Wrong answers ONLY!

nossmf

@cmsienk you must be the popular girl in this thread, having three different posters all responding to you at the same time. Bet you were Homecoming Queen. Or Homecoming Princess. Maybe Homecoming Duchess, but certainly nothing less than Homecoming Peon. (Incidentally I was turned down to go to both the Homecoming dance and Prom, and never went to either. I'm not still bitter about it all these years later, no way.)

frankwbrown wrote: »

How many pounds of fish and chips should one have at a fish fry celebration, keeping in mind that one needs to reserve room for cake and ice cream?

Didn't fish and chips originate from England, where they use metric? So shouldn't your question be how many kilograms of fish and chips? And fish come from the water, where everything is weightless, so actually you are asking how many kilograms of chips. If you use Lay's Potato chips, they are also essentially weightless, so really your question completely evaporates as meaningless. Not to say worthless, but that fish and chips are free to eat, both in terms of weight and calories. So feel free to indulge in as much as they will allow you to have, because the proper question you need be asking is how much cake and ice cream can you eat. Which if the cake is angel food cake, all light and fluffy on angel's wings, the term weightless again comes to mind, so it's now all about the ice cream. I recommend stopping at a gallon just for you, to make sure there's enough to share with the others.

My formerly perfect vision is starting to be less perfect, especially anything super close. Is there something I can do to be able to see perfectly again?

Cat0703a

Some say eating carrots helps but I say why take a chance…rub the carrots directly on your eyeballs. You then have vegetables after to serve your kids. They are sure to be asking for a snack soon.

It’s looks like we might get some sun today after months of grey skies. What should I do with my family?

frankwbrown

Have your family lather down with SPF-50 sunscreen, then take them outside, after donning sunglasses, and tell them to not look directly at the big yellow thing in the sky. Explain to them that it is called the Sun, and that the sky is blue so that the Sun can be more easily seen. Tell them they should remember this day, because who knows when it will come again?

Is there a trick to remembering to charge your electric vehicle overnight when you plan on traveling a moderate distance from home the next day (so that you don't have to cancel your plans for a morning swim)?

Cat0703a

You’re doing it wrong, Frank. You only plan for moderately long trips on the day after you normally charge the car. 🤷‍♀️

My electric vehicle is fully charged. Where should my sunscreen slathered, sunglasses wearing family go today?

frankwbrown

Cat0703a wrote: »

You’re doing it wrong, Frank. You only plan for moderately long trips on the day after you normally charge the car. 🤷‍♀️

What was I thinking? 🤦‍♂️

Cat0703a wrote: »

My electric vehicle is fully charged. Where should my sunscreen slathered, sunglasses wearing family go today?

I'm tempted to say the Sun but, although your electric vehicle is no doubt perfectly capable of that, your sunscreen may not be adequate. Being unfamiliar with the attractions available in the far reaches of the northern hemisphere, I am a bit stumped. Perhaps retracing the path of either Cook or Peary in their attempt to reach the North Pole would be a fun adventure?

Who else can suggest a fun outing for Cat and her family, fully protected 😎 from the blazing 🌞?

cmsienk

nossmf wrote: »

@cmsienk you must be the popular girl in this thread, having three different posters all responding to you at the same time. Bet you were Homecoming Queen. Or Homecoming Princess. Maybe Homecoming Duchess, but certainly nothing less than Homecoming Peon. (Incidentally I was turned down to go to both the Homecoming dance and Prom, and never went to either. I'm not still bitter about it all these years later, no way.)

I must say, I enjoyed this. 👆
Homecoming Duchess is my personal favorite.

Before I answer Frank's question, I do feel I should set the record straight. I always only went to Homecoming dances (all 3) with a group of girlfriends (having been boyfriend-less throughout my high school years). I went to my senior prom, but only after being turned down when I asked an older brother of a friend of my brother's. I knew him from dropping off and picking up my brother at his house. He was maybe 2 years older than I was and played college baseball. He said he was sorry but had a game that day. (I told myself he wasn't making it up, because he really was nice.) Years later, I ran into him and he went out of his way to tell me he wished he'd just skipped the game and taken me to my prom. I ended up asking a sophomore to go with me - I think he was my Chem lab partner - because I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Really - all these years later - it was no big deal. (True Story)

frankwbrowm wrote:

Who else can suggest a fun outing for Cat and her family, fully protected 😎 from the blazing 🌞?

Cat has already said they're skipping the moon and driving North. @Cat0703a, have you been to Banff? Somewhere in Banff you can find this Banff Merman.

You should find it and take a selfie. Isn't that just beautiful?

It is 82°F here in Florida and not even close to that back home. How am I going to deal with going back to all the snow and cold weather tomorrow?

