• KJLaMore
    KJLaMore Posts: 2,837 Member
    If you feel the urge (I know I did) please answer Lisa's question " What do you long for?" And also give input on assisted suicide as Luci requested. Both important topics. BUT... you know me...going to flip our little thread and get some good mojo going into February. Here is my question to you, What makes your heart skip a beat? You know...the things that make you extraordinarily happy/proud. The things that make you want to spin, flex your muscles, do a back flip? Tell me!
  • OregonMother
    OregonMother Posts: 1,594 Member
    My alcoholic,demonically abusive father committed suicide when I was very young.He was never nice to us and I’m stoic about his leaving-I don’t miss what I never had.And it meant there would be no more beatings.But that’s when my monster Really started living for herself as her “friends “told her she should.Different men in and out the house and different abuse.Shed gone off on one her usual weekend away and left me alone.I had No one .I had been hospitalized with 3 bleeding ulcers a hiatal hernia and acid reflux like nobody.I was 13.So I had plenty of pills in the house and monster had plenty of booze.I figured I’d had enough and no other escape.Obviously it didn’t work and she never knew.I have moments when it crosses my mind but I can’t inflict that pain on my family.Ive lost a couple dear friends to suicide 😔.And just in the past couple days list a couple good friends 😔😔.Ive been skimming through and wasn’t going to say anything because my life has been SO messed up.I still feel so damaged and have no one to talk to and hate to burden y’all beautiful ladies with itSorry for the mini novel.
    Debby in Va

    I am so sorry, Debby. I am thankful that you are here. And you are no burden at all. On the contrary, you are valued and seen.

    Willamette Valley, Oregon
  • margaretturk
    margaretturk Posts: 5,112 Member
    Debby my hearts goes out to you!

    As a child you had no safe place. Now as an adult you can create those safe places for yourself. Healing the scars from our childhood takes a village. Know you are not alone. As I said to Luci in a personal message. You can know in your head that your father was ill the emotional impact is much harder to heal.

    You are not a burden. Just giving voice to your pain can start the healing process.

    To answer your question Kelly...Singing is the number one thing can pull me from the darkest cloud...Getting into the zone when I paint also transcends me to a place of contentment...Getting those hugs from students who are placed in my care Bliss!
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,262 Member
    LisaInAR wrote: »
    I feel as if the day, supportive or not, kinda went sideways into a gray place for all of us--sorry if I was part of causing that, it was genuinely not my intent. :'(

    Lisa in AR

    Tomorrow is a new day, new month, and new thread!
  • cityjaneLondon
    cityjaneLondon Posts: 12,397 Member
    Debbie - You are definitely not alone. This thread is frequented by quite a few with similar experiences, including myself. I sought help from professionals and was lucky enough to find it. My life's work has been to heal from my childhood. It is a never ending journey, but can be done. One thing to remember is, you are free now. The past does not exist. Only the present moment exists. You can use each moment to choose what you want for your future happiness. <3

    What makes my heart skip? Almost everything! :D Just being in the moment is a wonderful thing. Just recently the miracle of finding a singing group still astonishes me! I never tire of the sea. On a more mundane level, I love to get dressed up, put my face on, and go out to lunch somewhere delightful with a really good girlfriend for a good, long gossip. Wonderful! :D<3

    Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx
  • kevrit
    kevrit Posts: 3,991 Member
  • cityjaneLondon
    cityjaneLondon Posts: 12,397 Member
    Just arranged a lunch date in Portsmouth for next week. :DB)

    Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx
  • TerriRichardson112
    TerriRichardson112 Posts: 18,466 Member
    edited January 2020
    What I really long for? The first thing that came to mind was more time.

    Then I thought "Well, I have more time, but I'm just frittering it away, day-dreaming!"

    Then, I thought, "Well, actually, day-dreaming isn't frittering it away, as I come up with some of my best creative ideas when I'm Day-dreaming!"

    So finally, what I really long for is more time to just sit and day-dream! 😂 Maybe I should just be content with things as they are.

    Individual perceptions: I know that DH and I definitely see colours differently, and I'm sure we perceive tastes differently.

    What makes my heart skip? Almost everything. 😂 But especially when I create something, like a poem, or a picture. And music, and dancing, reading, just living, really. It's always better than the alternative.

