WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR AUGUST 2021

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  • kymarai
    kymarai Posts: 3,630 Member
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    <3
  • grandmallie
    grandmallie Posts: 9,812 Member
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    Morning ladies
    Well Alfie pounced on me for breakfast this morning and I think I only had to get up once or twice last night and slept pretty well yeah!!!!
    I did text Jims son the expecting new dad and heard from his wife this morning
    Evan knows I meant no harm and knows I love them all Amy is due in a couple of weeks and just doesnt need the drama and I totally understand that.. and well Jim if he is gonna get his undies in a bunch over all this then he will just have to get over it ...
    Actually tonight Evans uncle and my good friends band plays at the riverfront park at the last of the summer concert series..will get together with my girlfriends one last time before everyone gets back to doing stuff,all our kids are out of school now or are in college or working..
    Had a friend of mine do something called cord cutting where you want to rid yourself of negative energy or people well thats about 1/2 of the people I know right know now ladies lol
    I basically have done this with Tom
    and Jean... I texted her yesterday and told her I wasnt going to our cousins wedding and she said she had called Valerie and looked at the registry and gotten thrm something like real snotty,Jean is still Jean nothing has changed and never will.. as Lisa said think ill go dark on them for awhile
    I love instacart,and hope im up for hoofing around Costco today.. wish me luck
  • Anniesquats100
    Anniesquats100 Posts: 3,114 Member
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    Lisa - hugs for you. You've gone through a long difficult time already. Hope your symptoms become manageable, whatever they are.

    Annie in Delaware
  • LisaInArkansas
    LisaInArkansas Posts: 2,536 Member
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    Anniesquats100 wrote: »
    Lisa - hugs for you. You've gone through a long difficult time already. Hope your symptoms become manageable, whatever they are.

    Annie in Delaware

    Thank you. More appreciated than you know. I'd be pretty happy with manageable right now.

    Lisa in AR
  • TerriRichardson112
    TerriRichardson112 Posts: 18,387 Member
    edited August 2021
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    Lisa: oh no! Not more tests. I hope they find out what it is. It must be terribly worrying for you. (( (Hugs))) 💗

    Machka: mindfulness means different things to different people. I think a lot of the things that you’re describing are unconsciously mindful. The formalised mindfulness isn’t for everyone.

    Allie: good news on the Social Security. I agree with the others. It’s nothing to do with Tom, entirely your business. All this messing around can’t be good for your stress levels.

    Heather: Sounds like your trip to Portsmouth was quite successful. I’m sure Gwendolyn appreciates your listening ear. I quite enjoy my food as well. I’m very mindful when I’m leaving it.

    Welcome to the new people. We are friendly, so jumping and comment when you feel like it.

    ☘️ Terri
  • cityjaneLondon
    cityjaneLondon Posts: 12,363 Member
    edited August 2021
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    Lisa I've just read up on it. <3 It does say it can get better with age. :o Something to look forward to. :sad:
    I do hope you can get it managed well, my friend. <3<3<3 Sounds as if they have at last got on the ball. Do you have any Middle Eastern ancestry?
    You know I think of you a lot. Very happy for you to email or message me. <3

    Lots of love, Heather UK xxxxxxxx
  • grandmallie
    grandmallie Posts: 9,812 Member
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    It is supposed to be triple digits the next couple days that will keep me inside and I will start cleaning and purging stuff around here and i think that will help alot..
    Lisa- its always something
  • bananasandoranges
    bananasandoranges Posts: 2,410 Member
    edited August 2021
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    Machka9 wrote: »
    bananasandoranges wrote: »
    Machka Why or or How does mindfulness make you feel worse?

    My brain starts screaming at me about what a waste of time it is and I start getting really anxious, not quite to the level of a panic attack, but I do feel like running out of the room.

    I've been taken through the body scan mindfulness exercise and for me, it's horrible. You're supposed to mentally identify and feel each part of your body but that just reminds me how much things hurt. I dedicate a portion of my brain to ignoring/forgetting the pain. I don't want to focus on it!

    Regarding stress reduction (one of the main benefits that mindfulness is supposed to have), I have found that sitting still and trying to being calm doesn't reduce my stress, as above, I just get more and more anxious. Instead, being active (cycling, running, working out, etc.), being active in nature, and listening to loud music are three things that do seem to reduce my stress. And of course, actually dealing with whatever is stressing me is one of the best ways to reduce stress.

