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Unwanted advice at gym
Replies
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ThatJuJitsuWoman wrote: »cwolfman13 wrote: »Never had that happen, but if I did I'd just shrug it off...who gives a *kitten*?
There’s a reason you’ve never had that happen.
Free weights areas are nearly always full of men doing their best to “out-man” each other. It’s not a pleasant atmosphere, and even less so when they decide that the poor weak woman must have wandered in there by mistake and obviously can’t cope on her own.
Guys, if we’re in the free weights area you can assume that we know what we’re doing. Very few women just walk in there alone with no plan.
You might be surprised that guys give other guys unsolicited advice in the weight room quite a bit as well...it's usually a one up, macho, alpha male thing. I've been lifting on and off since I was 13...I just put my earbuds in and do my work.
FWIW, I hit the weight room last night and there was me and seven other females there (one was my wife). I was the only dude...granted I currently belong to a small gym that consists solely of a weight room and a lot of the people that train there are athletes...many are women...but everyone there is pretty "serious business"
I think gym choice has a lot to do with it as well...I don't do big commercial gyms except one time a long time ago. Even before I found my current gym, I usually opted for locally owned and run gyms...less BS in my experience.
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I had something similar happen with a weird passive aggressive guy at the gym who would meander about and sit at a machine next to someone, then begin criticizing something about how they were lifting wrong, using the wrong weight, etc. I stopped him abruptly when he came by my son.
Handle it directly - elevate to gym management if warranted. I like to think people have good intentions, but just very unpracticed at conversation.5 -
Call me non-sociable, or whatever, but I really don't want to be talking to anyone at the gym, period. There is a big difference in being polite and saying hello, to giving advice or inquiring about someone else's workout. That annoys me to no end, and especially in this situation I would have probably told the guy to *kitten* off. I just want to get in there, do my work, and leave. People who do this are either making a very poor attempt at flirting, or are trying to feed their ego. I wish there was one gym we could ship all these people off to. That would be pretty entertaining actually, to see all these bro types critiquing each other and trying to determine who has the most perfect form. Thats reality tv I would watch.27
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Unless there's grave concern that someone is doing something completely wrong/irresponsible such that they could injure themselves or others everyone should just mind their own business. I have to agree with others speculating it was an awkward and ill-fated attempt to hit on OP.2
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There’s a lot of people thinking it was a flirting attempt. Does this really happen?? Maybe I’ve missed a few attempted flirts over the years. I just expected that any guy trying to hit on me would say something nice!5
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ThatJuJitsuWoman wrote: »There’s a lot of people thinking it was a flirting attempt. Does this really happen?? Maybe I’ve missed a few attempted flirts over the years. I just expected that any guy trying to hit on me would say something nice!
You give guys too much credit. We're not typically smart enough to figure out that something like that might work.21 -
I hope I never run into him at the gym again. It was so off putting I couldn't even concentrate on the rest of my work out cause I felt like I had eyes on me. Even after I let him know I wasn't interested in continuing the conversation I could feel his eyes on me across the room and end up leaving. Before he approached me he was standing around for awhile not doing anything himself. I know how important safety is at the gym and if i was doing somthing that was putting myself at risk i'd like to be told but this wasn't like that. I've been going to the gym a long time now and have had different personal trainers on and off. Like I said I was there 2 days before this incident with my trainer lifting the same weight with the same form and she said it was fine.
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ThatJuJitsuWoman wrote: »There’s a lot of people thinking it was a flirting attempt. Does this really happen?? Maybe I’ve missed a few attempted flirts over the years. I just expected that any guy trying to hit on me would say something nice!
That's part of how pathetic it is: They think their advice is something nice. 🙄11 -
I hope I never run into him at the gym again. It was so off putting I couldn't even concentrate on the rest of my work out cause I felt like I had eyes on me. Even after I let him know I wasn't interested in continuing the conversation I could feel his eyes on me across the room and end up leaving. Before he approached me he was standing around for awhile not doing anything himself. I know how important safety is at the gym and if i was doing somthing that was putting myself at risk i'd like to be told but this wasn't like that. I've been going to the gym a long time now and have had different personal trainers on and off. Like I said I was there 2 days before this incident with my trainer lifting the same weight with the same form and she said it was fine.
It seems particularly offensive/obnoxious that he kept repeatedly trying to engage, even after you first put him off politely.6 -
ThatJuJitsuWoman wrote: »There’s a lot of people thinking it was a flirting attempt. Does this really happen?? Maybe I’ve missed a few attempted flirts over the years. I just expected that any guy trying to hit on me would say something nice!
There's a whole line of thinking from online communities and such that "negging" or using subtle putdowns to try to throw off womens self esteem is a successful pick up technique. So it's led to some guys flirting by being negative and trying to assert dominance so you'll see them an "manly" or some other nonsense.25 -
ThatJuJitsuWoman wrote: »There’s a lot of people thinking it was a flirting attempt. Does this really happen?? Maybe I’ve missed a few attempted flirts over the years. I just expected that any guy trying to hit on me would say something nice!
There's a whole line of thinking from online communities and such that "negging" or using subtle putdowns to try to throw off womens self esteem is a successful pick up technique. So it's led to some guys flirting by being negative and trying to assert dominance so you'll see them an "manly" or some other nonsense.
I was thinking the same thing. There's also the guys who rather than work on their sales pitch just go for volume - the telemarketing strategy.7 -
When these same guys were in kindergarten, they threw rocks at the girls they liked.
