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Wrong answers ONLY!
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Seems like the perfect opportunity for her to help you create your dream man cave. She can help you with moving items your son left behind to the basement, paint the room (I’m thinking dark rich colours), and move in the heavy leather furniture.
I haven’t decided if I’m participating in any festivities tomorrow. If I decide to do so, what costume should I throw together?0 -
**Editor's note: I thought you were supposed to offer WRONG answers, lol. **
Your costume needs to be both a reflection of your inner self as well as catered to be easily recognized by your target audience. Since you didn't say whether you would be in costume among kids, businesspeople, nerds, or whatnot, we'll need a costume which can be understood by virtually everybody in the community at the same time. A tall order, so let's go with that theme by attaching stilts to your feet to make you a 10-foot-tall circus clown. Your inner self will be expressed through your choice of facial makeup design. Imagine how much fun you'll have giving out trick-or-treat candy to kids by asking them to catch the candy you drop from on high directly into their open mouths. You may want to consider not handing out suckers, as some kids will inevitably miss their mouths and wind up with sucker sticks in their eyes. Go with jaw breakers instead.
My kids are too old to go Trick-or-Treating this year, so we're going to order pizzas and watch movies as a family instead. I can't handle super-scary movies, but my kids want to watch something Halloween-themed. Any suggestions what movie titles we can watch which won't scare me so badly I cannot sleep tonight?0 -
Sorry I'm late for this, but you can tuck this suggestion away for next year. It's a well known fact that the fewer the words in a movie title, the more innocent and less scary it is. Case in point: Bambi, Babe, Up... Since your children will probably still be too old for trick or treating next year, may I suggest you all watch Scream, Poltergeist, Carrie, Halloween and It. That should make for a fun night (and that last one should be the least scary of all since the title is only comprised or two letters.
One of my siblings has started dropping hints that I should host Christmas at my house this year. What's a good excuse that will save me from hosting yet still allow me to attend the festivities?
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I find when I tell people my house burned down, they are totally understanding why I can't host something. After the third time telling somebody this, they usually are so sympathetic to my rotten luck that they invite me to stay with them. I bet your sibling will immediately offer to be the host after hearing about your home. On a completely unrelated note, my home just burned down when the Jack-O-Lantern spontaneously burst into flames last night, do you think I can attend Christmas festivities at your place this year?
Rumor has it the new Avatar sequel movie will be over 3 hours long. After drinking those extra large movie theater sodas, I'm barely able to make it through a 2 hour movie without having to visit the bathroom. Any suggestions how I can make it through this longer movie without missing out on any of the action?0 -
(You're expecting this, right?) The best way to make it through a longer movie is to watch it astronaut-style, wearing a MAG (Maximum Absorbency Garment). You won't miss out on anything, except for perhaps quality time with the rest of your family as they may decide to distance themselves from you in the movie theater.
Also, although I would love to invite you to my home for the Christmas festivities, as it would happen, my home also burned down due to a spontaneously combustible Jack-O-Lantern. What are the odds?
Now that I've got a plan for getting out of hosting Christmas, I'm feeling a lot less stressed about the upcoming holiday season and thinking about special ways to celebrate. Do any of you have special traditions that have been handed down through the generations?
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My great-great-great-great-great-grandfather was present the day President Abraham Lincoln joined the three wise men in presenting gifts to the infant Jesus and wrote about it in his blog. (I've seen the blog entry, complete with photos.) On that day, President Lincoln placed his long top hat on the infant's head, tapped the hat three times, and told him to never tell a lie, a dictate the little one reportedly stuck to his entire life. In commemoration of this historic event, every Christmas our family will locate a newborn infant to place a top hat upon and place an original dictum, one that has never been used to date. Some famous examples from the past include telling Tom Hanks to "Run, Forrest, Run"; Leonard Nemoy to "live long and prosper"; and Yoda to always speak backwards. (At least, we THINK that's what Uncle Ralph said...he had a few cups of eggnog and was slurring his words.) After two thousand years, we're starting to run short on original instructions that haven't been taken before...last year we exhorted the young one to always refer to herself in the third person during conversations. (We're pretty sure she is destined to become a politician, maybe even the first female president!) With Christmas coming soon, we should try to narrow down what advice to give to this year's chosen one. The pressure's on, because this year is MY year, and I'm a little nervous to get it done right.
