Wrong answers ONLY!

nossmf

Electric power is all the rage these days...electric cars, electric homes, solar powered watches, etc. At the same time, the medical community is currently experimenting with a new technique where the doctors implant electric diodes directly into the cerebrum, then attach the leads to a portable generator. The theory is this will allow patients in comas to wake up and return to society. But somebody with a vision for the future can combine these two efforts by attaching the leads to a backpack-sized electric cell. The lower voltage than a generator means no surprise shocks, just a steady stream of power, at least as long as the cell is exposed to sunlight. Currently this limits the utility of this technique to farm laborers and other manual jobs, but perhaps desk workers can convince their company to cut out skylights in their offices in order to boost productivity. The distant dream is to create solar-cell tattoos implanted directly into the skin, but the all-powerful beach-body consortium is attempting to enact legislation to prevent the solar-tattoo from ever seeing the light of day (pun intended) for fear that the average vacationer would be too energized to properly relax, thus jeopardizing tourism towns which rely upon lazy beach bums sipping mai-tai's.

My friend collects baseball cards, my daughter books, my wife various memorabilia featuring Dale Earnhardt. Do you collect anything?

frankwbrown

I know someone who has a collection of Rubik's cubes and various other Burr puzzles. He seems to be fascinated by them and by other puzzles such as Chinese puzzle boxes. Personally, I don't see it. That seems so inane and pointless to me. I, on the other hand, have been collecting the lint from my dryer for decades now. I sort the lint into different colors and textures, and then make "lint paintings" using artist's canvas and a good adhesive. Lately, I've realized how limited I am in separating the lint using only my eyes, especially as I get older. So, I've acquired an electron microscope to assist me in my task. This has led me in a new direction, so now, like the forensics specialists on some TV shows, I have made it my task to determine whether synthetic or natural fiber, the specific dyes used, the sheep farms of origin (not the sheep itself, that would be silly), and other such distinguishing characteristics.

Is there a secret to becoming independently wealthy, I mean, apart from investing in crypto currency or following one of the get rich quick schemes which all, while thoroughly believable, seem like such hard work?

nossmf

The secret is to be the last one standing. Literally. Outlive your family, be named in their will to receive their estates. Outlive your business partner, become the sole surviving member and president of the company. Usually, this means you won't become wealthy until very late in life, due to the need to wait for everybody else to get old and die. (Faster means of ensuring your family/business partner fail to live out the day exist, but then the police get involved which delays the transfer of funds anyway, so honestly those methods aren't worth pursuing.) One possible exception is to marry the only child of a rich person, then use your newfound in-law authority to convince the rich parent to give up their hedonistic ways and move to Burbank, where they will retire peacefully as a potato farmer. (I've already called dibs on Jeff Bezos for this technique...find your own mark, I mean future in-law.)

My daughter's dog loves to go on walks, but he's so big and strong that he can pull my daughter where HE wants to go, sometimes yanking her completely off her feet. He never pulls me off my feet, so I'm not sure where the problem lies. Regardless, what advice can I give my daughter for maintaining control while taking her dog for a walk?

Cat0703a

Lead boots. Either for her or the dog; maybe both. Neither will be able to move very fast. Alternatively you can train her lift weights so she has one strong bicep like you (I feel like your other one is more like Olive Oyl’s, not Popeye’s). Or if that isn’t an option perhaps she needs to surprise the dog by randomly running off in odd directions instead. The dog will be uncertain what to do and perhaps will follow her for a change.

Speaking of pets…my child has been asking for one for years. Which kind will be the least amount of work for me (since we all know that I’m going to end up being the one to care for it like with the fish, snails, and shrimp)?

nossmf

Instead of trying something new, it's time to reach back into the annuls of history for possibly the greatest invention of all time: the pet rock. Extremely low maintenance, along with very small financial commitment. The one caveat you have to pay attention to is if you leave two pet rocks together in the dark, you may awaken to discover you now have four pet rocks. They are highly prolific reproducers, the little rascals. If you don't want to come home from vacation to discover your living room has turned into an indoor rock garden, make sure there's a minimum of six feet separation between individual pet rocks. Unless they're both female, then you're likely ok. (Public service announcement: do NOT leave two male pet rocks together, or you may return to find not pet rocks but piles of dust as they fight for dominance.)

Why is dessert traditionally served at the end of meals, not the beginning or middle?

cmsienk

You might think it's because the word "dessert" comes from the Old French "desservir," which means "clearing the table." You would be wrong. Dessert being served at the end of a meal stems from our eating habits - which have been set from toddlerhood. Do you know a small child who would eat peas (@Cat0703a still won't eat them), sweet potatoes or pureed meat if they were first given the option of pudding, ice cream or chocolate cake? Cattle ranchers, vegetable growers and the Dairy Council knew this could be a problem, so, together with wheat farmers, they formed the largest food lobby group and campaigned for dessert to remain at the end of every meal so that the less delicious food groups stood a chance at survival.

