WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR JANUARY 2023
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You know, Tracey, I had the most wonderful auntie who would send cards to everyone for their birthday every year. EVERY year, even if she was out of town, which became more frequent for my birthday because it was February and they started going to Hawaii every year. As she got older, her signature got harder to read, but she still sent the cards and they got more precious to receive. We lost Auntie Sally a couple years ago and Uncle Leigh just last year. I still have some of the last couple cards that she sent to me.
Hehehe sorry, Machka, emails don't count. That's the point... LOL!
OMGosh, Karen, that is one of my favorite songs... Thank you for reminding me.
11 Send a card/note to someone today... easy peasy again, I've got them ready to go.
Love and Blessings, Carla, in MN12 What are you looking forward to in 2023?...
13 Tell a random person they look "good" today...
14 Tell us three amazing things that happened recently (you decide what "recently" means...lol)...
15 Call or text someone you haven't talked to in at least a week...
16 What made you smile today...
17 Take a photo of something you're grateful for...
18 What material comforts are you most thankful for? You can make your list as long as you like...
19 Write a positive review for a company for goods or services you've received recently...
20 Write down five things you like about yourself...
21 Pay it forward in some way...
22 What do you most desire in your life right now?...
23 Go an entire day without complaining...
24 What about you makes you special?...
25 Spend time with a loved one...
26 When was the last time you felt pure joy?...
27 Hold the door for a stranger... or a friend...
28 What fear have you overcome?...
29 Engage in a random act of kindness of your own choice...
30 When was the last time you laughed so hard you almost peed?...
31 Now try to "meditate" (sit in silence) for ten minutes...2 -
Rosemarie be gentle with yourself. Stress can make it harder to lose the weight. I hope you find ways to give yourself many breaks throughout the day!
Annie a call out to you to be gentle with yourself too! Had a long talk with my neighbor whose dad has similar problems because of a stroke. He talked about the son hat versus the caregiver hat and the problems of each. Fortunately he does have Power of Attorney for his dad. Does someone in your family have this with your mom? I know it an extra layer but it does make some things easier such as paying her bills and making sure she is not subjected to scammers.
When she gets into her stubborn mindset give yourself space where you remind yourself it her illness and you do the best you can to deal with it. Getting good sleep, eating well, giving yourself breaks, saying NO to others in your life who add to your stress, finding the things in your life that recharge your batteries.
Are there things that motivates her? When we finish X then we will do Y (what she likes)
State things rather than sound like you are giving her a choice. Time to go to podiatrist...we are going to make your toes pretty. After podiatrist we will Y.
In many ways it is like dealing with a 2-3 year old yet they are an adult. So you use the techniques of dealing with a 2-3 while using the voice and respect of an adult.
I remember going to a workshop on how to deal with children that have tantrums. You give them the space they need to calm down. Yet you stay nearby and calmly check in on them to let them know you are there for them. If you engage them when they are upset it can get you upset and the situation escalates. Another technique that I have yet to master but am working on it is count to five or more in your head before saying anything.
Your family is in a marathon not a sprint when dealing with a loved one who has Alzheimer's.
Humor and cherishing those moments when your mom is doing well helps too. Trying to remember how frustrating and frightening it is for your mom who is losing her ability to think clearly gives some perspective.
(((Triple hugs)))5 -
Karen - Wow on the 40 pounds lost! With you on the "rather do it a different way, thank you very much."
Tracey - Ditto for me on the cards. I sent all my family cards on their birthdays, and holidays and never, ever got one back. One year I stopped, and I'm pretty sure no one noticed. My best friend and I send each other birthday cards each year, and I'm pretty sure it's the only card either of us sends anymore.
Lanette - The doc that did my gastric bypass tattooed on my brain that I have to get at least 65 grams of protein a day to keep my body from cannibalizing my muscles to supply its overall needs. Then he noted that the heart is a muscle. It stuck, and I still try very hard to get at least that much protein every day. You noted cottage cheese as a way to get protein, and I take that serving of cottage cheese and add about 3 oz of reheated taco meat, made with 85-15 beef. The combination is 40 grams of protein, and yummy, too. I also need the heme iron from the beef, so it's really a win for me.
Machka - My decisionmaking abilities, or current lack thereof, sound much like your "I don't know" phase.
Annie - I'm so sorry. Even when you know something's coming, seeing it in black and white can be devastating. You are such a strong person, and I hope you can get the help you need to get through these next few years. Having that diagnosis may well open community doors and support for you and your mom. Margaret gave some great suggestions. You can do this!
