Husband is gaining weight, and its turning me off
Options
Replies
-
He has to come to it on his own, however, you can sit down and voice your concerns to him. Don't push, don't be preachy, and if he get's defensive, that's fine, as long as he hears the truth from you, it'll sink in eventually, but don't push him up a mountain he's not ready to climb.
Rigger
this is good.
Plus - hubby could be having other medical problems. I lost complete motivation for about 10 months. 3 years before that, i always struggled with being tired and weight loss stall. I recently found out that I have sleep apnoea. Basically - an apnoea is when you stop breathing in your sleep, but don't know it - because your brain isn't getting enough oxygen to function, and can't wake you up. all internal organs (including brain and heart) and glands are starved for oxygen. The body is working overtime at night to keep you alive and physiologically impossible for the body to have energy left over to burn fat.
He might not have sleep apnoea (fingers crossed) but hubby might have some other underlying stressor - and needs more help than you know!
http://snoreaustralia.com.au/obstructive-sleep-apnoea.php0 -
leave him, it's the only way
agreed
Why are people saying this?0 -
My husband and I have had conversations about this, and I have conveyed my concerns and yes have been honest. I told him that I see how self conscious he is. I told him that when we went to the beach this summer, it hurt me to see that he was battling himself and was ashamed to take his shirt off. When I first met him he smoked and has since quit. Im not sure if that has anything to do with it but he blames alot of his weight gain on that. He is always creating obstacles for himself that don't exist--and in turn is gaining weight. Working nights, eating late and not pushing himself to go to the gym is all contributing to this weight gain.
I am a bodybuilder, and I have to understand that he has different fitness goals. But I don't know what to do to motivate him. I tried compassionately talking to him about this, and since he has become so insecure he keeps asking if I still find him attractive. On top of that, yesterday he didn't eat until 2300 hours. He was so hungry from battling this all day that he binge ate pizza and wings.
Im thinking about taking him to see someone, but I would love some advice on what I can do. I do love my Husband and am willing to stand by him through this, but his weight is only one example of how he is currently not in control of his life.
Help.
Greetings,
I feel for you and your husband.
My apologies if someone has already mentioned this but I read your post and decided to respond straight away.
Taking your husband to see someone might be a good idea - your family doctor would be my first port of call. Over-eating, insecurity, and losing control of different areas of his life could be indicative of major depression. It would be good to get that checked out.
If there is no mental health issue underlying your husband's weight gain and other issues then maybe you could use some tough love. Organise a gym membership and tell him to get off his backside and into the gym. It would be good to try and get him interested in his own health, weight loss, nutrition, and well-being. Just getting him out the door and into the gym/pool/on a bike might just be all that he requires.
My own experience has been that after I adopted a whole-foods vegan diet about a month ago I noticed increased weight loss, increased feelings of well-being and greater energy. I am not suggesting that vegan diet is suitable for you and/or your husband but perhaps dietary change could assist? I would definitely be getting rid of the junk comfort foods.
I wish you both well.
kind regards,
Ben0 -
i believe that relationship is a complicated matter, more so when we add our fitness goal with it. it's hard to say something about it since it's hard to judge0
-
My husband has a beer gut that I would love to see gone, he hates. exercising with me and usually pawns it off on my best friend who's younger and has that 19yr old energy. He smokes over a pack a day and to get the guy to eat a vegetable is an exercise in futility. I've mentioned to him in passing that he was putting on weight but I've been careful not to dwell on it.
The best thing I can do for him is buy healthy grocies and pack his lunches for the day so I know he doesn't have to resort to fast food or circle k junk. I have noticed that as I get into being healthy and active he is becoming more interestedin it as well. He's been talking about joining a gym and promises me that when the weather cools off (we live in Phoenix, AZ) he will go out with me more. I'm hoping to lead by example and encourage him to make the changes he is comfortable with.
I have to say if I knew he went to a forum and posted about me being over weight and becoming turned off by it I would probably flip out and hide in the closet for a month.0 -
leave him, it's the only way
agreed
Why are people saying this?
