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A make up gun. I mean I won’t be inventing it…but I’ll make it for real.
Did you get up to anything fun this weekend?0 -
Today I would have said... an easily installed unbreakable water heater.If you could invent a device to make your life easier, what would it be?
Yes. I had a wonderful day researching replacement parts for my water heater, acquiring parts that aren't what they claim to be, chatting with technicians who fail to understand what I'm asking for, installing a ~$200 part that would work perfectly fine, except it needs a $40 sensor that no one seems to have for sale, let alone in stock. And all of this work succeeded perfectly in achieving a hot water heater that accurately maintains the temperature of the incoming water, which of course was my goal all along.Did you get up to anything fun this weekend?
How long must one soak in a jacuzzi in order to achieve nirvana?
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24 hours. With the latest update to MFP I can no longer see what time you posted your question, 😑 so I'm not sure if it's time for you to get out of your jacuzzi or if you need to remain for another few hours. Regardless, your shirt will look freshly pressed when you put it on. 😉
Why do they say the squeaky wheel gets the grease?0 -
It’s from the caveman era. They invented wheels and therefore needed to invent grease because of squeaks. They loved to proclaim things hence the birth of that particular expression.
Why oh why am I awake over two hours before my alarm?0 -
The most likely explanation is that you dreamt of being a couple hours (time zone wise) East of you, and your subconscious sensed that your wake-up time was upon you so it sent a "wake up!" alert to your sleeping self.
Will a strong cup of coffee help me excel at Pilates this morning, or must I get better the old-fashioned way, i.e. by earning it, day after day?0 -
In order to answer your question, I first had to look up what Pilates means. *Pause while I look up what Pilates means* Ok, so it doesn't mean what I thought it meant, it's a good thing I looked it up so I can sound like I know what I'm talking about. So, for the uninformed among you, Pilates is an active form of Yoga, just without the disciples chanting "ohm" every few seconds. As such, coffee can definitely be helpful, and the stronger the better. Why? Because when you are energized by coffee you can move from one pose to the next one faster, increasing the effectiveness of the workout by reducing how long it takes to complete, and everybody knows a faster workout is more efficient, therefore better for the body. In fact, if you really want to get the most out of your Pilates workout, I recommend skipping coffee and opting instead for methamphetamines, which will have you flying through the session in record time and therefore achieving record results.
I was supposed to have this entire weekend off, but because somebody else got sick I had to work her shift on Sunday, missing out on watching some NFL playoff football. What should I expect from her in repayment for me covering for her at the last second?0 -
Something that would easily and safely open cans would be nice. Using a knife is messy and dangerous. Smashing the can with a rock is effective, but is also messy and wasteful. Can's are a wonderful invention for preserving food products for long periods, but the lack of some device for opening them makes the utility of these preserved items less than optimal.
Wow, I was really way behind!! Glad I double-checked.
Okay, was she really sick, or just wanted to see the playoffs? That makes a difference. If she really was sick, then she should cover the rest of your weekends for the year. If she wasn't sick and was faking, then demand that she work all your shifts for the remainder of the year, and give you the pay.
I recently purchased a huge hamster ball to maintain social distance from various persons who want to invade my personal space. It is proving difficult to enter and exit doorways due to the six and a half foot radius of the ball. I purchased a chainsaw to use to widen doorways as needed, but I can't use it without getting outside of the ball, which defeats the purpose. How to solve this problem?0 -
In order to answer your question, I first had to look up what Pilates means. *Pause while I look up what Pilates means* Ok, so it doesn't mean what I thought it meant, it's a good thing I looked it up so I can sound like I know what I'm talking about. So, for the uninformed among you, Pilates is an active form of Yoga, just without the disciples chanting "ohm" every few seconds. As such, coffee can definitely be helpful, and the stronger the better. Why? Because when you are energized by coffee you can move from one pose to the next one faster, increasing the effectiveness of the workout by reducing how long it takes to complete, and everybody knows a faster workout is more efficient, therefore better for the body. In fact, if you really want to get the most out of your Pilates workout, I recommend skipping coffee and opting instead for methamphetamines, which will have you flying through the session in record time and therefore achieving record results.