Love to all of you,
Lisa in AR
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We settled down to painting after lunch. I'm sure you can guess who this is. I'm reasonably happy with it, but I wish I had done it in brighter colours. My image in my head was more vivid.
Now to prep chicken and mushrooms stir fry. With pak choi.
Then a quick rowing session.
Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx
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Morning ladies
Karen-you read those words from that Beatles and its true..
Love it!!
Poor Kyle still home.Carmine went to school Tracy took him to the bus stop ,but he was being his usual bratty self.. saying that he was going to have a mental breakdown if he had to keep riding the bus. Well hey I had to ride rhe bus back and forth to school all my life.. always the drama..
Makes his parents lives a living hell,but then wants everything handed to him..
Im taking him with me for haircut on friday.. but will not treat to McDonald's as I usually do,even though im sure he will beg.. I'll just say can't afford it this week..
Im not going to say what i feel that your treating your parents like crap and why should I.
Miles is out again,he took an hr nap. And then just fell back asleep now..
Told Tracy about the wedding in Tennessee. So she is asking for the time off.
Nobody is beating on Miles,Miles is going hell bent for election and going to fast and wacking his head on stuff..7 -
Machka— As a young child my mom took me to Woolworth’s in Salem, OR. We sometimes had lunch at the counter. As time went on it was one of the stores that disappeared. Kresses was another, and JC Penney’s—
Barbara—You are correct that being near our daughter in Illinois is the right place for DH.
Lanette— I agree with your comments about eating protein to keep muscles. I like meat & fish. Cottage Cheese has always been a staple for me. I had some this morning. 😊
My grandfather was a cottage cheese maker in the 1930’s & 40’s. He stayed with us in early 1950. I was very young but still remember him in a hospital bed in our living room. He and both of my parents were cigarette smokers. I detest cigarettes after all these years. I still love cottage cheese and had some this morning.
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"And to be loved we need to be known" - that's another line from the song. Allie - why not spend the time in McDonald's really listening to Carmine? No judgement. We all need someone's full attention, to be really listened to and understood. DH is so good at that with the kids. He pays full attention to Bea talking non -stop. She is in seventh heaven.
Withholding privileges when they don't even know why, doesn't seem very helpful.
I haven't got the gift of patience that DH has,
but I hope we can provide a place where the kids do not feel judged. 'Unconditional positive regard'
I feel teenagehood coming on before we know it. Max is 12 in five months. I'm sure he will withdraw and be less keen on coming round, but DH and he have a special bond that I hope we can sustain.
Love to all, Heather UK xxxxxxxx
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Happy Wednesday!
Carol in GA3 -
Tracey- Just the mention of that album and I can see it in my mind. One of my favorites I am pretty sure is on that is "Kiss an Angel Goodmorning" Mom and dad had that and a lot more. I am pretty sure she still has it. All the old country music. Maybe a record player would be a great gift for her for her birthday so she could play them again.
LOVED all the 45's they had.3 -
dlfk202000 wrote: »I guess I am one of the few that don't like line dried clothes. I remember as a kid having all the clothes drying on the line- I HATED the feel of them, so much I was in tears with some of them. I have always been VERY picky about my clothes, they HAVE to be super soft and no tags in them. If I wore a sweater, I had to wear a long sleeve soft cotton shirt under it. My favorite clothes are fleece/cotton/sherpa/etc. I feel clothes first before anything else. I rarely buy clothes online because of that. They look like they will be soft but get them and they feel terrible.
Mine have to be smooth cotton or jersey knit.
Fortunately line drying those is all right.
I used to be able to wear anything but not since 2016. Fleece is OK as a jacket over a long sleeve cotton top in the middle of winter but it's too prickly against my skin.
It's related to how hot I get.
Even at night I sleep with a very smooth cotton sheet and that's it ... unless it is really cold.
M in Oz
My favorite "fabric" now is Sherpa!!! Love the feel. I have quite a few sherpa blankets and then dh got me one of the big jacket/robes that is Sherpa inside and fleece that is super soft. BUT, after a while, when the Sherpa isn't super soft anymore, those blankets become cat blankets
My newest blanket I ordered and opened after my surgery, so comfy. Used it the whole time I was on the couch and now it is on my side of the bed. I have another just like it that I used when I had Covid. That was the one thing I couldn't wait to open and use when I was finally able to drive home from mom's after being too weak to drive home. Two weeks on the couch with that.
https://www.kohls.com/product/prd-2758102/eddie-bauer-cabin-plaid-sherpa-throw.jsp?prdPV=13
https://www.kohls.com/product/prd-1944597/the-big-one-super-soft-plush-throw.jsp?prdPV=5
Kohl's has these on sale every Black Friday. $19.99 for the Sherpa and $9 for the fleece. I buy extra every year. This year I bought two of the Sherpa ones and had them sent to my former inlaws.