    A lot of the exercises seem designed to calm the mind. One article says, "When we are no longer paying attention to random thoughts, the mind slows down and the body relaxes." My thought patterns don't seem to me to be random. I think in lists, tables, databases and I need to keep my mind sharp and focused on my lists and what's next. However, if my lists seem fragmented and jumbled and I am having trouble focusing, I've found that going on a long bicycle ride, or more recently, long walks or runs will allow me to think the random thoughts, then get everything back into a list again ... while accomplishing something! :) And that makes my brain happy and not anxious.


    M in Oz

    ON MEDITATION
    That makes sense.
    I used to meditate an hour a day for some years and now I'm finding it hard. so im' interested. I have to say when I AM able to meditate it makes me feel better, not necessarily first of all but later.

    But I was talking with an older friend who has meditated a lot too, and observed - when much younger the body sensations were more pleasant overall, and now they are not, so meditation tends to be less pleasant. Thought even when young there wa some major pain at times and it was possible to transcend the pain.

    I am not trying to convince you or anyone in any way whatsoever. I am a major believer in each person being the best authority- in most cases anyway about their own experience and reality.


    I also find it more easy to feel better by being active.
    I have seen some recent research that say that when people meditate/practice mindfulness A LOT they can feel worse. (maybe too self-analytical? and not a balance between action and observation?) . OH I SEE YOU CITED THAT IN YOUR 2nd POST. Exactly!

    And sports, crocheting, working CAN be meditative. Thich that hang (now he is not teaching but in the past) practices and taught all sorts of meditations:


    PEE MEDITATION !
    walking meditation(I saw him do leading the group to slow running meditation on a chilly winter morning, at age 80+)
    telephone meditation
    eating meditation
    peeing meditation
    tea meditation
    "deep listening"
    you name it.

    https://thichnhathanhfoundation.org/be-mindful-in-daily-life

    "We practice mindfulness throughout every moment of the day – not just in the meditation hall but also in the kitchen, the toilet, in our rooms, and on the path leading from one place to another."

    I have been online a lot when insomniac but last night I turned of the computer and focused on breath and scanning and felt better, and I also had a nice dream. - which I don't usually have;
    it didn't make my day any better.

    I have also seen people deep into meditation be escaping a bit. I don't think it's the most common scenario, but can happen.

    FARMING AND WORKING MEDITATION
    I had a friend who made a living making a successful organic jam. He was going to a meditation center somewhere and quite into it and his "teacher" (I have no idea who it was) told him that working gon the farm and making jam was his meditation and he didn't really need to go to the meditation center.

    CROCHET MEDITATION
    I listened to a lovely tape of famous meditation teacher Rahm Pass speaking a long time ago. He tells of how in the revolutionary 60s or 70s he was talking about cutting edge experience of mindfulness (possibly of experience of LSD also, which he dablled considerably in early on - but later said was less enlightening than non-meditation experience) to a mostly young public I think, and an elderly woman in the front kept nodding and smiling. He said he went up to her and asked her "how to you know" and he said she responded conspritorially, "I crochet." :D


    SPORTS MEDITATION
    Yes, sports high is great!

    COLOR
    I remember some book, maybe BELOVED by Toni Morrison where the elderly dying grandma only wanted to see colours. THat was her happiness. color. When I was in the hospital the Nice purply cushions of the industrial chairs in the waiting room were calming and at home I have similar color upholstery on sofa and curtains. That is calming colours for me.

    Also about COMPASSION MEDITATION
    once after a really challenging break up in my 30s.i went to a familiar meditation center for 3 days. I felt horrible. So though it wasn't the usual practice I was advised to do "metta meditation" sending positive thoughts to self, people around, people I'm close to and on out.

    When I was dead sick for some months after a trip to Asia after catching FOUR big bugs. I could barely keep food down for months, and I had had a strong meditation practice, but it was physically too tiring to concentrate so much (it made me nauseous!) so I then practiced a lot of metta meditation and I think it was great for my spirits. A lot of people were helping me then so I was spending a lot of time sending them good thoughts. (up to maybe 45 min a day imagining all the different people : happy, peaceful and free from needless suffering (or something like that).

