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(Editor's note: yes, I really did self-publish a fantasy novel, available on Amazon, and yes, I really am trying to get my second book classically published.)
Unpaid overtime...is it possible to use those words together in a sentence like that? You actually are staying after normal business hours, not to finish a major project, not to clear your desk before vacation, not to hide from in-laws or ex-boyfriends, not to increase the size of your paycheck...but because you actually like your job so much you lose track of time? I think I'm gonna need a minute to mentally process this revelation...
Ok, minute over. (It was actually more like five minutes as I took the time to clear my brain-clutter by catching up on my favorite comic strips online. That Calvin, what a guy!) While I envy you actually enjoying your job so much that you lose track of time, I have a proposal which you can present to your boss to not only correct your errant behavior but also save the company money, perhaps enough to warrant giving you a raise. Ready for this?
Shared chairs.
No, not sitting in the same chair at the same time, that would just be silly. See, the problem you are encountering is your office is so large, so full of furniture, that each person can sit separately in their own chairs, at their own desks. When they leave for the day, the equipment sits idle until they return the following day. That's not only a lot of wasted hours of the day, but it means your company had to invest a lot of money into stuff which is essentially unused for 2/3 of the day. How wasteful. Instead, rearrange your company schedule to a 24-hr operation, with a third of the staff coming in every 8 hours to begin their shift. Not only does this naturally lead towards never working overtime again, since the oncoming person will kick you out of your seat so they can begin their shift on time, but now the company has two options for expanding profits: either shrinking inventory of desks, chairs, and computers to only 1/3 of current (possibly meaning moving to a smaller facility, which further lowers costs such as rent and utilities), or the company can triple its workforce, therefore tripling productivity and tripling profits. Score! And who can all your coworkers thank for this happy new work environment at 3am? You, that's who! What a morale booster! (No need to pass the thanks on to me, I am merely a vessel, a conduit, for the wisdom of the universe to seep out to the unwashed masses.)
Last night, my school buddy took my family out to dinner, his treat. Our favorite restaurant, we expected an enjoyable meal. But the night was anything but...tables who ordered after us were served first, we got the wrong drinks, half our food was overcooked and half was undercooked, my son found a hair in his scrambled eggs, and on and on. My wife wanted to yell at the manager, I just wanted to go home and fix a PBJ. What should have been our response last night?1 -
You should have brought with you a copy of a Webster's dictionary, with a bookmark to the pages where the words "good" and "service" are highlighted. Then you could have left the dictionary as a tip.
I recently met my brother's new girlfriend, whose first question to me was, "How old are you?" This brought to mind encounters with other people who seem to think nothing of asking personal questions like, "How much do you make?" (True story.) I'm usually pretty good at deflecting, but I'm curious if you have a good response to personal questions by mere acquaintances.0 -
There's several strategies for dealing with these kinds of questions. Here's a few:
Q: "How old are you?"
A: Confuse them: "I have no way of knowing. I'd been in a coma my whole life, until Tuesday of last week, and no one seems to be able to tell me when I was born."
Q: "How much do you make?"
A: Act like you completely misunderstand the question, then confuse them: "It depends on what I'm making, and whether I'm expecting guests. I might for example cook two full packages of spaghetti with several jars of spaghetti sauce, or I might bake 10-15 dozen cookies depending on size of course. On the other hand, if I'm making ceramic plates/bowls/mugs, I'll generally do a multiple of 8 each. There's a lot of things I don't even know how to make, like clothes, musical instruments, leather-bound books, etc. so if your question pertains to one of those things, then it would be silly for me to even answer."
Q: "What are your deepest darkest secrets that you'd like to share with me, an almost stranger?"
A: Get a crazed look on your face and say, "Come closer, let me whisper in your ear."
I know this is asking you to predict the future, which can be difficult, but can you tell me if I will have an easy time of it tomorrow when I install a new cable modem router (three days before I have to)?1 -
I predict the installation will take about 5 seconds to perform. Plug in power, wire goes from back of one box to back of the other box, done. That shouldn't be too hard. (Oh, wait, you're asking without asking if you'll be able to make it WORK properly after installation. Sorry, only one question per customer, your time is up.)
Yet again I came to work a dinner shift without bringing dinner to eat during work. Sometimes it's because I forget, other times (like tonight) there are no leftovers at home to bring in the first place. Rather than sitting here hungry until shift ends at 10, what should I do about dinner?0 -
My top three suggestions (giving you three since it sounds like this happens often 😬)
1. Find four “ingredients” from the staff room green bin/compost and make a dish…similar to the show Chopped. To make it a true cooking show style ensure there are other contestants and judges.
2. Taste test each person’s lunch in the lunch room fridge for quality and safety. Remember only one bite of each item otherwise it’s stealing.
3. Order dehydrated astronaut food and keep by the case full under your desk. Then you’ll also be prepared if you’re asked to go up into space at a moment’s notice. But if you do, don’t forget to let us know as we’d probably miss you unless we were distracted by coffee talk.