FabulousFantasticFifty

They say becoming a member of the Polar Bear Plunge group will numb the cold and after a few plunges you'll want to run nekked in a blizzard. I have been interested in joining this group especially these past two weeks here in Colorado.... It's flippen cold here! 🥶

Do you think I'll ever make it to Washington state this year? I'm tired of waiting 😞

nossmf

People commonly mistake Washington STATE for Washington D.C., and vice versa. That's intentional on the part of the government...they hope that any foreign invading army will see the sign on the highway and turn the wrong direction. That's right, Washington state is a government conspiracy whose sole purpose is to act as a decoy to allow Congress time to determine the correct military response. (Side note: they've been having this debate for a long time now, but can't seem to come to any consensus about what a correct military response should include. They've been at it for so long now that the majority of their plans still involve the use of bows and arrows.)

All that said, you need to double check whether you actually are wanting to visit state or D.C. Most people still want to visit D.C. but are unable to do so, because it doesn't appear on maps in the correct location. They look in Maryland, when in fact the real seat of government is actually located in Washington state. Aha, you didn't see that coming! It's a double-psych-reverse! Oh, that sneaky government! Anyway, be one of the smart ones by actually going to the northwest corner of the country and asking for Doug. Once he realizes you are actually serious about seeing the true government of the country, he will escort you to our real seat of power: Castle Grayskull, located deep underground in a partially-submerged cavern guarded by sharks with laser beams on their heads in the moat. Wear something red, white and blue, because those are the colors of the lasers, and the clothing will absorb the intense energies rather than be consumed by it. (You can always tell when a visiting dignitary from another country is present, as half their entourage's clothing has been burned away. A most efficient means of checking if potential assassins have any hidden weapons.) Once inside you can schedule a five minute meet-and-greet with the actual President of the United States, a squirrel whose name is so secret even the Secret Service doesn't know what it is, they only know him as Doug. (Yep, same as the escort Doug. No relation.) The President we see on TV? You guessed it, a paid actor keeping our nation's enemies focusing on yet another decoy.

Oh, I just realized your actual question was whether you'll EVER make it to Washington. Well, EVER is a long time. In fact, it's an infinite amount of time. I'd say the odds are better than 50-50 that you'll get there somewhere in that infinite time span. But would you be going to Washington state or D.C.?

Today is Super Bowl Sunday, which somehow has yet to be declared a national holiday. (As official holiday creator for the free world, I have to apologize for not yet making this happen. I'll put it on my to-do list for tomorrow, February 14. I'm sure there's nothing important to do that day to distract me.) Anyway, my question involves how much pizza and wings are appropriate to order from a single location. Is it ok to burden a single Pizza Hut with the several hundred dollars' worth order I intend to place, or should I spread my request across multiple restaurants?

frankwbrown

Too late to advise you on this matter, as the Super Bowl is underway. I hope you did the smart thing and placed a large order of at least $500 at one Pizza Hut. Only by doing so are you guaranteed that your order will be given priority over everyone else's. It's a hectic time, and you don't want to have to contend with all the other football fans wanting to get their own pizzas.

I'm trying to put in at least 120 minutes of exercise a day, plus at least 10,000 steps/day, plus at least 15 minutes of yoga 5 times a week. So far, I've only managed an hour of water aerobics and a brief walk (less than one mile). I'm currently at 84 minutes of exercise and ~7700 steps.

Is it kosher to do yoga and cardio while watching the Super Bowl?

paperpudding

Definitely so.
All sports on TV are better watched while doing yoga and putting the players upside down and sideways and watching balls defy gravity.
Or you could turn your TV upside down to compensate
Bonus points if you can hold the TV upside down yourself while in a yoga position

What is your favourite place to watch TV?

frankwbrown

My favourite place to watch TV is still but a dream of mine, due to the fact that I have not yet achieved the ability to hold my breath for half an hour, never mind an hour or longer. And for me, no other setting really comes close.

Where else can you watch TV, or alternatively, what else can you do underwater?

nossmf

I never did understand the term "underwater." People usually use the term when they are submerged in water, with water all around them. But doesn't being under something mean the entire something is above you? I can be under a bridge, under a car, but water is very difficult to be under without it dripping all over the place and next thing you know you are no longer UNDERwater but instead INSIDEwater. (Note this same argument applies to being underground, but that's not the question you asked.) I guess you could say that a cloud is composed of water, so by standing outside when the weather is cloudy you are technically underwater, so my answer would be you can do everything you want while underwater, as long as you leave one hand free to hold an umbrella.

It's Girl Scout cookie season. Every other year they introduce a new flavor. What should be the next flavor they introduce for their cookies?

cmsienk

I'm gonna go with a chocolate-covered sea salt caramel Brussels sprouts cookie. This will go over great with the health conscious crowd, as well as anyone who loves chocolate.

