Less Alcohol - FEBRUARY 2021 - One Day At A Time
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chocolate_owl wrote: »I had to step back from here for a few days because I was feeling...not good enough? I drank as much in a week as @MissMay will drink in a month, so even though it's a moderate amount, very much in line with my goals, and a number my doctor would be fine with, I felt guilty. AND I SHOULDN'T! And I don't think I'm the only one who sees other people racking up a ton of AF days and wondering if they're failing somehow... So for myself and for those people, you're not failing. You're doing just fine.
It makes me really sad that you felt that way. You are right that you shouldn't feel guilty or bad, it sounds like your drinking it right on track for where it should be for YOU.
You have a lot going on by the sound of it, I am sorry your surgery recovery is so difficult. Losing weight, being hungry and your body trying to heal all at the same time must be difficult, no wonder you are feeling down.
I just want to give you a big (((hug))
Hang in there, I love the "He's going to have to blink first" - it is like that for me and my hubs too. LOL
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@chocolate_owl: " a moderate amount, very much in line with my goals, and a number my doctor would be fine with, I felt guilty. AND I SHOULDN'T! And I don't think I'm the only one who sees other people racking up a ton of AF days and wondering if they're failing somehow... So for myself and for those people, you're not failing. You're doing just fine."
I agree ... don't feel guilty! There are many of us here wanting to cut back for many reasons. Those that rack up many AF days are inspiring and great examples. But those that stick to a glass or 2 at night each and every night are also great examples and inspiring. We all have our own goals. You are not alone. I don't feel like I'm failing (though there is always room to improve LOL). Thanks for telling us we are doing fine. You are doing fine too!6 -
Your experiencing a major superfecta of emotions all at once @chocolate_owl. As the others have stated we are all going down our own journey at our own speed. It seriously took me YEARS to get to the stats I have now. I'd have on average 7 drinks almost nightly. I had no one to bounce my thoughts off of about not wanting to drink as much as I did. If I talked about cutting back I was considered a bore by the people that surrounded me. It was truely a back and forth fight with myself. My big break came when my present day husband had to be gone out of town for 3 days. I realized I could control my drinking while he was not around. The day he came home I picked up the glass again. I am not blaming him, but I was allowing his need to have a drinking partner interfer with my goals.
The beauty of this forum is that EVERYONE has thier own target for how much alcohol they want to have in thier lives. I love hearing all the different stories, strategies, trials and errors. We appreciate good posts and not so good posts. Anything and everything that gets written, gets read, and is absorbed. No one hates you for any reason I am sure off or on MFP.
I to would like extend a virtual ~hug~.7 -
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIIovpUQiro
i remember going to buy liquor when i was living on my own and sliding into this abyss. a chilling video.
i don't drink like this anymore, and this video reminds me to not go back...
my best wishes to you all on this journey... xo7 -
@lisamestiza2021 Darn girl! ... that made me cry
Anything filmed in Britain hits home harder with me, because... well it is home, but in this video, she looks so much like my family member who has just climbed out of that pit and is trying to rebuild her life right now.
Thank you for sharing xx6 -
some very powerful posts!
Everyone journeys is different, and everyone has their own goals. This is the reason I am here, never any judgement.
My steps towards less alcohol looks different and it has taken me years to even get to the point were I thought I could even go one evening without the bliss alcohol gives me. My baby steps are making me feel more confident and the thought of not having a drink does not send me into a tail spin, however I do keep alcohol in the house as a security blanket. And like @chocolate_owl I look at my DH and think ok you blink first!
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lisamestiza2021 wrote: »Fit_Happens_2021 wrote: »@lisamestiza2021 Darn girl! ... that made me cry
Anything filmed in Britain hits home harder with me, because... well it is home, but in this video, she looks so much like my family member who has just climbed out of that pit and is trying to rebuild her life right now.