    This was especially brought home to me today as I had another funeral to attend. Found out mid morning that the husband of a friend had died last Saturday and the funeral was at 12.00. Was able to rearrange my day to give her a little support. David had heart issues, but it was still a shock.

    I still haven't had time to back read posts. Will try again tomorrow.
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,262 Member
    Coronavirus -- https://www.health.gov.au/news/coronavirus-update-at-a-glance

    The big concern here are the number of students returning to or coming to Tasmania for university. Last semester, there were about 4000 Chinese students. In my classes, if there are (let's say) about 500 students, approx. 300 of them might be Chinese, approx. 200 of them might be Indian (from various parts of India) and 1 of them is a Canadian-Australian (that would be me).

    If it were just a matter of me going to work, it would be less of a concern because I'd only be in contact with a small number of Chinese students on the bus or wherever. But the prospect of being crammed into lecture theatres with hundreds who might have been exposes to the virus. :( Don't get me wrong, the Chinese students are great and I like working with them ... but in this particular situation, that's where the virus is most rampant.

    Longing -- my response was, and is, "it's complicated". Most of it has to do with my husband and healing on many different levels.

    The Senses of Taste and Smell -- Heather, you mentioned that if your partner didn't share the same tastes and love of food as you, that would mean divorce. I wonder if you'd feel the same way if your partner lost his sense of taste and smell.

    It doesn't take much to lose the sense of smell in particular. Even just a fall and a little bump on the head can knock the sense of smell out and as we age, it often changes or diminishes.


    There are receptors inside the nose that send information through nerves to the brain. Anosmia can occur if any part of this pathway is damaged. There are many conditions that can cause this damage, including:

    old age
    Alzheimer’s disease
    brain tumors
    Huntington’s disease
    hormonal problems
    underactive thyroid
    medications, including some antibiotics and high blood pressure medications
    multiple sclerosis
    Parkinson’s disease
    exposure to chemicals that burn the inside of your nose
    brain or head injury
    brain surgery
    malnutrition and vitamin deficiencies
    radiation therapy
    long-term alcoholism

    As we've learned, I'm a supertaster and texture eater and have been as long as I can remember. If I have surgery on my nose to correct my deviated septum, that might change ... I might regain a more normal sense of smell. But it doesn't really matter to me because I'm used to how I am. And food has always been mostly fuel for me anyway.

    My husband used to have a great sense of smell and taste which he used in the orchard business. Now he doesn't have either.

    So when we eat, it's kind of like the blind leading the blind. :grin:

    But it doesn't matter. We love each other and enjoy other things in life. I'm just thrilled that he can do as much as he can. :)

    Machka in Oz
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,262 Member
    edited January 2020
    morning Ladies~I am up dressed and having my tea..and Aflie barking at the tv... all is normal
    yesterday a better day, i was running around crazy.. my son, I love him dearly but he has no clue of reality.. he has been driving a 1997 toyota corolla with almost 300,000 miles on it and took it in for a oil change.. well the front axle is broken.. i asked Dan what do you have in savings.. oh about 500.00 , you need a couple thousand I told him..and he said well why dont you buy it for me.. he is 35 yrs old man working part time at a grocery store.. uhhh no.. I am not doing that. but he needs to do something..he lives a couple miles away...from work..
    I am working 9-5 today.. and 7:45 -5 tomorrow and will go to Zina's dad funeral on Saterday..

    That's easy walking distance. :)

    I'd suggest cycling but 2 miles is almost too short to bother with cycling.

    On this, I would love to be able to cycle to and from work. Unfortunately, there are a couple significant obstacles:

    1) The bicycle parking in my building is questionable. I don't feel particularly comfortable with it.

    2) It's not an easy ride ... 17 km with quite a hill and lots of traffic.

    If they improved the parking, I might try it once a week or something. But one day I'd like to work at a job where I could cycle or walk again.

    M in Oz
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,262 Member
    edited January 2020
    Machka9 wrote: »
    I raced tonight.
    I finished in 8th place!!! :smiley:
    I haven't sustained a heart rate over 160 bpm for 43 minutes and 22 seconds in years. :anguished:
    I had to lie down with my feet up after. :neutral:

    Zwift has these cycling races. People from all over the world sign up for them, we all get on our bicycles on trainers, and they start at a designated time.

