WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR AUGUST 2021

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  • bananasandoranges
    bananasandoranges Posts: 2,410 Member
    Machka Why or or How does mindfulness make you feel worse?
  • exermom
    exermom Posts: 6,557 Member
    Allie - 3 inches???? Lucky you to get that much!!!!!

    Michele NC
  • kymarai
    kymarai Posts: 3,733 Member
    Michele That one was a kit. It came with the pattern and thread. All I had to do was count. I have made my own designs in the past by putting together parts of patterns. The next one is the Eiffel Tower in greys with a touch of red for oldest Granddaughter's graduation in May. The fabric actually came with squares marked on it and the pattern sectioned off per page. I will try to share a picture. It will be a major project. My youngest granddaughter has been making smaller cross stitches which she does by transferring pics to graph paper.

    ❤
    Kylia
  • barbiecat
    barbiecat Posts: 17,259 Member
    <3
  • Snowflake1968
    Snowflake1968 Posts: 6,979 Member
    Wow so much to comment on and I didn’t take notes.

    I know I have my parents a terrible time as a teen. I never did anything too bad(in my opinion as a teen, my opinion as an adult with teen girls was how did they not just shoot me? I caused a lot of worry and have read about it my Mom’s and Grandmother’s diaries. Not once did I ever feel unloved though so I think if you love them through it they turn out ok in the end.

    I took the whole weekend to myself and did absolutely nothing for work or at the house. On Saturday I spent all day and part of the evening with our youngest and yesterday I went and visited with one of my cousins. Not the one that isn’t speaking to me. I ended up not getting glen until 1015 last night.

    Today I worked until after 7 trying to get some stuff caught up, came home started laundry and have ran the dishwasher through. Now I need to figure out something to eat.

    I think I have a solid plan for my Grandson’s and my birthday. I need to put in a timer off request and him and I need to nail down some music and decorations. We are doing a hippy dance party. He will be 10 and I’ll be 53. He has included me in all of his birthdays since he was able to have a say. I think it was his 2nd birthday he convinced his Mom I needed my own Ninja Turtle cake. I don’t know my turtles, but he had the one with the blue mask and mine was purple based on our favourite colours. I have told my daughter I’ll handle the decor this year and she can provide a cake. I’ll probably spring for food too.

    Tracey in Edmonton

  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,693 Member
    bananasandoranges wrote: »
    Machka Why or or How does mindfulness make you feel worse?

    My brain starts screaming at me about what a waste of time it is and I start getting really anxious, not quite to the level of a panic attack, but I do feel like running out of the room.

    I've been taken through the body scan mindfulness exercise and for me, it's horrible. You're supposed to mentally identify and feel each part of your body but that just reminds me how much things hurt. I dedicate a portion of my brain to ignoring/forgetting the pain. I don't want to focus on it!

    Regarding stress reduction (one of the main benefits that mindfulness is supposed to have), I have found that sitting still and trying to being calm doesn't reduce my stress, as above, I just get more and more anxious. Instead, being active (cycling, running, working out, etc.), being active in nature, and listening to loud music are three things that do seem to reduce my stress. And of course, actually dealing with whatever is stressing me is one of the best ways to reduce stress.

    A lot of the exercises seem designed to calm the mind. One article says, "When we are no longer paying attention to random thoughts, the mind slows down and the body relaxes." My thought patterns don't seem to me to be random. I think in lists, tables, databases and I need to keep my mind sharp and focused on my lists and what's next. However, if my lists seem fragmented and jumbled and I am having trouble focusing, I've found that going on a long bicycle ride, or more recently, long walks or runs will allow me to think the random thoughts, then get everything back into a list again ... while accomplishing something! :) And that makes my brain happy and not anxious.


    M in Oz
  • Snowflake1968
    Snowflake1968 Posts: 6,979 Member
    Machka - I can’t do those mindfulness things either. I’ve tried several different ways and like you, I feel I’m wasting time and if I just got done what needed to be done it would be fine. My biggest stress relief is cleaning. I’m struggling now since I can’t do too much of that.

    Tracey
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,693 Member
    edited August 2021
    Snowflake1968 wrote: »
    Machka - I can’t do those mindfulness things either. I’ve tried several different ways and like you, I feel I’m wasting time and if I just got done what needed to be done it would be fine. My biggest stress relief is cleaning. I’m struggling now since I can’t do too much of that.

    Tracey

    Cleaning is a big one for me too!

    When my husband had his accident, I got home that evening about 10 pm-ish and cleaned till 2 am, until I was so exhausted I couldn't do much more.

    And when he had his heart attack, I did something similar but not quite as much.

    But I find with cleaning, I do have to focus on the moment (whatever I'm cleaning) yet I can let random thoughts whirl around and get into lists or get out, it's physically active, I usually listen to loud music, and when I'm done or too exhausted to continue, the place is clean!