Thank you for sharing xx
the first time i saw it ,it made me cry too and triggered me big time. i was sexually assaulted at 17 and i was drunk at the time. it should have stopped me from drinking forever, but didn't/
i hope your family member succeeds ...xx
* and on a lighter note - massive attack is incredible...i agree*
I'm so sorry that happened to you.
It is horrible that we have predatory people in this world who prey on people when they are vulnerable.
She is doing well, we had lunch yesterday, I miss her every day, but I understand why she has chosen to live in a 'sober house' instead of with us for now. She is working the steps with others who are doing the same.
Love Massive Attack!5 -
some very powerful posts!
Everyone journeys is different, and everyone has their own goals. This is the reason I am here, never any judgement.
My steps towards less alcohol looks different and it has taken me years to even get to the point were I thought I could even go one evening without the bliss alcohol gives me. My baby steps are making me feel more confident and the thought of not having a drink does not send me into a tail spin, however I do keep alcohol in the house as a security blanket. And like @chocolate_owl I look at my DH and think ok you blink first!
i absolutely lol'd at the winking at the husband bit! i do the very same!!
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@chocolate_owl Your response regarding ordering a coke (or anything non-alcohol at a bar) is spot on. I'm still a small town girl (now grandma) who goes to a small town bar (Legion). The only ones we know for sure do NOT have a "drinking problem" ARE the ones ordering soft drinks or mocktails. That goes for 21years to 80 years of age. IF anyone notices someone switched to or away from a beverage no one makes much of it, especially not friends aside from maybe good-natured fun.
I am sorry you are struggling with so much right now. Glad you came back. I would have missed your perspective and been lesser for it. Just want to leave you with this thought. One person's failure may be viewed by another as success. Some people may be able to go on a long AF streak--but not necessarily because they are stronger. They may know they are only one sip from their past of downing a handle every week. Others may be able to moderate to just a few a night or several just a couple times a week, but never stop thinking about the next one. And so on. If there was a single "cause" or "fix" for all of us, we wouldn't be able to share and care like we do here. Thankfully @MissMay accepts us all--besides, we'd all be boring if we were all the same! 4 -
Love starting the day hearing good news! @lisamestiza2021 Look at you--21 days! I remember my 21st day. Got it confused with the 28 days movie with Sandra Bullock in a treatment center. So then my goal became 28 days. You must feel wonderful today. Tomorrow promises to be even better.
@globalhiker Best NEWS ALERT I've heard for the longest time! Your own quest for less just became easier. Your hubs has a great attitude. Glad it was his choice, but a "little birdie" tells me he may be led by his wife's example. Celebrating your 11th AF day in your honor with my early morn brew of choice: Fresh perked Folgers straight up!
Personally, looking forward to my first Valentine's Day AF. Not that that holiday was ever a trigger in itself since I was a daily drinker. All holidays just felt like guilt-free drinking days to me...a mere reason to join Hallmark in a few glasses of cheer. In 3 days, I plan to add Valentines Day to my holiday/event conquered list: Step Dad's hospice, funeral & estate disbursement. Christmas Eve. Christmas Day. New Years Eve. Surprise B-day party. SuperBowl.
Anyone else have a fun way of tracking drink-less achievements?
i remember that movie! i'm ok today.... the bitterly cold weather is making it difficult to get through at home.. but hey - i have shelter - food and water - i'm good - and hope you're better than good 5 -
Suggestions for folks going through at tough spell, it may be time to sit down with yourself and have a positive chat. This is best done in a quiet place, maybe before bed or when relaxing, but not when you are under any influence.
Tell yourself:
1. You are a good person and deserve success
2. Any negative feelings you have do not serve you. Lose it. Reject them. Imagine throwing them out.
Ask yourself:
1. Am I ready to make a change, even a small, easy change?
2. Yes: then write down your short term plan.
3. Next, write down how you will accomplish it
4. And, importantly, write down what steps you will take to make this successful for you (readings, therapy, group sessions, addiction workbook, whatever your preference), items you will stock your fridge with (alcohol alternatives, treats), medicines (can be short term prescription from doctor - or simple over the counter stuff to make you more comfortable (melatonin for sleep, electrolytes to prevent dehydration, vitamins, stuff for upset tummy, headache, etc.....
