WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR NOVEMBER 2022
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Hey all. Good conversations!
Weight loss/healthy choices- Making healthy choices like planning meals, meal times, exercise takes work. I think that is why my weight and habits fluctuate up and down, up and down, over and over. Months ago, Barbie shared how she figured out exactly how much "free" time she had each day/week, by writing down everything she did. I found out that I have 32 hours of free time each week (sleeping time is not free time). I have days and weeks where I can use that time efficiently and get things done or just relax. Some days/weeks that time is eaten away by caring for my DH. Some days/weeks that time is spent caring for myself. I know the weight that I have to lose will come off, as soon as I have the energy and heart to put into it. Some days I am there; some days I am not. I am hoping my upcoming trip will keep me on the better choices path and using my "free" time wisely.
caregiving- If my DH goes before me, I will not remarry. I might date. I might have a relationship. I might gift myself a toy and some alone time. BUT, I will not remarry. I have never had time to myself. I really think I need that. I have cared for many lifetimes worth of people. I just want time to care for myself. It feels selfish to think and as I read it, it looks selfish to see in print; but I think every one needs some point in their life to think about themselves and put themselves first. I was just going to say, "I'm not Mother Teresa". But even Mother Teresa did what she WANTED and was where she WANTED to be. Her choices. Mine aren't as noble, but if I don't take care of me, who will?
Regarding free time ...
We have 168 hours in the week.
If we sleep 8 hours a night, that's 56 hours.
168 - 56 = 112
My time from when I get up in the morning to get ready for work until I get home from work is 10 hour a day 4 or 5 days a week = 40-50 hours. Lunch can be sort of free time, but I'm often running errands or attending appointments. I consider it a good week if I can get 1 or 2 lunches where I don't have something to do.
112 - 45 = 67
Then there's walking Rhody and dinner. Walking Rhody is a relaxing time for me but now that he's in the habit, it must be done. That usually takes up 1.5 hours a day, 7 days a week = 10.5 hours.
67 - 10.5 = 56.5
Then there's housework, evening Zoom meetings, cycling club stuff, legal stuff, caring stuff, bills and other stuff that comes up and needs to be dealt with. I would guess I spend about 3 hours a day 7 days a week on that stuff = 21 hours a week.
56.5 - 21 = 35.5 hours
In those 35.5 hours, I work on my organising and simplifying projects, I work in the garden, I ride my bicycle, walk, run, row, do pilates and/or lift weights, and I colour.
Like you, I have days and weeks where I can use that time efficiently and get things done or just relax.
And some weeks are busier than others with caring, legal stuff, cycling club stuff, etc. This past week was a cycling club week, for example.
Regarding remarrying ... I also have absolutely no intention to remarry. I hope my husband will live on for many years yet, but when the time comes, I imagine myself moving into an independent living apartment (if I'm not there already) and amusing myself by returning to university to take another course ... or travelling.
Machka in Oz2 -
I had a good day today. The best part was a good conversation with DH. His health is improving and we were able spend time chatting with each other.
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Flea Hugs. May memories of your friend bring comfort and smiles.
Betsy, Lanette and any other widows recently released from caregiving Ditto! My current life is so joyous and fun, I can't imagine getting into a relationship with the baggage and drama it entails. There have been a few gentlemen who made casual overtures, but I just politely said "too soon", and that extinguished their interest. Maybe one day I'll be moonstruck, but I'm not looking.
Snow tubing was really, really fun. There was one run where I hit a bump and my tailbone is still hurting. But because my job is mostly standing, I haven't missed any work. Sleep however is a bit more uncomfortable.
Stay well friends. We can do this.
Rori
Colorado Foothills
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Hugs Beth! Thanks. I am nervous.😳💖
Rebecca
Whidbey
WA
Need to buy this next month!💖
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I had a nice day today. I had a good conversation with DH & enjoyed talking with him. I sat with nice people at meals and watched some TV. 6
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I have read through, but didn’t take notes. I had a beautiful weekend and enjoyed all of it.
I wish I knew how to share a video on here. I’ll post some pictures tomorrow night. It is almost 11pm and I need to get some sleep.
Tracey in Edmonton4 -
Add me to the list of those who would not remarry! An older woman once told me (after her husband passed) that men her age were looking for a nurse or a purse and she was not interested. She made a lot of sense…. My hubby is still quite alive and, for the most part well, but he has decided that he’s going first. I’ve given up trying to talk him out of it.