    This race was 18.5 km and started at 8:10 pm my time.
    I got there a bit early and warmed up ... maybe just a bit too long. If I do this again, I might go for a shorter warm up.
    And then the countdown and the group of us were off. I stuck with the front 2 riders for about 3 km and then 2 more joined our little group of 3. At about 6 km, the group split up ... some really took off and I dropped off the back, and was then passed by a couple riders. I tried to catch them and would occasionally get close but not quite.
    With 5 km to go, I was struggling. I wanted to stop! But there were riders behind me and I was holding 8th position, so I kept pushing and pushing and finally it was finished!!

    Oh there were 2 intermediate sprints and I placed 5th on those!!! :astonished:

    Way back when, before I got into the long distance audax/randonneuring side of cycling, I raced. I raced for 3 years and stopped when it got too political. But a little part of me still likes the idea of racing. I'm a bit shy about doing it in real life, especially in this area where it is so hilly ... so maybe these Zwift races are the way to go!

    Distance: 18.63km
    Elevation: 192m
    Moving Time: 44:08
    Elapsed Time:45:11
    Speed: Avg: 25.3km/h | Max: 49.7km/h
    Heart Rate: Avg: 167bpm | Max: 175bpm
    Cadence: Avg: 79 | Max: 99
    Power: Avg: 119W Max: 185W
    Calories: 383
    Perceived Exertion: Hard

    Machka in Oz

    I'm actually feeling remarkably well today after doing that. I must have got the endorphins moving!

    KJLaMore wrote: »
    If you feel the urge (I know I did) please answer Lisa's question " What do you long for?" And also give input on assisted suicide as Luci requested. Both important topics. BUT... you know me...going to flip our little thread and get some good mojo going into February. Here is my question to you, What makes your heart skip a beat? You know...the things that make you extraordinarily happy/proud. The things that make you want to spin, flex your muscles, do a back flip? Tell me!

    Probably this sort of thing. :) Or the ultradistance cycling.

    I miss it.

    Machka in Oz
  • JRsLateInLifeMom
    JRsLateInLifeMom Posts: 2,275 Member
    Freeing told my family Im not coming. The end chapter closed. Don’t got time for that nonsense.
    Daughter proud I stood up for myself!
    Tomorrow my Dad visits 2-3hrs (JRs limit before he wants nap marches Pawpaw to the door says you go now...lol JRs an odd one) .Saturday me time exercise to rest.

    Machka- Dads head injury his smell was first to go he can’t even smell gas line leak to fire. So he panics if he hears an alarm because he can’t gauge it as okay to worst.

    Amber Tx

  • grandmallie
    grandmallie Posts: 9,844 Member
    Home from a long day of work. And a long day tomorrow.. will catch up this weekend
  • evie1958
    evie1958 Posts: 857 Member
    Lisa, I didn't feel that the thread got dragged into a darker place, still just a bunch of gals chatting with their "besties!"
    "supertasters" I don't think I fall into that group, but I am somewhat fussy about what I eat, peppers are definitely not on my list of top ten faves. Not fond of overly spicy food either, and as I age I find that I have to be very careful about eating stuff that is too rich, tummy does not react well. I can have a little bit, but not too much, which is better for me anyway, as there's way too many calories in that kind of stuff anyway!
    Death with dignity, I had DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) orders for both of my parents. They were both ready to go, and neither would have appreciated being kept alive by machine. When my time comes, I don't want any extraordinary things done to keep me going either. I most certainly would not throw myself in front of a train, but a handful of pills is something I would consider if I were terminal. Canada is grappling with the assisted suicide thing, it is legal, but there are a lot of hoops to jump through and you must be terminal, but still with it enough to made an informed decision. Trying to prevent the heirs from hastening great aunt Ida's demise is a real thing!
    Allie, your son needs to walk to work for a bit, and maybe that will encourage him to either get another job, or get more hours at his current one. You do not need to pay to fix his car and good for you for saying no!
    Many more I wanted to reply too, but I am at work and got interrupted when I first started this so can't remember any of it, so..... Hugs to those needing them, congrats to those celebrating and welcome to the newbies!
    Evelyn, Vancouver Island
  • margaretturk
    margaretturk Posts: 5,112 Member
    Rebecca love it!