Guys/Girls: What is your real opinion on..

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  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    Guys/gals: What would you do if you found out your long term partner ended up having an unusual kink/fetish? Nothing illegal or harmful to others, just... out of the ordinary. How do you respond? Let's assume that they developed this fetish throughout the course of your relationship (they didn't come into the relationship knowing they were already into this particular thing).
    • How do you respond?
    • Is it a deal breaker?
    • Do you attempt to engage to see if maybe you'll enjoy it, too or at least not mind it?
    • If the above is no, it's not enjoyable... do you end your relationship with this person?

    Saw a Reddit thread earlier today that gave me pause and it seemed like an interesting question for y'all.

    If it's not enjoyable for me and he really wants and needs that fetish.. then yeah, I'd end it, it would be unfair to both of us otherwise.
    But Id try most things once, so within reason I'd give it a go

    How does a person know if they need a particular kink or fetish vs. wanting it? I have quite a few and while I'd really like to engage in all of them 100% of the time, none of them are essential for living. I can still engage in a really good time without them, although if any particular kink/fetish came up, it would probably qualify as a phenomenal time.

    I guess I'm asking: where is the line between compromising your wants and desires in this regard vs. an actual need that keeps a person from enjoying life with a person? In my experience, no person I've been with who had kinks actually *needed* them for the relationship to continue. They were just a bonus. Some were more extreme interests, too.

    I do agree with you, though. Just curious and picking the collective brains of Chit-Chat because it fascinates me. :)

    I meant *need* in that if his kinks were not embraced by me and that was a deal breaker for him. I guess what I'm saying is if that kink became so important that he couldn't live without it then yeah, fair to go our own ways.
    I'd hate to think my partner was missing out on something important to them because of me, so letting them go so they could find a better match would feel like the right thing to do.. thats not saying I wouldn't want to remain close to them.. I wouldn't be judgemental in any way.
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
    Guys/gals: What would you do if you found out your long term partner ended up having an unusual kink/fetish? Nothing illegal or harmful to others, just... out of the ordinary. How do you respond? Let's assume that they developed this fetish throughout the course of your relationship (they didn't come into the relationship knowing they were already into this particular thing).
    • How do you respond?
    • Is it a deal breaker?
    • Do you attempt to engage to see if maybe you'll enjoy it, too or at least not mind it?
    • If the above is no, it's not enjoyable... do you end your relationship with this person?

    Saw a Reddit thread earlier today that gave me pause and it seemed like an interesting question for y'all.

    If it's not enjoyable for me and he really wants and needs that fetish.. then yeah, I'd end it, it would be unfair to both of us otherwise.
    But Id try most things once, so within reason I'd give it a go

    How does a person know if they need a particular kink or fetish vs. wanting it? I have quite a few and while I'd really like to engage in all of them 100% of the time, none of them are essential for living. I can still engage in a really good time without them, although if any particular kink/fetish came up, it would probably qualify as a phenomenal time.

    I guess I'm asking: where is the line between compromising your wants and desires in this regard vs. an actual need that keeps a person from enjoying life with a person? In my experience, no person I've been with who had kinks actually *needed* them for the relationship to continue. They were just a bonus. Some were more extreme interests, too.

    I do agree with you, though. Just curious and picking the collective brains of Chit-Chat because it fascinates me. :)

    i wouldn’t want to be in relationship that didn’t do the thing i like. its just a big deal to me. but maybe some things are small fun and other things like change the entire dynamic all the time

    and me tryin to stay out of moderator trouble talking bout this stuff like

    qi93ukvyyl04.png

    You and me both. That's why I don't mention what interests me. ;)

    I think the willingness to try them (if you are able) is more important to me than whether you (as my hypothetical partner) like the same things I do. I can't expect everyone to have the same interests as I do and if it *is* something I developed over the course of a long relationship with someone and didn't come into the relationship knowing I liked, I would be more understanding of the hesitancy or unwillingness to participate depending on whatever it happens to be.

    Personally, I'm pretty upfront about most of my interests *if* asked or *if* we get to the intimate stage. Just seems like something you would want your partner(s) to be aware of.

