Less Alcohol - MARCH 2021

Trish1c

Hi! I'm sort of back. I successfully did Dry January then went back off the wagon but it did make me more aware of what I was consuming so even on the days I drank, nearly every day, it was a lot less. My tolerance has been re-set to a lower level, so I am drinking less overall, which is good.

Last night was AF but only because St. Patrick's was an over indulgence & I paid for it all day. Still I consumed less than 1 bottle of wine to cause my hangover / sluggishness so that's good.

My stomach is still unhappy this morning so hopefully the adverse reactions will be motivating.

Lilylady3k

DH opened 2 bottles of wine. I enjoyed one glass of each.
He is battling depression over a foot toe joint injury that is painful and makes it difficult to walk. Definitely feeling old and this is mentally as well as physically getting to him. He is not able to do his normal exercises (running, cycling, pushups, planks). After 2 weeks I got him to finally go to the doctor. The doctor 4 weeks ago did nothing except X-ray and say it was not broken take anti- inflammatory meds but if ligament damage it is not healing. I bought him a medical boot to hobble around in which it does make the injury feel better. But everything I've read he needs to keep it on for 2-4 weeks. Of course yesterday he mowed the yard, bagged leaves, etc without the medical boot.
Alcohol is not the best for fixing this issue.

But even though he is drinking ... it does not give me the "pass" to join in. I've got to figure this out for my own weight loss goals.

March accountability ... too much RED!!

Mar accountability: 2/18 days AF
Alcohol: 16 days (30.5 drinks)
Goal: Limit 1-2 glasses per day; 12-16 AF days per month

3/1 - 2 wine
3/2 - 1 wine
3/3 - 1.5 wine
3/4 - 2 wine
3/5 - 3 wine
3/6 - 1 wine
3/7 - 1.5 wine
3/8 - 1 wine
3/9 - 4 wine
3/10 - 1 wine
STOP: Refocus
I've completely slipped and lost focus on myself and my personal goals. I'm letting stress make my decisions. I'm reeling myself back in and setting the reset button today.
3/11 - 1.5 wine
3/12 - 2 wine
3/13 - AF
3/14 - AF
3/15 - 1 Torchy’s Tini
3/16 - 3 (1 skinny margarita lunch, 2 wine dinner)
3/17 - 3 wine
3/18 - 2 wine
STOP: Refocus
Need to reset once again.

Lilylady3k

chocolate_owl wrote: »

Why do they have to do that?? Why do we have to watch it, be tempted by it, be frustrated by it? Why do we get the joy of tallying it up later and realize how much they actually drank and feel gutted by the damage they're doing to their health? Why is it so much easier for their bad behavior to rub off on us than our good behavior to rub off on them?

I love my husband so, so much. I don't want him to die early. I don't want to resent him because my drinking patterns and his are so out of alignment. I know that I'm the one changing and deviating from our normal, so it's not fair of me to hold his behavior against him. But I want us to be happily married for many, many, many years, and right now I see alcohol as the biggest threat to that.

I am so there with you! ((HUGS))
I spend more time worrying about DH's drinking, his health, his mental wellbeing that I do my own. He is aware that he very likely could be turning into an alcoholic like his father but then does it anyway.
Needing to resolve in my head that this pattern cannot continue for either of us but that I can only control my own actions and influence his. I cannot "fix" his drinking pattern.

globalhiker

Yesterday was a better day.

@lmlmrn I had a bad headache but it was the front of my head and behind my eyes, and I felt stuffy so think it's a sinus thing (Spring allergies?). I took an Alka Setzer and I felt normal in like 20 minutes. In the past I would've gone for alcohol as a first-line remedy, really.

I think my overall irritability this past week was also attributed to the fact that I removed my "crutches": my usual drink replacements of chips, chocolate, and non-alcoholic beers. I had to, otherwise I'd just be growing a new addiction. So now I really feel every feeling and it's a bit magnified because my body is screaming for it all. Like a crying newborn, it will learn as I ignore it. I have to unlearn all these bad behaviors, it's the only way. I tell myself it's only temporary discomfort and I can deal with it. And I will....because I must....and I want to.

@chocolate_owl - I share your sentiment totally....

Spouses who drink daily, heavily, and excessively, do it because they are addicted to a liquid drug. Like I was.

They have developed a tolerance (so 1 or 2 no longer delivers the dopamine high) and a dependence (this is the addiction part - where the behavior happens in response to an impulse instead of the rational brain directing the show and being in control of the behavior). The behavior is repetitive and excessive.

