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In celebration of pancake day, shouldn’t you be a rebel and have waffles?
I’m currently unemployed for 14 hours and I feel foot loose and fancy free. What should I do in this period of no work obligations?
@nossmf, congratulations Grandpoopa (the grandkids will love that name in a few years time.0 -
Panic! You have no job. How will you support yourself? Where will your next meal come from? I don't know at what time your 14 hours of worry will end, but you should also probably stress eat some ice cream while you're panicking. (I'm sure Frank has extra he would share with you.)
I made a cage out of pvc and netting to protect the strawberries in my garden from the birds, but recently some small animal has torn through the netting and taken bites out of the berries. I'm trying to decide what to replace the pvc cage with for next year. Any suggestions?0 -
You right now have twin difficulties of keeping out animals while also dealing with a shortened growing season due to weather. So, let's take care of both complications in a single stroke by replacing your entire backyard with a glass hothouse! Stylish and functional, you'll be able to grow strawberries year-round while keeping out all the little critters, both avian and burrowing. And since it'll be hot inside, I'm sure you won't have to worry about snow accumulation, since it'll all just instantly melt upon contact, am I right?
We got a medical bill in the mail the other day for $3.47, one of about twenty different bills we've received following my wife's summer hospital adventure. Why doesn't the hospital simply consolidate all bills into a single bill?0 -
They know that your and your wife are thinking about wallpapering a room in your house and have decided "medical bill" is the pattern you should go for. They're just trying to help out.
By the way, that $3.47 bill is probably for postage - which will very nearly cover the cost of stamps for 6 of your medical bills. You should expect a bill for the other penny any day now.
Why do some people seem to have a different understanding of what being "on time" means?0 -
Ever hear of the tower of Babel? According to the Bible (liberal (mis)interpretation), once upon a time all humans spoke the same language, until they cooperated to create the tower of Babel and each wanted to lay claim as being the lead engineer. They each tried using flowery language to describe their own contributions to the project, never listening to each other, and thus were born all the various languages of the world today. From time to time through the ages, some people have tried to explain things in new ways, inadvertently developing their own language to the confusion of everybody else. (See case files on Rap, New Math, and whatever lingo kids in high school are using these days.)
What does this history lesson have to do with your question? Simply put, some people are in the process of developing alternate languages. "On time" in their new language means something very different from the one you are using. You'll understand perfectly once you purchase the translation software, available at Amazon.
Ah, Amazon. Is there anything you can't buy off that website?1 -
Congratulations @nossmf , and I suggest Mimi and Poppa, or alternatively Grammy and Grumpy.0
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You can buy almost anything at amazon.com. The one thing you can't buy on Amazon is the Amazon Rain Forest. It may seem strange that a company named Amazon would not offer the Amazon for sale. However, this is not because they can't. Rather, it's for fear that the new owner would send them a "cease and desist" letter on the use of the name Amazon.
There is Halloween coming up in a month, and that can present a challenge with the availability of so much candy. But after that, we have (in the US) Thanksgiving Day to look forward to. Some families will have multiple Thanksgiving dinners, to get together with all the in-laws. But even one Thanksgiving dinner can put you way over on calories consumed. For how many days should I fast prior to Thanksgiving Day to ensure that I don't gain weight afterward?0 -
If you're gaining weight AFTER Thanksgiving dinner, you're doing it wrong. Not only should all weight gained be DURING Thanksgiving dinner, but you must not be consuming enough turkey to get that food coma after the meal. It's this coma which combats all weight gain, as you sleep through future meals. My recommendation is to DOUBLE the amount of turkey on your plate this year, see if that helps lower your weight after better.
Even though we know television shows are fake, we the viewers still experience real emotions. How is this possible?0 -
Because we're all actually living out The Truman Show. You just think lthe television shows are fake...
(I've checked here several times within the past week, hoping someone else had answered this challenging question...)
I exchanged monthly letters with my paternal grandmother for years (from about 12 years old - me - until her passing at 95 a few years ago). It definitely seems to be a dying art from a bygone era. What other social nicety seems to have fallen by the wayside?
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The Wayside Cafe is a small family-owned eatery along the interstate in rural Kansas which specializes in homemade milkshakes. I heard a rumor that Mother Theresa once stopped there on a hot day, but was overcome by the heat before she could make it inside and fell to her knees on the doorstep. The kindly owners rushed a milkshake to her hands, saving her life. The location is now a pilgrimage destination for milkshake lovers the world over.
