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Height-ism?

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  • lynn_glenmontlynn_glenmont Member Posts: 8,525 Member Member Posts: 8,525 Member
    I mean, how have you not been on a date at age 41?????

    That's you, my friend, not the Pentecostals.

    Especially when he says he's been married. I mean, yes, arranged marriages are a thing, but I wasn't picking up on anything in Zamphir's posts that suggested that was part of his background or culture. Of course, people do often leave things out of their OPs that turn out to be kind of relevant.
  • cmriversidecmriverside Member Posts: 30,606 Member Member Posts: 30,606 Member
    I mean, how have you not been on a date at age 41?????

    That's you, my friend, not the Pentecostals.

    Especially when he says he's been married. I mean, yes, arranged marriages are a thing, but I wasn't picking up on anything in Zamphir's posts that suggested that was part of his background or culture. Of course, people do often leave things out of their OPs that turn out to be kind of relevant.

    Right? Like that girl who was upset with her female friend losing weight more easily...then five pages in it turns out her friend is really her significant other and she's ...I don't even remember...then she got mad because we didn't mind-read that whole scenario...

    https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10582739/pissing-me-off/p1
    psychod787 wrote: »
    I think you need to fricken relax bro. Women are not that different than we are. They have a little different plumbing and hormones, but not that different. They still eat, sleep, drink, fart, ect... except @cmriverside. I think her gas just dissipate into the ether. Lol

    You tagged me. I have no idea what your post means. Apparently my reading skills have now become non-existent. I always agree with you though, so ^^ What He Said!

  • lynn_glenmontlynn_glenmont Member Posts: 8,525 Member Member Posts: 8,525 Member
    I mean, how have you not been on a date at age 41?????

    That's you, my friend, not the Pentecostals.

    Especially when he says he's been married. I mean, yes, arranged marriages are a thing, but I wasn't picking up on anything in Zamphir's posts that suggested that was part of his background or culture. Of course, people do often leave things out of their OPs that turn out to be kind of relevant.

    Right? Like that girl who was upset with her female friend losing weight more easily...then five pages in it turns out her friend is really her significant other and she's ...I don't even remember...then she got mad because we didn't mind-read that whole scenario...

    https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10582739/pissing-me-off/p1
    psychod787 wrote: »
    I think you need to fricken relax bro. Women are not that different than we are. They have a little different plumbing and hormones, but not that different. They still eat, sleep, drink, fart, ect... except @cmriverside. I think her gas just dissipate into the ether. Lol

    You tagged me. I have no idea what your post means. Apparently my reading skills have now become non-existent. I always agree with you though, so ^^ What He Said!

    If it turns out this OP (Zamphir) eventually tells us he "is sleeping with her," it really will turn the thread on its head!
  • FutureFit2020FutureFit2020 Member Posts: 120 Member Member Posts: 120 Member
    I think for a lot of women, it's about the crap they get for being tall. Comments from strangers that are magnified when next to someone smaller than them. So it becomes a "must" for them. I'm a very tall woman and I always preferred tall men as short men could be weird about a woman's height. It makes you feel like some sort of giant monster. I know women who can only wear flats with a partner as the man gets insecure about her towering over him. Google "prince Diana height Charles". It's quite interesting that they were the same height but pictures were always posed to make her appear 6 inches or so shorter than him.

    Additionally, I don't see the point in lying in dating profiles, do you want to waste your time on a woman who isn't interested? I'm tall and overweight so if I was looking at a man's profile and he had an issue with that I'd rather see "looking for a slim petite" woman rather than waste my time messaging him. "No big fatties" would be unacceptable but there is a difference. Just like "looking for a man who is taller than me" isn't the same as "no short arses".
  • Theoldguy1Theoldguy1 Member Posts: 1,405 Member Member Posts: 1,405 Member
    Heightism is a real thing. Not only in dating but in business. I've seen it in business for decades. Some guys can be the biggest morons in the room, but if they are 6 foot 3 and blue eyes, they will get promoted. I witnessed it first hand at two companies I worked at for a long time. Probably part of the reason I started my own company many years ago and was in commissioned sales before that -- not reliant on any one to promote me, just got ahead based on me.

    I'm your height and my son is 5'7" max. But he has no problem finding dates. Not at all. He is very self assured but not arrogant about it. And he's hysterical. Gets my wife's sense of humor, which is much better than mine!

    You seem like you have a great personality. Just keep working on self love and acceptance and that will radiate outward. Someone will see that and you probably won't be trying as hard when that happens. And it will. Maybe instead of dating apps, when Covid-19 settles down, join some clubs or activities in things you like to do. Sometimes a common interest can work as an initial bond and friendship and more from there.