They aren't being serious.0 -
Maybe he should leave you and maybe you would appreciate him and build his confidence. I think that if it were turned around and all of a sudden you got a belly and saggy arms you would feel very self aware. Life is hard enough with out coming home and getting hard sideway looks from your lover. And PS-FYI guess what we all get old , maybe you will have lots of wrinkles and he will hold up cuz he has a chubby face , the all of a sudden your old and saggy and he's cute and chubby, then what. I think he should go get a check up let the Dr. tell him, then you can be supportive from that perspective. Quit being a hard *kitten* cuz being a body builder isn't the **** you know, You seem like my way or the highway kind of girl ...0
-
im just glad that my husband loved me when i was 100 pounds over weight, just the same as he does now. if he didnt find me attractive then, he must have hid it pretty well, because he always told me how beautiful he thought i was... if my husband was turned off by me when i was 100 pounds over weight, i would have been so hurt and embarassed. our wedding vows were til death do us part, not until one of us gets too fat to love...0
-
Just remember that you are doing this for you and not him. I know that having others in the house who are uncooperative are can be hard. But that is about him and not you. I have been after my hubby for 3 years just to get him to take a multivitamin much less drop the fork....If the hubby is binge eating then maybe he is struggling too. But just remember, this is your journey and not his even though he is a big part of that journey.0
-
oops...3:35am here...Its about you and not him...sorry0
-
Big picture-eat and train with him youll find it works wonders0
-
leave him, it's the only way
agreed
Why are people saying this?
"Just divorce him/her" is the go-to-answer on MFP whenever people post about relationship problems. 9x out of 10 they're just joking.0 -
Love this! Mine loved me when I was larger and I never go a day without being grateful for his love and support.im just glad that my husband loved me when i was 100 pounds over weight, just the same as he does now. if he didnt find me attractive then, he must have hid it pretty well, because he always told me how beautiful he thought i was... if my husband was turned off by me when i was 100 pounds over weight, i would have been so hurt and embarassed. our wedding vows were til death do us part, not until one of us gets too fat to love...0 -
wow. if this was the other way around. A man posting that his wife is gaining weight and struggling with self esteem and he's turned off by her and doesn't find her attractive, he'd get blasted! (well I hope he would!)
That's the position I'm in. Weight isn't the only issue, but I'm SERIOUSLY not attracted to my wife and really don't like physical contact with her.0 -
tell him,,, mine is too,0
-
I too am a bodybuilder and my guy isn't in tip top shape. His health and health alone are my only concerns for him. Thankfully, I do still find him attractive and if I didn't, I wouldn't be on a public forum telling all of you strangers how he now turns me off.... *shrugs*0
-
You are your husband's wife. It is your job to encourage him, show him respect, be his cheerleader, go out of your way to initiate sex with him and keep your eyes only on him. Don't compare him to anyone else. You can't be dissatisfied with him if you make him your only desire. He is obviously hurting in some way, and you need to help him by encouraging him, helping him to figure it out and loving him unconditionally for who he is today.
Before you go saying he's not the husband you want, make sure you're being the wife he deserves.
What??? Have we time warped back to the 1950's? Don't forget your pearls and high heels when you meet him at the door after work with his bourbon. Seriously.
OP, I get you all the way. I also completely agree with the advice to lead by example. You can't push too hard, it will make him angry and bitter. For better or worse, be supportive as you would expect him to be of you. Best of luck!0 -
I too am a bodybuilder and my guy isn't in tip top shape. His health and health alone are my only concerns for him. Thankfully, I do still find him attractive and if I didn't, I wouldn't be on a public forum telling all of you strangers how he now turns me off.... *shrugs*
I think it's ok to bounce things off anonymous strangers. It would be different if she were talking to her friends, people who knew him, family members and things of that nature. But in a place like this where (I assume) nobody really knows anybody it's different.0 -
I see a lot of posters slamming you for even coming to the boards. I disagree. Whether or not everyone understands or agrees with you, I think you did the right thing to get some ideas about how to approach this delicate subject before doing so.
I thought this was the place you could come with sensitive issues about weight- - -yours or how your views about weight may be affecting your relationships with others.
I do agree that some things about one's partner shouldn't be discusses in public but just don't think that this is one of them. If I remember correctly, your picture isn't showing in the OP. So, it's not like anyone is going to recognize you and know who you are talking about.0 -
I too am a bodybuilder and my guy isn't in tip top shape. His health and health alone are my only concerns for him. Thankfully, I do still find him attractive and if I didn't, I wouldn't be on a public forum telling all of you strangers how he now turns me off.... *shrugs*
When I saw the thread title yesterday, I was prepared to blast the OP. Then I read the post and it sounds to me that it's more about his complaining and then not doing anything about it that's the issue than his actual appearance. I haven't read through the thread and maybe I'm reading that wrong, but the impression I got was that it really was not about appearance and that's why I didn't comment because I simply don't know what to say.
Clearly, her husband is hurting emotionally, but she seems to have tried all the ways one can to motivate and help him and he's refusing to listen or make changes, yet still complaining. That would turn me off, too, no matter what he looked like.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.4K Getting Started
- 259.6K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 387 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.2K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.2K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 914 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions