Wrong answers ONLY!

paperpudding

my bucket list is any colour , plastic or tin (wooden buckets went out years ago) no holes and a functional handle.
Available from any supermarket or hardware store near you.

or maybe colour does matter?
What colour should a bucket be?

nossmf

Depends on what it's holding. Whatever the color of the stuff inside the bucket, the outside should be a different color. That way you can tell at a glance if the bucket is leaking.

Talking about buckets reminds me of the various home improvement projects my wife wants to do, and by that I mean she wants me to do. What home improvement project results in the biggest degree of actual improvement with the smallest amount of effort on my part?

cmsienk

I think you'll find laying hardwood flooring requires very little effort and, to some people, it's a vast improvement over the carpeting it replaces.

Other than writing a review, which I rarely do, what's the best way to let an acquaintance know I enjoyed his book?

s1im62

A list of errata is the surest way to let the author know that you read the book all the way through and really paid attention. Be sure to scribble something like "I really enjoyed your book" at the end of your list.

Restaurant food is often way too high-calorie to eat while working on a fitness plan. What good options are out there for eating on-the-go, that won't blow past my calorie limit for the day in one meal?

cmsienk

Foods on a stick are your best option for eating on-the-go.

Suggestions:
Chicken satay
Fruit kabobs
Corndog
Popsicle (Fudgesicle if you're Frank)
Cotton candy

I'm ignoring the calorie part of your question; you should too.

I'm looking for rental car options in Seattle, but so far nothing is affordable. Why are rental cars so expensive?

frankwbrown

Because it's a big city. Look elsewhere, there's no doubt much more reasonable rates in smaller towns within a couple hundred miles of Seattle. Just make sure to find one that offers to deliver and pick up the vehicle.

What kind of deception/trickery should I look for this Friday (April Fools Day), so I'm not made a fool of?

s1im62

It's impossible to avoid, so just roll with it and overcome the tricksters by pretending that all the tricks are an absolutely normal part of your daily routine. They'll realize that you're not a good target, and will stop trying the tricks, at least by April 2nd.

I need to travel by car this weekend, but don't like the high gas prices. What alternative fuels should I consider?

nossmf

Mankind has experimented with a large number of fuels to help make things go:

Gasoline
Coal
Wood
Solar
Wind
Gravity

Personally, I think you should consider skipping the car, and instead get one of those bicycle-powered pagodas used quite commonly in the Orient. If you feel the desire to get a workout in, you pedal; if you want to spend your commute time checking your email on your phone, hire a local kid to pedal. The "fuel" employed is dangled at the end of a stick in front of the pedaler, and will vary based on the age of the kid hired:

Age 10: Xbox
Age 15: Car keys
Age 20: Beer bottle
Age 25: Letter with a job offer

Sleeping in on a day off is divine, but leaves less time to finish errands. Any suggestions on how I can get my sleep AND get my work done, too?

Cat0703a

You’ve got minions…assign the errands to them and sleep to your heart’s content! If your minions aren’t trainable, maybe one of your many pets are 🤔

What are some good excuses to get out of an obligation one isn’t really interested in doing? Note, it is with a family member who I’ll have to see again.

frankwbrown

One of these might do:

• My secret agent handler has called me with an urgent secret mission, so you'll have to forgive me for not doing that thing I promised. I can't give you any details about the mission, because if I did, I'd have to... well, you know.
• I heard through the grapevine that you want to do that thing yourself that I was going to do for you. Thank you so much, I really wasn't looking forward to it anyway, so you haven't hurt my feelings.
• I'd love to do that thing for you, but I have to see a man about a horse.

Is there a danger that slowing down after a period of rather intense exercise will result in one becoming a couch potato? How do I avoid that pitfall?

nossmf

Easy...instead of lying down on a couch, sit down in a chair. Then you're a chair turnip.

If water is supposed to be the perfect drink, how come it doesn't have a taste?

Cat0703a

The lack of taste is what makes it the perfect drink. It doesn’t detract from the flavour pairings of your food. You should now dunk your cookies in water, eat your pretzels with water, and pair your fancy steak with a bottle of sparkling water. Think of all the calories and time saved on not having to drink milk, beer, or wine.

I got called into work 30 minutes before the shift started (my team member was sick and I had no one else to replace them). In order to make it in time, I skipped a much needed hair wash. What are your tricks to disguise hair that needed washing?

ETA: guess who got out of the family obligation 🤣🤣🤣

Destanieroberts06

To lit to sleep so I gave my ex some attention

cmsienk

Cat0703a wrote: »

The lack of taste is what makes it the perfect drink. It doesn’t detract from the flavour pairings of your food. You should now dunk your cookies in water, eat your pretzels with water, and pair your fancy steak with a bottle of sparkling water. Think of all the calories and time saved on not having to drink milk, beer, or wine.

I got called into work 30 minutes before the shift started (my team member was sick and I had no one else to replace them). In order to make it in time, I skipped a much needed hair wash. What are your tricks to disguise hair that needed washing?

ETA: guess who got out of the family obligation 🤣🤣🤣

You just need to replace your makeup with a little camouflage paint and don a pair of army fatigues. I haven't tried this myself, but I imagine that should significantly lessen the chance that anyone will notice the fact that your hair needs washing.

