WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR APRIL 2023

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  • pipcd34
    pipcd34 Posts: 16,671 Member
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    192192
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,119 Member
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    barbiecat wrote: »
    :) Who made the rules? Jake believes that children should call their parents so if they don't call him then they don't talk. Some of you think your parents should call you so you don't call them. My rule is that the person who is the most disturbed is the one who should take the action.

    <3 Barbie in NW WA


    In my case, my parents and I email frequently and comment back and forth on FB. But we only "call" (Zoom) a couple times a year. We're not phone people.

    This works for us.


    Machka in Oz
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,119 Member
    edited April 2023
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    kevrit wrote: »
    Machka9 wrote: »
    GodMomKim wrote: »

    Hi Gals,

    some of this is just venting....

    I know you just want to vent and aren't looking for advice. Vent away!

    GodMomKim wrote: »
    for those of you also dealing with older parents.... I know my mom is very limited in her hearing (especially without her hearing aids - which she hates to wear) and that she processes slower, but she will look at me with a completely blank look - give me no visual or verbal clue that she is participating in the conversation or even knows that I am talking to her, but when I ask what do you think, or did you hear me -- she says okay.... so I know at some level she is listening... It's hard to turn everything into an open ended question but has anyone come up with something to say to get feedback that is meaning full? I suggested that we deal with her taxes, at least call her tax person (who she will not tell me their name, company or phone number) But I think it is H&R Block - I told her I would like to know if she could move the appointment to an office closer to us, or do it in a way that we would not need two appointments. I know what town the tax person is in and it is 1- 1 1/2 hours drive away from me. She looked at me blankly - then I asked if she would like me to make the call - response was quit bugging me. So I don't know if just talking to her is bugging her, or taxes are bugging her or maybe to quote Lisa her cheese has just fallen off her cracker.

    This happens a lot in my home. So much so that I took my husband to an audiologist to get his hearing checked. I was hopeful that is all it was. And I also got an appointment at the audiologist to get him to go. Turns out he's got perfect hearing - even hyper hearing - and I'm the one going deaf. :neutral:

    Unfortunately, that means the reason he doesn't hear me is because the processing is slow and easily distracted.
    • If the TV is on and there is anything remotely interest on it ...
    • If he's reading an online newspaper ...
    • If he's thinking about something else ...
    • If he's making dinner ...
    • If he's doing something in the garden ...

    He won't hear me.
    Sometimes he won't even hear that I've made a noise. I can say a complete sentence in the same room with him, and he won't react at all. When I finally attract his attention, he won't have realised I said something.

    If he does hear that I'm making noise, he won't know what I am saying, and he'll tell me that I don't speak loud enough.

    Because of the brain injury, he has Aphasia (a brain disorder where a person has trouble speaking or understanding other people speaking), and connected with that, he also experiences Auditory Processing Disorder
    https://www.acquiredbraininjury-education.scot.nhs.uk/impact-of-abi/communication-problems/auditory-processing-disorder/

    Auditory processing difficulties:
    • Impair the person’s ability to distinguish between letters of similar sounds and therefore distinguish between words which sound similar e.g. ‘key’/’tea’.
    • Make it difficult for the person to understand connected speech. This is made even worse if the speech is rapid.
    • Impair the person’s ability to follow and keep up with conversation, especially in situations where there may be overlap of speakers and rapid exchanges of conversation.
    • Are exacerbated by background noise and any other competing auditory demands. This will have a significant impact on the person’s ability to process and understand speech.
    • Cause the person additional difficulties in situations where sound quality is poor e.g. poor quality T.V., railway station announcements.
    • May affect the person’s quality of life and reduce enjoyment of activities previously enjoyed e.g. music, theatre, T.V., socialising.
    • Cause difficulty locating where sounds come from.
    • May be confusing, upsetting and highly stressful.


    So I often get the blank look ... and if I repeat myself, I get the irritated "Stop interrogating me! Leave me alone!"

    This is what they recommend ...