Anybody have a suggestion of what sage advice we can give to the little one upon whom we bestow the Top Hat of Wisdom this year?0 -
Sage advice? Sorry it took some thyme to think one up as this is a pretty big dill! How about bay leaf in yourself?
For some reason I’m tempted to make chocolate chip cookies but I only want to eat one. What should I do with the rest?1 -
If you make a single cookie using the entire batch of dough, your question solves itself.
Between church, picking up my daughter from a sleepover, and football, I didn't eat lunch until after 2. How late is too late to fix dinner?0 -
Use some of them to build a cookie fortress in which you can store the rest of them. Squirrels build their "nest egg" of nuts, so why not build a "nest egg" of cookies? Then, there will always be some for when you need a snack.
Does anyone know of a "speed reading" course for learning tai chi chuan? I don't mean to read about tai chi, I mean to do tai chi at high speed. It would be such a time saver.0 -
Cat's probably already followed @nossmf's suggestion and made one giant cookie.
It's never too late to make dinner. What's it been - 48 hours? You should start Sunday's dinner now. If you don't like that answer, you may borrow my DeLorean and go back 48 hours, leave your daughter at the sleepover, skip football and start dinner on time.Between church, picking up my daughter from a sleepover, and football, I didn't eat lunch until after 2. How late is too late to fix dinner?
I'm a bad one to ask about a speed reading course - I'm still reading your question...frankwbrown wrote: »Does anyone know of a "speed reading" course for learning tai chi chuan? I don't mean to read about tai chi, I mean to do tai chi at high speed. It would be such a time saver.
Maybe someone else has an idea how Frank can learn tai chi faster...
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You don't learn about tai chi by READING, but by WATCHING. I recommend getting a video about tai chi, then click "fast forward" while watching to make it pass at double, triple, or even faster tempo.
Woke this morning to discover my dishwasher had flooded during the night. The appliance is only 5 years old. Why don't these things last longer?0 -
You're probably not feeding your dishwasher enough. I've heard a lack of proper nutrition can negatively affect dishwashers, or was that humans? In any case, try leaving lots of food on the dishes so your dishwasher gets ample nutrition, just like any other family member. It will love you for it.
Note: dog food and cat food are okay too. Dishwashers aren't that picky.
I suppose I need to clarify my previous query. It's not that I'm trying to learn tai chi nor am I wanting to read about tai chi. I am already practicing the long form of Yang style tai chi chuan. But for some odd reason, Yang tai chi masters will take upwards of 30 minutes to perform the 108 movements of the long form. They seem to think that moving at such a slow speed is desirable and has enormous benefits for one's mental and physical health. But this is the 21st century, who has that much time to do anything? I've considered reducing the 108 movements down to just two: the commencement and closing. But I worry that I'd be missing out on something in doing so. But try as I might, I can't move fast enough to get my time down to less than five minutes. But @nossmf, your suggestion makes me wonder: can I get the same benefits of performing tai chi by only watching it? Maybe by some process of osmosis? That way, I could speed up a video so it completes in the two minutes it takes me to slurp down a 20 oz. espresso. I'm imagining this will be a very calming experience. So, if this is possible, what's the trick to ensuring the osmosis takes place?
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Back in my college days, the standard method of studying by osmosis involved placing your textbook beneath your pillow as you slept. By extension, if you place the DVD under your pillow, you should wake up a master. However, things get a little more complicated if you only have digital files loaded onto your computer. Tablets and smart phones can be placed below your pillow overnight, but laptops are a little more cumbersome, and don't even think about trying this method with a desktop tower. For these cases, you need to place the electronics on the floorboard of your car and drive to work barefoot, spending as much time as possible with both feet in contact with the device. Try to minimize the number of times you move your foot off, such as to hit the brake, because you risk missing crucial element in the sequence. Just go with the gas the entire way; not only will your commute take less time without all that unnecessary braking, but you'll arrive at work so utterly relaxed your coworkers will clamor around to learn your secret.
