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  • s1im62
    s1im62 Posts: 30,270 Member
    edited March 2022
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    Any politician from either party with acting experience (yeah, it's redundant I know) should be capable of an Oscar-worthy performance as Pinocchio. Unfair as it might seem, the actor probably wouldn't win the Oscar because The Academy would deem the performance as not really acting, but just behaving as they normally would in everyday life.

    Inflation is looking like a problem for folks on fixed incomes right now. Where should those who have a few extra bucks invest those funds in order to stay ahead of the inflation rate?
  • Cat0703a
    Cat0703a Posts: 17,562 Member
    edited March 2022
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    Oh rats, I was too slow! 🤣 Paul Reubens aka Pee-Wee Herman. He already has experience playing with wood. 🤐

    I have a great place to invest where you are guaranteed not to lose money in any economic downturns. It's under my mattress. Don't worry, I'm a saver, not a spender so your money is safe with me.

    My dad is switching back to eating vegan for health reasons and I want to support him by bringing food that will make this transition easier. What is your favourite vegan dish?
  • nossmf
    nossmf Posts: 9,799 Member
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    Barbecue featuring grass-fed beef and corn-fed chicken, 100% organically raised. You are what you eat; the cow ate grass, so the cow IS grass; similarly, the chicken IS corn. Grass and corn should qualify as vegan, right?

    Why do they put expiration dates and calorie content labels on bottled water?
  • s1im62
    s1im62 Posts: 30,270 Member
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    Most people don't know that water breaks down into hydrogen and oxygen and their subatomic components when exposed to a universe altering event, such as the Big Bang.
    In order to avoid lawsuits in that event, the legal team of the water bottling companies require the expiration date, just in case.
    The calorie content is there just so they can brag about how their "light water" (unlike "heavy water" from other vendors) is a zero calorie beverage.
    I've nearly got my garden plot ready to plant with vegetables starting next week. How should I control insects and similar pests while avoiding the synthetic pesticides?
  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 9,087 Member
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    Scarecrows work well for scaring off birds - try mini scarecrows for scaring off insects.

    You might need to go into mass production to make 1000 or so really mini size ones and place strategically around your garden

    Which leads into the next question - how could one get mass production happening quickly and efficiently?
  • nossmf
    nossmf Posts: 9,799 Member
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    As an astrophysicist, I can spend hours telling you about how during the Big Bang 13.8 billion years ago, during the first fractions of a fraction of a second the universe was very quick and efficient at creating mass out of nothing. All it takes is about a billion degrees, your microwave is rated for that temperature right? Some of the newer ovens can as well, look for the setting mislabeled as "self-cleaning".

    If so many people in America dislike Daylight Savings Time, and the government is supposed to represent the people, then why does the government still support DST?
  • cmsienk
    cmsienk Posts: 18,357 Member
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    Because the government likes acronyms. For example: FBI, CIA, CDC, NAFTA.... any governnent entity or program, once designated by an acronym, is here to stay.

    Rather than being in a ballroom or convention center, this next job I'm on
    is set up outside on the grounds of a hotel resort outside of Phoenix, Arizona. The problem with that is the extreme temperature swings. It was 48°F this morning, and will be going up to 81° this afternoon. How does one dress to be comfortable in both extremes?

  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 9,087 Member
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    Well that is easy - dress in layers. Start in a fluffy oodie and ugg botts and then de layer down to a bikini by afternoon

    I mean, dress codes and formality for work are over rated, right?

    am eating my favourite yoghurt for breakfast - they have their staple flavours all the time but keep bringing out limited edition ones - apple and cinnamon was nice. Trying spiced raisin now, not so keen on that.
    What will they try next?
  • nossmf
    nossmf Posts: 9,799 Member
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    The stereotypical breakfast is supposed to be eggs and bacon. If they want to market this yogurt brand to attract more consumption at breakfast, then be on the lookout for "Eggs and bacon" flavored yogurt.

    My wife wants to spend my annual bonus on swapping out carpet for hardwood flooring; I want to pay off some loans so we owe less each month. How do you handle financial decisions in your home?
  • cmsienk
    cmsienk Posts: 18,357 Member
    edited March 2022
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    I've heard dill pickle is the next limited edition yogurt flavour ... but I don't recommend it.
    8 lousy minutes... grumble, grumble...

    Dave Ramsey would tell you to pay off the loans. But who is he, anyway, some kind of a financial expert on building wealth? I wonder who got to make the last decision - whatever it was (what movie to see, what to have for dinner, whether an old friend could come and visit and sleep in the living room)? The other person is next up for decision-making.

    I'm trying to get out of here to meet a friend for dinner, but we're running late. What's a good way to sneak out early?
  • nossmf
    nossmf Posts: 9,799 Member
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    If you have sufficient time for preparation, the options are endless:
    • Dig a secret underground tunnel (hide the entrance with your favorite movie poster)
    • Train in the secret art of Ninjitsu (they now offer internet correspondence courses)
    • Buy a Harry Potter Invisibility Cloak (available on Amazon Prime)
    • Reset every single clock in the building to two hours ahead, so the boss thinks you're ending the meeting at 5, when it's really 3

    ...and so on. If however you find yourself without time to prepare, then the old standby works almost as well: Look over the shoulder of whoever's talking, let your eyes get super big and round, point dramatically, and scream, "What's that!?!?" When everybody else turns to look, you quietly exit stage left.

    Tomorrow I have to work a graveyard shift for the first time in months. I know all the tricks to staying awake at work; it's the drive home after which is a challenge. Too much caffeine, and I can't get to sleep when I get home; do nothing, and risk falling asleep at the wheel. What can I do to get home safely without jeopardizing getting sleep at home prior to my next graveyard shift?
  • FabulousFantasticFifty
    FabulousFantasticFifty Posts: 195,832 Member
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    May i just come in with my short easy and obvious answer to your question?
    Cruise Control
    Why else would they put auto pilot on your car!