    How to Help the Person with Auditory Processing Disorder:
    • Before speaking with the person with auditory processing disorder (APD), make sure you have their full attention, they are facing you and you are in good light.
    • Slow speech down, use short sentences and give the person extra time to process what has been said.
    • Give information in short chunks, one bit at a time.
    • Repeat or rephrase information as necessary.
    • Try to communicate in quieter environments when possible, reducing any background noise. Turn off radio, T.V., noisy equipment etc.
    • Rooms with hard furnishings and an ‘echoing’ environment will present more challenges than a quieter room with softer furnishings to dampen down extraneous sound.
    • Try to ensure, during conversations including several people, that speakers try to:
    Avoid ‘overlapping’ each other’s speech.
    Slow down the rate of conversational turn taking.
    Keep sentences as short and simple as possible.
    • Be sensitive to any difficulties the person with APD may be experiencing. Modify your communication style if they appear to be having difficulty.
    • Writing down information/instructions can be helpful for some people. Advice on augmentative and alternative communication strategies to support verbal understanding may be helpful, especially if the person is also dysphasic.
    • Some people may benefit from auditory training, seek advice from audiology services.
    https://www.acquiredbraininjury-education.scot.nhs.uk/impact-of-abi/communication-problems/auditory-processing-disorder/how-to-help-the-person-with-auditory-processing-disorder/


    I try to do those things most of the time, but I will admit that sometimes I get irritated.


    GodMomKim wrote: »
    This is day 15 and It has been hard, I cry every day. I feel so alone and a complete failure.

    Kim in N. California

    You are absolutely NOT a failure!!

    dlfk202000 wrote: »
    edit- one other thing, have you found that she is worse in the evenings(the blank stares and odd comments?).

    My husband is worse in the evenings ... it's because he's tired/fatigued.

    He's also worse if he is stressed.


    Machka in Oz


    HMMMM my DH does the same thing! I get frustrated with him and feel like he is not listening to me so stop talking altogether. I will have to do some research on this. Thank you Machka for the information. He has no diagnosed brain injuries but used to box as a young man and got into a lot of fist fights and got into a motorcycle accident in his early 30’s so very likely this is part of the issue.

    RVRita

    Yes ... every hit our brains have taken has caused damage. I've had 3 "saw starts" situations, one of which knocked me out for a moment, and I know those were not good for my brain.

    Alcohol and age are probably also contributors.


    This particular study is more about moderate alcohol use on middle aged people in the UK, but describes the effect alcohol can have on the brain.

    https://www.nature.com/articles/s41467-022-28735-5
    Chronic alcohol use is associated with changes in brain structure and connectivity. Neuroimaging studies have shown that chronic heavy alcohol consumption (3 or more drinks for women and 4 or more drinks for men on any day) is associated with widespread patterns of macrostructural and microstructural changes, primarily affecting frontal, diencephalic, hippocampal, and cerebellar structures. A recent meta-analysis of individuals with AUD (n = 433) showed lower gray matter volume (GMV) in the corticostriatal-limbic circuits, including regions of the prefrontal cortex, insula, superior temporal gyrus, striatum, thalamus, and hippocampus compared to healthy controls (n = 498). Notably, lower GMV in striatal, frontal, and thalamic regions was associated with AUD duration or lifetime alcohol consumption. Although alcohol consumption can produce global and regional tissue volume changes, frontal regions are particularly associated with these effects. Further, research suggests that the effects of alcohol consumption on brain volume interact with the effects of aging.

    Aticle summary ...

    Most of these negative associations are apparent in individuals consuming an average of only one to two daily alcohol units. Thus, this multimodal imaging study highlights the potential for even moderate drinking to be associated with changes in brain volume in middle-aged and older adults.


    M in Oz
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,119 Member
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    One more comment on phone calls ...

    I am not deaf, but since my early 30s at least, I have had slightly reduced hearing ability which might be gradually getting worse. Since my husband's accident I have also developed Tinnitus which gets really loud when I'm stressed.

    So, talking on the phone is my least favourite method of communication because I can't rely on visual cues.

    The chances I will call someone is low at the best of times. I prefer to walk to a clinic and talk to them in person to make an appointment, rather than calling. And I'm thrilled that many medical places allow me to book online now.

    The chances I will call someone to chat is right about 0.


    I also find telephones the most intrusive and demanding form of communication. The thing rings, and we're expected to answer ... and spend time talking. Even if we're doing something nice like watching TV, reading, colouring, studying, cleaning the house, exercising etc.

    I recall both my grandmother and mother being reluctant to call ... my grandmother being reluctant to call my mother when my mother was young and had a young family, and my mother being reluctant to call me when I was younger ... because they knew we were busy and knew that a phone call could be very disruptive. So they would leave it up to us to call ... my grandmother would leave it up to my mother to call, and my mother would leave it up to me to call ... when it was convenient.