We just got our cat back from the vet, but not before spending almost $4 grand. (True story.) Why are vet bills so much more expensive than the same treatment for humans?1 -
The reason your vet bills are so much more expensive is because vets spend so much more money on their education and thus have 10x the amount of student loans to pay off. They have so many more language classes to take than their 'doctors for humans only' counterparts. They have to learn how to speak dog, cat, hamster, turtle, horse.... and that's only a few of the domestic animals. Classes in exotic animal language and dialect are even more expensive. You're fortunate you didn't have to take your koala in for surgery!
I'm headed to Frankfurt, Germany for work next month. I'm excited to try some authentic German cuisine while I'm there. Any suggestions for specific entrées I should seek out?0 -
While traveling in Germany decades ago, I had a meal at a Restaurant that had a German-only menu. Relying on my three-years-past high school German, I chose a dish I could at least recognize part of. I don't recall the full name that was on the menu, but I can describe it to you: it was Veal Schnitzel smothered with horseradish and a layer of strawberry preserve on top of that. I'm sure you will love it every bit as much as I did.
We need more suggestions, since as good as the dish above is, you wouldn't want to have it for every meal. What other entrées are recommended?0 -
You strike me as adventurous of palate (your love of mustard and pickles tells me this) so you must try Schwarzsauer with a side of Griebenschmalz spread on bread. Please record yourself eating said dishes and send it to us as a gif when you do?
Let’s help @cmsienk further with her trip…where should she stay while in town?0 -
When I think of Germany, I think first of Octoberfest and all the amazing times people are having while drinking copious amounts of beer, laughing and dancing and singing the night away. (That's what the internet tells us happens, so it must be true.) Thus, your question about where she should "stay" is meaningless, as it implies she's going to be sleeping while there. But between work during the day and drinking during the night, there shall be no sleep to be found the entire trip. She can sleep on the plane ride home.
Should @cmsienk try to learn German between now and her trip? Or would it be better to hire an interpreter?0 -
@cmsienk should use an iPhone translation and (not having any clue of what this person looks like), they should use a translation from their language from a completely different ethic group that they appear - like if this person is blind with blue eyes from Texas, they should use Japanese or Chinese and add bows and emphasize as that ethnic group would. Have a bit of fun!
Should @cmsienk rent a car or take public transportation?0 -
Oh I'm definitely renting a car - I'm a good driver. I already know how to drive on the right side of the road and even though I don't speak German, traffic signs are just suggestions, right?
(No clue @sparrish47? I look just like my profile picture - including the coffee cup in my face most of the time.) 😅
When do you put up your Christmas tree? (Mine went up yesterday.)0 -
My wife is such a huge fan of Christmas, she never wanted to take the tree down. She also loves the smell of fresh trees compared to fake plastic ones but knew that cut real trees only last so long before dying. So, she came up with the brilliant idea of digging a hole in our living room floor and planting a live tree right there in our living room! By throwing open the windows it gets sunlight, and the combination of snow coming in the open windows plus the dog peeing on it not only provides water but also negates the need for us to let him out during the day. We should have thought of this years ago!
Any suggestions how we can put lights up on the outside of the house, when we don't own a ladder tall enough to reach the roof?1 -
The best time to put up your Christmas tree is the day you have your own place. As a child, I visited the Petrified Forest in Arizona, USA. For those of you who don't know, this is a national park that has a vast amount of petrified wood. Petrified wood is incredibly interesting to look at and feel. So I'm thinking, why buy a new Christmas tree every year? Why not let a tree petrify year by year and end up with a tree that is the envy of your neighborhood?
Hmmm, how exactly do I hang these lights and ornaments on a petrified tree?0 -
Can’t you just climbed the tree, Unless it’s a blue spruce. Of course I wouldn’t touch that with a 10 foot pole. Oh, maybe you could pe vault to the to the roof of the house!
