WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR AUGUST 2020

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  • grandmallie
    grandmallie Posts: 10,157 Member
    Karen- my SIL family has a lakehouse in N.H and I cant go unless invited.. and i havent been invited.. usually it is at the cottage on labor day weekend..but Jean is a master manipulator ,so she invited my nephew up to the lake so Sean would be there and leave me at the cottage alone..
    And she knew it,I told her a few weeks ago i wanted this weekend off from watching her mom and this is her way of getting back at me..she has spent every weekend this summer either at beach house or lake house and most of the weekends i have been here taking care of her mom
  • Faetta
    Faetta Posts: 1,059 Member
    KJ That is just way cute! Little kids with little kids or lambs bring back happy memories for me!

    Margaret You are so right that others sharing losing an adult child doesn't help your grieving. You make such a good point that in the case of your son, you have to grieve the entire events that led up to death. How you feel about others that wouldn't stand by him, etc. Yes, so common for others to want to remember one before they got sick. I agree that doesn't help you. How someone was and how they deteriorated and died is life and ignoring the heartbreaking parts, dishonors one's memory in my opinion. I was told by family and psychologist that I should forget seeing my best friend's body burned badly, face disfigured flesh burned to the bone, and remember her as the beautiful smiling generous person she was. I refused! I want to remember her entire life as I knew it. I held this inside for 50 years because of such advice. That resulted in large ulcers that have old blood clots in them. I am lucky to be alive. I am so glad you can talk about your son's illness and death and grieve it all. It is painful but healthy. I read your post and I am listening. I may not always comment, but know I am here to listen. I wish I could offer more than tears and a hug, but I cannot.







  • 1948Peachy
    1948Peachy Posts: 1,511 Member
    (((ALLIE))):

    Please don't take my thoughts in the wrong way, but, what happened to your idea of moving to the beach (FLA)? It seems that there is something going on all the time in your life that makes you unhappy. Maybe a new start would help you to get out of this cycle of disappointing people/situations. I know you enjoy the money your earn helping Jean's mom, but, perhaps there is something better and brighter for you away from these people. JMHO

    (((MARGARET))):

    So glad you have received letters from others who have lost a child. I listened to a pastor on Sunday who spoke about the loss of a child and it brought me back to so many years ago (at least 40) when my husband's sister passed away from a childbirth failure. I did not understand at the time (due to my immaturity) what his mother was going through and now I finally do. My heart felt thoughts go out to you.

    It is another damp and rainy day here in Georgia and has been this way for over a week. The grass looks nice and green so that is a plus. I need to get off my behind and get some exercise. Also, I need to do a better job of being the cook in the family and stop making so many high calorie (but delicious) meals. Unfortunately, the knowledge of what I should do is there but the motivation is lacking. :'(

    Carol in GA
  • barbiecat
    barbiecat Posts: 17,267 Member
    <3
    Allie
    Your family has hurt and disappointed you for as long as I've known you, but you keep expecting them to be different. You are fortunate to be able to care for Faith since it provides you with the income you need to pay your bills, but otherwise your family is only a source of hurt and disappointment.

    Barbie
  • 1948Peachy
    1948Peachy Posts: 1,511 Member
    BARABIE:

    I see that you had already written what I was thinking.

    Carol
  • LisaInAR
    LisaInAR Posts: 2,020 Member
    KJ - Joaquin and Miguel - <3

    Elliptical - 74 minutes/430 calories and one kitty cat in my lap trying not to touch the parts of me that are sweaty. Unsuccessful so far.

    Nice to be loved...

    Later y'all,
    Lisa in AR
  • Faetta
    Faetta Posts: 1,059 Member
    Allie I haven't been here long enough to know your situation but say ditto to what Barbie said. It seems you care more for your family than they do you. It is so sad to me that family will take advantage of each other and be disrespectful.
  • Faetta
    Faetta Posts: 1,059 Member
    Heather Your son is a handsome fit-looking, guy. You must be a real proud mama! I am a bit jealous that he has bigger boobs than mine. GRRRRR!
  • pipcd34
    pipcd34 Posts: 17,369 Member
    auntiebk wrote: »
    "Get to do"s and "chose well"s
    Chose well: livestreamed church, zoom klatch with Barb
    Bonus: dug up naked lady bulbs, transplanted species fuschia
    Get to do: BB&B, take pics of car, Pilot tech support 5034447924 to link subscription and fix login, mulch area around fuschia, measure potential greenhouse space and distance to outlet, make experimental almond paste, declutter sideboard, practice new dances (Turning Tables, Nothing but You, Shake it like that, Larger than Life, Here I Go Again/Mama Mia, Real Deal, Get it Right); make garlic almonds for Barb and Dan; prep potato area and raised beds for beets, carrots, parsley root, parsnips, radishes and sow; finish weeding drive, continue weeding flower bed, mulch flowerbed; Freddie’s for complete series TDAP <$48, get Shingrix vaccine. Reward: inventory seeds, plan fall cool season garden, order replenishments.
    Altruistic August
    30: do something kind to nature or planet: Recycling Wednesday
    31: share action for happiness with Barb