Looks like the scale is creeping in the right direction again. I have been more vigilant with what goes in my mouth and more diligent about getting to the gym and it’s paying off. Go figure…
I am all caught up with reading and enjoying everyone’s photos and stories, just not much time to comment. Doesn’t help that my desktop is being difficult and I find typing on my tablet a bit of a challenge.
Hugs for those needing them, congrats to those celebrating and welcome to any new ladies!
Evelyn, Vancouver Island4 -
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Monday
I slept a full 12 hours last night ... so tired!!
But then I had a cup of coffee and got moving. It was a day off, so I wanted to get a few things done:
- Cleaned bathroom
- Touched up the rest of the house - tidying and cleaning here and there
- Went through leftover food from the event yesterday
- Put away clothes
- Washed laundry & hung clothes to dry
- Took Rhody for a walk
- Coloured ... because I like to relax a bit on my days off
- Went through heaps of emails I've just let go for the last few days.
Tomorrow I go back to work.
Machka in Oz3 -
Betsy-I really appreciate your feelings on caregiving and the future. Worded very eloquently. Since my husband died 7 years ago I have not really had another relationship. My thoughts have been that I don't want to take care of someone and more importantly I don't want to bury another. I am also trying to set things up to make easier on children.
Flea-sorry to hear of the loss of friend. I do admire the way he had control over things. It sounds like he lived a very full life.
Allie-glad you have medical appointments scheduled-hope they get to the bottom of things.
Rebecca-sending good thoughts your way for surgery. Totally normal to feel nervous. I know many people who have felt so much better after the surgery.
Off and running for a busy week. Good time with kids this weekend but tiring!
Take care all,
Ginny in Ohio3 -
Well, my turn to be up early after a sleepless night. I was playing solitaire at 3 a.m.
But the good news is that Teddy is fine. He had me worried about eating plastic last night, but he just now ate a full breakfast. His energy is normal. And his belly is not tender. Yay!
Machka you asked if I could slide my eating hours later so that I was eating with my parents. I can't cook both for me and them at the same time. I could grab a yogurt though. That's something to try, thank you.
Annie in Delaware1 -
Morning ladies
Slept pretty well.not great but eh..up ,dressed and fed Alfie though he hasn't eaten yet and about to take off to see my little munchkin.2 -
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Hardly slept last night. I have come to the conclusion that I have anxiety about DH'S sister's visit with her boyfriend next weekend. Was worrying about food etc. One complication is that he is a vegetarian and allergic to fish. I have coped fine with that in the past, but for some reason, I was feeling unsettled. We had agreed to all go out on the Saturday night, but I was feeling guilty about that and wondering if I ought to cook, when they had driven for over two hours.
Came downstairs and talked to DH over our morning tea. He reminded me that, because we see not doing Christmas presents, she had said she would rather spend the money on a nice meal out together. That makes me feel much better!
I will still provide nibbles when they get here, and breakfast and snack lunch on Sunday. I think it will be the wonderful focaccia, with own choice of fillings. I might see my way to soup, who knows.
I always feel so annoyed with myself when I get like this, but there it is.
I did a good morning's work, typing up my old poems about my first marriage. Makes me a bit sad to revisit all the conflicting emotions, ranging from passionate engagement, to indifference, to overwhelming regret. Reminds me to never take anything for granted. There was so much to love.
The cleaner is coming this afternoon. I will get her to concentrate on the areas our guests will see! :laugh:
Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx1 -
30 Days of Gratitude
1. Smell - freshly cut grass on our lawn.
2. Technology - the amazing advancements in medical technology.
3. Colour - blue. Beautiful blue sky peaking through the clouds.
4. Food - soup. That's what I've been eating just recently because there's less chewing. We always keep a few cans of soup on hand for situations like these.
5. Sound - my music. I've recently acquired a number of nature sounds CDs with music playing along with sounds of ocean waves, birds, and so on. Lovely.
6. Nature - I love nature. It would be incredibly difficult for me to pick just one thing. I am so grateful that there is nature and that I can enjoy it.
7. Memory - Winter 2017. The last time I visited my parents and a wonderful 1-month holiday to Canada that June/July. My husband and I did two cycling events and a lot of other cycling. We climbed mountains and explored a glacier. We visited friends and family.
Memories:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/machka-bb/albums/72157682899188730
8. Book - Norman Doidge's The Brain's Way of Healing. I found it inspirational!
https://www.normandoidge.com/?page_id=1042
9. Place - home. I've moved and travelled a lot and home is wherever I happen to feel really comfortable. Right now, home is a certain house here in Tasmania where I can go and just be myself (mostly, for even a little while). Home is where I can lie down on the sofa and doze off when I've had a rough day, like I did yesterday.
