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Wrong answers ONLY!
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tell your friend to just watch an episode (or how ever many it takes) of hoarders and then they should immediately feel better about the state of their house.
my closet is too full and I need to downsize. How should I go about getting rid of some of my clothes?0 -
Step one: Throw on as many layers of clothes you want to get rid of as possible, one atop another. Have the bottom layer be clothes you actually want to keep.
Step two: Go to amateur night at the local strip club.
Step three: Dance to the music, removing the unwanted clothes and throwing them into the crowd, never to return. When you get to the last layer (the ones you want to keep), stop dancing, pick up the crowd's appreciative money thrown onto the stage, and take those tips to go shopping for clothes you actually do want.
My son has been working on his car, systematically replacing old parts with new for a fraction of the price it would've cost to get done by a mechanic. Why do dealerships charge such huge amounts for the same work?0 -
Because they need to be bribed with coffee and chocolate every two hours. In Canada we call these coffee breaks and our half hour chocolate breaks…not sure if it’s the same where you live?
I have four and a half working days left at my current job with 48 sick days owed (that won’t get paid out). If you were in my shoes what should you do?0 -
You are definitely looking a little pale to me...
Seriously though (well, okay, not seriously - this is the Wrong Answers Only! thread)... I would gift those 48 days to your favourite co-worker you're leaving behind. They'll feel an incredible sense of indebtedness to you and will probably buy you lattes for a year.
How do you break up with a really nice but incredibly unorganized client?0 -
Dump hot coffee on them.
What’s the best way to clean duct tape residue off your forehead?0 -
This is me not asking you why this particular question…with great difficulty. Lol
Nail polish remover and a Brillo pad
It’s been a long day and I need some laughs. Aside from being goofy with all my MFP props, what should I do to lighten my mood?0 -
Don’t ask me, I have no right answers
Do they still make brillo pads?0 -
well they certainly do in Australia - except the brand I have seen here is called Steelo
I think perhaps Australians have cornered the world supply - being constant appliers of duct tape to their foreheads.
I mean why give your employees name badges when they can just use duct tape and write their name and stick to their forehead?
and then there are those who want a night out and not to be traced later - what better way than duct taping a false name to your forehead?
what do I do if my night out fling has seen my credit card and knows my real name is not Valentina Romance-ina?
asking for a friend
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Wait...I thought your name was @paperpudding...I'm so confused now...
Anyway, what are you doing with credit cards still? It's the 21st century, get with the times! All the best sci-fi movies predicted that you actually pay bills in the future by swiping your forearm across a scanner, which automatically debits your bank account. Why haven't you had the surgical upgrade yet? Once you do, get back with us for further instructions.
It's my mother's birthday today, but she lives 750 miles (1207 km) away so throwing a party is impractical. Besides a phone call, what other way(s) can we celebrate her special day?0 -
You need to give us more notice of mom’s birthday next time!! So for next year you’ll want to make her feel part of your day since you can’t be with her in person. The best way to do that is by having a 24 hour video call with her. The trick is to make it so that she appreciates not actually being together so she doesn’t feel like she’s missing out. You can start the call while doing your morning business (most people check the news or MFP but your mom’ll appreciate being the centre of your attention instead), next up breakfast…don’t forget to drink the milk straight from the carton!! She’ll love that! Don’t forget to make her least favourite meal for dinner and when you let the dog blow out the birthday candles on her cake for her, make sure it’s the drooly dog. She’ll be so grateful to have not actually spent the day with you that you’ll become the favourite child.
Speaking of birthday cake, what was the last wish you made when blowing out your candles?
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I wished for more work travel this year - especially to Las Vegas. Who knew how strong those birthday candle wishes could be?
How do you deal with a chatty seat mate on a long flight without being rude?0 -
Something about never having dementia... or was it dentures? 🤔 Maybe demon possession? 😈 I can't seem to remember. Could be my false teeth pressing on a nerve. Or maybe the horns sprouting at my temples?
Why do I keep putting my phone down in places where it will be hard for me to locate it later?0 -
Either your dementia or your demon possession is working against you. I don't think your dentures care about your phone.
What's for breakfast?0 -
Seven pints of ice cream. That might seem like a lot, but it's not even one gallon! Ice cream provides protein (the stuff that bodies crave) and contains beneficial fat that has been shown scientifically to fuel your body's body fat burning metabolism. Plus, eating ice cream for breakfast is low cal, because your body isn't yet awake enough to absorb all the carbs. (opening my first pint now...)
What's the proper etiquette when eating seven pints of ice cream, all different flavors/flavours? Should one eat each one to completion before starting the next, or can one sample back and forth between them all, spoonful by delicious spoonful?
