Less Alcohol ~ JUNE 2021 ~ One Day At A Time

RubyRed427

mainelylisa wrote: »

Hi Everyone! I had to take a break from social media and the computer when not working. I had another incident 2 weeks ago, which led me to the first time to completely admit I CANNOT moderate. I mean I can most of the time...and then I can't. I'm choosing to look at it as almost comical. Because I know, as my therapist has been saying, that it is a brain chemistry thing that I've been fighting for at least 10 years, but I was too stubborn to admit I couldn't always have control. As @MissMay has posted many times, "First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you." I'll share my story in case there is anyone else here who also can moderate...until they can't.

I've realized I'm spending way too much time alone--WFH for 5 years and not many local friends and DH now back in the office out all week. So Monday before last I took my self out to eat. I was going to be responsible and Uber and eat a fattening dinner of lobster mac & cheese to soak up my drink. They sat me at the bar to eat around 6:30. Then I called my son who I don't get to talk to often, but knew was available. He was out-of-character chatty, so I waited until we were done to order food. By the time we were off, they said the kitchen had closed. Next thing I knew I was intensely staring into the eyes of a cute young cop. And then I woke up the next morning, luckily in my bed and not the E.R. I have no idea what happened that night, but with a $100 bill and no food, I'm guessing I had 4? 5? yummy cosmos & left a hefty tip and stumbled across the giant parking lot probably looking for food, and fell. I had a big bruise on my butt and a little knot on my head. No Uber home, so guessing the city footed that bill at around 12:30 a.m., according to Google Map history. I had to take the day off work because I might as well have walked in front of a train.

The other scary thing is that I've been "feeling" my kidneys. Pretty sure we're not supposed to feel our organs. Now I'm feeling all my damn feelings, lol, because I'm not smishing them with alcohol. I've caught up a little bit here, and seems most of us drink from several buckets of motivation--probably Dull the Feelings and Social are the two biggest. I want to share that feeling my feelings is starting to give me a voice for the first time. I'm shedding the Nice Girl persona I put on to and growing a pair. I'm speaking up for what I want. What I need. I'm cutting people out who aren't good for me out. I'm racking up more steps than ever. I cry at the end of almost every run. I danced Sober in a real nightclub Friday night. (It wasn't quite as fun as dancing tipsy, but the next morning sure made it worth it!) It's scary and uncomfortable at times. But life is short. I'm turning 60 this year. I don't want to compromise and dull my senses. I want to live fully.

Happy Sunday!

You are very brave to share your story. IT helps people like me who lurk here and many others. You know the old saying, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results." I am proud of you for analyzing and not just shoving issues under the rug. I had a similar experience this past weekend; don't remember much and made some weird decisions that I would not have made if I wasn't drunk. You did make me smile when you mentioned the cop. Best wishes for a new journey- improvement not perfection is the goal. Thanks for sharing.

globalhiker

Thinking out loud here....if there is one thing we can control it's our thinking. Maybe we have more self control capability that we think if we can stop bad thinking. Today I will work on being aware of thoughts that come to me that don't serve me well -or ones that just stress me out. And consciously replace them with a positive thought.

dawnbgethealthy

Hi : - )

My goal is 16-20 AF days per month.
Diary Style.


Monday June 21 - Drinks. I had a quarter of the second can of Gin Smash to start, didn't like it as much as the other variety, it was a bit too sweet, couldn't taste the Gin enough. Planned drinks for Friday.


Rolling Total - 14AF days out of 21 days.

lmlmrn

Hello all I have been a bit MIA

@mainelylisa I do have to thank you for sharing your story. Before starting this journey I would black out most nights before going to bed. The next morning I could not remember when I went to bed, how I got my contacts out etc. My only saving grace was/is I very seldom have a drink when we are out to dinner. If we go to a bar my limit is 2 beers or one hard liquor.

@Lilylady3k have fun in Hot Springs (my daughter lives there) it is such a nice town.