Debbie
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Finally caught up! Sitting in bed watching light snow showers outside. Cat asleep at the foot of the bed. Neither one of us all too gung ho to get up and be productive. Alas, I have a hair appointment this afternoon and will work at the basketball game tonight.
[b]Annie[/b]: I clearly remember the day my DH was pronounced as likely having dementia. Duh! Still was good to have it confirmed through official channels, and it got me serious about future care. I love all of Margaret's suggestions. I will add two more: alz.org has several resources, including groups similar to this one. I didn't go there everyday, but did plunge in occasionally so I could find solace in the community of spouses that were in similar situations as mine. Also they have a 800# which you can call 24/7 for just about anything. If you are in the mindset to build a good habit, I can recommend 15 minutes a day reading/learning something related to caregiving for someone with Alzheimer's. Knowledge is power and comfort. (hugs)
Karen: Bravo on the weight loss and the phenomenal job you have done to get your brother, partner and yourself all moved and settled. So much hard work, physically and emotionally. You are ah-maazing. Hope you have some lighter, funner times ahead.
I jumped on the online grocery train early on, and I'm still on it. Originally it was a godsend because I could no longer leave DH alone for much time. But now I just continue it because I like that it saves me time and money. It's reliable and I find the pickers' selections to be very good. You can tell them ahead of time what to substitute with if your first choice is not available, or to not substitute at all if that is your desire. I appreciate that heavy bags of cat litter are dropped right at my doorstep, so I don't have to lug them in from my detached garage. On the few occasions that I needed to return something, they usually credit me back the cost of the item right away, and do not necessarily take the wrong/bad item back. My menu of food items is small because I share my fridge and freezer, and have very limited
space for fresh items. My meal planning starts with eating whatever I have on hand because I just can't stand wasted food. I recently discovered I like some flavors of canned sardines. Low on calories, good omega and protein.
Since my roommate came to live here in August, I've dropped 4 pounds. I think it's related to having less at my fingertips to snack on.
Thinking of all of you on the west coast. Hope you and yours all remain safe and water tight. I can't imagine so much rain!
Stay well, friends. We can do this.
Rori
Colorado Foothills
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margaretturk wrote: »
Annie a call out to you to be gentle with yourself too! Had a long talk with my neighbor whose dad has similar problems because of a stroke. He talked about the son hat versus the caregiver hat and the problems of each. Fortunately he does have Power of Attorney for his dad. Does someone in your family have this with your mom? I know it an extra layer but it does make some things easier such as paying her bills and making sure she is not subjected to scammers.
When she gets into her stubborn mindset give yourself space where you remind yourself it her illness and you do the best you can to deal with it. Getting good sleep, eating well, giving yourself breaks, saying NO to others in your life who add to your stress, finding the things in your life that recharge your batteries.
Are there things that motivates her? When we finish X then we will do Y (what she likes)
State things rather than sound like you are giving her a choice. Time to go to podiatrist...we are going to make your toes pretty. After podiatrist we will Y.
In many ways it is like dealing with a 2-3 year old yet they are an adult. So you use the techniques of dealing with a 2-3 while using the voice and respect of an adult.
I remember going to a workshop on how to deal with children that have tantrums. You give them the space they need to calm down. Yet you stay nearby and calmly check in on them to let them know you are there for them. If you engage them when they are upset it can get you upset and the situation escalates. Another technique that I have yet to master but am working on it is count to five or more in your head before saying anything.
Your family is in a marathon not a sprint when dealing with a loved one who has Alzheimer's.
Humor and cherishing those moments when your mom is doing well helps too. Trying to remember how frustrating and frightening it is for your mom who is losing her ability to think clearly gives some perspective.
(((Triple hugs)))
I love your suggestions- both the reward after doing something she doesn't really want to do and also to treat them like you are dealing with the 2-3 yr old.
I have had to do that with my MIL.
Lots of prayers before I go into her house also helps- pray for peace and to please don't let her bitterness affect me. They have really helped.
I need dh to read this and do some of it instead of just getting mad at her. Doesn't do anyone any good.
Especially the reward part- that will work for her.