5. Write down what you will do for FUN those hours you are not drinking (movie, call friend, practice piano, ride a bike, etc.....)
Next day:
1.Tell a family member or close friend your plan, pick a person you know will be supportive.
2.Tell us soon what your plan is.....
You are 1000% capable of doing this - but you need to agree with yourself and agree on the approach you want- and trash the negativity, it's nothing but a success barrier.
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I am generally a reader more than a poster, but I wanted to say thank to those who do post and share their stories. Since I have joined the thread I come back everyday to read it.
My goal is to be alcohol free at home, drinking by myself is a slippery slope and I had been drinking more and more frequently. I have been doing well and reading the thread everyday helps keep me focussed on my goal. Saving money is an unintended bonus!
Thank you all. 10 -
3 glasses of wine this evening enjoying my mother's 84th birthday with DH & my sister. Mom really enjoyed it too ... now to explain to her how to use the apple watch we got her to help us monitor situations like fall detection, heartbeat info, lack of finding her phone and responding when no one can locate her, and she wants to monitor her steps and getting up (standing) time etc etc. We have 7 days before she flies home to "educate" her on this new technology. 5
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globalhiker wrote: »@dawnbgethealthy I watched a youtube show on Kimberly BC last night, they were showing mountain bikers on trails. Pretty place I hope to see with you when I get there! IF I get fully vaccinated by June and the borders open, I will be there, but vaccine rollout is at a standstill here. Alternative is Fall (or whenever the fire season and heat ends and the lower trails don't yet have snow).
Such a great little Mountain town. I was up there today for a job.
I will totally try to keep up with you on the trails. We will research since there are 10s of 1,000s to choose from.
This really gives us something to look forward to!!!
No worries if you come in the hot summer, we can laze about on the lakes on floaties : - )3 -
tiptoethruthetulips wrote: »I am generally a reader more than a poster, but I wanted to say thank to those who do post and share their stories. Since I have joined the thread I come back everyday to read it.
My goal is to be alcohol free at home, drinking by myself is a slippery slope and I had been drinking more and more frequently. I have been doing well and reading the thread everyday helps keep me focussed on my goal. Saving money is an unintended bonus! Thank you all.
Hi : - )
Glad that you decided to post.
As you can see, we have the common thread of wanting to drink less. It means something different to each of us. To you it is not to drink at home. In many places (with the pandemic lockdowns) drinking at home is the only option.
Looking forward to more posts from you.2 -
@Lilylady3k
Happy birthday to your Mom!!
I also wanted to commend you on powering through when your hubby was opening the "good" stuff this past week and not imbibing yourself. Fortitude!!2 -
Hi
I originally decided to drink less to lose weight.
I have been on this thread since Nov 28.18
Thank you to @MissMay for keeping us going.
I am going to post with my usual diary style to keep track of my AF days.
I will be keeping to my usual goal of 16-20 AF days per month. It is manageable for me and doesn't put too much pressure on me. So far I have been able to keep with it. One month I raised the goal and failed miserably, so I learned from that. I think this is my sweet spot.
Monday Feb 01 - AF - Had to at least start the month with an AF day to set the tone for myself.
Tuesday Feb 02 - Drinks. I used to always designate Tuesdays as my "drinks" day, because it is a very long work day paying very little. I worked to get away from that behaviour and was successful many times. My willpower didn't hold out tonight. I want to only have drinks NOT to relieve stress. I just stumbled a little.
Wednesday Feb 03 - AF - Planned AF
Thursday Feb 04 - AF - Because I needed 2 in a row. Planned drinks with my bubble friend tomorrow, but we'll see.
Friday Feb 05 - Drinks
Saturday Feb 06 - AF - Going to get at least 2 in a row or more.
Sunday Feb 07 - Drinks - Superbowl naughty food and drinks.