When you were a kid, did you eat the crusts on your sandwich? Why or why not?

nossmf

The part of your question about "when you were a kid" is a little misleading, as habits formed in childhood tend to carry over into adulthood, just with more logical reasoning. For example, kids who refuse to eat crusts because it's "yucky" grow into adults who refuse to eat crusts because it "saves calories." These are the same people who believe that by not eating the hole in the donut, they can subtract the calories from that hole, rendering the entire treat more healthful. (Note, @cat0703a, I said healthFUL, not healthY. There is a difference. Your dictionary can help explain. If you can't find yours, ask @cmsienk for one. She'll send one with the page bookmarked and words highlighted. Then bill you for it.)

But your question wasn't asking about a generic "somebody" and their eating habits, but rather mine, specifically. (Is this some form of identity-theft attempt? Are you going to ask me about my first pet and the street I grew up on next? I've got my eye on you...) So, did I eat the crusts on my childhood sandwich? Not sure how to answer that one, since my family was so poor, we used the crusts from other kids to make our sandwich in the first place. This resulted in some rather random flavor combinations from one day to the next, sometimes with flecks of mustard or tartar sauce, other times with nibbles of lettuce or, on a good day, cheese of a variety of types. My little brother preferred just mashing them all together into a single super-bite, but I liked to take my time, taking a bite from this corner first, then the next, and consequently getting a new flavor with every single bite. You know how Harry Potter has the "every flavor beans" which have a random taste with every bite? They got that idea from my family.

Speaking of combining flavors, what are two (or more) flavors which most people prefer separate, but you enjoy in combination?

frankwbrown

Oh that's easy. Two of my favorite flavors to have together would have to be mustard and pickles. Oh wait, I think a fair number of people enjoy that combination, including @cmsienk if I'm not mistaken. So let me think of another one. This is something I've never had, but it occurs to me now that chocolate cake with horseradish icing would probably be a tasty treat, though I'm not sure who else would like it. I'm partial to sweets, so all my ideas revolve around them, so my last example is chocolate truffles dipped in cod liver oil. This might be uncommon more because no one's thought to try it, but I swear it's to die for, or from.

How many sweet juicy oranges is it okay to eat in one day? Is twenty too many?

nossmf

Here on Earth, eating 20 oranges in a single day sounds about right, while drinking the juice from 30+ is quite reasonable. But what if we aren't living on Earth? A single "day" on Venus is 116 Earth days, so eating 20 oranges in that time may not actually be enough. If, however, you lived on Jupiter where days are only ten hours long, eating 20 in that time may be pushing the limits of what is considered appropriate, becoming borderline greedy.

Dinner tonight is BBQ on the grill...burgers, brats, chicken, salmon. The grill is truly a wonderful invention, harkening back to our ancestors learning to cook with fire. Truly, is there any food which does NOT taste better when cooked over an open fire?

frankwbrown

Ice cream comes to mind.

Can others think of more foods unsuitable for the grill?

cmsienk

I thought we were looking for all the excellent foods to grill like oatmeal, mashed potatoes and pomegranates. That last one is tricky; you have to balance the seeds just right on the grill grates.

Speaking of fire, if I don't get up in the middle of the night to throw a log on the fire, it burns out and I have to start all over in the morning. Does anybody have any tricks to speed up the fire-starting process?

Cat0703a

Well, if you aren't comfortable asking your overnight stalker to kindly throw on another log at 1:30am, then I guess you'll have to resort to buying small cans of gasoline. Place the can of gasoline carefully in the fireplace with your firewood and throw a match in. Make sure you stay far enough back that you don't get any unplanned new hairdos. You are welcome to use big cans of gasoline but have you seen the prices lately? Ouch, ours are higher than they've ever been right now.

I'm currently at work and the ONLY person in the building. It's more than a little creepy. What tricks do you have for me so that I can feel safe and secure from humans, wild animals, and ghosts...all of which are nearby?

FabulousFantasticFifty

I would recommend getting yourself a personal Bodyguard however some may have rules when it comes to anything paranormal or with four legs, so you may need to read the fine print carefully. In the case of animals, I'd keep an Animal Control Officer on retainer ... On the other hand Humans are the most difficult Animals ever so you may be able to just skip the bodyguard.
In the case of the paranormal threats... Who you gonna call..........???

