Guys/Girls: What is your real opinion on..
Replies
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KosmosKitten wrote: »slimgirljo15 wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/gals: What would you do if you found out your long term partner ended up having an unusual kink/fetish? Nothing illegal or harmful to others, just... out of the ordinary. How do you respond? Let's assume that they developed this fetish throughout the course of your relationship (they didn't come into the relationship knowing they were already into this particular thing).
- How do you respond?
- Is it a deal breaker?
- Do you attempt to engage to see if maybe you'll enjoy it, too or at least not mind it?
- If the above is no, it's not enjoyable... do you end your relationship with this person?
Saw a Reddit thread earlier today that gave me pause and it seemed like an interesting question for y'all.
If it's not enjoyable for me and he really wants and needs that fetish.. then yeah, I'd end it, it would be unfair to both of us otherwise.
But Id try most things once, so within reason I'd give it a go
How does a person know if they need a particular kink or fetish vs. wanting it? I have quite a few and while I'd really like to engage in all of them 100% of the time, none of them are essential for living. I can still engage in a really good time without them, although if any particular kink/fetish came up, it would probably qualify as a phenomenal time.
I guess I'm asking: where is the line between compromising your wants and desires in this regard vs. an actual need that keeps a person from enjoying life with a person? In my experience, no person I've been with who had kinks actually *needed* them for the relationship to continue. They were just a bonus. Some were more extreme interests, too.
I do agree with you, though. Just curious and picking the collective brains of Chit-Chat because it fascinates me.
I meant *need* in that if his kinks were not embraced by me and that was a deal breaker for him. I guess what I'm saying is if that kink became so important that he couldn't live without it then yeah, fair to go our own ways.
I'd hate to think my partner was missing out on something important to them because of me, so letting them go so they could find a better match would feel like the right thing to do.. thats not saying I wouldn't want to remain close to them.. I wouldn't be judgemental in any way.
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sweet_ermengarde wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »slimgirljo15 wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/gals: What would you do if you found out your long term partner ended up having an unusual kink/fetish? Nothing illegal or harmful to others, just... out of the ordinary. How do you respond? Let's assume that they developed this fetish throughout the course of your relationship (they didn't come into the relationship knowing they were already into this particular thing).
- How do you respond?
- Is it a deal breaker?
- Do you attempt to engage to see if maybe you'll enjoy it, too or at least not mind it?
- If the above is no, it's not enjoyable... do you end your relationship with this person?
Saw a Reddit thread earlier today that gave me pause and it seemed like an interesting question for y'all.
If it's not enjoyable for me and he really wants and needs that fetish.. then yeah, I'd end it, it would be unfair to both of us otherwise.
But Id try most things once, so within reason I'd give it a go
How does a person know if they need a particular kink or fetish vs. wanting it? I have quite a few and while I'd really like to engage in all of them 100% of the time, none of them are essential for living. I can still engage in a really good time without them, although if any particular kink/fetish came up, it would probably qualify as a phenomenal time.
I guess I'm asking: where is the line between compromising your wants and desires in this regard vs. an actual need that keeps a person from enjoying life with a person? In my experience, no person I've been with who had kinks actually *needed* them for the relationship to continue. They were just a bonus. Some were more extreme interests, too.
I do agree with you, though. Just curious and picking the collective brains of Chit-Chat because it fascinates me.
i wouldn’t want to be in relationship that didn’t do the thing i like. its just a big deal to me. but maybe some things are small fun and other things like change the entire dynamic all the time
and me tryin to stay out of moderator trouble talking bout this stuff like
You and me both. That's why I don't mention what interests me.
I think the willingness to try them (if you are able) is more important to me than whether you (as my hypothetical partner) like the same things I do. I can't expect everyone to have the same interests as I do and if it *is* something I developed over the course of a long relationship with someone and didn't come into the relationship knowing I liked, I would be more understanding of the hesitancy or unwillingness to participate depending on whatever it happens to be.
Personally, I'm pretty upfront about most of my interests *if* asked or *if* we get to the intimate stage. Just seems like something you would want your partner(s) to be aware of.
