Guys/Girls: What is your real opinion on..
Replies
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twitchandshout wrote: »
It works very well for some people. The most important thing is honesty and communication. Respecting each other’s needs.
I get really pissy when people equate ethical non-monogamy with cheating. Everyone gets to define their own relationships with the consent and agreement of their partners.
Same. I have not been been in an open relationship myself, but if trust has been established and proven, there's open and honest communication and a deep, dirty discussion about boundaries... I'm in. I've been involved in open relationship in an ancillary role and those relationships are the type that should be aspirational. Opening up is a really great example of proper management through outsourcing when needs can't be met.2 -
Kashmir_314_ wrote: »Ladies and gentlemen -
A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.
Open marriages?
My answer? There's the door.
Who am I to judge what works for other people; It's none of my business.5 -
Kashmir_314_ wrote: »Ladies and gentlemen -
A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.
Open marriages?
My answer? There's the door.
From just my own observations, i have never seen it work for long. But my anecdotal evidence by no means a study that shows its good or bad. For me, it has just swayed my opinion that sooner or later its going to lean to far in a direction that changes or ends the marriage. People will give evidence and examples on how it works for them or they know somebody it works for....so be it, im not gonna argue the point. To each their own i guess. But i do say it would take a couple of very secure and strong people with very few sexual hang ups to make it work. You know anybody like that? Most dont.3 -
It seems like open marriage could work if that was the plan from the start with well defined boundaries. I suppose in a more traditional marriage it's better if your spouse proposes the idea of an open marriage rather than cheating and lying. Not optimal, but better than just cutting you out of the decision.
I don't think I could do it unless the marriage were purely a business relationship/friendship and not a romance.
Keep your hands off my hot dog.1 -
twitchandshout wrote: »Dear People,
How many text conversations can you carry on simultaneously and for how long? Ever mix them up?
Competently? One.
I have a really bad habit of thinking I know which conversation is at the top of the list and not double-checking to make sure I'm in the right one, and sending the wrong message to the wrong recipient.
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Kashmir_314_ wrote: »Ladies and gentlemen -
A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.
Open marriages?
My answer? There's the door.
They're not for me, and I've seen them end badly WAY more times than I've seen them succeed. That goes for all open relationships, not just marriages. I think the only way it can really work and be healthy is if the couple both agrees on it being an open relationship from the start of the relationship. If everyone is happy and consenting, great. Not my cup of tea, though. I can barely tolerate one person let alone two or more.1 -
twitchandshout wrote: »Kashmir_314_ wrote: »twitchandshout wrote: »Kashmir_314_ wrote: »Ladies and gentlemen -
A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.
Open marriages?
My answer? There's the door.
pro
Elaborate...
It works very well for some people. The most important thing is honesty and communication. Respecting each other’s needs.
I get really pissy when people equate ethical non-monogamy with cheating. Everyone gets to define their own relationships with the consent and agreement of their partners.
This 1000x. A relationship is no body’s business but the two that are in it. I would say if one partner was surprised and found out they were in an open relationship it wasn’t truly an open relationship. Ethical non-monogamy is a choice between two people and it will look different for each relationship. Plus there’s different kinds of non-monogamy too. I am also of the opinion thatconsent should always be enthusiastic and informed. That means telling any additional romantic relationships (whatever that may look like, causal, sexual etc) about the open status.
Communication, honesty, and respect!3 -
twitchandshout wrote: »Kashmir_314_ wrote: »twitchandshout wrote: »Kashmir_314_ wrote: »Ladies and gentlemen -
A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.
Open marriages?
My answer? There's the door.
pro
Elaborate...
It works very well for some people. The most important thing is honesty and communication. Respecting each other’s needs.
I get really pissy when people equate ethical non-monogamy with cheating. Everyone gets to define their own relationships with the consent and agreement of their partners.