    Speaking of Cruise Control...
    Why do I feel the lack of control when using, and how can I get more comfortable using it when on the long cross country move?
  • nossmf
    nossmf Posts: 9,799 Member
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    You need more practice controlling your cruise. The best cruise control occurs months in advance, online, when selecting which of several cruises you want...Carnival Cruise, Disney Cruise, and more. You can experience ultimate control over everything...which cabin, which dining package, even what date of departure! If you don't actually use a real credit card, you can practice controlling your cruise several times per day until you feel comfortable with the process. Do this for a few weeks, and then cruising across the country will be a snap!

    Speaking of vacations, my wife would love to visit Paris and other cities in Europe one day. Unfortunately, my wife is afraid of water, so travelling there by boat or plane is off limits. How can I help her to realize her dream of a European vacation?
  • cmsienk
    cmsienk Posts: 18,357 Member
    edited March 2022
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    How about map travel? No wait, there are oceans depicted on maps, so that probably won't work. Okay then, I suggest an elaborate ruse to get your wife to a hypnotist. You can crash a high school prom, where the entertainment is sure to be a hypnotist. (This will kill two birds with one stone @nossmf - you'll now be able to say you went to your prom. Well a prom anyway...) As part of your ruse, you'll have to go a little early and grease the palm of the hired act. The high school hiring committee was probably hoping to see one of their classmates, up on stage, acting like a monkey or clucking like a chicken, but no. Instead, the hypnotist will plant the idea to the whole room that you've all taken a wonderful European dream vacation. Be sure and tell him ahead of time which cities and attractions your wife is hoping to visit so he can include them in his act. You've got time to make this work, my friend. Most proms are in May, so, between now and then you have time to craft your story about why you're going to this prom (perhaps they've run short of chaperones or maybe they've heard you always wanted to go to a prom) as well as brush up on your PhotoShop skills so you can present your wife with a lovely album of your time spent in Europe.

    I haven't started my taxes yet, but plan on doing so when I get back in town. I actually don't mind doing them, with the exception of tracking down receipts. Does anyone here have any handy tips for doing your own taxes?
  • FabulousFantasticFifty
    FabulousFantasticFifty Posts: 195,832 Member
    edited March 2022
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    I bet these people can recommend great Tax Preparers and help keep you out of jail for Tax Evasion! 😝
    Wesley Snipes
    Willie Nelson
    Pete Rose
    Leona Helmsley
    Martha Stewart
    Al Capone
    Joe Francis
    Darryl Strawberry

    DISCLAIMER:
    These names were all listed on the internet and no disrespect or slander intended or implied.

    Speaking of Taxes...
    What's the best way to fire your Tax person/Accountant without fearing retaliation since they do have access to all of your personal information and social security number? 😬

  • cmsienk
    cmsienk Posts: 18,357 Member
    edited March 2022
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    Fire them and then head straight into the witness protection program, where you'll receive a new identity, social security number, job and friends. Problem solved.

    I may end up with a little time off this afternoon. Have any of you been to the Phoenix/Chandler area in Arizona? Got any suggestions for what to do with my maybe 2 hours 1 hour of free time?

  • nossmf
    nossmf Posts: 9,799 Member
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    Two hours off is misleading...once you factor in transportation to/from wherever you want to go, it's more like one hour. But that's only if you go to someplace manmade. Instead, wander off a little ways into the desert, find some indigenous plant to smoke (you did bring your pipe, right?), and now the mind-warping properties of the mystery ingredient you just smoked should make your 2 hours feel more like 24. Poof, extra vacation time! Spend the extra time wisely by searching for your spirit animal guide so you can learn the answer to the most profound question humanity has ever asked:

    Who's going to win the next Super Bowl?

    Oh, wait, that's my question to ask MY spirit animal guide, you're gonna have to figure out your own question to ask.

    Has anybody ever shared a communion with your spirit animal guide? What animal appeared, and what wisdom did you receive?
  • FabulousFantasticFifty
    FabulousFantasticFifty Posts: 195,832 Member
    edited March 2022
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    I've shared Spirits with many animals (of the human persuasion) and after a few too many 🥃🥃🥃a few animals (of the animal persuasion) may or may not have appeared to guide me straight to the wisdom of knowing that spirits are better consumed sparingly.🤢
    Hmmm... Maybe I should go receive Communion.
    🍷🥖🙏



    Where did the saying "It's 5:00 somewhere!" Originate?
  • nossmf
    nossmf Posts: 9,799 Member
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    I've heard it said it's always at 5 in Margaritaville, but if they started the saying it'd be, "It's 5:00 here!" So we must look elsewhere. I'm guessing it came from the North or South Pole, where for six months out of the year it's permanent sunshine and the other six months it's permanent night. Without the rise and set of the sun to help tell time, whenever one penguin asked another what time it was, the second would shrug its flippers and respond, "Squawk!" which roughly translates to either "Beats me" or "It's 5:00 somewhere" depending on which dialect is being used.

    The traditional methods of celebrating St. Patrick's Day are to drink copious amounts of alcohol and pinch people who are not wearing green. Since I'm at work where my boss has vetoed alcohol and the H.R. department has vetoed pinching anybody, what are some alternate ways I can celebrate?
  • Cat0703a
    Cat0703a Posts: 17,562 Member
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    Gosh, they spoil all the fun!! I suggest wearing a fake beard and speaking with an Irish accent. Bonus points if you eat some lucky charms while singing U2 songs.

    Should I decide to indulge in copious amounts of green beer tonight, what is your best hangover remedy?

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