    M in Oz
  • Whidislander
    Whidislander Posts: 3,902 Member
    edited August 2021
    Oh man was tonight's dinner at the sushi n place magnificent! I had fasted 24 hrs, then ate a slice of cheese. Which started my innards! Son and I split a crab roll, gyoza, and edamame. My main meal was a teriyaki salmon fillet. It was so good, I took my time, enjoyed the experience! Everything tasted so good! My taste buds were doing cartwheels. Tomorrow is a bowl of fluffy tapioca, maybe a turkey and cheese rollup.
    The meal was a pricey experience more than $80, then we treated son to a bookstore buy, a trilogy of books that he was oogling! $80 as well, and I went to the dollar store for a $10 spree. It was all and all a great evening with great conversation. I of course felt almost drugged, from the insulin rush of good food! Haahaa!
    Hugs
    Rebecca
    Whidbey
    Washington
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,693 Member
    bananasandoranges wrote: »
    Machka Why or or How does mindfulness make you feel worse?

    If you do a google search on the negative effects of mindfulness, you'll see lots of articles. This is one ...

    How too much mindfulness can spike anxiety - Stress, anxiety, productivity: mindfulness is often touted as a solution to nearly everything. But research shows that you can actually take meditation too far.
    https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210202-how-mindfulness-can-blunt-your-feelings-and-spike-anxiety


    Toward the end of the article, the author addresses some of the other options.

    One of the things the author mentions is that mindfulness is all about looking inward, something which I find really uncomfortable and anxiety-producing.

    The author suggests looking into contemplative activities that look outward instead and says, "There’s also a growing interest in meditative techniques that encourage you to think about others’ perspectives and to cultivate feeling of compassion" That appeals to me more than looking inward.

    The author also mentions focusing on "a bunch of flowers on your desk or even a passage from a poem" rather than looking inward, and in some ways I do that when I'm cycling or walking (less so when I'm running because I'm trying not to trip!). When I'm cycling or walking, I take moments to really look at the scenery or to pause for a few seconds and take some deep breaths when I'm under a tree or next to the ocean.

    The author also says that studies have shown, "in many cases, mindfulness was no better for mental health than many other positive interventions, like physical exercise" and I have found that for me. That physical exercise leaves me feeling so much better than sitting and focusing on my breathing or body.

    During and after the run I did 10 days or so ago, I felt the best I've felt in a long time. I had to walk some of it so I took moments to appreciate the beauty, the scents and sounds of nature. Running and jumping over and around puddles made me feel like a kid again, and made me feel like laughing. Most of the time I was by myself and my husband was with someone who would look after him so I felt a little bit freer. And of course the endorphins.

    No mindfulness exercise has ever come close to making me feel that way.


    M in Oz
  • skuehn48
    skuehn48 Posts: 3,074 Member
    <3
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,693 Member
    auntiebk wrote: »
    Machka laughing and SMH at the “evidently carers are meant to have all kinds of time”. Yeah right, :noway: Your stress reducing strategies sound spot on. I was going to recommend including a few minutes of consciously relaxing each set of muscles and focusing on breath just before sleep, a kind of body meditation, until I read that bringing your focus onto your body only serves to bring your pain into focus. So glad you have found methodologies that work for you. Loved reading about your feeling like a kid again, jumping over puddles. Yay! You need all the stress reduction you can get.

    When I lie down or sit quietly, I fall asleep! :smiley:

    The last thing we used to do in a yoga class long ago was to lie down, close our eyes and tense then relax our feet, tense then relax our calves, and all the way up. That was OK because I usually got to the calves and fell asleep. I don't actually know what happens after the calves!

    Occasionally, if I haven't fallen asleep in the first minute or so in bed, I'll do that.

    Or I'll think, "What shoes should I wear tomorrow? They should be bla .... " and then I fall asleep.


    M in Oz
  • cityjaneLondon
    cityjaneLondon Posts: 12,792 Member
    edited August 2021
    My understanding of Mindfulness is 'being in the moment' and appreciating what is present. That could be cooking dinner, exercising, walking, eating, sewing, knitting, colouring, admiring the trees etc. The breathing exercises you were talking about are a specific type of meditation, which does not suit everyone. I like to be present in the now, just making a cup of tea, bringing one to my husband and drinking it with him. A small 'Tea Ceremony'. :D Eating my lovely dinners is, like it is for Rebecca, a form of Mindfulness. The point is to get out of head chatter and appreciate what is here, now. The beauty of my hands holding my tablet and typing. <3
    I also love visualisations and have a beautiful landscape I go to where I meet my chosen guests. There is a house there with everything I love in it, including a massage room.
    Sometimes I just imagine myself in a golden light shining from above and let it fill me. That's a great favourite of mine. I get warm all through. :) I use that at bedtime, or when reading, or when I am preparing to deal with difficult people.
    <3<3<3
    Love to all and welcome Valerie. Are you French speaking?