This 1000x. A relationship is no body’s business but the two that are in it. I would say if one partner was surprised and found out they were in an open relationship it wasn’t truly an open relationship. Ethical non-monogamy is a choice between two people and it will look different for each relationship. Plus there’s different kinds of non-monogamy too. I am also of the opinion thatconsent should always be enthusiastic and informed. That means telling any additional romantic relationships (whatever that may look like, causal, sexual etc) about the open status.
Communication, honesty, and respect!
Yes2 -
Kashmir_314_ wrote: »Ladies and gentlemen -
A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.
Open marriages?
My answer? There's the door.
From just my own observations, i have never seen it work for long. But my anecdotal evidence by no means a study that shows its good or bad. For me, it has just swayed my opinion that sooner or later its going to lean to far in a direction that changes or ends the marriage. People will give evidence and examples on how it works for them or they know somebody it works for....so be it, im not gonna argue the point. To each their own i guess. But i do say it would take a couple of very secure and strong people with very few sexual hang ups to make it work. You know anybody like that? Most dont.
I can get with this response...my preference is if I choose to be WITH you...its with you...I prefer monogamy...however I get it works differently for others.1 -
twitchandshout wrote: »
It works very well for some people. The most important thing is honesty and communication. Respecting each other’s needs.
I get really pissy when people equate ethical non-monogamy with cheating. Everyone gets to define their own relationships with the consent and agreement of their partners.
Same. I have not been been in an open relationship myself, but if trust has been established and proven, there's open and honest communication and a deep, dirty discussion about boundaries... I'm in. I've been involved in open relationship in an ancillary role and those relationships are the type that should be aspirational. Opening up is a really great example of proper management through outsourcing when needs can't be met.
Mostly just quoting this for the Kim's Convenience gif. That show deserves more worldwide praise!
Thanks for sharing your experience! Also tbh: my partner and I have talked about it in a very very theoretical way. Heard each other's opinions on it, they have actually been really good and strengthening discussions.
(Edited because I was having trouble trying to figure out what I wanted to say)0 -
I really don't like all of this conversation (and support) for honesty, mutual-respect and communication.
No sir, not one little bit.
It's making some of us look bad; it damn sure is.5 -
Kashmir_314_ wrote: »Ladies and gentlemen -
A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.
Open marriages?
My answer? There's the door.
I’m for it. The older I get the more I don’t believe in monogamy (for myself). I haven’t seen monogamy or non-monogamy work out very well for anybody. It’s a person by person issue.
Years ago I was a third in a open marriage and ya it was a disaster. 😂 I personally think they should have divorced but maybe they loved the jealousy and drama. Scared me away from that idea but it wasn’t so much a flaw in the concept as they just weren’t the people.
It’s takes very special and mature people to be on the same page for any relationship to work.
I love the idea of forever with someone. I also like the idea of freedom to do whatever I want.
I do be jealous tho. 😏
I might just try being single forever though. The ol’ no titles thing. After a few failed monogamous relationships I’m not into this feeling of being trapped. Of the big break ups. I do think that maybe from the start being like, hey, this is what it is. But ya know, life isn’t perfect.
I also know so many cheaters. I think most would rather lie. When I got cheated on back in the day it wrecked my world but it was mainly because of the lies and the expectations for that relationship. While I was restricting myself, he wasn’t. Just wasn’t fair.3 -
_sw33tp3a_11 wrote: »PlentyofProtein00 wrote: »Ok people whats you thoughts on mfp meet ups...good idea or nah...on one hand could make a friend for life on the other could be a huge disappointment
I've met 2 people so far. One was sort of awkward mostly because I didn't really know her but she was in my area. She was nice and I met her family. We're not fitness friends on here anymore. The other one I met here not an active member anymore but we've been friends for 5 years and it was just time. One of the best decisions I've ever made and I plan on having them in my life for a very long time. I have future plans on meeting one my favorite people on here but that will have to wait till the summer time other than her, I have no other realistic plans on meeting anyone else.