In the case of the particular subreddit, it was a male asking if females would be willing to date a person if they were upfront about their interest in cross-dressing (as in, he already had an established interest and financial investment in it). Most women said no and gave their reasoning why, but a few surprised me by saying that it wasn't a deal-breaker and that depending on how deep the rabbit hole went, they'd give it a shot.
It just got me thinking since that was not a particular thing that has appeared in any of my relationships (yet, anyway).
P.S. Moderators, I love you. Please don't put me in jail.
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A follow-up to the previous discussion.
If your partner discovered something that they enjoyed and wanted to try (within the bounds of not harming others), and it was not for you, would you consider an open relationship so they can get that itch scratched? Why or why not? (I left out the word "illegal" here because, in some states, any position other than missionary is illegal.)2 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »Related questions:
- Where is the "line" for you personally as to what you would be willing to try or engage in assuming they were legal and involved consenting partners (also legal)?
- Have you ever actually encountered someone with erm... more unusual interests in the bedroom?
- Does anyone ever wonder where these interests originate from in the first place? What dictates what a person will find sexually arousing that is a complete turn off or non-interest for another? I've always wondered where these interests arise from. I don't have answers, only questions.
This thread exploded so I figured someone must’ve asked an interesting question 😅
For me personally: if he needs to inflict pain to be satisfied, he won’t have a willing partner in me. I can’t inflict pain either. Not hardcore anyway. I was with a guy who liked having his back scratched to the point of bleeding. I did it but didn’t love anything about it. Some things are intense. That’s okay. But if he has to smoke me in the face to get off, I’m not the girl for him
Oh and I don’t think there’s anything remotely sexy about getting pissed on, or *kitten* on for that matter, so i could never get on board with that
As a female I’m already well aware of how easily a man could overpower me, so what I think is really sexy is when they use psychological methods to show dominance, not just physical. I’m not opposed to physical dominance, it’s just extremely ubiquitous. A man who remains in control while being gentle.. the contrast is so striking.7 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/Gals: What is the best musical genre and why?
Chamber music (contemporary or modern) is relaxing and able to provoke deep thoughts about the power of music to convey, well, everything 😍. I just find it powerful on various levels and Debussy is my fav, at least for now.3 -
hawkeye45_ wrote: »A follow-up to the previous discussion.
If your partner discovered something that they enjoyed and wanted to try (within the bounds of not harming others), and it was not for you, would you consider an open relationship so they can get that itch scratched? Why or why not? (I left out the word "illegal" here because, in some states, any position other than missionary is illegal.)
no bc i get jealous and i’m possessive and all my insecurity would come out and i’d listen to sad music all the time and cry a bunch3 -
hawkeye45_ wrote: »A follow-up to the previous discussion.
If your partner discovered something that they enjoyed and wanted to try (within the bounds of not harming others), and it was not for you, would you consider an open relationship so they can get that itch scratched? Why or why not? (I left out the word "illegal" here because, in some states, any position other than missionary is illegal.)
depends on how badly they wanted it and how badly i didn't want to do it.
and i figure itd be easier to leave. or just start cheating. if whatever it was happened to be a hard "no" for me i mean3 -
hawkeye45_ wrote: »A follow-up to the previous discussion.
If your partner discovered something that they enjoyed and wanted to try (within the bounds of not harming others), and it was not for you, would you consider an open relationship so they can get that itch scratched? Why or why not? (I left out the word "illegal" here because, in some states, any position other than missionary is illegal.)
Yes. Open relationships don't bother me if the established bond I have with an individual is strong. If they can be fulfilled with another person for that particular interest, I say go for it so long as they are safe, don't bring home diseases (to me) and aren't engaging in anything that can get them in trouble legally or isn't consensual. Especially if everything else in our relationship is in line and going great, I don't see why I would deny them.2 -
sweet_ermengarde wrote: »hawkeye45_ wrote: »A follow-up to the previous discussion.