10. Taste - salt. My favourite taste. On the one hand I need salt because of my exercise and medications, on the other hand I need to reduce my salt because of my kidneys. But given the choice, I'll usually go salty over sweet ... or maybe salty and sweet!
11. Holiday - Christmas!!!!
12. Texture - smoothness. I like smooth clothes, smooth sheets, Rhody's smooth fur ...
13. Abilities - I don't really think of myself in terms of having abilities. I've sort of thought of myself as "the jack of all trades, master of none". However, organisation is one that I've been thankful for throughout my life.
14. Sight - the beauty all around. In our yard, where we go cycling, where I work, and travelling around this island.
15. Season - I like the seasons in the following order from best to worst: Summer, Autumn ............ Spring ................... Winter.
16. What about your body are you grateful for? Healing ... that it heals. Mostly anyway, and perhaps imperfectly, but healing does take place.
17. What knowledge are you grateful for? Everything I do know. It all contributes to my work, my carer role, and my other activities.
18. Piece of art - of the arts, I think the two I appreciate the most are literature and music. On the subject of music, I have really appreciated discovering ABC Classic FM on the radio and the app on my phone. I pop in my earbuds at work and I can focus on my work while feeling relatively relaxed at the same time.
19. Touch - Rhody's fur, his little wet nose, his whiskers
20. Who in my life - my husband. I'm glad he is still in my life. My parents who have always been supportive.
21. Song - He Is -- Mark Schultz. One of several songs that has been with me through the difficult times.
22. Story - I'm grateful that there are so many stories! I love reading. It provides me with a much-needed distraction.
23. Tradition - I like the little traditions of Christmas.
24. Challenge - all the long distance cycling I've done over the years!
25. What moment this week are you most grateful for? Now. The start of a 3-day weekend! I'm taking Monday off.
26. What form of expression ... the written word. I like being able to communicate non-verbally through emails, facebook, etc.
27. What small thing that I use daily am I grateful for? ...
Is my bed small? It's a twin ...
My pillow? Having discovered good pillows, I can hardly sleep on any other pillow.
My laptop! That would probably be the one.
28. Small thing that happened today ... I got to rest and get a few things done. Plus I got to watch Murder She Wrote!
Machka in Oz
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Gratitude — I am grateful for the ability to talk on the telephone with DH. He is working on improving his health. I get to visit in person when our daughter can take me to him. The ability to chat on our telephones makes it easy to talk with each other whenever we want. 😊 ❤️1
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Grateful for...
28-*small thing that happened today- ......... I'll have to let you know when I get home ......... wish me luck
Love and Blessings, Carla, in MN1 -
Over here with mr Miles.. getting back into a routine.. i haven't been gone a week and so much change .. he is walking all over now ,but falling and getting bruises..enjoying playing with kitchenware .. big plastic spoons etc...
He took a small nap..2 -
Just talked to Corey - he had to come back to get his phone, which is vital during the day for work. Said he would have called me, but he couldn't 'cause he didn't have his phone!
Family drama:Spent time on the phone with my daughter yesterday afternoon and this morning--long story, but basically, the ex-husband has become this person who hates her so much, he's willing to do anything to make her life h*ll, and to say disgusting things in front his seven-year-old daughter that she should never have to hear. I cannot even repeat them--he's just become completely foul.
Kelsey had to drive all the way to Missouri yesterday to his parents to get Levi and his sister, and got there two hours earlier than the parenting plan states she must have them back. So the ex-husband called the cops on her for trespassing. She had to sit there outside their house for two hours until the dot of 6 pm. The cops apologized to her over and over again, and told him it was a civil matter, and they needed to settle it in court, not by cop. He's truly become unhinged. He ships out to Georgia in 30 days, and it cannot happen quickly enough.
Regarding caretaking and such... I married a man nine years younger, and since I met him, he quit smoking when I did six years ago now, and as of last Thursday, quit vaping too. I stopped vaping two years ago in January, got it down to 0 nicotine in each puff and simply stopped. He had dropped down to 4, and pitched his e-cig last week. Pleased with that - I came to the conclusion that sucking vapor into my lungs over and over, with or without nicotine, was a bad idea. He quoted that back to me this weekend. As his idea, of course. I'm OK with it. Whatever works!
On the remarrying side - If the stats work out, he and I should croak over within five minutes of each other. Should the worst happen and I survive him, there will be no more. I've introduced him to more than one person as my "current and final husband." He just gives me some side-eye and shakes his head.