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I heard you were to put them all together in a blender with one piece of spinach, so it seems like having them all together is correct.
I need a new hobby. Any suggestions of ones that I might enjoy?
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101 Ways to Ruin Your Appetite! 😂
It would include recipes that featured mustard, pickles and peas as additions to otherwise delicious foods, like cookies, cakes, ice creams, chips and salsa, nachos, cheeseburgers...
There is a rogue mosquito who is an unwelcome house guest of mine. It is fast and elusive and has been dining on me for days, and I have the itchy lumps to prove it. What should I do?0 -
Time for a party! Invite several of your friends enemies over and treat your resident mosquito to this new smorgasbord. We all get tired of eating the same thing over and over, right? I'm pretty sure he'll realize he's gotten tired of your once tasty-to-him blood and move on with one of your guests when they head home.
I'm going to a birthday party this weekend. What's a good birthday gift for a 6 year old girl?0 -
Mosquito repellant, or a life size G.I. Joe doll. But perhaps someone else should make a suggestion as well, to give you more options. I mean, besides these two excellent ones.0
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Since Frank didn't ask another question I'll chime in on the little girl birthday question...
Little girls love kittens, so give her a pregnant momma cat. She will love the cat, and then love the surprise arrival of a dozen or so kittens in a few weeks. The only caveat is you will probably not be invited back for any more birthdays for the next ten years or so.
My poodle mix doggie needs grooming every few weeks, and it is a bit expensive. What's a good alternative to using a professional pet groomer?0 -
Bringing the poodle to a 6 year old girl’s birthday party. 6 year old girls have experience cutting hair and your doggie will probably come home with polished nails and cute bows too. Good thing you know someone going to a party tomorrow!
Who is the most famous person you’ve met?
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I don't know about famous, but my daughter is convinced the world revolves around her, which must make her the most important person in the world. That's even better than being famous, right?
"Avatar" is back in theaters again to drum up excitement for the upcoming release of the sequel. Which movie from the past do you wish would be shown in movie theaters again?0 -
Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus. You'd better reserve your tickets in advance. This one will sell out on re-release opening day for sure.
I splurge on an overpriced latte most days when I'm working out of town. What's something you treat yourself to that you could probably do without?
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Hot showers. Cold rivers and lakes were good enough for humans for thousands of years, I figure cold showers should be good enough for me as well. Plus think of all the money saved by not heating the water first!
If I'm going to get rid of my hot water heater, why stop there? What other appliance do I not need going forward?0 -
Although not an appliance, I really think we could do without doors. Think how much easier it would be to bring in the groceries.
Next suggestion?0 -
Waking this morning to a blaring alarm clock beeping way too bloody early, I'm a firm believer that our modern day should start based upon sunlight coming in our windows. It was good enough for cavemen. Work will still be there no matter what time I arrive, after all.
My favorite team won our football game yesterday, which should be a cause for celebration. But some people at work today were poking fun at my team, saying it was an "ugly win." I'm confused...what's the difference between an "ugly" win and a "win" win?0 -
Obviously, your team needs a makeover. That's what your co-workers are trying to tell you. The win would've been much more attractive if your team was not quite so ugly.
Thank you to those of you who helped me with birthday gift suggestions for a 6 year old girl (she actually turned 5 - I got it wrong). She really like the mama cat and I've guaranteed I won't be invited to that party next year. 😁 Anyway... now I need gift suggestions for a one year old. I don't think I can find another pregnant cat.0 -
Children who are one year old are starting to move around their world by themselves, having just learned how to walk. Now's the time to guide them on their fitness journey, when they are young and impressionable. I suggest paying their entrance fee for an upcoming foot race. No, not a marathon, that would be ridiculous...let's start with a 5km run/walk instead. The "Couch to 5k" program is designed for 9 weeks, so look for a race scheduled for the Christmas timeframe...it's a good goal to work towards, and won't the little one's eyes light up so huge when racing through all the beautiful decorations!
My oldest son's girlfriend just confirmed she's expecting, with a due date of early summer. (True story!) Changing my name to "Grandpa" is so cliché. What name should we encourage the little one to call my wife and I by?0 -
I don't know. Off the top of my head I'd say "shirley and bub", but I don't know why. There must be some better (i.e. worse) names than those though. Perhaps someone else can help.
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I like Goomba and Oompaloompa. Both unisex names - you decide which you'd rather be. (And congratulations, Pop-Pop!)
I'm hungry, but don't feel like cooking dinner. Do any of you have a better suggestion than sandwich, eggs or cereal?0
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