    I am not a monotheist "praying person" but that seems rather close to prayer or as close to prayer has I have been in all sincerity and length of practice -at times.
  • bananasandoranges
    bananasandoranges Posts: 2,410 Member
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    Machka9 wrote: »

    When I lie down or sit quietly, I fall asleep! :smiley:

    The last thing we used to do in a yoga class long ago was to lie down, close our eyes and tense then relax our feet, tense then relax our calves, and all the way up. That was OK because I usually got to the calves and fell asleep. I don't actually know what happens after the calves!

    Occasionally, if I haven't fallen asleep in the first minute or so in bed, I'll do that.

    Or I'll think, "What shoes should I wear tomorrow? They should be bla .... " and then I fall asleep.


    M in Oz
    how luck to fall asleep so quickly!
  • csofled
    csofled Posts: 3,022 Member
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    🌺🥀🌷
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,193 Member
    edited August 2021
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    bananasandoranges wrote: »
    Machka9 wrote: »

    When I lie down or sit quietly, I fall asleep! :smiley:

    The last thing we used to do in a yoga class long ago was to lie down, close our eyes and tense then relax our feet, tense then relax our calves, and all the way up. That was OK because I usually got to the calves and fell asleep. I don't actually know what happens after the calves!

    Occasionally, if I haven't fallen asleep in the first minute or so in bed, I'll do that.

    Or I'll think, "What shoes should I wear tomorrow? They should be bla .... " and then I fall asleep.


    M in Oz
    how luck to fall asleep so quickly!

    I'm that tired. :neutral:


    But regarding the meditation thing, it's all the rage here and I constantly feel pressured into it.

    The brain injury association often does a meditation/mindfulness thing at the start or finish of the gatherings.

    The carer's organisations keep pressuring me to take a meditation/mindfulness class. I ask them for help and they send me heaps of information on medication/mindfulness. I've had texts and emails and all sorts about this one just recently ... they say, "If you feel you need a break and would like to learn a few tips on how to combat anxiety, stress and emotional set backs, join us in a 90 minute mindfulness session." It's like this mindfulness stuff is going to solve all my problems.
    s0ln9c282i71.png

    Pretty much everywhere I've turned for help around here offers me meditation/mindfulness.


    For a while, I thought it might help but it doesn't help me ... and that was disappointing in a way ... so I began to think of things that DO help me. :)

    There were two things that got me to thinking about things that DO help me:

    1) I was attending a Carer's session that was supposed to be an instructional session on "How to talk to Medical Professionals" and which dissolved quickly into mindfulness exercises. During that session various ones brought up issues they were having with the person they cared for and finally the instructor led us through an odd combination of how to communicate effectively with people (disregarding the fact that many of the people the group cared for had communication problems) and mindfulness and "letting it go". One of the examples used was getting the person we cared for to wash the dishes (?!?!) "It makes me sad when I come home and the dishes aren't done" and if that doesn't help, quiet the mind and let it go and all that.
    I was confused. I wondered why the person didn't just get a dishwasher and be done with it. Solve the problem instead of employing a whole bunch of calming techniques. That got me to thinking that a portion of our stressors can be solved with practical solutions.

    2) There is an ad on TV for a bank (I think). There are two older guys who look like twins and one is talking about how his work is stressful and he likes listening to heavy metal to relieve the stress. He says, "It isn't his cup of tea" and the other guy is making a cup of tea and has a book in hand and shakes his head and says, "It isn't my cup of tea" then goes to read. Meanwhile the first guy goes out into the yard, puts on headphones and listens to his heavy metal.



    Those two things helped me to put together that list I posted earlier of what does help me. :)

    The mindfulness stuff being pushed on me isn't my cup of tea ... but I have figured out what is. And that makes me feel happier. :)


    Machka in Oz
  • bananasandoranges
    bananasandoranges Posts: 2,410 Member
    edited August 2021
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    LisaInArkansas I'm so sorry about the medical issues.((()))
  • margaretturk
    margaretturk Posts: 5,096 Member
    edited August 2021
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    M cleaning is therapeutic to me too as is painting and gardening. I focus on the task at hand when I do these. Singing for me is a different kind of therapy. I know when I start having small accidents like glass breaking or bumping into things and misplacing things that is my siganl to slow down and focus on one thing at a time. Slowing down and focusing on one thing at a time is my defintion of being mindful.