If your partner discovered something that they enjoyed and wanted to try (within the bounds of not harming others), and it was not for you, would you consider an open relationship so they can get that itch scratched? Why or why not? (I left out the word "illegal" here because, in some states, any position other than missionary is illegal.)
no bc i get jealous and i’m possessive and all my insecurity would come out and i’d listen to sad music all the time and cry a bunch
Someone needs to confiscate all your Blue October CD's2 -
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hawkeye45_ wrote: »
oh no i did that before too. was actually pretty easy once i quit caring in fact4 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/Gals: What is the best musical genre and why?
probably sad music4 -
sweet_ermengarde wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/Gals: What is the best musical genre and why?
probably sad music
But.. there's genres of sad music. I get accused of listening to a lot of "sad" music and it's not really *all* sad, but a lot of it is composed in a minor key, which gives off that impression. The lyrics aren't always necessarily sad, although I do have a lot of erm.. depressing stuff in my library.2 -
sweet_ermengarde wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/Gals: What is the best musical genre and why?
probably sad music
*kitten* yassssssss3 -
hawkeye45_ wrote: »A follow-up to the previous discussion.
If your partner discovered something that they enjoyed and wanted to try (within the bounds of not harming others), and it was not for you, would you consider an open relationship so they can get that itch scratched? Why or why not? (I left out the word "illegal" here because, in some states, any position other than missionary is illegal.)
I've been thinking about that a lot. Not kink related but just in general. I'm turning over to the idea that it's unfair to require everything from one person. 🤷🏻♀️ I guess that's a yes. But I also get jealous and idk how'd that'd pan out in the end.2 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »slimgirljo15 wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/gals: What would you do if you found out your long term partner ended up having an unusual kink/fetish? Nothing illegal or harmful to others, just... out of the ordinary. How do you respond? Let's assume that they developed this fetish throughout the course of your relationship (they didn't come into the relationship knowing they were already into this particular thing).
- How do you respond?
- Is it a deal breaker?
- Do you attempt to engage to see if maybe you'll enjoy it, too or at least not mind it?
- If the above is no, it's not enjoyable... do you end your relationship with this person?
Saw a Reddit thread earlier today that gave me pause and it seemed like an interesting question for y'all.
If it's not enjoyable for me and he really wants and needs that fetish.. then yeah, I'd end it, it would be unfair to both of us otherwise.
But Id try most things once, so within reason I'd give it a go
How does a person know if they need a particular kink or fetish vs. wanting it? I have quite a few and while I'd really like to engage in all of them 100% of the time, none of them are essential for living. I can still engage in a really good time without them, although if any particular kink/fetish came up, it would probably qualify as a phenomenal time.
I guess I'm asking: where is the line between compromising your wants and desires in this regard vs. an actual need that keeps a person from enjoying life with a person? In my experience, no person I've been with who had kinks actually *needed* them for the relationship to continue. They were just a bonus. Some were more extreme interests, too.
I do agree with you, though. Just curious and picking the collective brains of Chit-Chat because it fascinates me.
Stuff where it's "need" level: I don't do romantic relationships where I'm not in control. Period. I don't do sex without being in control. I LIKE to also inflict a little pain, and maybe be a little bit of not-at-all-nice, but that's the whipped cream and cherry. But I don't submit to anyone but my gods. And it wouldn't work for me to not be in charge outside the bedroom too. I have partners who like someone else taking charge, and they support me in it, and so it works for the three of us. Having lived this way, I would never go back to pretending he's in charge, pretending I like it that way, and generally faking being a vanilla woman romantically. Nope.
As to the things like the whips and canes in the chest at the foot of the bed... we don't much get them out. Haven't done that for months because he's been dealing with PTSD and he doesn't want to play that way. I can live without it. I can live without the kink community and the fun that that opens up.
But the way I feel when I'm waking my girlfriend up to take her medication on time, the way I feel when I look at my pantry or his nicely organized closet, and the way I feel when either of them says, "It's okay. I know whatever happens I'll be taken care of,".... ah, that, that's not optional. I don't want to live without that.
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KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/Gals: What is the best musical genre and why?
Classic rock. I don't see how this can be disputed. But then again, it's more of an era than a genre.