I was supposed to have this entire weekend off, but because somebody else got sick I had to work her shift on Sunday, missing out on watching some NFL playoff football. What should I expect from her in repayment for me covering for her at the last second?
Thank you for the excellent advice. I've started my search for a good methamphetamines supplier!
Your coworker being sick during a weekend of divisional games is unforgiveable. I would think you should expect her repayment to be pairs of tickets to both conference championship games next weekend, along with a private jet to help you get to them both, and some travel expense money.Something that would easily and safely open cans would be nice. Using a knife is messy and dangerous. Smashing the can with a rock is effective, but is also messy and wasteful. Can's are a wonderful invention for preserving food products for long periods, but the lack of some device for opening them makes the utility of these preserved items less than optimal.
Wow, I was really way behind!! Glad I double-checked.
Okay, was she really sick, or just wanted to see the playoffs? That makes a difference. If she really was sick, then she should cover the rest of your weekends for the year. If she wasn't sick and was faking, then demand that she work all your shifts for the remainder of the year, and give you the pay.
I recently purchased a huge hamster ball to maintain social distance from various persons who want to invade my personal space. It is proving difficult to enter and exit doorways due to the six and a half foot radius of the ball. I purchased a chainsaw to use to widen doorways as needed, but I can't use it without getting outside of the ball, which defeats the purpose. How to solve this problem?
I would suggest forgetting about door ways and the chain saw. Move everything you need inside the hamster ball, and make it your new home. If necessary, first increase it's diameter from 13 feet to 13 yards.
I'm getting into really great shape, but I'm addicted to amphetamines now. What should I do?0 -
😭😭😭
I'm delighted to hear you took my advice, but you must have bought the hard plastic hamster ball. What I should have suggested is the inflatable one - with an opening just large enough for your chainsaw. Please be careful you don't accidentally nick the hamster ball (which hilariously almost auto corrected to gangster ball.)Please give me a minute to finish before you post...
🥴 All caught up now...fwbrown wrote:I'm getting into really great shape, but I'm addicted to amphetamines now. What should I do?
This addiction should not be a problem... use it to your advantage. Think how many more steps you can get in each day now. You thought 50,000 steps a day was difficult?? Not anymore my friend.
The guy who usually plows my road had to work early this morning (at his real job). Since I'm off today, should I go out there and do it for him?0 -
Your selfless spirit is so refreshing in these days of greed and laziness. I applaud your self-motivation. By all means, go out there and plow the road for him. Since he has the plow already attached to his vehicle, it'd be easiest if you borrowed his truck rather than try to attached the plow to your own car. Since you are doing this out of the goodness of your heart, don't wake him up, just take the truck. (You do know how to hotwire a car, right?)
If, however, you are asking this question after he has already left for work, this changes things slightly. Instead of walking to his home to borrow his truck, you'll need to hike to the nearest bus stop, commute to his work place, and THEN you can take borrow his truck. Once your job is done, simply return it to his work place, and take the bus home. No need to rush, though; since he's working anyway, I'm sure he won't mind if you use his truck to run some errands, such as driving to that specialty store the next city over to buy that case of limburger cheese you've always wanted. Be sure to leave some in his truck to share your appreciation for him sharing his truck with you.
I'm hungry from my morning workout, but it's not lunch time yet, and dinner won't be until late. When should I eat my lunch?0 -
How about a limburger grilled cheese sandwich? I'll be right over - after I hotwire and return this pickup truck with a plow on it.
Wish me luck - I'm off to plow the road. It's less than a mile long. How long should this take me?
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In the movie Independence Day, the President at one point said, "Gentlemen, let's plow the road." It only took them a few seconds. Anything longer than that, I'd say you're not hitting the gas hard enough.