    Heather UK xxxxxxxx
  • Katla49
    Katla49 Posts: 10,385 Member
    I have made some mistakes knitting. The baby blanket I’m knitting for or unborn grandson will be okay. I hope for much better than “okay” when I get it finished.
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,693 Member
    edited August 2021
    The exercises that "force" (encourage) me to be in the moment usually just make me feel sad because most present moments have a sad element to them. I'd rather not dwell on present moments. :(


    But I'm in the present or near future all the time. :) Not sure where else I'd be! Just focusing on what I'm working on or the next thing I need/want to do.


    M in Oz

  • TerriRichardson112
    TerriRichardson112 Posts: 19,153 Member
    KIM ~ Happy, Happy Birthday! 😍 The chores story.
  • kymarai
    kymarai Posts: 3,733 Member
    <3
  • grandmallie
    grandmallie Posts: 10,153 Member
    Morning ladies
    Well Alfie pounced on me for breakfast this morning and I think I only had to get up once or twice last night and slept pretty well yeah!!!!
    I did text Jims son the expecting new dad and heard from his wife this morning
    Evan knows I meant no harm and knows I love them all Amy is due in a couple of weeks and just doesnt need the drama and I totally understand that.. and well Jim if he is gonna get his undies in a bunch over all this then he will just have to get over it ...
    Actually tonight Evans uncle and my good friends band plays at the riverfront park at the last of the summer concert series..will get together with my girlfriends one last time before everyone gets back to doing stuff,all our kids are out of school now or are in college or working..
    Had a friend of mine do something called cord cutting where you want to rid yourself of negative energy or people well thats about 1/2 of the people I know right know now ladies lol
    I basically have done this with Tom
    and Jean... I texted her yesterday and told her I wasnt going to our cousins wedding and she said she had called Valerie and looked at the registry and gotten thrm something like real snotty,Jean is still Jean nothing has changed and never will.. as Lisa said think ill go dark on them for awhile
    I love instacart,and hope im up for hoofing around Costco today.. wish me luck
  • Anniesquats100
    Anniesquats100 Posts: 3,306 Member
    Lisa - hugs for you. You've gone through a long difficult time already. Hope your symptoms become manageable, whatever they are.

    Annie in Delaware
  • LisaInArkansas
    LisaInArkansas Posts: 2,956 Member
    Anniesquats100 wrote: »
    Lisa - hugs for you. You've gone through a long difficult time already. Hope your symptoms become manageable, whatever they are.

    Annie in Delaware

    Thank you. More appreciated than you know. I'd be pretty happy with manageable right now.

    Lisa in AR
  • TerriRichardson112
    TerriRichardson112 Posts: 19,153 Member
    edited August 2021
    Lisa: oh no! Not more tests. I hope they find out what it is. It must be terribly worrying for you. (( (Hugs))) 💗

    Machka: mindfulness means different things to different people. I think a lot of the things that you’re describing are unconsciously mindful. The formalised mindfulness isn’t for everyone.

    Allie: good news on the Social Security. I agree with the others. It’s nothing to do with Tom, entirely your business. All this messing around can’t be good for your stress levels.

    Heather: Sounds like your trip to Portsmouth was quite successful. I’m sure Gwendolyn appreciates your listening ear. I quite enjoy my food as well. I’m very mindful when I’m leaving it.

    Welcome to the new people. We are friendly, so jumping and comment when you feel like it.

    ☘️ Terri
  • cityjaneLondon
    cityjaneLondon Posts: 12,792 Member
    edited August 2021
    Lisa I've just read up on it. <3 It does say it can get better with age. :o Something to look forward to. :sad:
    I do hope you can get it managed well, my friend. <3<3<3 Sounds as if they have at last got on the ball. Do you have any Middle Eastern ancestry?
    You know I think of you a lot. Very happy for you to email or message me. <3

    Lots of love, Heather UK xxxxxxxx
  • grandmallie
    grandmallie Posts: 10,153 Member
    It is supposed to be triple digits the next couple days that will keep me inside and I will start cleaning and purging stuff around here and i think that will help alot..
    Lisa- its always something
  • bananasandoranges
    bananasandoranges Posts: 2,410 Member
    edited August 2021
    Machka9 wrote: »
    bananasandoranges wrote: »
    Machka Why or or How does mindfulness make you feel worse?

    My brain starts screaming at me about what a waste of time it is and I start getting really anxious, not quite to the level of a panic attack, but I do feel like running out of the room.

    I've been taken through the body scan mindfulness exercise and for me, it's horrible. You're supposed to mentally identify and feel each part of your body but that just reminds me how much things hurt. I dedicate a portion of my brain to ignoring/forgetting the pain. I don't want to focus on it!