Debbie
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Gratitude list
Word of the year: APPRECIATE—- Today I appreciate access to tap water (the campground tap water line is down because of a leak today!)9 Create something today—-I will work on my crochet - making a granny square afghan out of left over yarn.
1 Sit in silence for three minutes... it's harder than you think—DONE
2 List 5 things using each of your senses——DONE
3 Let go of at least 5 items in your house—tossed Christmas card I had collected
4 What was your favorite Christmas gift? (this year or ever)—This year was jewelry from my ‘adopted’ granddaughter.
5 Move for at least 30 minutes today—-Done plus #1 again!
6 Share a goal you achieved last year—-Bringing my car to the car wash one or more times a month!
7 Slow down and savor one meal today—-Breakfast-savored the texture of my OUI yogurt versus the granola I added.
8 Who was your favorite teacher—My French teacher in High School. Sister Jeannette
10 What is your favorite lyric from a song—Against the wind, We were running against the wind. We were young and strong, we were running against the wind.
11 Send a card/note to someone today—Done! Note to DH and card for Uncle’s birthday.12 What are you looking forward to in 2023?
13 Tell a random person they look "good" today
14 Tell us three amazing things that happened recently (you decide what "recently" means...lol)
15 Call or text someone you haven't talked to in at least a week
16 What made you smile today
17 Take a photo of something you're grateful for
18 What material comforts are you most thankful for? You can make your list as long as you like...
19 Write a positive review for a company for goods or services you've received recently
20 Write down five things you like about yourself
21 Pay it forward in some way
22 What do you most desire in your life right now?
23 Go an entire day without complaining
24 What about you makes you special?
25 Spend time with a loved one
26 When was the last time you felt pure joy?
27 Hold the door for a stranger... or a friend
28 What fear have you overcome?
29 Engage in a random act of kindness of your own choice
30 When was the last time you laughed so hard you almost peed?
31 Now try to "meditate" (sit in silence) for ten minutes...
RVRita is sunny but very windy NM5 -
dlfk202000 wrote: »I guess I am one of the few that don't like line dried clothes. I remember as a kid having all the clothes drying on the line- I HATED the feel of them, so much I was in tears with some of them. I have always been VERY picky about my clothes, they HAVE to be super soft and no tags in them. If I wore a sweater, I had to wear a long sleeve soft cotton shirt under it. My favorite clothes are fleece/cotton/sherpa/etc. I feel clothes first before anything else. I rarely buy clothes online because of that. They look like they will be soft but get them and they feel terrible.
Mine have to be smooth cotton or jersey knit.
Fortunately line drying those is all right.
I used to be able to wear anything but not since 2016. Fleece is OK as a jacket over a long sleeve cotton top in the middle of winter but it's too prickly against my skin.
It's related to how hot I get.
Even at night I sleep with a very smooth cotton sheet and that's it ... unless it is really cold.
M in Oz
Machka, besides menopause, you being hot all the time may be a sign of a thyroid problem. I was cold all the time, (except for menopause) but my thyroid and pituitary glands are slow.
Clotheslines. I love clothes dried outside but I love the confidence of dryers! Lol So to choose……hmmmm. I use a clothes line for hand washed clothes and to air freshen blankets, but mostly use dryers. I’m in a State Park so it is discouraged to have clothes lines out. People still do though. And I do occasionally. During COVID if you remember, i didn’t want to use the laundromat so washed ALL my clothes by hand in a bucket! Glad I now have a washer/dryer available to me! Something else I appreciate today— washers and dryers!
Ordering groceries— I would and have ordered items like box or can goods but fresh veggies, meat, etc. I rather pick out myself so seldom order groceries online. I do get my dog food and treats monthly from Amazon and sometimes a grocery item I can’t find locally that I want, but that’s about it.
I had lost 60 pounds by 2020, Then the next 3 years gained 30 of it back, Covid, finances, nerves, etc. Working on getting that 30 gone. Being serious this year and have lost 3 pounds in the last 2 weeks so headed in the right direction! Now to keep up the 7000-10000 steps a day, yoga 3 x a week and hand weights twice a week. (Also reducing/stopping alcohol too!)
RVRita, NM
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1 Sit in silence for three minutes... it's harder than you think. Done10 What is your favorite lyric from a song: " A flight of fancy on a wind swept field
2 List 5 things using each of your senses. Currently: The sound of crickets from the boys sound machine in their bedroom, the smell of grass and fresh air from the open window, the blue/white glow of my laptop screen in the dark dining area, the taste of coffee, the scritchy feel of a tag on my shirt (that I will be changing out of soon)
3 Let go of at least 5 items in your house. I am not home right now, but my linen closet is going to take a BIG hit when I get home.