Keep that in mind.31 -
I don’t mind if a total stranger gave me advice at the gym, I’d appreciate it. And if they were wrong, I’d just say thank you anyways and move on- no need to be snarky if I thought he genuinely just wanted to help.
How is that offensive, what am I missing here?4 -
I hope I never run into him at the gym again. It was so off putting I couldn't even concentrate on the rest of my work out cause I felt like I had eyes on me. Even after I let him know I wasn't interested in continuing the conversation I could feel his eyes on me across the room and end up leaving. Before he approached me he was standing around for awhile not doing anything himself. I know how important safety is at the gym and if i was doing somthing that was putting myself at risk i'd like to be told but this wasn't like that. I've been going to the gym a long time now and have had different personal trainers on and off. Like I said I was there 2 days before this incident with my trainer lifting the same weight with the same form and she said it was fine.
Oh. Got it.4 -
PapillonNoire wrote: »Offering unsolicited advice is generally bad practice. If I were genuinely concerned that someone was going to injure themselves during their workout, I would quietly tell a gym trainer or staff member and let the professionals handle it. I think this guy was very out of line.
Why is unsolicited advice considered bad practice at the gym?
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ThatJuJitsuWoman wrote: »There’s a lot of people thinking it was a flirting attempt. Does this really happen?? Maybe I’ve missed a few attempted flirts over the years. I just expected that any guy trying to hit on me would say something nice!
I kinda feel bad for good looking men at the gym, they automatically get dismissed because people assume their douches and just trying to be “alpha”. Lol.
Oh and they MUST be hitting on a female.
Please.
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PapillonNoire wrote: »Offering unsolicited advice is generally bad practice. If I were genuinely concerned that someone was going to injure themselves during their workout, I would quietly tell a gym trainer or staff member and let the professionals handle it. I think this guy was very out of line.
Why is unsolicited advice considered bad practice at the gym?
There was a personal trainer at my gym (I'd never met him, I wasn't paying him) who told me that my body wasn't built to low bar squat, and that I should be front squatting (under his supervision). For the longest time after, whenever I would squat I would think that he was over there, judging me (because I kept low bar squatting). It caused me stress & anxiety any time I was going to squat at the gym.
In my opinion, unsolicited advice is bad practice because it can take something people enjoy and make them feel self conscious about it.
And for anyone thinking "but this doesn't apply to me because my advice is great advice", anyone giving advice thinks that their advice is great.23 -
I haven't read the thread yet, but the only time I've ever wanted to give advice is when people are using a rowing machine in such a way that they will hurt themselves. In the, "it's not a matter of if, but when" sort of poor technique.
That said, I've only ever given advice when it's been asked or someone has struck up a conversation with me about rowing. The only other time I can think of actually doing so (as opposed to just wanting to but not acting on those desires) is if I were to see a friend using the rowing machine and it would be easy for me to approach them in a way that make it clear that this wasn't a "you suck/are weak/shouldn't be using this machine" sort of thing.
Edit: What I actually want and should do is ask the management to put a diagram of how to use them on the wall that they're right next to. That and suggest that maybe they force people to check out a wristband that shows they've gone through some basic training (in the form of videos from Concept2 and a very short quiz) on how to use them in the same way that they require people to wear a wristband if they want to use the climbing gym (including if you're just bouldering) or olympic lifting platforms. If I end up getting a personal trainer there (and I probably will), I am going to bring it up to her (she has enough power to potentially make that happen).2 -
PapillonNoire wrote: »Offering unsolicited advice is generally bad practice. If I were genuinely concerned that someone was going to injure themselves during their workout, I would quietly tell a gym trainer or staff member and let the professionals handle it. I think this guy was very out of line.
Why is unsolicited advice considered bad practice at the gym?
In general, offering unsolicited advice in life is bad practice. Unless there is a legitimate reason to, it's just nosy and getting involved in other people's business and makes them feel uncomfortable. And most of the time, the unsolicited advice-giver usually isn't even right about what they are giving advice about.37 -
I haven't read the thread yet, but the only time I've ever wanted to give advice is when people are using a rowing machine in such a way that they will hurt themselves. In the, "it's not a matter of if, but when" sort of poor technique.
That said, I've only ever given advice when it's been asked or someone has struck up a conversation with me about rowing. The only other time I can think of actually doing so (as opposed to just wanting to but not acting on those desires) is if I were to see a friend using the rowing machine and it would be easy for me to approach them in a way that make it clear that this wasn't a "you suck/are weak/shouldn't be using this machine" sort of thing.
Coulda written this myself, I swear.
I have gone to the training staff and asked who was teaching people - people my age and older, mostly - to use the rowing machine, because (a) they were doing it wrong, and (b) they were often doing it wrong in ways that could cause back problems. It didn't help, of course; and I think I figured out which person was teaching them: One of the trainers, who teaches senior fitness classes, was on the C2 rower one day. <facepalm> I didn't give him advice, either.
This next not aimed at you, aokoye, but to the general trajectory of the thread.
It's intrusive, presumptuous, and rude to give unsolicited advice at the gym: The person being advised has no idea who's offering the advice (i.e., whether they have legit qualifications/certifications); the person advising doesn't know whether the person being given advice has good reasons for doing something in a unusual way; if the person being advised has social anxiety or gym anxiety, it may put them off the gym.
Would you give a person at the grocery store unsolicited advice that they shouldn't buy some sub-ideal food/meal, but should buy something "better" instead? It's really not different.
That's even without the unpleasant social dynamics ("flirty" know-it-all jerk-hood) described in the OP.18
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