Ghost Busters!!!
Or me .....
I ain't afraid of no ghosts! 👻


We have just purchased 37 acres of land and plan on staying in our RV while we build our dream getaway Cabin. We have an electric pole running on the property, however want to park the RV where the views of the Sangre de Cristos are which is over 100 ft away from the 50 amp RV plug ⚡and there is no well for water💦. What options might we have for these two issues?

nossmf

The Ghostbusters proton pack is equally useful to scaring away all three categories of boogey-men, er boogey-things. You can order one same day delivery on Amazon Prime, before your work shift ends and you must walk to your car. The version 5.0 model has come a long way from the bulk originals seen in the movies; it's now the size of a deck of cards, plugs into a wall outlet, and is dishwasher safe.

Dratted lag...

The solution to both your problems is installing enormous solar panels on the roof of your RV which extend out at least ten feet in every direction. Not only do they then provide power, but if you angle them slightly they will channel any rainfall into a central bucket. Morning dew can also collect along the underside of the panels for the same purpose.

I remember when cell phones first came out on the market, and how the big rage for about a decade was making them ever smaller. The trend has since reversed, to where the latest model phones are almost as big as a laptop. As cell phone technology advances, what do you think will be the next big innovation?

FabulousFantasticFifty

I think implants are gonna be the new "It" thing I hear that the iPhone 27 will be transplanted directly under the scull connected to two different regions of the brain depending on ones preference of being "Right brained" or "Left brained". I have heard If not connected to correct section that there were catastrophic side effects like changing those with higher IQs into those they call "Dumber than a Doornail" Just a thought 🤔 ... Might the one dumber than a Doornail be the one actually nailing a door? Who does that anyway 🙄


Is it possible that La Nina and El Niño have decided to switch places this year?

nossmf

Hey, it's the 21st century, who are we to argue about gender roles? It's entirely possible that Mother Nature and Father Time have also switched roles, which upon further reflection explains a lot about how the weather has been lately, as Father Nature is still scratching his head and wondering where the weather remote is, not realizing that with every movement of his fingers he's spawning another tornado or other natural disaster. Mother Time can't help us, as she's too busy cataloging every mistake he's ever made in the timeline going back to the Big Bang and up to asking how E.T. can recognize Yoda when the green guy died a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

My children have complained to me lately about how time drags during their school day, but flies by during the weekend. They asked me why this is, and I gave some inane answer about how time is constant, it's only our perception of how fun the moment is which changes. Obviously that's just silly, so when my future grandchildren ask me the same question, what is the proper answer to give them?

FabulousFantasticFifty

The simple answer ...
When time flies, clip it's wings and when time drags pick it up off the floor. 🤷🏼‍♀️

My husband and I have been working with a Personal Trainer for five months both working equally as hard as the other to achieve our goals to look amazing for our Wedding/ Renewal of Vows Ceremony and to start life in a healthy new direction. In this time frame Hubby list 26 lbs , his belly is much smaller and he's a pant size smaller and we had to poke a new hole in his belt. As for me... I've lost and gained and lost and gained again six lousy pounds and felt like a tubby for my Wedding. 😥
How is that fair?

Cat0703a

It’s not fair. However rumour has it he found a magic lamp and his first wish was to lose weight for the wedding. His second was for a hot wife (and she is…that’s not a wrong answer). And the third, a gorgeous property on which to build a dream place with her. So all you need to do now is smack his bum for not wishing you skinny as well and off you go to look for a magic lamp of your own!

So apparently my internal clock thinks I’m on the east coast. How do I fix that?

nossmf

Did you check the batteries? If the internal clock batteries are fine, then the only way to resolve the conflict is to move to the east coast permanently. Feel fortunate your clock thinks you're on the east coast; there are lots of time zones located strictly over oceans, it would be really unfortunate if your clock thought you were located there.

I've recently finished the edits for my second fantasy novel, and am starting to search for a publisher to turn it into a paperback on store shelves. (I self-published my first book; up to 75 copies sold!) Did you ever dream of writing a book, and if so what would it be about?

Cat0703a

Since I live on an island, all other time zones are over an ocean away regardless 😂

Now as for the book (which by the way, I hope is reality because "hello...that's cool!!"), I too am a published author but I chose to go the way of the future and you'll find my work included in the Urban Dictionary. For those of you that aren't familiar with this, you probably aren't the parent of a teenaged child, trying to decipher what the H.E. double hockey sticks they are actually saying. Pssssttttt...I just made stuff up there. 🤫 🤭

If you require said book to be in print then I guess my dream would be to write a tell all about my days (of which there were more than 8000) in the hotel business. But in me doing so, it may ruin all future travel for @cmsienk and since I like her, that wouldn't be kind.

I had a meeting today with my boss (true story) and he's indicated he needs me to leave on time, not late, on a regular basis and I cannot say that is a strength of mine. Other than setting a reminder in my calendar and snapping an elastic band on my wrist, I could use some other tips to changing this terrible behaviour of unpaid overtime. Got any for me?