My son is a few weeks shy of his 22nd birthday, and this weekend is moving out of the house to start life on his own. My wife is trying to remain cheerful for his sake, but I can tell she's devastated to see her baby leaving the nest. How best can I support both mother and son during this time of transition?0 -
Start your circus strong man training immediately and you'll not only be able to support your wife and son, you'll be able to add 3 or 4 other family members to the pile
I'm heading back out of town on Sunday. Since I never know if I'll get a break for lunch and/or dinner, I've taken to bringing a loaf of bread and peanut butter and jelly with me. To be honest, it's getting a little boring. Any suggestions for other quick and easy snacks/meals?0 -
Need a break from peanut butter and jelly sandwiches? Have I got a list of suggestions for you! Grab a pencil, you're gonna wanna write this down:
Peanut butter and jelly crackers
Peanut butter and jelly bagels
Peanut butter and JAM sandwiches
Almond butter and jelly sandwiches
Jelly and peanut butter sandwiches (flip the sandwich upside down so the jelly side is on top)
I can give you more suggestions, but this list ought to hold you over for the next five trips. Let me know when you're ready for the next five...
*****
Years ago when I first joined MFP, I made a goal of dropping 30 pounds. My weight seemed to stabilize at the 25# lost mark for years, so I forgot about my goal until MFP recently reminded me of it by announcing I'd made it. What should be my next MFP goal?0 -
Gaining the 30 back plus another 30 so you can start fresh and improve on this awesome weight loss skill that you’ve almost mastered!! Practice makes perfect after all.
My new job is awesome but the commute is not. I am now in the car almost 2 hours per day. I’m determined to figure out a way to enjoy it since there nothing I can do about it. What shall I do to make the time pass more enjoyably?1 -
Gaining the 30 back plus another 30 so you can start fresh and improve on this awesome weight loss skill that you’ve almost mastered!! Practice makes perfect after all.
My new job is awesome but the commute is not. I am now in the car almost 2 hours per day. I’m determined to figure out a way to enjoy it since there nothing I can do about it. What shall I do to make the time pass more enjoyably?
I hear that casual narcotic use and alcohol makes driving cars much more interesting and is perfectly legal in most juristictions. If this doesn't sound like your thing, play the 'obscene gestures' game every time you pass a police car, they enjoy it so much that they'll follow you for miles if you keep doing it!
My neighbours keep playing loud music late into the night, could anybody suggest a way I broach the subject with them?
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Since they enjoy music so much, I strongly suggest letting them know how much it displeases you through song using your favourite style of music. If all else fails you can use said broach to pin a succinct “be quiet” note on their chest.
It’s late and I don’t wish to calculate miles to kilometres. How long will these police follow me if I play either of the games above?? 🤔0 -
🤔 One of our British miles is worth 1.6 of your continental (or Canuck?) kilometers. Depending on how good at driving under the influence you are, you can expect to be followed for anywhere up to 15km before they place spikes in the road. This just means they're enjoying the game and want to kick it up a level, you should respond in kind by treating it as a challenge, like an obstacle course for your car.
Am I still to attempt to pin said broach to my neighbour's chest if he's recently been released from prison for industrial arson?1 -
Well, I’m delighted you are considering my advice and supplied this critical update. In this case I should clarify that you need to mesmerize him with your fancy accent and posh words. Don’t overdo it though or else he may end up fancying you or throwing his pants your way.
An obstacle course sounds enjoyable but I should probably borrow cars since I don’t want my tires damaged in the early days of evading spikes. What type of car is best for this type of activity?1 -
I'm no expert in the kinds of cars available in your country, but for an extra challenge you could attempt to use your neighbour's car for these commutes. Here's a fun practical joke! Enter their house at 4am while they're still asleep, and borrow their keys. Imagine the fits of laughter you'll have together when you regale them with tales of the time you totalled their car during a high speed police chase. For extra popularity points, you could use a different neighbour's car every day, you'll soon get a reputation on your street for your amazing sense of humour!
My fancy accent?! I see you too heard my recording in the forums the other day! Yes you're right I need to smooth talk the skinhead ex-con next door who likes playing metal at 3am. Do you have any suggestions for how I should dress for this encounter, or any gifts I might take him?1 -
Who doesn’t enjoy a bouquet of flowers and a Michael Bolton CD of love songs??? I can’t believe you didn’t think of this on your own. As for dress, a little bow tie in a friendly colour seems appropriate. Yellow is the colour of friendship so perhaps the flowers and tie can be coordinated in this ultimate gesture.
What I should cook for my neighbours for dinner since fun stories of epic car chases are best shared over food and drink?
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You'd be a legend in your neighbourhood if you were to volunteer to deal with any rat infestations, I'd recommend some kind of firearm though - poison would be no good because you'll later be preparing the rats for your neighbour's dinner. Imagine their amused surprise when they tentatively ask what meat you used for the stew!
Right, romantic CD, bouquet, and basically dress along the lines of Ronald McDonald.
Speaking of being up late at night, are there any good but unusual remedies for tiredness during the day?0 -
Did Ronald McD wear a bow tie? 😂
By good, I’m thinking you mean effective…in which case I suggest spontaneous electric shock or letting a spider (preferably poisonous) loose in the room you are in.