    The bolded would typically be a good idea but the OP has the following observation/opinion regarding the single women in his area. If those are his thoughts on the women, most likely extend to the males also so most likely not a good candidate for club membership.

    Just my $0.02

    "And even before COVID, I live in rural Appalachia. Single women my age are generally pillbillies, Pentecostal, or otherwise tragic in some way."
  • MikePfirrmanMikePfirrman Member Posts: 2,102 Member Member Posts: 2,102 Member
    Theoldguy1 wrote: »
    Heightism is a real thing. Not only in dating but in business. I've seen it in business for decades. Some guys can be the biggest morons in the room, but if they are 6 foot 3 and blue eyes, they will get promoted. I witnessed it first hand at two companies I worked at for a long time. Probably part of the reason I started my own company many years ago and was in commissioned sales before that -- not reliant on any one to promote me, just got ahead based on me.

    I'm your height and my son is 5'7" max. But he has no problem finding dates. Not at all. He is very self assured but not arrogant about it. And he's hysterical. Gets my wife's sense of humor, which is much better than mine!

    You seem like you have a great personality. Just keep working on self love and acceptance and that will radiate outward. Someone will see that and you probably won't be trying as hard when that happens. And it will. Maybe instead of dating apps, when Covid-19 settles down, join some clubs or activities in things you like to do. Sometimes a common interest can work as an initial bond and friendship and more from there.

    The bolded would typically be a good idea but the OP has the following observation/opinion regarding the single women in his area. If those are his thoughts on the women, most likely extend to the males also so most likely not a good candidate for club membership.

    Just my $0.02

    "And even before COVID, I live in rural Appalachia. Single women my age are generally pillbillies, Pentecostal, or otherwise tragic in some way."

    But that contradicts having dating apps and the hyper selective types on there. So perhaps hyperbole??
  • lokihenlokihen Member Posts: 246 Member Member Posts: 246 Member
    zamphir66 wrote: »
    I was having a bad day when I made this topic! Forgive my childishness!

    FWIW, I'm nearing 41and have, essentially, never been on a date. And it's starting to wear on me ever so slightly. In the past few months, I've spent probably $500 on dating app memberships for the privilege of sending missives into the void.

    Younger Zamphir definitely fell into the trap of "hurr durr women don't like nice guys, only a-holes" nonsense. I've outgrown that, thank God. I realize I'm the common denominator in my one-sided equation. I just can't figure out what's wrong with me.

    I read this article recently from a guy who works in mental health or recovery in some capacity. He talks about a client named "Jerry" who is receiving court-ordered counseling for being an abusive alcoholic and poly-addict. Jerry has kids by 4 different women. He's never held down a job; he has a long criminal record; he's functionally illiterate; and in spite of all that he's never without someone who wants to have his next child. And the guy doing his intake is childless, single, and lonely, and he thinks, "I don't expect to have a supermodel on my arm. But I expect to be doing better than Jerry." And that's sort of how I feel sometimes.

    I bet Jerry is always out at bars or events where he knows women are going to be.

    I bet he's flirty.

    I bet he has no problem being rejected because he knows it's a numbers game.

    I bet he's not particularly choosy. (Sorry Jerry, but bringing a UHaul on a first date is a dead-giveaway to your lack of standards.)


    So Zamphir, ask out everyone who you think may possibly be "okay" - not necessarily have-my-baby awesome, but just okay. It really is about putting yourself out there as much as possible, not looking for Ms Perfect.:)


    Also, I'm thinking that Jerry's relationships may have an element of mmm . . . drama that many of us would find unfavorable. I've known people who never lack for a partner despite addiction struggles, frequent arrests, employment issues, and a long history of failed relationships. They may not be lonely at night, but there is often a level of conflict and chaos in these relationships that would make me long to be single.

    I'd rather be alone than be in the thunderdome that one of my uncles creates in every one of the (many) relationships he's been in. I've gone my whole life without ever having the police get involved in one of my domestic disputes. I don't think my uncle has gone a YEAR without having that happen, for multiple decades now. I realize even level-headed people get in bad situations and have domestic situations get out of hand sometimes, but when it's a way of life with at least a dozen different partners? No thanks.

    Someone with a string of partners often isn't doing "better" than someone who takes longer between relationships. They're different, they aren't feeling the particular challenges of not having a partner, but many times it really isn't what I would call better.

    My sister always has a Jerry in her life and there is always maximum drama involved. On the questionably positive side, she has no filters for race, height, age, etc. She usually meets them through friends. Her minimum requirements are low to non-existent; one guy cleaned her bathroom on his first visit then moved in.
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