Daily drinking like this results in damage to the frontal lobe of the brain, the part that controls the middle brain that sends impulses to eat and drink and focus on pleasure and survival. Alcohol damages the communication between the frontal lobe (rational brain) that tells the middle brain, "no, you can't have that", and so the middle brain runs the show. The dopamine system gets all messed up. Then the thinking brain goes into denial or rationalization, making up the million excuses many of us made as to why drinks are needed. Body is just trying to reset itself, unsuccessfully, well because it's drugged.

The big question for me is...how does a spouse help motivation or nudge the other into making a change?

Are they open to the idea of starting with 1 less a day or purchasing lower alcohol content booze, in an effort to reduce the toxic load? Or a 24 hr "fast" from drinking? I know that is how some of us started, a small step, an easy reduction. Then one gains a bit of confidence and gradually reduce more.

I don't know what else to do.

globalhiker

Hi @Auroralaura and welcome...two months of no drinking is pretty good. I'm curious to hear what triggered re-starting for you. You see, I am approaching my first 2 month abstinence and thinking about how to manage triggers like vacations and holidays for example.

@Trish1c welcome back, I thought you went on a Florida vacation which sounded lovely. Glad you're back. How did it go?

lmlmrn

wow last night was a tough one for me but I managed to leave the drink along (garage wine hehe). So it is now a rolling 16 of 18 days AF this month. If I am AF for 3 more days I will have beat my Feb number. Funny how I am excited to do that.

I woke up this morning and was so happy, last night was the first night in almost 2 weeks I did not wake up and have to take drugs for my stuffy runny nose. Yes I woke and had to blow my nose and take a sip or two of water but was able to fall back asleep. I only hope that what ever creepy crude I have is finally going away.

@globalhiker @choclolate_owl I don't have the magic answer as how to help your spouses. Mine too drinks but not every night. We have talked about my journey with alcohol (I have been a steady drinker decades longer than him). I know we set some ground rules so I am not tempted. The alcohol is kept in the 'garage' and if he wants a drink he has to go down there to fill his glass and since he likes to watch different shows than I do I don't have to smell or watch him consume. This is a plus for me. I know when he has his drinks but so far that has not tempted me. I am noticing now the less I seem to be drinking DH is not drinking as much or as often.

This sounds weird but I insist on having a bottle of unopened whiskey in the garage....it is my ICOE (in case of emergency) and it gives me peace of mind that if the urge is too strong I can have a drink if I choose. So far that bottle has been left unopened for 3 months. Not to say I have not had a drink but just not "that drink" I know as soon as that seal is broke I will keep at it until the bottle is gone over the course of several days.

Now snack replacement in lieu of alcohol. I was eating pretzel sticks but I noticed the sodium was not kind to me on the scale. So I have been trying different things to help curb my impulses in the evening. So I have been drinking diet tonic water (I love bitter) with some bitters on the rocks and for a snack it has been lilly's chocolate chips (not too many or they will give you some unpleasant side effects) and healthy pop popcorn. My sweet and salty cravings. I tried carrot sticks and dip....naw not for me.

Oh this is getting long LOL back later

dawnbgethealthy

Happy March!

I am continuing with my goals that I have mostly been following for a year:

16-20 AF days per month
Don't drink 2 days in a row
Try to keep 2 AF days in between drinks days

I choose the diary style so that I check in every day, keep myself accountable, and can see at a glance where I am at.


Thursday March 18 - AF - Of course. Job interview tomorrow, plus was not feeling great all day today at work after throwing up and then not sleeping well last night.
Friday March 19 - Drinks. I had a fantabulous job interview today, weird to bump elbows instead of hand-shaking and everyone in a mask. Ack, I took my hearing aid out for a shower and forgot to put it back in. I didn't notice until we had started talking - no reading lips with masks. I am sure that I missed a couple of things, but overall it was pretty great. Loved them and their business, thoroughly enjoyed talking with them. I don't know how many people that they are interviewing, but I felt really good about it. I had a Teensy bottle of Freixenet (200ml) then a mixed drink, and a few sips of a second mixed drink and then put it in the freezer. Yup, I am 50 pounds lighter than I was when I could have 3 drinks without effect. Thanks for the reminder not to have 3 @chocolate_owl
No regrets on Champagne with some Brie and a cracker. I have no intention of giving up alcohol, I have just cut way back and am trying to keep it for happy only occasions. Ice skating at 11am tomorrow, so want to feel good. I have had some water since putting my drink in the freezer an hour ago. I will have another glass of water before bed which will be soon since I was up at 5am prepping for the interview, working out, then gussying up.

Rolling total: 12AF days out of 19 days.

globalhiker

Day 48 AF here. Planning my reward treat for when I hit the 2 month mark which looks to be April 2. Likely a Scottsdale mall trip for some new shoes and a new handbag. Maybe earrings and a oh yes a gelato ice cream if the stand is still there. I will have already had vaccine #2 so I can spend a day a the mall. Wow so exited.