We're celebrating a family birthday tomorrow and I'm in charge of dessert. I could make a birthday cake, but I'm wondering if any of you have a better suggestion.

nossmf

Birthday cake is so cliche, just like ice cream sundaes and apple pie. Since you didn't give the (approximate) age of the guest of honor, we'll have to keep our conversation age-neutral. This eliminates anything with alcohol for the under-21 crowd, as well as anything which involves chewing for the over-dentures crowd. Sugar is also a no-no on account of potential diabetics. In short, we need a dessert you drink, without alcohol or sugar. On the assumption the birthday meal involved eating a bunch of junk food with very low fiber content, may I suggest a mixed drink combining ingredients to help make everybody's tummy feel better: Pepto Bismol plus strained vegetable juice. No upset stomachs, everybody passes that large meal through easily. They'll thank you tomorrow, trust me. Now, if you're pressed for time, you can simply buy a large container of V-8 from the store, but if you truly want to show you care, you'll make your own, remembering to use rarely-encountered vegetables such as kohlrabi, okra, and arugula in order to maximize everybody's nutritional profile.

Why does it seem like the only people who win the lottery are senior citizens who have a few short years left on this planet, instead of young families just starting their lives together who could benefit from the winnings for several decades?

frankwbrown

@cmsienk, as I suspected, you got a suggestion for something other than cake. Ignore it. You'll find my suggestion much more appetizing.

You could no doubt get a bunch of suggestions for something other than cake, but it's a birthday, so you must have cake. But not just any cake. You need a cake that shows how imaginative and creative you are, while also being supremely delicious.

I read a while back about an INVISIBLE APPLE CAKE (GÂTEAU INVISIBLE). It's not really invisible (that would be difficult), but it is called that because the apples are very thinly sliced, and almost disappear in the cake. I still would like to try that some time. But you shouldn't. Instead, you should make a totally unique variation on that theme. I'm thinking an invisible pickle cake. You can start with whole pickles and slice them, but if you get sliced pickles, you'll need to slice them even thinner. Then, decorate it with a mustard ganache. You're probably thinking, "Mustard ganache? But ganache is chocolate, isn't it?". Ahh, but what about white chocolate (the least appealing form of chocolate imaginable)? A healthy dose of mustard would make up for the lack of cocoa in the white chocolate, and there would be no delicious cocoa to take away from the mustard flavor.

nossmf wrote: »

Why does it seem like the only people who win the lottery are senior citizens who have a few short years left on this planet, instead of young families just starting their lives together who could benefit from the winnings for several decades?

I'm a senior citizen, and I have yet to win the lottery. Does that mean I still have more than a few short years?

But to answer your question, winning the lottery results in a person going nuts and spending their winnings so quickly that it is gone in a matter of a couple years. For a senior citizen, this isn't a problem. But obviously, it would be a problem for a young family, who would then be forced to live like paupers for decades to come. So, the lottery people are simply sparing you that misery.


I think it's time I did my taxes, but I keep avoiding it. Every time I think about doing them, I instead go for a walk or go swimming. It's a great motivator for getting in some exercise (as avoidance). Is there some other way to get motivated after I do my taxes?

nossmf

Have you ever heard of the Million Man March led by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.? Most people think it was all about racial equality, but really it was put together by King's second cousin twice removed Winnifred, using primitive social media, telling people to gather together to celebrate after filing their taxes. She promised there would be cake served, which caused the number of marchers to swell even more. They all hushed in awe as MLK proclaimed loudly about his dream "where all tax filers are created equal", if only the IRS would revise the tax law to a flat income tax without all the loopholes currently riddled throughout which make it such a pain to file. But after the speech, when the marchers discovered the cake being served was Invisible Pickle and Mustard Ganache cake, they began a riot which lasted seven days and ten nights (the good doctor encouraged everybody to not riot on Sundays while he led them in singing Kumbaya while holding hands and swaying to the music for twelve hours straight).

It's late, and the entire house is sleeping...wife, kids, dogs, parakeets. Only the cats are tearing around the house like crazy, leaping over furniture and sleeping non-cats in their haste to go nowhere. Why do cats choose night time to be so active, and sleep all day?

paperpudding

Because they are secretly kangaroos in disguise and all Australian mammals are nocturnal.
Have you seen wild kangaroos bounding through the night?
That's what your cats are doing, albeit inside a domestic house.

If you were secretly another animal what would you be?

nossmf

I could tell you about what type of animal my wife thinks I am, but this is a family-friendly thread. Instead, I remember my college philosophy class where some guy somewhere wondered,

"Am I a man who dreams I am a butterfly, or a butterfly who is dreaming it's a man?"

Perhaps I really am a butterfly, but one with a really cool design on my wings, like five-pointed stars and galaxy swirls and a comet streaking across. A red one (the comet, not the wings, which are all black). Yeah, no bird of prey will want to mess with a black butterfly with a red comet burning across its wings.

Why is it that I can remember with vivid detail events from decades ago, but I cannot remember what I dreamed about last night?

cmsienk

Your dreams definitely fall under the category of fuggedaboutit. (Urban Dictionary definition #1: Forget about it - the issue is not worth the time, energy, mental effort, or emotional resources.)

I wanted to answer this the day after you posted, but I suffer from the same malady when it comes to posting about dreams. As soon as I thought to myself, "I'll answer this post," I immediately forgot about doing it. It's not an aging thing at all. It's a real life vs. your dreams thing.

Why are some of these posts harder to answer than others?