    Thankfully, email came along!!


    M in Oz
  • fanncy0626
    fanncy0626 Posts: 7,152 Member
    edited April 2023
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    Tracey praying for your niece. I looked it up and it seems to have a lot of different symptoms. Some similarities to Parkinson’s that we think my husband might have. Check it out on google. There are a lot of people that have found ways to rewire their brains through dance, movement and music. I know that they say that the best thing for my husband to do is move, exercise and do stretching exercises like yoga. Not sure if I can get him to try that though. Sorry you had a hard day with your boss! Have a fun time celebrating Easter with your family it sounds like you have a great day planned!

    💕Mary from Arizona/Minnesota
  • kymarai
    kymarai Posts: 3,614 Member
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    Tracey I HEAR you!!!!! If I had more energy and didn't need the insurance and didn't want the marriage, I would quit! I don't understand either. But neither do I understand how you leave your business (his sister) when things aren't up and running properly! But she goes in at 6:30.....well our work hours are 9-5:30 ......and I am usually working early mornings and after work, just not physically in the building. Deep Breathes!!!!!!!!

    Slept hard. Time to get some more work done. This too shall pass.

    Welcome Grace!
    Hugs to all!

    Much Love,
    Kylia in Ohio loving my job yet hating it at the same time!
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,119 Member
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    ACTIVE APRIL
    1. Commit to being more active this month starting today. Yes!
    2. Spend as much time as possible outdoors today. Yes!
    3. Listen to your body and be grateful for what it can do. Yes! I can garden, which requires all sorts of body motion, and cycle.
    4. Eat healthy and natural food today and drinks lots of water. Yes! Ate my usual food and drank lots of water up till about 8 pm. We won't talk about what happened after that.

    5. Turn a regular activity into a playful game today. Hmmm ... Walking around the shops? Climbing stairs?

    6. Do a body-scan meditation and really notice how your body feels. Achy.

    7. Get natural light early in the day. Dim the lights in the evening.

    There isn't much light early in the day here. Plus I was sleeping then. Plus it was cloudy, drizzly and rainy all day.

    But I do dim the lights in the evening. It's one of many steps I take to wind down in the evenings to prepare myself for the night.

    8. give your body a boost by laughing or making someone laugh
    9. Turn your housework or chores into a fun form of exercise
    12. Have a day with less screen time and more movement
    13. Set yourself an exercise goal or sign up to an activity challenge
    14. Move as much as possible, even if you’re stuck inside
    15. Make sleep a priority and go to bed in good time
    16. Relax your body & mind with yoga, tai chi or meditation.
    17. Get active by singing today (even if you think you can’t sing)
    18. Go exploring around your local area and notice new things
    19. Be active outside. Dig up weeds or plant some seeds
    20. Try a new online exercise, activity or dance class.
    21. Spend less time sitting today. Get up and move more often.
    22. Focus on eating ‘a rainbow of multi-colored vegetables today.
    23. Regularly pause to stretch and breathe during the day.
    24. Enjoy moving to your favorite music. Really go for it.
    25. Go out and do an errand for a loved one or neighbor.
    26. Get active in nature. Feed the birds or go wild-life spotting.
    27. Have a ‘no screens’ night and take time to recharge yourself.
    28. Take an extra break in your day and walk outside for 15 minutes
    29. Find a fun exercise to do while waiting for the kettle to boil (or pan of water.)
    30. Meet a friend outside for a walk and a chat.
    31. Become an activist for a cause you really believe in
    32. Make time to run, swim, dance, cycle or stretch today

    Machka in Oz
  • barbiecat
    barbiecat Posts: 16,970 Member
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    :) I have occasional phone calls with people. One friend calls at the same time every week. Others text me to see if this is a good time to talk. I use the phone to make doctor and dentist appointments. My phone is always on silent so I am not interrupted by someone who wants to talk. I use my phone to access the internet for information, read an e book, listen to a podcast or audio book, time a food item that I'm cooking, keep track of how long I've ridden my exercise bike, send and receive text messages, access MFP while riding my exercise bike, and attend Zoom meetings while walking.

    :) My mother made chicken broth using chicken feet. They weren't sold where she lived but there was a chicken processing plant near the highway she drove to San Francisco and she would stop there on her way back and fill a cooler with chicken feet to use when she got home.

    :) I prefer text or email because it allows me to think before I reply to something and avoid blurting out something that will require making amends later.

