usually a one up, macho, alpha male thing. I've been lifting on and off since I was 13...I just put my earbuds in and do my work.

    FWIW, I hit the weight room last night and there was me and seven other females there (one was my wife). I was the only dude...granted I currently belong to a small gym that consists solely of a weight room and a lot of the people that train there are athletes...many are women...but everyone there is pretty "serious business"

    I think gym choice has a lot to do with it as well...I don't do big commercial gyms except one time a long time ago. Even before I found my current gym, I usually opted for locally owned and run gyms...less BS in my experience.

    edited September 19
  • CSARdiverCSARdiver Posts: 6,084Member Member Posts: 6,084Member Member
    I had something similar happen with a weird passive aggressive guy at the gym who would meander about and sit at a machine next to someone, then begin criticizing something about how they were lifting wrong, using the wrong weight, etc. I stopped him abruptly when he came by my son.

    Handle it directly - elevate to gym management if warranted. I like to think people have good intentions, but just very unpracticed at conversation.
  • steveko89steveko89 Posts: 1,364Member Member Posts: 1,364Member Member
    Unless there's grave concern that someone is doing something completely wrong/irresponsible such that they could injure themselves or others everyone should just mind their own business. I have to agree with others speculating it was an awkward and ill-fated attempt to hit on OP.
  • ThatJuJitsuWomanThatJuJitsuWoman Posts: 111Member Member Posts: 111Member Member
    There’s a lot of people thinking it was a flirting attempt. Does this really happen?? Maybe I’ve missed a few attempted flirts over the years. I just expected that any guy trying to hit on me would say something nice!
  • AnnPT77AnnPT77 Posts: 12,127Member Member Posts: 12,127Member Member
    Dolly989 wrote: »
    I hope I never run into him at the gym again. It was so off putting I couldn't even concentrate on the rest of my work out cause I felt like I had eyes on me. Even after I let him know I wasn't interested in continuing the conversation I could feel his eyes on me across the room and end up leaving. Before he approached me he was standing around for awhile not doing anything himself. I know how important safety is at the gym and if i was doing somthing that was putting myself at risk i'd like to be told but this wasn't like that. I've been going to the gym a long time now and have had different personal trainers on and off. Like I said I was there 2 days before this incident with my trainer lifting the same weight with the same form and she said it was fine.

    It seems particularly offensive/obnoxious that he kept repeatedly trying to engage, even after you first put him off politely.
  • vanityy99vanityy99 Posts: 745Member Member Posts: 745Member Member
    I don’t mind if a total stranger gave me advice at the gym, I’d appreciate it. And if they were wrong, I’d just say thank you anyways and move on- no need to be snarky if I thought he genuinely just wanted to help.

    How is that offensive, what am I missing here?
  • vanityy99vanityy99 Posts: 745Member Member Posts: 745Member Member
    Dolly989 wrote: »
    I hope I never run into him at the gym again. It was so off putting I couldn't even concentrate on the rest of my work out cause I felt like I had eyes on me. Even after I let him know I wasn't interested in continuing the conversation I could feel his eyes on me across the room and end up leaving. Before he approached me he was standing around for awhile not doing anything himself. I know how important safety is at the gym and if i was doing somthing that was putting myself at risk i'd like to be told but this wasn't like that. I've been going to the gym a long time now and have had different personal trainers on and off. Like I said I was there 2 days before this incident with my trainer lifting the same weight with the same form and she said it was fine.

    Oh. Got it.
  • vanityy99vanityy99 Posts: 745Member Member Posts: 745Member Member
    Offering unsolicited advice is generally bad practice. If I were genuinely concerned that someone was going to injure themselves during their workout, I would quietly tell a gym trainer or staff member and let the professionals handle it. I think this guy was very out of line.

    Why is unsolicited advice considered bad practice at the gym?


  • vanityy99vanityy99 Posts: 745Member Member Posts: 745Member Member
    There’s a lot of people thinking it was a flirting attempt. Does this really happen?? Maybe I’ve missed a few attempted flirts over the years. I just expected that any guy trying to hit on me would say something nice!

    I kinda feel bad for good looking men at the gym, they automatically get dismissed because people assume their douches and just trying to be “alpha”. Lol.

    Oh and they MUST be hitting on a female.

    Please.



  • aokoyeaokoye Posts: 2,964Member Member Posts: 2,964Member Member
    I haven't read the thread yet, but the only time I've ever wanted to give advice is when people are using a rowing machine in such a way that they will hurt themselves. In the, "it's not a matter of if, but when" sort of poor technique.

    That said, I've only ever given advice when it's been asked or someone has struck up a conversation with me about rowing. The only other time I can think of actually doing so (as opposed to just wanting to but not acting on those desires) is if I were to see a friend using the rowing machine and it would be easy for me to approach them in a way that make it clear that this wasn't a "you suck/are weak/shouldn't be using this machine" sort of thing.

    Edit: What I actually want and should do is ask the management to put a diagram of how to use them on the wall that they're right next to. That and suggest that maybe they force people to check out a wristband that shows they've gone through some basic training (in the form of videos from Concept2 and a very short quiz) on how to use them in the same way that they require people to wear a wristband if they want to use the climbing gym (including if you're just bouldering) or olympic lifting platforms. If I end up getting a personal trainer there (and I probably will), I am going to bring it up to her (she has enough power to potentially make that happen).
    edited September 19
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