What is your biggest pet peeve?2 -
First of all, what time zone are you in that you're at work, thinking about dinner at 12:24am EST?
Setting that aside, has anyone left anything in the breakroom refrigerator that you could 'borrow'? Everyone knows that stuff is fair game, don't they?
Assuming you didn't find anything in the 'fridge, and your office is in the middle of nowhere, where even Grub Hub won't deliver, I suggest you make yourself some tomato soup. I saw this recipe on an episode of Cutthroat Kitchen and you should be able to find we everything you need in the breakdown. Look in the drawer where everyone throws the extra salt, pepper and ketchup packets ... and grab 20 or 30 ketchup packets and a few of the salt and pepper packages. Now, go to the 'fridge and look towards the back where one of your coworkers has hidden their stash of half and half. Empty the ketchup packets, salt, pepper and a little half and half into a coffee cup, pop it in the microwave... and voila! Dinner is served.
😭 (I just finished typing this when I saw Cat's post pop up....)0 -
(Oh I’m sorry! I forgot to announce intention. I’ll do better next time)
PS. It’s a great suggestion! I love tomato soup. I’m going to use this trick next time I’m hungry at work0 -
No worries. My phone is on silent. I wouldn't have seen your group text message anyway. 😉
Where to start? 🤔 I have several pet peeves, but I'm in a meeting and struggling to multitask, so I'll just give you one: I hate it when clients ignore my Net 30 terms and pay me early. C'mon.... don't they know that's really just a suggestion? I would be thrilled to wait even longer than 30 days to be paid. I actually have one client that completely ignores these terms and pays me within a few days. I actively avoid their jobs. They're the worst.Cat0703a wrote:What is your biggest pet peeve?
Do you have any bad habits?0 -
I'm not sure what a pet peeve is, or how big they get. I've only had dogs and cats for pets, plus rabbits, baby chicks, turtles, lizards and frogs when I was young. Are pet peeves warm and cuddly?My top three suggestions (giving you three since it sounds like this happens often 😬)
1. Find four “ingredients” from the staff room green bin/compost and make a dish…similar to the show Chopped. To make it a true cooking show style ensure there are other contestants and judges.
2. Taste test each person’s lunch in the lunch room fridge for quality and safety. Remember only one bite of each item otherwise it’s stealing.
3. Order dehydrated astronaut food and keep by the case full under your desk. Then you’ll also be prepared if you’re asked to go up into space at a moment’s notice. But if you do, don’t forget to let us know as we’d probably miss you unless we were distracted by coffee talk.
What is your biggest pet peeve?No worries. My phone is on silent. I wouldn't have seen your group text message anyway. 😉
Where to start? 🤔 I have several pet peeves, but I'm in a meeting and struggling to multitask, so I'll just give you one: I hate it when clients ignore my Net 30 terms and pay me early. C'mon.... don't they know that's really just a suggestion? I would be thrilled to wait even longer than 30 days to be paid. I actually have one client that completely ignores these terms and pays me within a few days. I actively avoid their jobs. They're the worst.Cat0703a wrote:What is your biggest pet peeve?
Do you have any bad habits?
First off, that recipe for tomato soup seems well within my wheelhouse. 😋😂
You mentioned you have several pet peeves. What are they like? Do you keep them at work? 🤔
I don't have any bad habits. In fact, I don't have any habits at all. As soon as I see myself doing something I've done before, I do something different. This makes for a more adventurous life, though rather unpredictable. In my experience, the feeling of Déjà Vu is a warning sign that must be heeded. I look instead for the feeling of Vujà De, as it makes life much more interesting.
Since my new and old watches are low on power, due to the custom charger failing to work properly, and a new charger won't arrive for a couple days, is this a sign that I should simply do nothing for the rest of the month?
P.S. I was searching for the Cracking Up button on both your responses, but still don't see it. 😂
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Since @cmsienk has her group text message silenced, I had to video call her on Teams to ensure we knew who was taking this one. Since she’s currently attempting to eat one handed while in simultaneous meetings, and gazing longingly at a latte she’s unable to consume, I said I’d respond.
Boy do you ever have a lot of questions in that one post, @frankwbrown!! Firstly, pet peeves usually live at work and they most certainly are not soft and cuddly. They are typically vicious with plenty of sharp teeth, slippery tongues, and smell foul.
The Cracking Up button didn’t appreciate being hit all the time so is in counselling.
And you’re actually to do nothing more for the entire year! Fresh starts make the most sense and March 1st isn’t really a fresh start month. 🤷♀️ You will now need to hire someone to do absolutely everything for you and you better not waste a single step until the new year.
What is the last book you read? I’m nearly finished mine and could use a suggestion.
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I would recommend reading my book, but MFP frowns on what they consider "advertising" so we'll just shelve that one for later. (See what I did there? No? Well, I did, and that's good enough for me.)