    Faye “too cold for too long” exactly! Southern Oregon coast’s weather is ideal for us, but the 3+ hour drive inland for medical services… not so much ;{ Does your post mean today is your 70th birthday? If so, felicitations!
    SuziQ Outdoor orchids :love:
    Allie I’m relieved you decided to stay. Thought the lack of yard for Alfie would be a problem in the winter. Please please listen to Lanette and Okie’s advice. Now might be the time to start having self-employment and income tax withheld to avoid trouble later. Don't give Jean another chance to hurt you.
    Rita :love: that poncho. Wow!
    Katla did you ever read any of the Comte St. Germain vampire novels by Chelsea Quinn Yarbro?
    Heather In the midst of life, shocking reminder. ((hugs))
    Kay con VERY gratulations on 49th anniversary. Well done!
    Lisa “Pop ‘em” :lol:
    Rebecca what Happy Birthday news for your Chief! is Athena modeling her French period? She looks so baby Bardot!
    Tracey what are “puck lights”? “ ISO . . . personal trainer” :lol:
    Welcome @amymh41, hope to see you next month.
    Lanette “…had some news about the ole workplace .... I am super glad to be retired.” Amen, sister AMEN!
    Pip Yogi’s pup treats look yummy to me! Hope that isn’t a raisin I see tho’, they can be toxic to our dogs.
    Margaret my heart goes out to you. Brava for your simple, truthful “No. Now is not a good time to come.” Perhaps in the spring when your wounds have scarred over a bit, you can have a calm, honest conversation with him about how he hurt you. . . if he’ll listen. ((hugs))

    Meant to just clear away dead naked lady foliage, ended up digging up the bulbs. They’ve never bloomed, perhaps because they were totally shaded by a rhodie? Before I start digging holes elswere to transplant, can anyone tell me what light and/or amendments they need in order to bloom? Did get the species fuschia I bought TWO years ago into the ground at last. Pics tomorrow.

    Lighter, lovelies!

    f8qt1s098sxm.gifBarbara, the Southern Oregon Coastie AHMOD
    August: better than July.
    daily: steps>5491=3695 vits=29.5 log=30 CI<CO=20 CI<250<CO=10 Tumble & Shadow 5=19 mfp=22 outside=15 up hill=8
    wkly: T’ai Chi or BB&B x3=4 rx=4 dance=1.25 clean 30 mins=13-2/3
    mnthly: board mtg=1 grant=5 20for20=
    bonus: AF=19 play= sew=

    I’ve read up on what’s not good for dogs looonnng time ago, I don’t like raisins so I wouldn’t even buy them for him or us
  • grandmallie
    grandmallie Posts: 10,157 Member
    Bahaaaa my dear friend said Jean puts the func in dysfunctional... oh that's priceless..
    I love all you ladies because you get me..
    I give and give and give and i get diddly in return..
    Carol- yes it fell apart in Florida ..and it would be nice to find somewhere near the water and start all over...,but financially i dont have the means to do so..
    Im so glad i have the support of all of you to cheer me up..xoxox
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,699 Member
    edited August 2020
    grandmallie wrote: »
    ... and leave me at the cottage alone..

    That sounds perfect to me! :smiley:

    Take one of your friends (maybe the one you went to Peru with?) and have an enjoyable, stress-free weekend. :)

    The last time you got together with your family, didn't you complain how noisy they were? All the more reason to go for the peaceful option.

    M in Oz
  • Faetta
    Faetta Posts: 1,059 Member
    barbiecat wrote: »
    :) I wrote a tribute to my friend who died telling of how she encouraged me to dance and how it has changed my life and many other things about her. I sent it to the people on my email list who usually get a preview of the dance class. In response I got many stories from others who had their own loving memories of her. It made for a great exchange and a great opportunity to remember a very special person. Next week, I'll copy bits of all the letters and send them to my friend's daughter so she can hear more of how so many people loved and valued her mother.

    <3 Barbie in NW WA

    I noticed someone hit the disagree button. I am stunned why would anyone disagree with such a post? It is a story, not a controversial topic. I hope it was a mistake.
  • exermom
    exermom Posts: 6,557 Member
    Did a body pump video today. The plan for tomorrow is to do a Peak Fit Challenge DVD

    Margaret – (((real big hug))).

    With this pandemic, I’m glad Vince is retired. So many people lost their jobs. He didn’t have a job to lose, his pension payments continued.

    Well, we FINALLY got the rain. Great…the day I need to go out to the gym! Well, hopefully it won’t rain tomorrow or Wed. since those are the days I am working this week

    KJ – thanks for that upper, what if one of them got with Athena? Look out world!!!!!!!!

    Allie – Barbie and Carol have a great thought. Maybe a move will help people to see just how much they’ve come to depend on you?

    Bowling this afternoon. They are having their luncheon which normally would have taken place in late April. Then the winter league will begin in 2 weeks. Should be interesting how the bowling alley is going to do things.