My baby girl turns 14 tomorrow, is into dyeing her hair and fake nails. What happened to the little girl I used to know who liked to climb trees and eat mud pies?0 -
I'm afraid to tell you it won't be pretty. Very soon now she will grow a second head. You can think of these two heads as Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Her original head will mostly still resemble the little girl you remember, but with makeup and purple hair. The Mr. Hyde head will sometimes cry, sometimes pout, sometimes hurl insults at your back (under her breath).
This second head may also decide that while it's okay for you to take your daughter places, it is no longer okay for you to be seen anywhere near her. Also, as much as you might want to, you cannot put a paper bag over the Mr. Hyde head.
My advice - do not engage with this second head. Scientists have proven that eventually the two will merge in the middle of the night - although there is no consensus as to when that happens. Most agree it occurs sometime between the ages of 18 and 30.
If you had 2 minutes to give an impromptu speech, what would your topic be? (@frankwbrown, besides you know what.)
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So are you saying for this impromptu speech, I shouldn't pick as the topic my favorite dessert, mustard and pickle ice cream? But isn't that a dessert that needs to be better known? Shouldn't we be shouting it from the rooftops?
Well, okay then. Two minutes would be way more time than would be necessary to cover this topic, but I could try to talk about the several benefits of going to college:- college is a great place to party.
- you can avoid getting a job for at least four years, maybe longer.
How much spaghetti is a respectable amount to eat for dinner?0 -
None. Spaghetti is not a respectable dinner at all! One must always eat spaghetti at breakfast in order to maintain the correct amount of decorum.
My feet are cold and it can only mean I’m unwell. What dreadful illness might I have?!?!0 -
You must be getting married. That's the only thing I know of that causes cold feet.
What's the appropriate gift to bring when you've been invited to someone's house for dinner?0 -
Dinner.
How much dessert can I have now, since I'll have to wait until breakfast to eat this spaghetti?0 -
You can have all the dessert you want because studies now show that excessive sugar consumption not only slims your waistline but also sharpens your brain and strengthens your teeth
I have also heard that pasta for breakfast, especially spaghetti is preferred over oatmeal for heart health!
. What is the healthiest thing in your refrigerator?0 -
Pickles and mustard. Best, lowest calorie snack when eaten together. I just dip the pickle in the mustard before munching. 😍
The queen’s guide to spaghetti eating does it not include what beverage is best with it. What are your thoughts?0 -
I'm surprised you have to ask... it's obviously marinara sauce. You've probably been pouring this beverage on your pasta before eating, when you really should be eating the cooked noodles plain, then taking a drink of marinara and mixing it in your mouth. This is the optimal way to eat/drink your breakfast spaghetti.
I just discovered that someone mentioned my brand of liquid blush on TikTok and now it's not available in-store or online - in any shade. 😕 What's a good replacement to try?0 -
If liquid blush is no longer available, the primary alternatives are either vapor blush or solid blush. (There is a fourth option, plasma blush, but it's been so hot right now, good luck finding it.)
When I fall asleep, sometimes my arm falls asleep also, and my fingers tingle when I wake up. Is this serious, and if so what can I do about it?0 -
The tingling in your fingers is caused by your arm falling asleep. You're probably forgetting to tell your arms to stay awake when you are going to sleep. If you are telling your arms to stay awake, then it's likely happening because you don't have a high enough level of caffeine in your system to keep your arms awake. Try consuming one or more of the following just before you go to bed. This will ensure that your arms don't fall asleep.
- a six-pack of Jolt Cola
- four Monster Energy Drinks
- twelve cups of coffee
- 64 chocolate covered espresso beans
After a delightful breakfast of plain spaghetti with a pint of marinara, I'm wondering what I should have for lunch. Any suggestions? (Ideally, something that involves chocolate)0 -
I suggest you stay with the spaghetti theme, and use a pint of hot fudge in place of the marinara. I think you'll find the noodles with chocolate are surprisingly tasty even though you might think the flavors would clash, and as long as you don't overheat the fudge and drain the noodles sufficiently, the fudge will stick to the noodles even better than the marinara sauce!