4 What was your favorite Christmas gift? (this year or ever). Not counting my youngest son being born on Christmas Eve; I would say a leatherbound copy of The Hobbit from my youngest son. It is not my favorite book, but it was the fact that he gave me a book. This is the first book I have received as a gift, since childhood. It is the thoughtfulness behind it.
5 Move for at least 30 minutes today- this will be easy as the boys and I will be taking a walk to the playground this morning. Extra movement will include: playground, putting sand in the sandbox and water in the water tables, building a fort in the living room, and setting up "camp" under it.
6 Share a goal you achieved last year- I am not a gardener; so my goal of growing some fruits and veggies with the kids was met. We grew green beans, carrots, radishes, and watermelon. We are going to try again this year with a bigger garden and more variety.
7 Slow down and savor one meal today- Well, the 7th was a travel day, so the meal I savored was actually a burger and fries. BUT, it was after eight hours with only a granola bar and it was in my own home, while regaling my son and hubby with "grandson" highlights.
8 Who was your favorite teacher- My favorite teacher was my 10th grade English teacher. She recognized a natural ability for language/communication in me; a kid who had a hard time staying on task, especially when it was a topic that didn't spark my interest. Instead of completed written work on the assigned topic; she let me submit a rough draft on a topic of my choice and do an oral presentation and discuss it(just the two of us). Unfortunately, she died of cancer before I graduated. I spent a lot of time talking to her about things and she was/is missed greatly.
9 Create something today- Hoo boy! Well, I have already created a to-do list; but I don't think that is what they are looking for here. I will be "creating" something on Saturday...maybe I will switch this one with another day this week.
Standing alone my senses reeled
A fatal attraction is holding me fast
How can I escape this irresistible grasp?
Can't keep my eyes from the circling sky
Tongue-tied and twisted, just an earth-bound misfit, I" Learning to Fly by Pink Floyd
11 Send a card/note to someone today: I have been thinking about my cousin, recently divorced and struggling in the singles scene. I sent her some "words of affirmation" in a card today.12 What are you looking forward to in 2023?
13 Tell a random person they look "good" today
14 Tell us three amazing things that happened recently (you decide what "recently" means...lol)
15 Call or text someone you haven't talked to in at least a week
16 What made you smile today
17 Take a photo of something you're grateful for
18 What material comforts are you most thankful for? You can make your list as long as you like...
19 Write a positive review for a company for goods or services you've received recently
20 Write down five things you like about yourself
21 Pay it forward in some way
22 What do you most desire in your life right now?
23 Go an entire day without complaining
24 What about you makes you special?
25 Spend time with a loved one
26 When was the last time you felt pure joy?
27 Hold the door for a stranger... or a friend
28 What fear have you overcome?
29 Engage in a random act of kindness of your own choice
30 When was the last time you laughed so hard you almost peed?
31 Now try to "meditate" (sit in silence) for ten minutes...
Word for 2023 Restore
Still riding the struggle bus with the cold. I think I hate colds more than any other illness. They just have to run their course, and I am not a patient patient. It is also rainy here, which I think is adding to my sinus pressure. Blah. There are a few of you that I wanted to reply to, but like Pooh, my head is stuffed with fluff. Everything makes my brain hurt. lol I will catch you all tomorrow.
ttfn xoxoxo KJ (Kelly)
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Heather — “And to be loved we need to be known.” Brilliant! 💖
Rori— Nice to hear from you. A hair appointment sounds pleasant. I hope you enjoy the basketball game. 🌸
Rita— “Appreciate” is excellent. ⭐️ I like it. 😊1 -
Annie and Debbie ~ We are in the same boat as both of you regarding a family member who is moving through dementia. My DH is the sole care giver for his brother-in-law. He had to be moved into assisted living after almost dying in his own home due to mental failure to take care of himself. He is 78 and my DH is 74. Every week my Dh goes to see him, take him supplies, and carries him to all medical appointments. Every week he asks DH can he go home (which he can't do) and DH has to spend time telling him why he needs all the assistance that the facility provides. DH comes home and is depressed and I don't know how long he can keep this up.
It just seems like there is no solution for this.
Carol in GA8 -
Dementia and elder care --
I ran across this website when dealing with my husband's issues (in addition to the one Rori mentioned)
https://www.agingcare.com/caregiver-forum
Folks talk about their own experiences in dealing with family members in all stages of dementia and care. You might find it helpful.
Lanette
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