I have not been doing well on the AF days these past few. Last night after working in the 90+ degree weather on our yard all I wanted was a quick dinner out. I was so tired I just could not face cooking when it was this hot and I was that tired. Drove to local Olive Garden -- mind you this is 4:30 in the afternoon. The line out the door was long. Long story short ended up driving home and me being in a pissy mood cooking the dinner I was too tired to make. I opened the wine. enough said.

Rolling 14 of 21 AF. Hopefully I got that out of my system.

Back to my fun in the sun

ahoy_m8

I, too, am reflecting on @mainelylisa's wisdom that moderation works until it doesn't. I feel this way about food, too. I can go several weeks happily eating my normal stuff without being tempted by others' chips and snacks in our pantry. I have my own snacks and I like them. But then out of the blue I have a "snackcident" and eat way more than intended. Sometimes this is after drinking, but honestly, sometimes it is just a regular weekday late afternoon.

My moderation with respect to alcohol has much greater room for improvement than that with respect to food. With food, I'm "on track" enough that maintaining my desired weight isn't a problem. The snackcidents are sporadic enough to average out to not-a-problem. Over-drinking has worse health impacts than over-eating, for one thing. And I do it more often, regrettably. I'm trying to figure out how to "stack" new alcohol habits on my good-enough food habits. Have not cracked that code.

I had more than two drinks Father's Day. Not a big deal but not what I planned.

dethstar77

@Womona and @Lilylady3k Thank you so much. This group has been helpful and inspiring to keep me moving forward. I am glad to have the support from all of you and happy to hear that my story does inspire some of you.

GiveHerGrace

Checking in for accountability:

6/16 AF
6/17 AF
6/18 AF
6/19 AF
6/20 AF
6/21 3 drinks on date with hubby
6/22 2 Michelob Ultra after golf
Plan to rack up next several days AF.

Womona

AF again tonight! I only gave having a drink a passing thought. I also was really good about logging all my food and exercise today. I have a wedding out of town this weekend and want to look good! Plus of course I know I’ll have wine this weekend but need to limit to two per day with all the festivities. I just can’t handle more than that, despite being on vacation.

Have a good week everyone!

dawnbgethealthy

Hi : - )

My goal is 16-20 AF days per month.
Diary Style.


Monday June 21 - Drinks. I had a quarter of the second can of Gin Smash to start, didn't like it as much as the other variety, it was a bit too sweet, couldn't taste the Gin enough. Planned drinks for Friday.
Tuesday June 22 - AF - Felt a bit fuzzy this morning after having a few drinks last night.


Rolling Total - 15AF days out of 22 days.

dawnbgethealthy

A few photos.

I have shown photos from this back deck before. My guitar player Fred's house in Kimberley.

Here is our selfie:


A chipmunk with full cheeks:


A Stellar Jay that hangs around the back deck quite often:


Kind of blurry, it was sort of hard to get a photo


And here was the other variety of Gin Smash that I tried that I found too sweet. I had it after working in the yard in like 100 degree heat. I covered the rest of it and put it in the fridge anyway.

Stockholm_Andy

Well I'm back from my vacation in sunny Mallorca and the three of us had a great time.

I didn't drink on Monday or Yesterday so I'm not 11 days AF so far this month.

It's the European Championships (football/soccer) going on right now and I realised that last night was the first time I'd watched England play and international match without a beer in my hand since Italia 1990!

That's a sobering thought in more ways than one.

Happy Wednesday everyone and good luck with today's goals whatever they may be!

Lilylady3k

First night in Hot Springs! See pic below.
Sis wanted to get a drink at the bar when we found out the wait at Fisherman's Wharf would be 1hr 45min. We stood in line for 10 min then I decided to just go wait outside with mom without a drink. Sis followed without one too. Did not order wine with dinner. Waited until we were back at the condo for sunset to have 1 glass of wine (from the 4 bottles sis put in the fridge). All's good!