I can't recommend any higher to everybody to read the riveting novel published by my kids' school district, titled creatively enough, "How to log in to see your student's report card online." Twenty-five pages of the smallest font type imaginable, directing you to read this, click here, scroll through this list of liability waivers, read here, click this... I hate to spoil the surprise ending, but it goes something like, "Oops, something didn't seem to work right. Please start over." Endless hours of reading will leave you cross-eyed and daydreaming of how you would react if you ever had the chance to meet the author in real life. Undoubtedly ask for a signature, I'm sure.
For financial reasons, I had to change gyms to one which doesn't have locks on their locker room, you must provide your own to keep your stuff safe. I got a little spin-combination lock. Half the time when I enter the combination it opens on the first attempt; the other half of the time, it refuses to open, forcing me to re-enter the combination, sometimes repeatedly. Why does the lock behave so erratically?0 -
Behaving erratically? Well you’ve come to the right place for guidance. A lock, much like a woman, sometimes wants or needs more care and attention. But not all the time; just sometimes. And it may change its mind several times throughout the day. That explains why it opened easily when you arrived but stubbornly refuses to open when you are trying to leave. Best to bring kind words, chocolate, fancy coffee, or a $100 bill with you, just in case. And for the love of all things good…do not ever comment on how her shackle is getting too big for the outer case. No amount of gifts or sweet nothings whispered at it will make the process smooth for you ever again. 😬
If you won a big jackpot what would you buy first with your winnings?1 -
A bright orange jacket with letters on the back spelling out, "I won the jackpot, loser!" I will want everybody to know to congratulate me on my good fortune.
My buddy and I went to a casino last night. The place was so full of a huge variety of games of chance, we didn't know where to start. What is your game of choice when you go to a casino?0 -
Did you all see my text that I was answering now? Okay, here goes:
My casino game of choice is Pin the Tail on the Donkey. This is best played with the blindfolded player (referred to as "It") encircled by a crowd of betting players. Once the blindfold is securely tied, "It" is then spun around 100 times. Once the spinning is finished, he is released to find the Donkey and pin the tail in the correct location. Each non-spinning spectator, or "bettor", places a bet on whether "It" will a) lose his lunch before he's able to pin the tail, b) pin the tail on an unsuspecting bettor, or c) wander around the casino, finding his way to where other gamblers are playing Red Rover.Originally, Red Rover was a regular tag and running game with several players on one side and one person (the "Red Rover") placed in the center of the playing field. The person in the center calls "Red Rover, Red Rover, let [player's name] come over!" to challenge and catch one of the players who tries to reach the other side of the playing area. If the Red Rover succeeds they both return to the center. Each player tagged joins the center and helps tag the others.Once one of these objectives is achieved, the crowd yells 'Not It'. The last one to respond gets the blindfold, is spun and the next round of betting commences.
What is the best piece of advice you've received?
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Everything I need to know in life I learned from musical songs. Just think about these pearls of wisdom:
Shake it like a polaroid picture - Outkast - When faced with a decision, let the Magic 8 Ball guide you
Jesus take the wheel - Carrie Underwood - Driving was invented by the Devil; learn to walk everywhere
Dare to be stupid - Weird Al Yankovic - Speaks for itself
But perhaps the greatest single piece of musical advice begins like this:I love you, you love me...
My friend is an amateur song writer; he's written over a thousand songs over the last 25 years. If you wrote a song, what would it be about?0 -
I think my first song would be a longform ballad about dragons. In the first stanza, I'd have a beautiful stranger challenge a man, who used to be a dragon, to return with her to an ancient stronghold of the dragon nation. There he must fight an evil dragon, who is preparing to launch a war against all other races. Each subsequent stanza would build suspense until the final crescendo. Now that I think of it, it might be too long for a song. Maybe someone should write this story down and publish a book first. 😉
I had to abandon my latte at the airport Starbucks after waiting 30 minutes for it to be made. (True, sad story.) 😭 With no coffee to drink, What am I going to do with the peanut butter and jelly sandwich I made for this 4 hour flight?1 -
You should hold onto your sandwich until you reach your destination and then stand outside in the sun until the peanut butter and jelly melts, squeeze it out of the bread and then drink that
Could I try this sandwich drink trick with other fillings?
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Absolutely. My current favourite is the combination of pickles, mustard, and ham. You do need to knead the sandwich a bit once heated as the ham needs the opportunity to meld well with the mustard.
If you were to participate on a reality TV show, which would you excel at?0 -
@cmsienk, I think I could listen to that song on repeat and never grow bored listening. I wonder if that same songwriter would ever consider doing a second song to compliment the first...
Before he became President, Donald Trump hosted a show called "The Apprentice." His famous line which everybody looked forward to hearing was always, "You're Fired!" While I appreciate his enthusiasm, I feel he could have had even more impact if he had access to a thesaurus. This is where I would have excelled, by standing next to him and giving him a new note card every episode with a different way to express himself. Some of the quips I would conceive would include:
"There's the door!"
...and...
"Toodles!"
...and...
"See ya later, alligator!"
My company is giving an annual bonus this year. How should I spend this unexpected windfall?0 -
Buy Donald Trump a thesaurus.
Other options for the above?0
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