Husband is gaining weight, and its turning me off

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  • MsWendyjc
    MsWendyjc Posts: 63 Member
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    Okay so its an old thread but honestly ....


    I gave up smoking about 3 years ago now and am am now winning the battle to lose the extra weight.

    Smoking is an addiction and one of the hardest to give up, more so than heroin they say.

    Be proud of him in knowing he has strength and will power,
    maybe some positive affirmations and encouragement to help him push through this part of it and not talking to him compassionately like you would anyone, he's your husband, The man you love and married and with that love anything should be possible but with you doubting his ability he is possibly doing the same.


    Eating together also has many positives and although our food intake is very different i enjoy preparing food and sitting down talking over a meal .. maybe thats old school but its a great time of day to connect and talk about the day .. It also encouraging to enjoy your food and offer a taste to introduce change ...
  • PrizePopple
    PrizePopple Posts: 3,133 Member
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    I'm not through all the pages, and it's a PITA to read on my phone so I'll just slap down my 2c and be done with it.

    My husband isn't skinny. Our doctor just ordered him to lose 25 pounds actually (to get it of the obese range). He comments on how fat he is, and while I do know he is overweight, that is not all I see. His sense of humor doesn't change because he's gained weight in our 9 years together. The color of his eyes haven't changed. Nor did his laugh. He still loves me and cares for me and our daughters regardless of what his weight is.

    There is more to a person than the size of their pants or the numbers on a scale. My husbands physical appearances are only a small slice of why I love him. I want him to get healthy so I can be a crazy old lady with him. So he can be the awesome grandpa I know he'll be one day. The doctor gave him the last nudge he needed. It wasn't me. It wasn't our kids. I'm just glad he's making changes, even if it has taken awhile.

    Edit because I can't type on my phone to save my life.
  • machinistgoalie
    machinistgoalie Posts: 17
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    You are your husband's wife. It is your job to encourage him, show him respect, be his cheerleader, go out of your way to initiate sex with him and keep your eyes only on him. Don't compare him to anyone else. You can't be dissatisfied with him if you make him your only desire. He is obviously hurting in some way, and you need to help him by encouraging him, helping him to figure it out and loving him unconditionally for who he is today.

    Before you go saying he's not the husband you want, make sure you're being the wife he deserves.

    This! I learned the hard way. Granted I was heavier when we met, but still. For 2 years I gained weight over my mom's death (it's what I blamed it on), and found out later on that he was starting to lose his attraction to me due to it, but was kinda scared to say anything. He still married me.

    Now, his weight has been steady and he is 5'10" and 280, but has a lot of muscle in his legs. Do i find him unattractive? nope. Does he complain about his weight? yes. I encourage him to try and be healthy and I am proud of him. He did give up smoking because of our son, and while he doesn't exercise like he should be, i still encourage him to,

    I am not always the wife that I should be (in that i don't like to be in the kitchen cooking) but i am improving and making sure that he doesn't end up with a depressed nag of a person. Marriage is work, and it's constant, that never changes. Make sure that you are everything to him, and that he is everything to you.

    I know it's a necro thread, but these two posts right here....:noway: :sick: (mostly the first, but I had to include the in the kitchen bit....)

    Any man that needs that much coddling can Get Right TFO!


    LoL. Had to quote you, so you can perhaps read your comment, absorb it, and hopefully, see the inanity of it.

    The first quote nails exactly what it is to be a good wife, partner, and honestly, human being that has committed themselves to another. You see, that is what people do, when they honestly, truly and deeply love someone. There is valuable lesson in this wisdom. I'd wager, or at least it's my hope that you are young enough that you can change your opinion on what "coddling" means. If you're to old to change, well, then I'm sorry for the people that have treaded into your shallow pool.
  • machinistgoalie
    machinistgoalie Posts: 17
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    @Francl27:


    NEWBZ ARE SO LAME!!!!

    /sarcasm.

    Who cares how old it is? There is still valuble and pertinant words contained within. You care so little about it, just had to comment?

    By your line of thinking we should all be reading only some modern drivel by the flavor of the month in juvenile literature, and throw out all those dusty copies of War and Peace, eh?
  • mcpostelle
    mcpostelle Posts: 418 Member
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    To be honest, this is one of the reasons why I'm losing weight. I want a partner that will be in the fitness lifestyle and in order to get one I have to be in that type of life style. I would appreciate if my significant other would give me heads up that I'm gaining weight or eating way too unhealthy. I gained 90lbs without noticing and I wish somebody had stepped in sooner to wake me up out of the daze I was in. I also want to feel and look sexy not only for myself, but for my soon to be significant other. I think your concerns are very real and I hope that you two have found a middle ground! :flowerforyou:
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    @Francl27:


    NEWBZ ARE SO LAME!!!!

    /sarcasm.

    Who cares how old it is? There is still valuble and pertinant words contained within. You care so little about it, just had to comment?

    By your line of thinking we should all be reading only some modern drivel by the flavor of the month in juvenile literature, and throw out all those dusty copies of War and Peace, eh?

    I think you're overreacting a little there, the point is that people come in, thinking they are imparting all this awesome wisdom to the OP, only to realise that the OP hasn't even thought of this site for a year.
  • mojohowitz
    mojohowitz Posts: 900 Member
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    Damn. I just realized this thread is older than dirt.
  • FindingAmy77
    FindingAmy77 Posts: 1,266 Member
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    I feel so bad for your husband. If I felt like my partner found me undesirable I'd want to spend all day in bed hiding under the covers. No wonder he is self conscious, unsure of himself, and unmotivated!

    I think the best way you can help him is probably to think about all the things you do love about him. Compliment him. Remind him how strong he is - it's not easy to quit smoking!

    Good luck to both of you. I hope you are able to be less superficial.
    :drinker:
  • RockAShelley
    RockAShelley Posts: 53 Member
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    leave him, it's the only way

    WOW!!! You can't be serious? Absolutely, Lets end a marriage over weight gain, doesn't matter if the relationship is emotionally fulfilling, has a strong history or is filled with love, the size of the waist and the definition of muscles are the real priorities! *she says sarcastically*

    Look, everyone and I do mean everyone goes through highs and lows in their relationship. Can i take a stab and say that you are somewhere between being together 2-5 years? That's usually the phase where we try to "fix" all the things we think our partner does wrong and when they fall short, don't comply, or totally blow us off it's upsetting/frustrating. We blame them for not trying hard enough and use it as an excuse to do unreasonable things. like cheat or get a divorce.

    You married your husband (hopefully) for his personality and not for his looks. I understand the need for physical attraction in a relationship but attraction like love changes over time. I don't think there is a girl on the planet that gets hot and bothered by ear hair, a colostomy bag, or the sounds of a wheezing walrus when trying to sleep next to your partner who needs a breathing machine but things happen.

    Fill him with confidence!!! Tell him how STRONG he is for quitting smoking, complement him on other things like his eyes or the way a particular pair of jeans fit. Focus on the little things he does to show you how much he loves you, and in turn do those little things for him.

    Help him stay on the nutrition track by helping him pack a lunch for work, making sure there are lots of quick fix healthy meal/ food options, find a fitness challenge you can do TOGETHER like a 5k for a foundation or charity you guys support, or a survival run to ensure your both ready for a zombie apocalypse.

    Your problems with your husband have very little to do with his weight gain, don't let that be your excuse.

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