Our condo overlooks Lake Hamilton.

vvlucky

Monday - I finished the last two spiked seltzers. I watered them down with plain seltzer to slow the "buzz" and they lasted all night.
Tuesday (last night) - AF. I had a two hour group zoom call 5:30 to 7:30 pm and left kind of stressed out. My knee jerk reaction was to go buy wine, but I didn't. I'd planned to watch a tv show with hubby, and we did, and it was pleasant. I could not fall asleep until around 1:30 am. I listened to 3 meditation tapes, online shopped, and finally fell asleep. And slept very soundly. Sleep will be the issue for me, I think.

Side effects - lots of gas (sorry - but it's true!). Maybe it's because I subbed sorbet all day. ha ha. Today, no sorbet and no alcohol.

Planned drinking - 2 glasses of wine Friday night and Saturday night.

globalhiker

Nice pictures everyone! I see blue skies, forests, birds, just what I need . The fires here continue like never before. Worst fire season ever but I am managing my mood better and keeping busy inside with work and my indoor cycling.

AF Monday and Tuesday. I'm doing this exercise where I write down any negative thoughts on a notepad as they happen and then try to write a positive thought next to it. It kept me stress free yesterday so I will do it again today when my brain starts sending me the daily negative chatter: I want to quit my job, I have to move, etc.

Self management is tough. Somebody should teach this in grade school.

RubyRed427

globalhiker wrote: »

Thinking out loud here....if there is one thing we can control it's our thinking. Maybe we have more self control capability that we think if we can stop bad thinking. Today I will work on being aware of thoughts that come to me that don't serve me well -or ones that just stress me out. And consciously replace them with a positive thought.

You bring up a very good point. The other day my friend told me I am way too hard on myself. She echoes what you said. Bad thinking or negative thinking really brings me down and makes me want to drink. So, I will take your point and be more aware of my thoughts and replace them. Great suggestion.

lmlmrn

@Lilylady3k I love the sunset on the lake, no wonder my daughter loves living there

@globalhiker Thank you for talking about the devil of negative thinking. I think everyone is right that we do talk negative to ourselves, we would never talk to our best friend that way.

AF tonight after a multiple day wine fest at our kitchen. I spent another 2.5 hours working on our landscaping today. Tomorrow will be the last day I can work out there for a week or more. The temps here are suppose to be in the upper 90's and some 100's. Just means my project will take a bit longer than I wanted.

ahoy_m8

Fantastic photos, guys! Thanks bunches for sharing. I hope everyone has not-too-hot (and not-too-smoky) outdoor time this week. Keep sharing those pics!

Lilylady3k

Calling it 4 today but very spread out.
1 beer at Grateful Head Pizza for lunch.
3 glasses wine with my sis as we sat viewing the water activity on the lake while mom napped, dinner & dominos at the condo after a long day.

dawnbgethealthy

Hi : - )

My goal is 16-20 AF days per month.
Diary Style.


Monday June 21 - Drinks. I had a quarter of the second can of Gin Smash to start, didn't like it as much as the other variety, it was a bit too sweet, couldn't taste the Gin enough. Planned drinks for Friday.
Tuesday June 22 - AF - Felt a bit fuzzy this morning after having a few drinks last night.
Wednesday June 23 - AF - I feel like having a couple of drinks, but am going to resist. An unexpected extra shift at the restaurant tonight, make hay while the sun shines and all of that. Happy to hit my 16AF : - )


Rolling Total - 16AF days out of 23 days.

Stockholm_Andy

dawnbgethealthy wrote: »

Hi : - )

My goal is 16-20 AF days per month.
Diary Style.


Monday June 21 - Drinks. I had a quarter of the second can of Gin Smash to start, didn't like it as much as the other variety, it was a bit too sweet, couldn't taste the Gin enough. Planned drinks for Friday.
Tuesday June 22 - AF - Felt a bit fuzzy this morning after having a few drinks last night.
Wednesday June 23 - AF - I feel like having a couple of drinks, but am going to resist. An unexpected extra shift at the restaurant tonight, make hay while the sun shines and all of that. Happy to hit my 16AF : - )


Rolling Total - 16AF days out of 23 days.

Well done on hitting your target with 6 days to spare Dawn! Still time for your stretch goal too!