    In the case of the particular subreddit, it was a male asking if females would be willing to date a person if they were upfront about their interest in cross-dressing (as in, he already had an established interest and financial investment in it). Most women said no and gave their reasoning why, but a few surprised me by saying that it wasn't a deal-breaker and that depending on how deep the rabbit hole went, they'd give it a shot.

    It just got me thinking since that was not a particular thing that has appeared in any of my relationships (yet, anyway).

    P.S. Moderators, I love you. Please don't put me in jail. :(
  • hawkeye45_
    hawkeye45_ Posts: 812 Member
    A follow-up to the previous discussion.

    If your partner discovered something that they enjoyed and wanted to try (within the bounds of not harming others), and it was not for you, would you consider an open relationship so they can get that itch scratched? Why or why not? (I left out the word "illegal" here because, in some states, any position other than missionary is illegal.)
  • MaltedTea
    MaltedTea Posts: 6,286 Member
    Guys/Gals: What is the best musical genre and why?

    Chamber music (contemporary or modern) is relaxing and able to provoke deep thoughts about the power of music to convey, well, everything 😍. I just find it powerful on various levels and Debussy is my fav, at least for now.
  • ermengarde22
    ermengarde22 Posts: 2,116 Member
    hawkeye45_ wrote: »
    A follow-up to the previous discussion.

    If your partner discovered something that they enjoyed and wanted to try (within the bounds of not harming others), and it was not for you, would you consider an open relationship so they can get that itch scratched? Why or why not? (I left out the word "illegal" here because, in some states, any position other than missionary is illegal.)

    no bc i get jealous and i’m possessive and all my insecurity would come out and i’d listen to sad music all the time and cry a bunch
  • iMago
    iMago Posts: 8,714 Member
    hawkeye45_ wrote: »
    A follow-up to the previous discussion.

    If your partner discovered something that they enjoyed and wanted to try (within the bounds of not harming others), and it was not for you, would you consider an open relationship so they can get that itch scratched? Why or why not? (I left out the word "illegal" here because, in some states, any position other than missionary is illegal.)

    depends on how badly they wanted it and how badly i didn't want to do it.

    and i figure itd be easier to leave. or just start cheating. if whatever it was happened to be a hard "no" for me i mean
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
    hawkeye45_ wrote: »
    A follow-up to the previous discussion.

    If your partner discovered something that they enjoyed and wanted to try (within the bounds of not harming others), and it was not for you, would you consider an open relationship so they can get that itch scratched? Why or why not? (I left out the word "illegal" here because, in some states, any position other than missionary is illegal.)

    Yes. Open relationships don't bother me if the established bond I have with an individual is strong. If they can be fulfilled with another person for that particular interest, I say go for it so long as they are safe, don't bring home diseases (to me) and aren't engaging in anything that can get them in trouble legally or isn't consensual. Especially if everything else in our relationship is in line and going great, I don't see why I would deny them.
  • hawkeye45_
    hawkeye45_ Posts: 812 Member
    hawkeye45_ wrote: »
    A follow-up to the previous discussion.

    If your partner discovered something that they enjoyed and wanted to try (within the bounds of not harming others), and it was not for you, would you consider an open relationship so they can get that itch scratched? Why or why not? (I left out the word "illegal" here because, in some states, any position other than missionary is illegal.)

    no bc i get jealous and i’m possessive and all my insecurity would come out and i’d listen to sad music all the time and cry a bunch

    Someone needs to confiscate all your Blue October CD's
  • hawkeye45_
    hawkeye45_ Posts: 812 Member
    iMago wrote: »

    and i figure itd be easier to leave.

    It may not be easier to leave, if this is an established "shared bank accounts" relationship or even a marriage.
  • iMago
    iMago Posts: 8,714 Member
    hawkeye45_ wrote: »
    iMago wrote: »

    and i figure itd be easier to leave.