Speaking of sleep, I should probably get some now. What is the best lullaby or bedtime story to read to lull me off to a peaceful slumber?0 -
We all know that heavy metal music is some of the most soothing music to sleep by. Maybe Dan can get his neighbour to play you some of his favourites. 🎶 😴
My job here is done tomorrow around 5. What should I do with my evening off?0 -
Did Ronald McD wear a bow tie? 😂
By good, I’m thinking you mean effective…in which case I suggest spontaneous electric shock or letting a spider (preferably poisonous) loose in the room you are in.
Speaking of sleep, I should probably get some now. What is the best lullaby or bedtime story to read to lull me off to a peaceful slumber?
EDIT: Got ninja'd by @cmsienk
For a relaxing evening off, I'd say there's nothing more interesting and soothing than a large pile of tax returns, followed by some drunken phone calls to some exes you haven't spoken to in at least a decade. What's the worst that could happen?
Could you suggest a first pet for my 7 year old niece?
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It's good that you clarified it was for your young niece and not for yourself - as that would probably be a different first pet suggestion altogether. Children are known to lose things, so for her I'd suggest a pet large enough not to be misplaced. I think an elephant is your best option there. Give it a a birthday present - her parents will be thrilled.
Thanks to @_Dan1985's suggestion, I got my taxes done early. So early, in fact, that I had to guess at some of the numbers as the year isn't actually over. What do you think the ramifications of that might be for me?
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In all likelihood, the fact that you could finish your taxes before the year is even finished will, once the word gets out, result in thousands of people wanting to persuade you to do their taxes for them. Those that know you will attempt to bribe you with offers of risotto ristretto latte's. It's quite possible you could develop this into a new career, one that requires no trips to Las Vegas or other undesirable destinations. And of course, once the IRS learns of your financial acumen, they will want to put you in charge of the IRS itself.
Just this past week, I've begun doing tai chi again. I practice the Yang style long form which consists of 108 movements. There are shorter forms, most commonly the short form of 24 movements. At the pace most practitioners go, the long form takes about 25 minutes. In this day and age, that seems like an inordinate waste of time. Why can't I speed that up and have it over and done with inside a minute? Of course, I could do a short form, but I want the whole enchilada. Am I not seeing the big picture? What are my options?1 -
***Editor's note: I step away from the internet for 24 hours, and suddenly this thread has a new poster AND a dozen new questions/answers to review! Very nice surprise! ***
Tai chi is an ancient martial art dedicated to making its practitioners more in tune with their own body rhythms, specifically their heartbeat. The faster the heartbeat, the faster the user should flow from one pose to the next. This is why older experts move so slow, it's because their hearts are beating slow. Younger users are encouraged to learn about their body through making their hearts beat at different paces, with the tai chi forms following pace. How do you change your heartbeat? Listening to music is the recommended method, with fast-paced music causing the most dramatic shift in heartbeat. (Side note: this could explain @_Dan1985's neighbor playing heavy metal at 3am... he's practicing his tai chi.) So, @frankwbrown, this next week of tai chi, you should play a variety of music during your session, timing your moves with the beat of the music. Perhaps a schedule of starting the week with soothing lullabies to ease back into the week after a weeklong hangover, moving progressively faster into militant 110 bpm marching cadence by week's end so you're primed for that big weekend.
My radio DJ was talking about a new horror movie reputed to be so scary that people are passing out in the theater and being taken to the hospital. I'm not a big horror movie fan, so I'll never watch it, but what could possibly be so scary as to cause this reaction?1 -
Climb up on stage with this artist to sing a duet. The crowd will no doubt love you so much that you'll become the next big name in show business. How fitting that the last concert of one artist should also double as the first concert of another.
All great concert artists employ a lesser-known artist/band to perform as a warm-up before the main concert begins. Who should @Cat0703a employ as her warm-up?1 -
There's an upcoming rap artist named George W. Bush, he's little known in the scene but I believe dabbled in politics for a time and is a real crowd pleaser. If he could do 15 minutes, maybe drop a couple of tracks from his upcoming album 'Straight Outta DC' - that'd surely get the audience ready.
Thanks to @cmsienk my niece is now blessed with a beautiful pet elephant but the town council are upset that many of the trees on their street have been pulled down by it. They're having a town hall meeting tonight to discuss the situation, what I could I do or say at this meeting that might calm the situation?
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Do I hear you volunteering? Keeping it in the MFP family, I hereby nominate you as @Cat0703a's warm up act. Please take a break from setting up your man cave to go out on the road with her and wow the fans.
Now who's the ninja, @_Dan1985?
Now regarding your elephant situation... turn the negative into a positive and lobby for adding to the menagerie by having your town start a circus! Inform them of the potential increase to town revenue. You'll definitely be a hero. (I suggest working to a PowerPoint presentation with supporting data.)
So, I got to the airport with my trusty pbj airplane lunch and got in line at Starbucks to get a latte. Imagine my disappointment in reading a posted sign notifying those in line that the store was having water pressure issues and didn't have espresso or even coffee drinks for sale - only cold drinks and tea. What's a good substitute to have with my pbj when we get up in the air? (Don't suggest milk - I walked to several other establishments on the concourse - they're was no milk to me found.)0
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