In my "skinnier" years I used to spend the weekends browsing in the malls. That added easily 6-10 hours of walking time a week. Plus it was very relaxing for me and I loved the "hunt" for bargains.

Easter Sunday April 4th will be my first possible planned drinking day. Unless I don't feel like it. It's possible if my dopamine shopping high is still in full swing

globalhiker

@lmlmrn good call on the tonic water and popcorn. I will try that since I am detoxing from the chocolate overdose(s).

I also like freshly squeezed lemons and make my own lemonade with no sugar at all - just strong and sour- and add a few pieces of fresh mint and lots of ice.

globalhiker

@dawnbgethealthy good news on the interview front....and your ability to celebrate elegantly in a moderate way

ChristyB1117

Hi all - new to this thread and I'm here because I know 100% my drinking is the cause for my stalls and weight gain. Right now I'm focusing on increasing my number of AF days every week. This past week had 1, but less drinking the rest of the week. Concentrating on tea and other options for relaxing looking forward to the supportive interaction I see here and glad to see others struggling like I have been. I was doing ok before everything hit the fan last March so hoping I can get back on track!

lmlmrn

Well I was not AF last night or today, so I have met my quota for the month. The best thing I can say is I did not drink a lot since my tolerance level has dropped a lot and had a slight headache this morning when I got up after just 2 glasses of wine last night.

Today we were really craving a beer and pizza. We are not comfortable going to dine indoors yet but we know of a brewery that has just a few tables and very few visitors. So we opted for that, we brought in the pizza and enjoyed it with a glass of beer.

Tomorrow it will be AF for the rest of the month, but even with that I will be will still be over 21 AF days for the month.

Womona

globalhiker wrote: »

YEP. Let's add WFH to the list of drinking triggers....

Still AF and AF on St Patrick's Day. Husband threw in the towel after 34 straight AF days and had a day off "AF" by having 5 beers after work in a 2 hr span.
It was a tough day at WFH world again. Dishwasher broke and he couldn't fix it. He pulled a hamstring and can't run so he's super grouchy. Work driving him nuts and they've been calling him into after hour meetings since he knows his stuff. He hit his stress limits. He did become a nice guy after beer #2 and did say he plans to drink again for the next holiday, Easter.

For me, I had no stress valve release. Just felt my blood pressure rising and headache behind my eyes. Head feeling hot. I went and drank 3 of his Coors Edge fake beers (not bad with lots of lime) to get some sore of cooling down effect. Hoping for the placebo effect.

Anyway, made it through the night of the grouchy drinking husband and St. Patrick's Day. I really can't wait until I get Covid shot #2 and land a job outside the house with nice friendly humans. I don't care about the pay, just get me outta here!

Grumpy husbands who are at the end of their tether are no fun, and a huge drink trigger. Good for you keeping to your goal of being AF despite All!

Womona

chocolate_owl wrote: »

3/1-3/7: Very bad, lots of drinks
3/8-3/14: 4 AF days, 8 drinks
3/15: AF
3/16: AF
3/17: 1 drink

For the most part, I had a lovely day yesterday. We had fun music playing, I cooked a not-Irish-at-all steak with ginger miso sauce, and I ended up busting out my socks because why not? But the whole night it felt like I had my self-control muscles clenched tight. Husband opened his first Guinness at 4pm. I didn't pour mine until 8, savored it until 9:30, then had a cup of tea and went to bed. So why does only having one feel like a letdown??

1) I still would have had a calorie deficit if I had had two.
2) I would not have been buzzed or hung over if I sipped two of them over three hours or so.
3) Seeing husband drink all day was, frankly, exhausting. Here I am doing mental tallies about calories and what the rest of my week will be like with regards to alcohol to hang onto some willpower, and he's not doing any of that. He doesn't care. I'm being rigid, he's being impulsive.

Logically, I know that I am making good choices. I know that I have goals, and if I want to meet those goals on time, I do not get to be impulsive. At best, I have to schedule my impulsiveness. Logically, I know that I have no control over what my husband does, and the best I can do is have periodic conversations that express my feelings and my concerns. But part of me is just a little bitter, because WHY?? WHY does he have to have 5 beers and 3 whiskies??

Lilylady3k wrote: »

That means DH had 8 drinks (assuming 5 glasses per bottle of wine + the bourbon).

globalhiker wrote: »

Husband threw in the towel after 34 straight AF days and had a day off "AF" by having 5 beers after work in a 2 hr span.

Why do they have to do that?? Why do we have to watch it, be tempted by it, be frustrated by it? Why do we get the joy of tallying it up later and realize how much they actually drank and feel gutted by the damage they're doing to their health? Why is it so much easier for their bad behavior to rub off on us than our good behavior to rub off on them?