    Michele NC
    Who just fed her starter. There was a “crust” on top so I just threw that out.
  • KetoneKaren
    KetoneKaren Posts: 6,412 Member
    Allie Ah, I see…well, I wish your nephew or brother would intervene on your behalf and invite you to the Lakehouse on behalf of the entire family. I don’t know how either Jean or Sean can look you in the eye. :'(

    Margaret Most of the well-meaning friends and acquaintances don’t know what to say or do. It’s tedious. Been there. It will end. In the meantime, you need a body double. (((Hugs)))

    Karen in Virginia

    ...
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,699 Member
    Welcome to September! Welcome to Spring!


    Heading off to bed now ...

    M in Oz
  • TerriRichardson112
    TerriRichardson112 Posts: 19,160 Member
    ☘️
  • cityjaneLondon
    cityjaneLondon Posts: 12,801 Member
    Margaret You are right, all of it is his life. <3 Big hugs to you. :flowerforyou:

    Loving all the kids - Levi, Athena, Joaquin and Miguel. :D

    Much love, Heather UK xxxxxxxx

  • Faetta
    Faetta Posts: 1,059 Member
    Gnawing at the bit waiting for the September thread. I always love a new start. Lord knows I embarrass myself enough I need it.
  • Faetta
    Faetta Posts: 1,059 Member
    SuziQ113 wrote: »
    Hello everyone.

    Allie - While I agree with what the others have stated I know a change of scenery does not change us. Those changes we must make for ourselves. If we pick up and leave without resolving our own issues/areas in need of improvement, we only take that baggage along with us.

    I learned this when I relocated from NJ to FL. My family was very co-dependent and as a result I was too. It took awhile for me to realize the needed change was within myself. The distance was of some assistance because we did not see each other for long periods of time, but I found I was ending the same situations just in a different place. Until I looked inside and dealt with those issues I was stuck. Once I started reading about co-dependency and understood why I reacted in certain ways that is when real change occurred. Do I slip, yes I do, but I recognize things much quicker than I had in the past.

    Sending positive thoughts to you.

    Yes, spot on SuzieQ. My experience also. Moving can be like rearranging the deck chairs on the titanic or patching the leak. Patch the leak. then rearrange the deck chairs.
  • LisaInAR
    LisaInAR Posts: 2,020 Member
    Ah! Rebecca, I missed her - that first photo of Athena is so awesome, it makes me smile... and if there's anything more lovely than a sleeping baby, I haven't found it yet.
  • Faetta
    Faetta Posts: 1,059 Member
    grandmallie wrote: »
    Well I dont know what to tell you all, both my brother and mother were alcoholic.. mom has been gone 21 yrs and Sean has been sober 4 yrs but they are truly living a dysfunctional life and because i take care of Jeans mom,im sort of stuck in it..
    I haven't taken my antidepressants in months and I just sort of shut myself off from everyone and everything..
    But I dont feel off kilter or anything... who knows ,with the pandemic,my crazy family,leaving a stressful job... it could be subconscious...

    Yes, it might be your subconscious! Have you tried clinical meditation/hypnosis?
  • margaretturk
    margaretturk Posts: 5,296 Member
    Thank you kind friends. Now I sit and wait to talk to someone about one of his accounts related to his disability. I put it on speaker phone because it took me three days just to get this number from a live person. Finally got someone and they told me who to talk to. I just called that person and they are going to look into it to find out what to do.

    Again reminder as you are setting up an estate. Include info phone numbers and contact people of what to do to close up accounts.

    He did not have much of an estate. This is will hopefully be the hardest one and once it is done I am going to something special for myself. I am going to have other son be our rep and I will go over with him, what needs to be done.

  • Katla49
    Katla49 Posts: 10,385 Member
    Tracey: :bigsmile:

    Allie: I think you’ve made a good choice for your home. I’m sorry you have lost a dear friend. :cry: Your weight has gone up and you are the one who must make changes. The system here at MFP has been a huge help to my life. The elements that have been the biggest help for me are using measurers to portion out food, counting calories, deliberately exercising, and encouragement from all the ladies here. You take care of others very well. Now it is time to take care of Allie as the first priority. :heart:

    Michele: Did you order sourdough starter from Bob’s Red Mill? Did it arrive? :huh:

    Rebecca: Your granddaughter is a cutie patootie. :bigsmile:

    Barbara: I have read vampire novels in the past, but don’t remember the author’s name. The ones I’ve read more recently are written by Lyndsay Sands. The underlying premise is that vampires were survivors of Atlantis who drink blood to survive. There are bad guy vampires & and good guys. Their scientists created nanos to keep them in perfect health. The nano’s require fresh blood to do their work. They did prey on people in the distant past but have created their own blood bank and no longer go around killing since they learned how to use banked blood. This series is set primarily in Canada. The bad guys in the series prey on humans. :star:

    (((Margaret & Terri))): I always wanted a sibling. Thanks to hearing about yours, I’m counting my blessings. :ohwell:

    Heather: Your son is a fit man. I can’t see his face, but since I’ve seen yours. I’ll bet he is also handsome. :star:


    I had a special treat last night. It was my grandson's 6th birthday and at the end of the day I got to have a facetime call with him. The other kids were in bed, so it was my daughter, Barrett & me. Bliss! :heart:

    Katla in beautiful NW Oregon
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