Monday Feb 08 - AF - Going to try to string together a few
Tuesday Feb 09 - AF - It was tough not to have a drink after work today, had to power through
Wednesday Feb 10 - AF - Driving up a mountain tomorrow, so want to be alert. I might have a couple of drinks tomorrow night, we'll see.
Thursday Feb 11 - Drinks. 2 drinks. 3 was my usual, but I also know the feeling that if I have one more sip I will throw up, and it seemed like today 2 drinks was the max. I worked some long days this week, but in doing so am finished now until Tuesday (Monday is some sort of holiday here). I do sort of calculate having drinks on a day when I don't have to be too terribly responsible the next day. It is freezing cold here for another few days, so outdoor activity is out. Cleaning, laundry, puttering, and possibly sitting down with a nice cup of coffee to peruse a Cezanne coffee table book that I haven't had the chance to enjoy yet. So craving (and feeling like I deserve) a nice lazy day tomorrow.
Rolling total 7AF days out of 11 days7 -
6 days AF for February
All 4 days of planned abstinence under my belt this week.
I will have a drink tonight and I'm looking forwards to it, in a healthy way I think, as it feels like a treat not just a habit. (Get me 3 weeks in and 4 days in a row AF )
I think I will add another little goal for myself of staying under 15 drinks over the weekend. That probably doesn't sound like much of a goal to many of you but I'm sure I've blasted through that limit most weekends.
Then again in the Army we used to say "no plan survives first contact with the enemy". For me good intentions don't survive my first drink!
Happy Weekend Everyone Whenever it Arrives for you!6 -
Day 12 AF is here. Husband is on day 4. Still shocked he's doing this effortlessly. No insomnia, bad dreams, nausea, lack of appetite, headache, and all the miserableness I went through, yet he always drank more than I! Go figure.
Happy Friday to you all. Time to set the right intention for the day and plan some fun.7 -
Did somebody say it's the weekend?
Take a look at that word. Switch the spelling a little and you have WEAKend. That could be an underlying pull for the subconscious to stray away from the good intentions you have in place for keep'n your drink'n under control.
Stay focused.9 -
lisamestiza2021 wrote: »
i remember going to buy liquor when i was living on my own and sliding into this abyss. a chilling video.
i don't drink like this anymore, and this video reminds me to not go back...
my best wishes to you all on this journey... xo
That was such a moving video. Self destruction. The things we do not consider going on behind closed doors in someone elses life.
And your own horrific encounter when you were young. You are a strong woman!! Even though stories like yours are tough to read for many, they definitely need to be told.
Thank you for sharing your very personal story and thank you for your strength.
🤗
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Last night we recieved an unexpected call to meet up with another couple for dinner out. Wasn't planning on it, but we made an effort to brave the cold and have a nice visit.
Our waitress remembered my husband and I from last week. As my husband began to order his drink, the waitressss had a phenomenal memory. She finished his ordering sentence, and then asked if I wanted another needem martini like last week?
I was really shocked she remembered, and I don't know why, but kind of embarrassed because I had no desire for alcohol yesterday. My female friends eyes got huge when the waitress asked me that.( Like maybe I was sneaking out of town to drink when I always have mocktails in town with them.)
I found it not a good time to try to explain this to my friend and told her I would fill her in another time.
Had a non alcoholic beer which I found horrible and a waste of $5.00. Oh, at least my grilled blackened haddock was out of this world and made up for the slightly awkward moment.11 -
Last night we recieved an unexpected call to meet up with another couple for dinner out. Wasn't planning on it, but we made an effort to brave the cold and have a nice visit.
Our waitress remembered my husband and I from last week. As my husband began to order his drink, the waitressss had a phenomenal memory. She finished his ordering sentence, and then asked if I wanted another needem martini like last week?
I was really shocked she remembered, and I don't know why, but kind of embarrassed because I had no desire for alcohol yesterday. My female friends eyes got huge when the waitress asked me that.( Like maybe I was sneaking out of town to drink when I always have mocktails in town with them.)