So rock music. Because it's the most fun to sing at karaoke.
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KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/Gals: What is the best musical genre and why?
Acid Jazz
Because it's awesome.2 -
1
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KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/Gals: What is the best musical genre and why?
Comedy rock.0 -
Guys, and girls, but especially guys, do most women look better with their hair down rather than up?
Like, are pony tails and buns ever as cute as hair down?
And is the hair generally prettier wavy, curly, or straight?
Or does this all just depend on the person, facial features, and hair type?1 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/Gals: What is the best musical genre and why?
I like so many. My digital collection is at 11k + tracks.
But for me nothing beats talk radio. Rush, Levin, Hannity, Car Talk, etc.
Second up are radio comedy personalities. Dr. Demeno, Phil Hendrie, etc.1 -
Guys, and girls, but especially guys, do most women look better with their hair down rather than up?
Like, are pony tails and buns ever as cute as hair down?
And is the hair generally prettier wavy, curly, or straight?
Or does this all just depend on the person, facial features, and hair type?
Women have hair?
Hmmm, I guess I need to train my eyes a bit further north.3 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/Gals: What is the best musical genre and why?
I like show tunes.. 😃The Golden-age movie musicals 1940 and 50s, cause Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire, Cyd Charisse, Ginger Rogers, Jane Powell
I know.. not genre but I love them old musicals..
Just saying.. I'll see myself out 😜1 -
sweet_ermengarde wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/Gals: What is the best musical genre and why?
probably sad music
I try to like happy music but I always fall back on my sad indie folk. Bon Iver. The National. St. Vincent. Donovan Woods. Etc etc.
Sometimes I do like a good late 2000’s dance party though.1 -
eatpolerepeat wrote: »hawkeye45_ wrote: »A follow-up to the previous discussion.
If your partner discovered something that they enjoyed and wanted to try (within the bounds of not harming others), and it was not for you, would you consider an open relationship so they can get that itch scratched? Why or why not? (I left out the word "illegal" here because, in some states, any position other than missionary is illegal.)
No, I'm not sharing
PD? 😂2 -
eatpolerepeat wrote: »slimgirljo15 wrote: »eatpolerepeat wrote: »hawkeye45_ wrote: »A follow-up to the previous discussion.
If your partner discovered something that they enjoyed and wanted to try (within the bounds of not harming others), and it was not for you, would you consider an open relationship so they can get that itch scratched? Why or why not? (I left out the word "illegal" here because, in some states, any position other than missionary is illegal.)
No, I'm not sharing
PD? 😂
Yes I've taken over Raychs account 😈
Oh... 😄 I just meant you were sharing already0 -
eatpolerepeat wrote: »slimgirljo15 wrote: »eatpolerepeat wrote: »slimgirljo15 wrote: »eatpolerepeat wrote: »hawkeye45_ wrote: »A follow-up to the previous discussion.
If your partner discovered something that they enjoyed and wanted to try (within the bounds of not harming others), and it was not for you, would you consider an open relationship so they can get that itch scratched? Why or why not? (I left out the word "illegal" here because, in some states, any position other than missionary is illegal.)
No, I'm not sharing
PD? 😂
Yes I've taken over Raychs account 😈
Oh... 😄 I just meant you were sharing already
Oh no, that's just something I can't seem to get out of 😏
Maybe you should become someone else's wife.. 😉 *waggles eyebrows*
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Guys, and girls, but especially guys, do most women look better with their hair down rather than up?
Like, are pony tails and buns ever as cute as hair down?
And is the hair generally prettier wavy, curly, or straight?
Or does this all just depend on the person, facial features, and hair type?
Up or back, especially with a shirt that shows the neck and shoulders.
I think the lines from cheeks to jaw to neck to shoulders is beautiful.4 -
Guys, and girls, but especially guys, do most women look better with their hair down rather than up?
Like, are pony tails and buns ever as cute as hair down?
And is the hair generally prettier wavy, curly, or straight?
Or does this all just depend on the person, facial features, and hair type?
Honestly it doesn't matter but throw me a curve ball once in a while and you'll get me thinking good things3
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