    It may not be easier to leave, if this is an established "shared bank accounts" relationship or even a marriage.

    oh no i did that before too. was actually pretty easy once i quit caring in fact
  • ermengarde22
    ermengarde22 Posts: 2,116 Member
    Guys/Gals: What is the best musical genre and why?

    probably sad music
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
    Guys/Gals: What is the best musical genre and why?

    probably sad music

    But.. there's genres of sad music. I get accused of listening to a lot of "sad" music and it's not really *all* sad, but a lot of it is composed in a minor key, which gives off that impression. The lyrics aren't always necessarily sad, although I do have a lot of erm.. depressing stuff in my library.
  • Yoshiboobs
    Yoshiboobs Posts: 1,090 Member
    Guys/Gals: What is the best musical genre and why?

    probably sad music

    *kitten* yassssssss
  • Yoshiboobs
    Yoshiboobs Posts: 1,090 Member
    hawkeye45_ wrote: »
    A follow-up to the previous discussion.

    If your partner discovered something that they enjoyed and wanted to try (within the bounds of not harming others), and it was not for you, would you consider an open relationship so they can get that itch scratched? Why or why not? (I left out the word "illegal" here because, in some states, any position other than missionary is illegal.)

    I've been thinking about that a lot. Not kink related but just in general. I'm turning over to the idea that it's unfair to require everything from one person. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I guess that's a yes. But I also get jealous and idk how'd that'd pan out in the end.
  • Guys/gals: What would you do if you found out your long term partner ended up having an unusual kink/fetish? Nothing illegal or harmful to others, just... out of the ordinary. How do you respond? Let's assume that they developed this fetish throughout the course of your relationship (they didn't come into the relationship knowing they were already into this particular thing).
    • How do you respond?
    • Is it a deal breaker?
    • Do you attempt to engage to see if maybe you'll enjoy it, too or at least not mind it?
    • If the above is no, it's not enjoyable... do you end your relationship with this person?

    Saw a Reddit thread earlier today that gave me pause and it seemed like an interesting question for y'all.

    If it's not enjoyable for me and he really wants and needs that fetish.. then yeah, I'd end it, it would be unfair to both of us otherwise.
    But Id try most things once, so within reason I'd give it a go

    How does a person know if they need a particular kink or fetish vs. wanting it? I have quite a few and while I'd really like to engage in all of them 100% of the time, none of them are essential for living. I can still engage in a really good time without them, although if any particular kink/fetish came up, it would probably qualify as a phenomenal time.

    I guess I'm asking: where is the line between compromising your wants and desires in this regard vs. an actual need that keeps a person from enjoying life with a person? In my experience, no person I've been with who had kinks actually *needed* them for the relationship to continue. They were just a bonus. Some were more extreme interests, too.

    I do agree with you, though. Just curious and picking the collective brains of Chit-Chat because it fascinates me. :)

    Stuff where it's "need" level: I don't do romantic relationships where I'm not in control. Period. I don't do sex without being in control. I LIKE to also inflict a little pain, and maybe be a little bit of not-at-all-nice, but that's the whipped cream and cherry. But I don't submit to anyone but my gods. And it wouldn't work for me to not be in charge outside the bedroom too. I have partners who like someone else taking charge, and they support me in it, and so it works for the three of us. Having lived this way, I would never go back to pretending he's in charge, pretending I like it that way, and generally faking being a vanilla woman romantically. Nope.

    As to the things like the whips and canes in the chest at the foot of the bed... we don't much get them out. Haven't done that for months because he's been dealing with PTSD and he doesn't want to play that way. I can live without it. I can live without the kink community and the fun that that opens up.

    But the way I feel when I'm waking my girlfriend up to take her medication on time, the way I feel when I look at my pantry or his nicely organized closet, and the way I feel when either of them says, "It's okay. I know whatever happens I'll be taken care of,".... ah, that, that's not optional. I don't want to live without that.



  • JessBbody
    JessBbody Posts: 523 Member
    Guys/Gals: What is the best musical genre and why?

    Classic rock. I don't see how this can be disputed. But then again, it's more of an era than a genre.

    So rock music. Because it's the most fun to sing at karaoke.

  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,508 Member
    Guys/Gals: What is the best musical genre and why?

    Acid Jazz



    Because it's awesome.
  • Mr_Healthy_Habits
    Mr_Healthy_Habits Posts: 12,588 Member
    Guys/Gals: What is the best musical genre and why?

    60s doowop
    Then 90s grunge
  • hawkeye45_
    hawkeye45_ Posts: 812 Member
    Guys/Gals: What is the best musical genre and why?

    Comedy rock.
  • JessBbody
    JessBbody Posts: 523 Member
    Guys, and girls, but especially guys, do most women look better with their hair down rather than up?