I found it not a good time to try to explain this to my friend and told her I would fill her in another time.
Had a non alcoholic beer which I found horrible and a waste of $5.00. Oh, at least my grilled blackened haddock was out of this world and made up for the slightly awkward moment.
That's kinda funny in retrospect. Pity about the beer but the Haddock sounds great.
I've got to ask though. What's a Needem Martini?
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Stockholm_Andy wrote: »I am on a 2 hour zoom meeting with a Finnish lawyer and an American lawyer discussing a 29 page licence agreement.
We are on page 17 and they've just agreed they need another 2 hour call.
They are mostly arguing about hypothetical disagreements....
If I stay AF tonight I'll make myself a badge
Oh good Lord!!!!! I feel this post! If you can stay AF after that you deserve the Olympic gold!4 -
chocolate_owl wrote: »Feb 1-7: 6.5 drinks
Feb 8: AF
Feb 9: AF
Feb 10: AF
So... I am generally not doing well. I've taken one step forward and two steps back in surgery recovery, I'm miserably hungry, I'm getting about 4 hours of sleep a night, and I'm so cold all the time. And then there's little things, like I'm playing one of those dumb interior design games and no one likes my designs, which ends up spiraling into EVERYONE HATES ME because I'm too tired to be rational about it. I had to step back from here for a few days because I was feeling...not good enough? I drank as much in a week as @MissMay will drink in a month, so even though it's a moderate amount, very much in line with my goals, and a number my doctor would be fine with, I felt guilty. AND I SHOULDN'T! And I don't think I'm the only one who sees other people racking up a ton of AF days and wondering if they're failing somehow... So for myself and for those people, you're not failing. You're doing just fine.
More positively: I don't think Husband took me seriously last week when I told him I had exactly a year to lose 45 lbs. We had another talk about it Monday night after I was whinging about being so frikkin hungry, and he admitted he's really unhappy with his weight and worried about his health, so he's back on the wagon with my for now. 3 consecutive days AF so far. I very much wanted a glass of red wine last night, but since he wasn't drinking, I stuck to tea. He's going to have to blink first
Oh man, being in pain and not sleeping well puts a person in a bad place! Hugs to you! Hope you recover well and quickly!3 -
@chocolate_owl you should not feel guilty in the least. There aren't two people in here with the same exact goals for cutting back. It is not how many AF days you aquire or chalk up consecutively.
Its each persons own path, own rate of drinking less by days or glasses. Must be hard to have surgery pain and want to not drink during it.
I Feel bad you are going through that. But dont hide out. Your story is worth reading no matter how slow it is going at this time. Your NOT failing.
THIS!!!!!!! Thank you @CMB44512 for saying so eloquently what I wanted to say!3 -
lisamestiza2021 wrote: »Fit_Happens_2021 wrote: »@lisamestiza2021 Darn girl! ... that made me cry
Anything filmed in Britain hits home harder with me, because... well it is home, but in this video, she looks so much like my family member who has just climbed out of that pit and is trying to rebuild her life right now.
Thank you for sharing xx
the first time i saw it ,it made me cry too and triggered me big time. i was sexually assaulted at 17 and i was drunk at the time. it should have stopped me from drinking forever, but didn't/
i hope your family member succeeds ...xx
* and on a lighter note - massive attack is incredible...i agree*
I’m so sorry to hear you had to go through that. No one deserves to be violated. Hugs to you!2 -
globalhiker wrote: »Day 12 AF is here. Husband is on day 4. Still shocked he's doing this effortlessly. No insomnia, bad dreams, nausea, lack of appetite, headache, and all the miserableness I went through, yet he always drank more than I! Go figure.
Happy Friday to you all. Time to set the right intention for the day and plan some fun.
Its just as unfair as our hubbies deciding to lose weight and boom, they drop 15 pounds in a week without even trying. Meanwhile we scratch and claw to lose even half a pound. Haha! Well, glad to hear he’s having an easier time of it!3
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