Yesterday I had the hiccups, which, fortunately, went away after I drank some water. I've also heard holding your breath works. What's your cure for hiccups? Bonus points if you give my new cookie flavor a catchy name... (my brain isn't fully awake yet).

s1im62

For the cookie name why not Belgian Sweet Mariners. Belgian for the sprouts, sweet for the caramel, mariner for the salt. It will be a real pleasant surprise for those associating chocolate with Belgium instead of Brussels sprouts!

For hiccups, the best cure is a surprise. Finding a stranger in your home at 3 AM should work. But they're not always available at the time and place needed, and some come with baggage (or leave with yours). So an alternative is to ask your kids (or some from the neighborhood) to plant glitter bombs all around the inside of your house. One or two of those going off will make you forget about hiccups, even if they dont cure it. As an alternative surprise for people who don't know about Belgian Sweet Mariners, you could offer one to them.

I have some well worn carpet in my den I'd like to replace, and want something more creative than the traditional floor coverings. Suggestions?

cmsienk

Have you heard about the newest trend in replacement flooring? It's Wheatgrass! To use this creative floor convering, you'll need to remove the old carpeting, pad and part of the sub floor, then replace that with a large shallow tray in which the Wheatgrass will grow. Plant the seeds, water occasionally and very soon you'll have a nice bed of Wheatgrass. Pros: anytime you want a very healthy, full-of-vitamins-and-antioxidants Wheatgrass cocktail, you just trim a little and run it through your juicer. Cons: you've now devoted a room to growing Wheatgrass. You'll have to read and watch TV somewhere else.

Speaking of replacements... I'm probably going to have to replace several windows this spring as the seal seems to be broken on a few of them. I currently have Anderson windows. Has anyone here heard of a decent alternative?

nossmf

I recommend Microsoft Windows. Have you heard of them? Virtually every year they come out with a new model, and with each iteration it'll make it successively harder for potential thieves to peek into your home to determine if there's anything worth stealing. (The downside is your utility bill will skyrocket, you'll get daily phone calls from a Windows technician asking if you want to upgrade your Windows now or later, and every other month your windows will spontaneously turn opaque and impossible to use/see through for a couple hours.)

As an author, this thread has been wonderful to read and add my own contributions, as it really helps to strengthen the creative side of one's language mastery. Has it inspired anybody to give an equally inane response to somebody in real life, whether online or in person, and if so what story did you twist around?

Cat0703a

Everyday with my boss! What?!?! You want that an answer to that email today? No, I’m afraid it’s Monday and I only send emails on Wednesdays because it’s the day with the most e’s in it. You need me to stay late? Sorry, I have adult interpretive dance class underwater tonight (can’t believe this wasn’t suggested earlier).

Since it’s the day of love, tell me about the most romantic thing you’ve had done for you or you’ve done for another.

frankwbrown

Since no one else has responded, I will. The most romantic thing I've ever done was:

I went up to the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen, shot her with a tranquilizer dart, bundled her up nice and warm, and took her with me to the top of Mount Everest, where I got down on one knee and proposed to her. It would have been even more romantic if she had accepted.

Why do some women seem to lack an appreciation for romantic gestures such as this?

cmsienk

I see what the problem is. Some women are completely blind to gestures like yours. Not all women are afflicted with this 'blindness'. But you have to know how to find the right ones. If you don't believe me about this phenomenon, you need look no further than Lady Justice...

Nydia, the Blind Flower Girl of Pompeii...

or Alexis - the blind ice skater in the 1978 movie, Ice Castles. (Yes, that one is a stretch. Do you know how many more movies feature blind men? It's easily ten to one.)

Anyway, the beautiful woman you approached, Frank, was probably one of those already blind to your advances. You need to order a special pair of glasses that will allow you to see whether or not the woman you're approaching is open to your advances or 'blinded', thus avoiding unfortunate incidents like the one you mentioned. Those glasses are hard to locate, but this guy found a pair. So can you.

I'm doing some research on Microsoft Windows to replace my Anderson windows in the spring (thank you, @nossmf for the suggestion). I was thinking of replacing them myself, but I'm not sure I have the proper tools. What kind of tools might be needed?

frankwbrown

Microsoft Windows and Anderson Windows are very similar, so I doubt you'll have any problem replacing the one with the other, particularly since you're going from Anderson to Microsoft, as that's a virtual cake walk. These tools are all necessary, yet sufficient, to get the job done:

• buzz saw
• router
• joiner
• slide rule
• metric hammer (be sure it's metric, not standard/SAE)
• tape measure (be sure it's standard, not metric)
• heavy duty stapler
• paper clips
• grease pencil

Once you've gathered the tools, the process will be readily apparent.

Pomegranates are quite good tasting, but they are a drag to peel. Is there a better way?