💗0 -
Guys/girls: Opinion on usage of the words "I love you" in a relationship. How often is too often to say it? When does it lose meaning for you? Are you bothered by having a partner who says it more often/less often that you say it or feel it? Does its usage in a relationship ever annoy you?0
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KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/girls: Opinion on usage of the words "I love you" in a relationship. How often is too often to say it? When does it lose meaning for you? Are you bothered by having a partner who says it more often/less often that you say it or feel it? Does its usage in a relationship ever annoy you?
The only time it bothers me is when someone says it who doesn’t really mean it. Powerful words to say just for the hell of it. Don’t say that *kitten* if you don’t mean it.
I don’t need to hear it all the time but it’s nice to hear. Especially when actions line up as actually being loving. I think a quick “love you bye” is nice but if someone actually says “I love you because” *kitten* swoon.
It loses its meaning to me when someone says it who very obviously doesn’t love you. And probably never did. And you can tell it’s just become habit.0 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/girls: Opinion on usage of the words "I love you" in a relationship. How often is too often to say it? When does it lose meaning for you? Are you bothered by having a partner who says it more often/less often that you say it or feel it? Does its usage in a relationship ever annoy you?
I've been overheard whispering this to a green chili burrito while seated at a quiet corner booth at taco cabana.
it's heartfelt.4 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/girls: Opinion on usage of the words "I love you" in a relationship. How often is too often to say it? When does it lose meaning for you? Are you bothered by having a partner who says it more often/less often that you say it or feel it? Does its usage in a relationship ever annoy you?
I like it. I’ve never had the experience of it being overused in a relationship
But
Once, a long time ago, a boy I was dating said it to me and I put him through such an interrogation to find out why he was saying it. And I was glad I did because it turns out we had very different definitions and I think he was using that difference in definitions intentionally to gratify his sexual urges.0 -
twitchandshout wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/girls: Opinion on usage of the words "I love you" in a relationship. How often is too often to say it? When does it lose meaning for you? Are you bothered by having a partner who says it more often/less often that you say it or feel it? Does its usage in a relationship ever annoy you?
I think he was using that difference in definitions intentionally to gratify his sexual urges.
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Motorsheen wrote: »twitchandshout wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/girls: Opinion on usage of the words "I love you" in a relationship. How often is too often to say it? When does it lose meaning for you? Are you bothered by having a partner who says it more often/less often that you say it or feel it? Does its usage in a relationship ever annoy you?
I think he was using that difference in definitions intentionally to gratify his sexual urges.
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Motorsheen wrote: »twitchandshout wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/girls: Opinion on usage of the words "I love you" in a relationship. How often is too often to say it? When does it lose meaning for you? Are you bothered by having a partner who says it more often/less often that you say it or feel it? Does its usage in a relationship ever annoy you?
I think he was using that difference in definitions intentionally to gratify his sexual urges.
I knew that would get your attention 😁1 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/girls: Opinion on usage of the words "I love you" in a relationship. How often is too often to say it? When does it lose meaning for you? Are you bothered by having a partner who says it more often/less often that you say it or feel it? Does its usage in a relationship ever annoy you?
I'm not scared of these words or to say them honestly...
My boy actually went through this phase a few months back where he wouldn't say it to his mother or me... I think he might of got the impression that it was a girly thing to say 😂... Idk where he got that idea 😂...
I ended that pretty quickly by telling him that I wanted him to be the type of man that says I love you to everyone with no fear... He now says it regularly...
But I have several friends I say this to regularly...
I get some people may make it awkward... But I don't have time to care about all that anymore...5 -
Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/girls: Opinion on usage of the words "I love you" in a relationship. How often is too often to say it? When does it lose meaning for you? Are you bothered by having a partner who says it more often/less often that you say it or feel it? Does its usage in a relationship ever annoy you?
I'm not scared of these words or to say them honestly...