Speaking of vaults, anyone know where I can find Bonnie and Clyde? I don’t know how I’m gonna pay for Christmas presents this year! Do you think I should look up Bonnie and Clyde’s phone number in the phonebook or do they have Instagram?0 -
Have you heard of Silly Putty? That ought to do the trick for hanging those ornaments on your petrified tree. I haven't checked on its availability though, so if you're unable to find any (or enough) you can use ABC gum in its place. Start chewing.frankwbrown wrote: »The best time to put up your Christmas tree is the day you have your own place. As a child, I visited the Petrified Forest in Arizona, USA. For those of you who don't know, this is a national park that has a vast amount of petrified wood. Petrified wood is incredibly interesting to look at and feel. So I'm thinking, why buy a new Christmas tree every year? Why not let a tree petrify year by year and end up with a tree that is the envy of your neighborhood?
Hmmm, how exactly do I hang these lights and ornaments on a petrified tree?
I'll leave this for the next person...sparrish47 wrote: »Can’t you just climbed the tree, Unless it’s a blue spruce. Of course I wouldn’t touch that with a 10 foot pole. Oh, maybe you could pe vault to the to the roof of the house!
Speaking of vaults, anyone know where I can find Bonnie and Clyde? I don’t know how I’m gonna pay for Christmas presents this year! Do you think I should look up Bonnie and Clyde’s phone number in the phonebook or do they have Instagram?0 -
sparrish47 wrote: »Speaking of vaults, anyone know where I can find Bonnie and Clyde? I don’t know how I’m gonna pay for Christmas presents this year! Do you think I should look up Bonnie and Clyde’s phone number in the phonebook or do they have Instagram?
Hate to break it to you, but Bonnie and Clyde have left the life of crime behind and are now trapeze artists in a travelling circus. If you're financially strapped, perhaps you can start a multi-level pyramid scheme where you recruit 5 people to buy one Christmas tree ornament each, then they each sell one ornament to 5 additional people with half the proceeds going to you, then those people...you get the idea. Soon you'll have so much money that instead of buying presents, you'll simply be wrapping 10's and 20's to give away.
I grew up loving the aroma of cinnamon in the kitchen around the holidays, but my daughters aren't fans and want something different to sniff. Any suggestions on holiday-appropriate scents?0 -
Next time you're at the gym, break into all the lockers and find the smelliest gym socks. Take them home, throw 'em in a pot, and simmer for a while. Optionally, add a little stinky cheese to the mix. Your daughters will love it, or just maybe, they'll ask you to simmer some cinnamon sticks with cloves instead.
What should I do to entertain my older brother who is visiting for a week?0 -
Hop on a plane with your brother and meet me at the German Christmas Market - more specifically... Römerberg, St Paul's Square, Main Quay, Hauptwache. I won't be able to get there until Thursday, so you have time to pack and buy your airline tickets. Lattes are on me.
I got bad information from my client about the working conditions here. I was told the convention center was freezing cold and to bring warm sweaters, extra layers, boots, etc. because the heat wouldn't be on until Wednesday. It is, in fact, sweltering in the little office I'm working in and of course, I'm over-dressed. I can't get to a store to buy anything with short sleeves. Does anyone have a creative way I can dress a little cooler for the next couple of days?0 -
Eating anchovies out of a can in between meals.
How does one exercise self discipline?0 -
I'm exercising self discipline right now by not commenting on your response to my question. How to do that is a closely guarded state secret.
Does anybody have a better wrong answer to what to wear to stay cool when you've brought the wrong wardrobe?
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Sure. My suggestion is: discard your clothing and instead fashion a suitable covering out of post-it notes. They stick to you but are easily removed, they come in numerous colors, and they would provide plenty of ventilation. Just don't try swimming in them.
What's the dress code for German Christmas Market?
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The dress code for the Christmas Market used to be Lederhosen and your favourite wool sweater. However, coincidentally, that dress code changed at 4:30 this afternoon (7:30 am your time). As luck would have it, the dress code is now any suitable covering fashioned out of red and/or green post-it notes. You're in luck - I've recently stocked up on post-it notes of all colours and am more than willing to share. 😉
Okay - I've never been to a Christmas Market. What kind of souvenirs can I expect to find there?
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zTbY4Tl2CQ
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