@nossmf might also want to consider this as the pre-bed snack in addition to the four excellent suggestions you made @frankwbrown
And yeah, I should have said diameter instead of radius back on the hamster ball question. Thanks for the suggestion on how to resolve my problem. 
I'm suspecting that COVID-19 will finally fall to a level that everyone decides to go 'back to normal' by this summer, and all the good vacation destinations will be overcrowded as a result. Any ideas of vacation destinations where one is likely to be able to escape the crowds?0 -
Assuming you mean likely to escape a crowd of people and not bats, may I suggest Bracken Cave, on the northern outskirts of San Antonio, Texas?
Bracken Cave is home to the largest bat colony; between 15 and 20 million. Experiencing pitch dark in a cave, while surrounded by bats, is not on most people's bucket list, so you are unlikely to find crowds of people there. Also, bats are considered ugly and are feared by many... another reason to think you'll enjoy this vacation all by your lonesome. (The best times to visit Bracken Cave are July and August when days are longer, and also because baby bats are born in June and start flying in July.)
I'm thinking about making a pie. I'm not a fan of ready-made crusts, but I'm not very good at making pie crust from scratch. Any tips or tricks to successfully making pie crust?0 -
It's really quite simple. There are many websites that will tell you exactly how to make pie crust. Unfortunately, they're all wrong. For example, most will tell you that you need to keep the butter very cold, and that you need to cut the butter into the flour. But this yields a dough where the butter is not fully incorporated into the flour. It is better to melt the butter and blend it into the flour for a good forty minutes. If melting butter is too difficult, you can just use lard. You might also consider substituting crushed saltine crackers for the flour. If you do this, you'll have a pie crust unlike any other, and people will be amazed.
What's the best way to cook eggs?0 -
Why would you want to cook them? Like fruits and vegetables you get the most nutrients when eating them raw and leaving the peel aka the shell on.
Do you believe Sasquatch exist?0 -
I saw a post online saying Sasquatch is real, and the internet never lies, so yes, I believe they exist.
Now that my fingers know who's boss thanks to my pre-bed snacks, I've discovered through my state of altered consciousness that I can't feel my spleen. Seriously, my heart is screaming, my lungs are hacking, and my stomach is loudly expressing itself, but my spleen is nowhere to be noticed. Should I consult a doctor?0 -
No, not at all. What did your spleen ever do for you anyway? Does it pump blood, delivering oxygen and nutrients around your body, or take oxygen from the environment and transfer it to your bloodstream or hold and breakdown food like those other organs of yours? No, it's really basically an assistant - helping other organs complete their tasks. And assistants should be seen and not heard.
Someone in the accounting department from a business I worked with last year is insisting that my dba name and EIN (employer identification number) don't match. She is telling me I need to send a revised W9. She's not accepting my answer that not only are they correct but they've been the same for many years. How can I convince her?1 -
It's not likely you can convince her that your dba and EIN match. They probably don't, and you've probably been mistaken all these years. But that's no reason to give in. Instead, convince her that there's a good reason your dba and EIN don't match. One, or all three, of the following should do the trick:
- Tell her you are an exception to the rule.
- Tell her you're in a special category with the govt for which there is a rule that states your dba and EIN should not match, under penalty of law.
- Tell her you are in fact a secret agent for the govt, and your nonmatching dba and EIN are intentional and intended to thwart the efforts of evil-doers to reveal your identity. Tell her that as such, you are authorized to kill anyone who disagrees with you or who threatens to reveal your identity. Smile and nod slowly as you're telling her this.
It's been a while since I did any overnight backpacking up in the Sierras. Is now a good time for that, or should I wait until later this spring or summer?1
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