    I do think it helps me to listen to my body if I am feeling pain. It is again my body's way of telling me to listen, pay attention, and make some changes. I read somewhere that illness is your body's way of telling you your energy is off and if you do not listen it will force you to pay attention by making you even sicker until you listen.

    Sometimes it becomes too late like in the case of my sister. For my sister it was always tomorrow she would start to take care of herself. Tomorrow came and she did not have enough in her health bank to overcome her illness.

    It is never selfish to say NO to take care of yourself.

    I agree what may be right for one person is not right for someone else. Follow what makes you feel healthy and strong.

    It make me think of a story my sister once said. You see that piece of cheesecake and you know you should not eat it. For whatever reason you eat it anyway. She ended it there to explain an unhealthy habit.

    This is another place where mindfulness can be useful. In observing what habits do not serve. Now to come up with solutions that help make changes. No cheesecake in the house, take a walk instead, clean a drawer, plant a flower. Rewards for when changes are made. For me it is just feeling better.
  • pipcd34
    pipcd34 Posts: 16,723 Member
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    grandmallie wrote: »
    Pip- you and Kirby just the most adorable couple xoxo
    Alfie and I settled in for the night and relaxing.. i have the soft blanket on the bed that Alfie likes so he is sprawled out snoring away and I have about 3 inches of a queen size bed lol
    But ya gotta love him

    Awwwww thx 😊
  • bananasandoranges
    bananasandoranges Posts: 2,410 Member
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    Machka9 wrote: »
    bananasandoranges wrote: »
    Machka9 wrote: »

    When I lie down or sit quietly, I fall asleep! :smiley:

    The last thing we used to do in a yoga class long ago was to lie down, close our eyes and tense then relax our feet, tense then relax our calves, and all the way up. That was OK because I usually got to the calves and fell asleep. I don't actually know what happens after the calves!

    Occasionally, if I haven't fallen asleep in the first minute or so in bed, I'll do that.

    Or I'll think, "What shoes should I wear tomorrow? They should be bla .... " and then I fall asleep.


    M in Oz
    how luck to fall asleep so quickly!

    I'm that tired.


    But regarding the meditation thing, it's all the rage here and I constantly feel pressured into it.

    The brain injury association often does a meditation/mindfulness thing at the start or finish of the gatherings.

    The carer's organisations keep pressuring me to take a meditation/mindfulness class. I ask them for help and they send me heaps of information on medication/mindfulness. I've had texts and emails and all sorts about this one just recently ... they say, "If you feel you need a break and would like to learn a few tips on how to combat anxiety, stress and emotional set backs, join us in a 90 minute mindfulness session." It's like this mindfulness stuff is going to solve all my problems.
    s0ln9c282i71.png

    Pretty much everywhere I've turned for help around here offers me meditation/mindfulness.


    For a while, I thought it might help but it doesn't help me ... and that was disappointing in a way ... so I began to think of things that DO help me. :)


    Machka in Oz

    If they impose mindfulnes at the start of a meeting one can do whatever you want! count sheep, do mathematical calculations! (oh that's another one, once I had a boyfriend when we had a horrible argument he started doing mathematical calculations (his accounts I think!) to totally occupy his mind).

    I do remember going to some meditation things and not liking the approach so did my own approach whatever it was (I don't remember exactly), very secretly heretically. :D
  • bananasandoranges
    bananasandoranges Posts: 2,410 Member
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    Machka
    what you say about mindfulness being disappointing for you.
    that is like therapy too, for me. SOMETIMES.

    I find it annoying that for almost every problem (personal, work, couple, family) you can read, at some point you should see a therapist, as a tidy conclusion for everything. As if that was going to automatically solve everything like a magic wand. First you have to find a GOOD therapist, who is a good listener and understands, and then has to be within one's price range and one needs the time for this, (including travel time). Therapists are not really as well-trained, up to date, here as in the USA, much more old fashioned, into psychoanalysis still very often! So just making an appointment just doesn't do it most of the time. I'm not adverse and have had some good experiences, and ok ones, but also some very disappointing wastes of time money and energy. I find it's a cop out way to end an article or text.
  • margaretturk
    margaretturk Posts: 5,096 Member
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    (((Lisa)))

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