My boy actually went through this phase a few months back where he wouldn't say it to his mother or me... I think he might of got the impression that it was a girly thing to say 😂... Idk where he got that idea 😂...
I ended that pretty quickly by telling him that I wanted him to be the type of man that says I love you to everyone with no fear... He now says it regularly...
But I have several friends I say this to regularly...
I get some people may make it awkward... But I don't have time to care about all that anymore...
Excuse the hijack, but Jesse you need to get in the GIFtusyourlifts thread!3 -
Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/girls: Opinion on usage of the words "I love you" in a relationship. How often is too often to say it? When does it lose meaning for you? Are you bothered by having a partner who says it more often/less often that you say it or feel it? Does its usage in a relationship ever annoy you?
I'm not scared of these words or to say them honestly...
My boy actually went through this phase a few months back where he wouldn't say it to his mother or me... I think he might of got the impression that it was a girly thing to say 😂... Idk where he got that idea 😂...
I ended that pretty quickly by telling him that I wanted him to be the type of man that says I love you to everyone with no fear... He now says it regularly...
But I have several friends I say this to regularly...
I get some people may make it awkward... But I don't have time to care about all that anymore...
I am unusual, I suppose. Maybe not, though.
I appreciate when it is used genuinely, but I don't appreciate when it is constantly used in an effort to get me to talk, to open up or to otherwise manipulate me into saying something I don't feel.
My partner is aware that I love him and is appreciative of when I say it to him because the words hold meaning (I don't say them every day and I really try not to make it a habit because I want the words to hold meaning many, many years down the road). He says it to me more often than I say it to him, but we both know when they are used that they are genuine.
In the past, I have had many issues with people leveraging the "I love you" to either coerce me into stuff I didn't want to do, to say things I didn't want to say or who would get angry at me because my feelings didn't move on their time schedule, lol.
My friends and other family though? I tell them pretty much every time we talk (since I don't get to talk to them every day). Or, I show them by making them stuff.
I dunno, words are hard for me. And I'm aware I have hang-ups regarding love/relationships that others might not have.
But that's lovely that your son openly says I love you to those he cares about. That's sweet.
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kinetixtrainer2 wrote: »Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/girls: Opinion on usage of the words "I love you" in a relationship. How often is too often to say it? When does it lose meaning for you? Are you bothered by having a partner who says it more often/less often that you say it or feel it? Does its usage in a relationship ever annoy you?
I'm not scared of these words or to say them honestly...
My boy actually went through this phase a few months back where he wouldn't say it to his mother or me... I think he might of got the impression that it was a girly thing to say 😂... Idk where he got that idea 😂...
I ended that pretty quickly by telling him that I wanted him to be the type of man that says I love you to everyone with no fear... He now says it regularly...
But I have several friends I say this to regularly...
I get some people may make it awkward... But I don't have time to care about all that anymore...
Excuse the hijack, but Jesse you need to get in the GIFtusyourlifts thread!
Love this guy ❤️
Stand by Homie!
I totally started to make a gif and realized that I should actually be lifting something and not just flexing 😂
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KosmosKitten wrote: »Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/girls: Opinion on usage of the words "I love you" in a relationship. How often is too often to say it? When does it lose meaning for you? Are you bothered by having a partner who says it more often/less often that you say it or feel it? Does its usage in a relationship ever annoy you?
I'm not scared of these words or to say them honestly...
My boy actually went through this phase a few months back where he wouldn't say it to his mother or me... I think he might of got the impression that it was a girly thing to say 😂... Idk where he got that idea 😂...
I ended that pretty quickly by telling him that I wanted him to be the type of man that says I love you to everyone with no fear... He now says it regularly...
But I have several friends I say this to regularly...
I get some people may make it awkward... But I don't have time to care about all that anymore...
I am unusual, I suppose. Maybe not, though.
