Wrong answers ONLY!

cmsienk wrote: »

If you could invent a device to make your life easier, what would it be?

Today I would have said... an easily installed unbreakable water heater.

Cat0703a wrote: »

Did you get up to anything fun this weekend?

Yes. I had a wonderful day researching replacement parts for my water heater, acquiring parts that aren't what they claim to be, chatting with technicians who fail to understand what I'm asking for, installing a ~$200 part that would work perfectly fine, except it needs a $40 sensor that no one seems to have for sale, let alone in stock. And all of this work succeeded perfectly in achieving a hot water heater that accurately maintains the temperature of the incoming water, which of course was my goal all along.

How long must one soak in a jacuzzi in order to achieve nirvana?

It’s from the caveman era. They invented wheels and therefore needed to invent grease because of squeaks. They loved to proclaim things hence the birth of that particular expression.

Why oh why am I awake over two hours before my alarm?

In order to answer your question, I first had to look up what Pilates means. *Pause while I look up what Pilates means* Ok, so it doesn't mean what I thought it meant, it's a good thing I looked it up so I can sound like I know what I'm talking about. So, for the uninformed among you, Pilates is an active form of Yoga, just without the disciples chanting "ohm" every few seconds. As such, coffee can definitely be helpful, and the stronger the better. Why? Because when you are energized by coffee you can move from one pose to the next one faster, increasing the effectiveness of the workout by reducing how long it takes to complete, and everybody knows a faster workout is more efficient, therefore better for the body. In fact, if you really want to get the most out of your Pilates workout, I recommend skipping coffee and opting instead for methamphetamines, which will have you flying through the session in record time and therefore achieving record results.

I was supposed to have this entire weekend off, but because somebody else got sick I had to work her shift on Sunday, missing out on watching some NFL playoff football. What should I expect from her in repayment for me covering for her at the last second?

nossmf wrote: »

In order to answer your question, I first had to look up what Pilates means. *Pause while I look up what Pilates means* Ok, so it doesn't mean what I thought it meant, it's a good thing I looked it up so I can sound like I know what I'm talking about. So, for the uninformed among you, Pilates is an active form of Yoga, just without the disciples chanting "ohm" every few seconds. As such, coffee can definitely be helpful, and the stronger the better. Why? Because when you are energized by coffee you can move from one pose to the next one faster, increasing the effectiveness of the workout by reducing how long it takes to complete, and everybody knows a faster workout is more efficient, therefore better for the body. In fact, if you really want to get the most out of your Pilates workout, I recommend skipping coffee and opting instead for methamphetamines, which will have you flying through the session in record time and therefore achieving record results.

I was supposed to have this entire weekend off, but because somebody else got sick I had to work her shift on Sunday, missing out on watching some NFL playoff football. What should I expect from her in repayment for me covering for her at the last second?

Thank you for the excellent advice. I've started my search for a good methamphetamines supplier!

Your coworker being sick during a weekend of divisional games is unforgiveable. I would think you should expect her repayment to be pairs of tickets to both conference championship games next weekend, along with a private jet to help you get to them both, and some travel expense money.

s1im62 wrote: »

Something that would easily and safely open cans would be nice. Using a knife is messy and dangerous. Smashing the can with a rock is effective, but is also messy and wasteful. Can's are a wonderful invention for preserving food products for long periods, but the lack of some device for opening them makes the utility of these preserved items less than optimal.

Wow, I was really way behind!! Glad I double-checked.


Okay, was she really sick, or just wanted to see the playoffs? That makes a difference. If she really was sick, then she should cover the rest of your weekends for the year. If she wasn't sick and was faking, then demand that she work all your shifts for the remainder of the year, and give you the pay.


I recently purchased a huge hamster ball to maintain social distance from various persons who want to invade my personal space. It is proving difficult to enter and exit doorways due to the six and a half foot radius of the ball. I purchased a chainsaw to use to widen doorways as needed, but I can't use it without getting outside of the ball, which defeats the purpose. How to solve this problem?

I would suggest forgetting about door ways and the chain saw. Move everything you need inside the hamster ball, and make it your new home. If necessary, first increase it's diameter from 13 feet to 13 yards.

I'm getting into really great shape, but I'm addicted to amphetamines now. What should I do?

Your selfless spirit is so refreshing in these days of greed and laziness. I applaud your self-motivation. By all means, go out there and plow the road for him. Since he has the plow already attached to his vehicle, it'd be easiest if you borrowed his truck rather than try to attached the plow to your own car. Since you are doing this out of the goodness of your heart, don't wake him up, just take the truck. (You do know how to hotwire a car, right?)

If, however, you are asking this question after he has already left for work, this changes things slightly. Instead of walking to his home to borrow his truck, you'll need to hike to the nearest bus stop, commute to his work place, and THEN you can take borrow his truck. Once your job is done, simply return it to his work place, and take the bus home. No need to rush, though; since he's working anyway, I'm sure he won't mind if you use his truck to run some errands, such as driving to that specialty store the next city over to buy that case of limburger cheese you've always wanted. Be sure to leave some in his truck to share your appreciation for him sharing his truck with you.

I'm hungry from my morning workout, but it's not lunch time yet, and dinner won't be until late. When should I eat my lunch?

In the movie Independence Day, the President at one point said, "Gentlemen, let's plow the road." It only took them a few seconds. Anything longer than that, I'd say you're not hitting the gas hard enough.

My baby girl turns 14 tomorrow, is into dyeing her hair and fake nails. What happened to the little girl I used to know who liked to climb trees and eat mud pies?

I'm afraid to tell you it won't be pretty. Very soon now she will grow a second head. You can think of these two heads as Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Her original head will mostly still resemble the little girl you remember, but with makeup and purple hair. The Mr. Hyde head will sometimes cry, sometimes pout, sometimes hurl insults at your back (under her breath).

This second head may also decide that while it's okay for you to take your daughter places, it is no longer okay for you to be seen anywhere near her. Also, as much as you might want to, you cannot put a paper bag over the Mr. Hyde head.

My advice - do not engage with this second head. Scientists have proven that eventually the two will merge in the middle of the night - although there is no consensus as to when that happens. Most agree it occurs sometime between the ages of 18 and 30.

If you had 2 minutes to give an impromptu speech, what would your topic be? (@frankwbrown, besides you know what.)

None. Spaghetti is not a respectable dinner at all! One must always eat spaghetti at breakfast in order to maintain the correct amount of decorum.

My feet are cold and it can only mean I’m unwell. What dreadful illness might I have?!?!

Dinner.

How much dessert can I have now, since I'll have to wait until breakfast to eat this spaghetti?

Pickles and mustard. Best, lowest calorie snack when eaten together. I just dip the pickle in the mustard before munching. 😍

The queen’s guide to spaghetti eating does it not include what beverage is best with it. What are your thoughts?