    <3 Barbie in NW WA
  • SophieRosieMom
    SophieRosieMom Posts: 3,404 Member
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    Machka9 wrote: »
    One more comment on phone calls ...

    I am not deaf, but since my early 30s at least, I have had slightly reduced hearing ability which might be gradually getting worse. Since my husband's accident I have also developed Tinnitus which gets really loud when I'm stressed.

    So, talking on the phone is my least favourite method of communication because I can't rely on visual cues.

    The chances I will call someone is low at the best of times. I prefer to walk to a clinic and talk to them in person to make an appointment, rather than calling. And I'm thrilled that many medical places allow me to book online now.

    The chances I will call someone to chat is right about 0.


    I also find telephones the most intrusive and demanding form of communication. The thing rings, and we're expected to answer ... and spend time talking. Even if we're doing something nice like watching TV, reading, colouring, studying, cleaning the house, exercising etc.

    I recall both my grandmother and mother being reluctant to call ... my grandmother being reluctant to call my mother when my mother was young and had a young family, and my mother being reluctant to call me when I was younger ... because they knew we were busy and knew that a phone call could be very disruptive. So they would leave it up to us to call ... my grandmother would leave it up to my mother to call, and my mother would leave it up to me to call ... when it was convenient.

    Thankfully, email came along!!


    M in Oz

    Machka - this is me 100%. The only other things I'd add is that the phone quality has really gone down - some days, the person sounds like they are in the room with me. Other days, crackling, fading in and out. Plus, I got tired of playing phone tag. Someone would call, leave a message on the answering machine "call me". I'd call them and get THEIR answering machine. I now keep the answering machine off unless I'm expecting a call from a repairman. The machine still logs who called, and 99% of them are telemarketers.

    I agree. Email and messaging are much more convenient. If a "real" conversation is needed, we agree on a time and who will place the call.

    Lanette B)
    SW WA State

  • kymarai
    kymarai Posts: 3,614 Member
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    KJ- Peopled out-YES!!!!
    My brother's wife can't understand that I don't need to talk with my girls every day. They both have teenagers and work demanding jobs. We communicate. Just not daily.

    Time for work
  • SophieRosieMom
    SophieRosieMom Posts: 3,404 Member
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    Karen - thank you so much for the update on your brother. All good news!! It's like he's a new person, isn't it? Good for you for taking the first step and leading him into a much better life. <3 His artwork is stunning. His viola making friend has impressive skill, will you get to spend any time with them?

    Kylia - I think the reason you work so hard for the business is that you're like a dog with a bone. You're not going to give it up until you're satisfied you're "done" with it - a computer update, a sale, a cleaning job. That sense of accomplishment overrides everything else. I have those tendencies sometimes and have had to remind myself to take a break. Telling someone like you "not to work so hard" is like telling you not to breathe air. Am I right?

    Thanks for filling us in on your mom. Sounds like you and your sis have it all worked out, and there's no guilt or regret. Good job, we can't please everyone.

    It's Good Friday. Have a wonderful day, ladies. <3

    Lanette B)
    SW WA State


  • fanncy0626
    fanncy0626 Posts: 7,152 Member
    edited April 2023
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    Lanette definitely! The beef that I made is a lot thicker than my chicken. It’s supposed to have more collagen. I’m just amazed at how my skin on my legs and arms turned from extremely crepey to smooth in 3 weeks time!

    The ladies on here that are trying the bone broth take pictures if you have dry or crepey skin like I did and document the results! I didn’t do that and I wish I would have.

    💕Mary from Arizona/Minnesota

  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,119 Member
    edited April 2023
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    barbiecat wrote: »
    I use the phone to make doctor and dentist appointments. My phone is always on silent so I am not interrupted by someone who wants to talk. I use my phone to access the internet for information, read an e book, listen to a podcast or audio book, time a food item that I'm cooking, keep track of how long I've ridden my exercise bike, send and receive text messages, access MFP while riding my exercise bike, and attend Zoom meetings while walking.

    :) I prefer text or email because it allows me to think before I reply to something and avoid blurting out something that will require making amends later.

    <3 Barbie in NW WA

    Yes, to all this ... although these days I usually make doctor and dentist appointments online. I use my phone more as a mini-computer.

    My phone gives a very quiet little buzz when someone rings me ... easy to ignore, and the chances I'll answer if someone rings is very slim.

    Machka in Oz

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