Glad for the quiet life here in sunny Arkansas. I think I mentioned we live in the foothills--and he works in the Arkansas River Valley, just a half hour away. He's completely socked in with fog this morning, and I'm looking at sunshine here.
Love this place,
Lisa in AR
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Hi Gals,
Lisa – What a mess, the Grands will remember these events and it will forever negatively color their relationship with their dad, he thinks he is hurting your DD but really he is hurting himself. What a jerk! Sending thoughts of patience and strength to her.
Smiles Kim in N. California
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Lisa im so sorry ,my first husband did the same thing talking trash about me to a 8 and 12 yr old now Tracy can't believe anything he says because he says one thing and does another..
I never said anything about him to the kids because he is there dad.. but it has come back to bite him..1 -
Lisa, so sorry for the drama. Let's hope he fades out of the scene.
Annie in Delaware0 -
Thank you Kim and Allie and Annie - It actually brought back memories of my father in a rage saying horrible things about my mother and my mother's friends. Words that I genuinely had no idea what they meant, had never heard before. Not exactly a fond memory.
My grandson, luckily, at 3 years old, probably won't remember, but my 7-year-old granddaughter will, which just breaks my heart. Ah well - I can't fix it, but genuinely appreciate the listen. Corey's all-male perspective is that he doesn't want to hear the drama, whether from Kelsey or me. The fixer in him just doesn't want to know about something he can't fix. I get that. I'm just giving her the sounding board she needs, and trying not to let it upset me too much--I can't fix it either, but I'm OK with that.
Just doodling, doing chores, watched Yellowstone while I was setting up my pills for the week. Now it's laundry...
Love y'all,
Lisa in AR
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Awe, so sorry Lisa, that is so childish of him. I remember hearing my parents fight over really silly stuff after they divorced. My Dad was never home when I called him, and I dial his number over and over till I cried in a heap. I was in high school. For awhile I stopped calling him Dad, because dads are there and he wasn't. I also recall a rather heated tennis match I had with him on one of his visiting weekends. All the emotions coming out with each wack! It was glorious!😂😂😁😠😡. We had a good long talk afterwards.
I hope your grandkids have a place to exercise their feelings out.💖👍🏻🙏
Rebecca
Whidbey
Wa2 -
Grateful:
24. challenge. I am grateful for the challenges I face every day. They make me stronger.
25. moment this week. All the contact from family and friends for Thanksgiving. Could see everyone, but heard from everyone!
26. form of expression. Writing. I express myself better writing than speaking.
27. daily use item. My coffee cup and my iPhone, can’t decide on one! Lol
28. what happen today. Went for my daily walk around the park and NO MUD!
29. friend/family member.
30. talent or skill
Off to dentist. Need new partial since that tooth was pulled.
Here ya pic of my view on Sunday.
RvRita in Roswell, NM
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We’re having a good time today. DH & I had a good lunch & he is chatting with our son, It is noon now & I may be back to my apartment soon.3
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Lisa - Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
So sad all round. You are doing great, being a listening ear.
The house is clean. I asked her to leave the top floor, our bedroom, and DH'S study, and just concentrate on the visitors' areas. She made a special effort in DH'S bathroom, which they will be using. Scrubbed all the tiles.
I've booked the Persian restaurant for Saturday. We have to give up the table at 8.30, so I've reserved it for 6.30 - 6.45. It has a good selection of vegetarian dishes.
Tonight I made a big vegetarian curry. Delicious! There is enough for me to have some for lunch tomorrow. I'm reading the Tim Spector book, so I'm very conscious of my veggie fibre. Cauliflower, spinach, chickpeas, peas, onions, celery, carrot, garlic, potatoes, mixed spices, cloves, cardamom pods, cumin seeds. Brown rice.
With raita - cucumber, scallions, garlic, lemon juice, homemade yoghurt.
And a mixed pickle with all sorts of veg in it.
Not too bad for one day.
Lunch had lots of arugula. Rye bread. Blue cheese - mouldy and fermented!
Pears for dessert.
Then one candy.
Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx3 -
Grateful:
24. challenge. The challenge recently is learning to keep my distance from middle sister and her toxic.
25. moment this week. When my eldest son called and we chatted for an hour.💖
26. form of expression. Writing to my many pen pals.😁
27. daily use item. My Christmas mug from a good friend, and my tablet.
28. what happen today. Still waiting for nurse to call me.
29. friend/family member. Filling out early because I won't be coherent to fill out. My husband because hopefully he'll be by my side throughout the day of surgery.
30. talent or skill. Singing, playing the piano and juggling. (not at the same time).😂
Rebecca
Whidbey
Wa1
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