    Regarding stress reduction (one of the main benefits that mindfulness is supposed to have), I have found that sitting still and trying to being calm doesn't reduce my stress, as above, I just get more and more anxious. Instead, being active (cycling, running, working out, etc.), being active in nature, and listening to loud music are three things that do seem to reduce my stress. And of course, actually dealing with whatever is stressing me is one of the best ways to reduce stress.

    A lot of the exercises seem designed to calm the mind. One article says, "When we are no longer paying attention to random thoughts, the mind slows down and the body relaxes." My thought patterns don't seem to me to be random. I think in lists, tables, databases and I need to keep my mind sharp and focused on my lists and what's next. However, if my lists seem fragmented and jumbled and I am having trouble focusing, I've found that going on a long bicycle ride, or more recently, long walks or runs will allow me to think the random thoughts, then get everything back into a list again ... while accomplishing something! :) And that makes my brain happy and not anxious.


    M in Oz

    ON MEDITATION
    That makes sense.
    I used to meditate an hour a day for some years and now I'm finding it hard. so im' interested. I have to say when I AM able to meditate it makes me feel better, not necessarily first of all but later.

    But I was talking with an older friend who has meditated a lot too, and observed - when much younger the body sensations were more pleasant overall, and now they are not, so meditation tends to be less pleasant. Thought even when young there wa some major pain at times and it was possible to transcend the pain.

    I am not trying to convince you or anyone in any way whatsoever. I am a major believer in each person being the best authority- in most cases anyway about their own experience and reality.


    I also find it more easy to feel better by being active.
    I have seen some recent research that say that when people meditate/practice mindfulness A LOT they can feel worse. (maybe too self-analytical? and not a balance between action and observation?) . OH I SEE YOU CITED THAT IN YOUR 2nd POST. Exactly!

    And sports, crocheting, working CAN be meditative. Thich that hang (now he is not teaching but in the past) practices and taught all sorts of meditations:


    PEE MEDITATION !
    walking meditation(I saw him do leading the group to slow running meditation on a chilly winter morning, at age 80+)
    telephone meditation
    eating meditation
    peeing meditation
    tea meditation
    "deep listening"
    you name it.

    https://thichnhathanhfoundation.org/be-mindful-in-daily-life

    "We practice mindfulness throughout every moment of the day – not just in the meditation hall but also in the kitchen, the toilet, in our rooms, and on the path leading from one place to another."

    I have been online a lot when insomniac but last night I turned of the computer and focused on breath and scanning and felt better, and I also had a nice dream. - which I don't usually have;
    it didn't make my day any better.

    I have also seen people deep into meditation be escaping a bit. I don't think it's the most common scenario, but can happen.

    FARMING AND WORKING MEDITATION
    I had a friend who made a living making a successful organic jam. He was going to a meditation center somewhere and quite into it and his "teacher" (I have no idea who it was) told him that working gon the farm and making jam was his meditation and he didn't really need to go to the meditation center.

    CROCHET MEDITATION
    I listened to a lovely tape of famous meditation teacher Rahm Pass speaking a long time ago. He tells of how in the revolutionary 60s or 70s he was talking about cutting edge experience of mindfulness (possibly of experience of LSD also, which he dablled considerably in early on - but later said was less enlightening than non-meditation experience) to a mostly young public I think, and an elderly woman in the front kept nodding and smiling. He said he went up to her and asked her "how to you know" and he said she responded conspritorially, "I crochet." :D


    SPORTS MEDITATION
    Yes, sports high is great!

    COLOR
    I remember some book, maybe BELOVED by Toni Morrison where the elderly dying grandma only wanted to see colours. THat was her happiness. color. When I was in the hospital the Nice purply cushions of the industrial chairs in the waiting room were calming and at home I have similar color upholstery on sofa and curtains. That is calming colours for me.

    Also about COMPASSION MEDITATION
    once after a really challenging break up in my 30s.i went to a familiar meditation center for 3 days. I felt horrible. So though it wasn't the usual practice I was advised to do "metta meditation" sending positive thoughts to self, people around, people I'm close to and on out.

    When I was dead sick for some months after a trip to Asia after catching FOUR big bugs. I could barely keep food down for months, and I had had a strong meditation practice, but it was physically too tiring to concentrate so much (it made me nauseous!) so I then practiced a lot of metta meditation and I think it was great for my spirits. A lot of people were helping me then so I was spending a lot of time sending them good thoughts. (up to maybe 45 min a day imagining all the different people : happy, peaceful and free from needless suffering (or something like that).

    I am not a monotheist "praying person" but that seems rather close to prayer or as close to prayer has I have been in all sincerity and length of practice -at times.

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