I appreciate when it is used genuinely, but I don't appreciate when it is constantly used in an effort to get me to talk, to open up or to otherwise manipulate me into saying something I don't feel.
My partner is aware that I love him and is appreciative of when I say it to him because the words hold meaning (I don't say them every day and I really try not to make it a habit because I want the words to hold meaning many, many years down the road). He says it to me more often than I say it to him, but we both know when they are used that they are genuine.
In the past, I have had many issues with people leveraging the "I love you" to either coerce me into stuff I didn't want to do, to say things I didn't want to say or who would get angry at me because my feelings didn't move on their time schedule, lol.
My friends and other family though? I tell them pretty much every time we talk (since I don't get to talk to them every day). Or, I show them by making them stuff.
I dunno, words are hard for me. And I'm aware I have hang-ups regarding love/relationships that others might not have.
But that's lovely that your son openly says I love you to those he cares about. That's sweet.
Granted I don't know what it's like to be you... Those feelings belong to you and are yours to express however you choose...
And that's great so long as you don't let anyone else dictate how you express them 💕1 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/girls: Opinion on usage of the words "I love you" in a relationship. How often is too often to say it? When does it lose meaning for you? Are you bothered by having a partner who says it more often/less often that you say it or feel it? Does its usage in a relationship ever annoy you?
Like so many things, whatever is "normal" will vary person to person and couple to couple... I'd put more emphasis on changes in how often it's said, as that might be a sign of something bigger.0 -
Kashmir_314_ wrote: »Ladies and gentlemen -
A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.
Open marriages?
My answer? There's the door.
I have no issues with it conceptually, but I think it's harder to do than most people think in casual conversation. My guess is that it requires a degree is communication/honestly that can be difficult, especially given the broad/general taboo nature of open relationships.
So if it works for others, great... but I don't think it's for me.
I do wonder if it will become more common as future generations change what is viewed as normal/acceptable.2 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/girls: Opinion on usage of the words "I love you" in a relationship. How often is too often to say it? When does it lose meaning for you? Are you bothered by having a partner who says it more often/less often that you say it or feel it? Does its usage in a relationship ever annoy you?
Without the inclusion of a honest reach-around, the words really don't mean much.
*shrug4 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/girls: Opinion on usage of the words "I love you" in a relationship. How often is too often to say it? When does it lose meaning for you? Are you bothered by having a partner who says it more often/less often that you say it or feel it? Does its usage in a relationship ever annoy you?
I don't think it loses meaning as long as the sayer maintains the sentiment in their heart. For example: I tell my husband I love you, or love you, or love ya, etc, each time we part (like if I'm leaving the house, not just a room). I also do this with family and closest friends. It never loses depth of meaning for me because I'm not just saying it to be saying it, I truely mean it for what it is each and every time. I love those people. Overall he doesn't initiate saying I love you as much, but that's ok because I know he's more of a take the trash out and wash the dishes for you says I love you kinda man. The questions that have always stuck in my mind are, What if something happens to that person? What were the last words I spoke to them? That train of thought was reinforced recently. The wife of a couple we know dropped dead of a heart attack in the bathroom while the husband went to close the house up for the night. She was 38. You never know what words will be your last. Be kind to the ones you love and tell them as often as you can. 💜
So much this. And definitely treating people like you don’t know what the future holds. I can rest easy knowing that I’ve genuinely tried to be a decent person with people who I’ve loved. I’m sure there’s ALWAYS ALWAYS more I could have done more and better but to leave things on a bad note is not something I ever want to do. For various reasons. How tragic for your friends.
Side note.....your saying “not when I leave the room” made me imagine someone who DOES say it every time they leave the room😂😂 That would be something to witness.1 -
Kashmir_314_ wrote: »Ladies and gentlemen -
A coworker was recently blindsided by this and I'd love to know people's thoughts. Maybe even personal experiences.
Open marriages?
My answer? There's the door.
I dont like sharing the person I'm in love with.4
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