I love my husband so, so much. I don't want him to die early. I don't want to resent him because my drinking patterns and his are so out of alignment. I know that I'm the one changing and deviating from our normal, so it's not fair of me to hold his behavior against him. But I want us to be happily married for many, many, many years, and right now I see alcohol as the biggest threat to that.

This really resonates with me. It’s the question for the ages, honestly - why are bad influences so much more powerful than good ones. And it’s not fair, hence the bitterness that is completely natural. I’ve noticed I count other people’s drinks now that I’m being mindful of my own- and boy do I notice how much more my husband drinks! It’s never led to any issues, but I worry about his health. Remember that video about liver damage we saw last month? That’s the kind of thing that worries me.

dawnbgethealthy

Happy March!

I am continuing with my goals that I have mostly been following for a year:

16-20 AF days per month
Don't drink 2 days in a row
Try to keep 2 AF days in between drinks days

I choose the diary style so that I check in every day, keep myself accountable, and can see at a glance where I am at.


Thursday March 18 - AF - Of course. Job interview tomorrow, plus was not feeling great all day today at work after throwing up and then not sleeping well last night.
Friday March 19 - Drinks.
Saturday March 20 - AF - because I had drinks last night.

Rolling total: 13AF days out of 20 days.

dawnbgethealthy

ChristyB1117 wrote: »

Hi all - new to this thread and I'm here because I know 100% my drinking is the cause for my stalls and weight gain. Right now I'm focusing on increasing my number of AF days every week. This past week had 1, but less drinking the rest of the week. Concentrating on tea and other options for relaxing looking forward to the supportive interaction I see here and glad to see others struggling like I have been. I was doing ok before everything hit the fan last March so hoping I can get back on track!

Hi. Glad that you are joining us.

Oh my, I had been staying on goal with drinks until last March, and then I think that I had drinks 15 days in a row! Everything felt surreal, I definitely didn't feel like depriving myself of any little things that I desired whatsover. Nobody was wearing masks yet, and I was working out in the public until I took a short leave of absence out of fear for catching it for some stupid job.
I so hear you. I think that quite a few of us on this thread drank more than usual during that initial time.

Yes, weight loss while drinking seems almost impossible, I agree.

dawnbgethealthy

@globalhiker

Fun plans to go to the mall! You must post photos of what you buy!
Scottsdale : - )
I have enjoyed old Scottsdale a few times.

Fantastic job on your long dry streak and really getting in touch with yourself in the process.
You go gurl!!

Lilylady3k

One glass of wine for each of the 3 bottles that were open. At the @ fishing camp 🎣 with DH, my sister, mom, my oldest son (not a drinker) and his wife ... so 3 bottles is not bad since no one in the group poured hard liquor when the bottles were empty.
WIN for me ... we were sitting out looking over the water and my sister at 4pm says I'll open a bottle of wine. I said it's not 5 o'clock yet so lets please wait a while longer. We held off. Then as she was pouring her 2nd glass I was still sipping on my first. I set my glass down on the dining table while cooking away from me mindlessly drinking so that I could enjoy it later when I was paying attention.
But still I did have 3 glasses during the evening over a 3 hr period.
My sister is leaving today ... she is the one that brought 6 bottles of wine with her for the weekend. So her influence will be gone. DH and I brought only 1 bottle of red for steaks.

Womona

Hi all! Drank pretty much according to plan since Thursday- only one glass of wine per night with dinner. Only exception was Friday night when I had Sambuca after dinner, which while nice, gave me a headache yesterday.

Golfed for the first time all season yesterday, and boy was I rusty! DH knows I’m cutting back on drinking, so didn’t order me our usual golf cart alcohol. I took a few sips of his, but nothing major.

People are asking how I lost the weight. Very boring answer: I logged my food, cut out alcohol during the week and way back on weekends, increased my daily activity rate, drank enough water, and avoided the calorie bomb meals/desserts except for very rare occasions.

I do notice my weight creeps up on weekends when I drink and go out to restaurants , but it resets during the work week, so I don’t panic.

mainelylisa

Happy Sunday! It's great to see so much discussion and support and accountability! I have not been good. I've been so bad that I lost track of AF days, but I def am going to try to be AF free the rest of the month and beyond if I can get a grip. I've realized some triggers related to basically growing up in a very dysfunctional situation (mentally ill mother, drinking father) and also learned from my therapist that one cannot completely heal from some traumas...only learn to deal with them. For decades I've been telling myself that if I try hard enough I can fix myself. Well, alcohol is my choice for dealing and of course it only makes depression worse.

A GREAT thing about racking up AF days or even months is that if you fall back into a bad pattern, you KNOW you can do it again. I went almost 5 months AF last year so I know I can do it and not even miss it very much after a few weeks.