    Like, are pony tails and buns ever as cute as hair down?

    And is the hair generally prettier wavy, curly, or straight?

    Or does this all just depend on the person, facial features, and hair type?
  • tmantwo
    tmantwo Posts: 2,181 Member
    edited November 2020
    Guys/Gals: What is the best musical genre and why?

    I like so many. My digital collection is at 11k + tracks.

    But for me nothing beats talk radio. Rush, Levin, Hannity, Car Talk, etc.

    Second up are radio comedy personalities. Dr. Demeno, Phil Hendrie, etc.
  • tmantwo
    tmantwo Posts: 2,181 Member
    edited November 2020
    JessBbody wrote: »
    Guys, and girls, but especially guys, do most women look better with their hair down rather than up?

    Like, are pony tails and buns ever as cute as hair down?

    And is the hair generally prettier wavy, curly, or straight?

    Or does this all just depend on the person, facial features, and hair type?

    Women have hair?

    Hmmm, I guess I need to train my eyes a bit further north.
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    Guys/Gals: What is the best musical genre and why?

    I like show tunes.. 😃The Golden-age movie musicals 1940 and 50s, cause Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire, Cyd Charisse, Ginger Rogers, Jane Powell
    I know.. not genre but I love them old musicals..

    Just saying.. I'll see myself out 😜
  • fstrickl
    fstrickl Posts: 883 Member
    Guys/Gals: What is the best musical genre and why?

    probably sad music

    I try to like happy music but I always fall back on my sad indie folk. Bon Iver. The National. St. Vincent. Donovan Woods. Etc etc.

    Sometimes I do like a good late 2000’s dance party though.
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    hawkeye45_ wrote: »
    A follow-up to the previous discussion.

    If your partner discovered something that they enjoyed and wanted to try (within the bounds of not harming others), and it was not for you, would you consider an open relationship so they can get that itch scratched? Why or why not? (I left out the word "illegal" here because, in some states, any position other than missionary is illegal.)

    No, I'm not sharing

    PD? 😂
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    hawkeye45_ wrote: »
    A follow-up to the previous discussion.

    If your partner discovered something that they enjoyed and wanted to try (within the bounds of not harming others), and it was not for you, would you consider an open relationship so they can get that itch scratched? Why or why not? (I left out the word "illegal" here because, in some states, any position other than missionary is illegal.)

    No, I'm not sharing

    PD? 😂

    Yes I've taken over Raychs account 😈

    Oh... 😄 I just meant you were sharing already
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    hawkeye45_ wrote: »
    A follow-up to the previous discussion.

    If your partner discovered something that they enjoyed and wanted to try (within the bounds of not harming others), and it was not for you, would you consider an open relationship so they can get that itch scratched? Why or why not? (I left out the word "illegal" here because, in some states, any position other than missionary is illegal.)

    No, I'm not sharing

    PD? 😂

    Yes I've taken over Raychs account 😈

    Oh... 😄 I just meant you were sharing already

    Oh no, that's just something I can't seem to get out of 😏
    7cn9qozlqa15.gif

    Maybe you should become someone else's wife.. 😉 *waggles eyebrows*
    z8bugk9jct6m.gif

  • jjpptt2
    jjpptt2 Posts: 5,650 Member
    edited November 2020
    JessBbody wrote: »
    Guys, and girls, but especially guys, do most women look better with their hair down rather than up?

    Like, are pony tails and buns ever as cute as hair down?

    And is the hair generally prettier wavy, curly, or straight?

    Or does this all just depend on the person, facial features, and hair type?

    Up or back, especially with a shirt that shows the neck and shoulders.

    I think the lines from cheeks to jaw to neck to shoulders is beautiful.
  • Mr_Healthy_Habits
    Mr_Healthy_Habits Posts: 12,588 Member
    JessBbody wrote: »
    Guys, and girls, but especially guys, do most women look better with their hair down rather than up?

    Like, are pony tails and buns ever as cute as hair down?

    And is the hair generally prettier wavy, curly, or straight?

    Or does this all just depend on the person, facial features, and hair type?

    Honestly it doesn't matter but throw me a curve ball once in a while and you'll get me thinking good things